by Sara Daniell
I laughed. “Yes, ma’am.”
She smiled and yawned as she walked toward her room. I squealed when Channing scooped me up and took off running with me to his room. He fell into the bed with me still in his arms. He kissed me and then smiled down at me.
“What movie?” I asked, running my fingers through his short black hair.
He was about to answer when his phone dinged from his pocket. He moved until he was lying beside me and looked at his phone.
“It’s Jake. Big party tonight.”
I frowned. “Again? You partied last night.” I hated how whiney I sounded, but I wanted time with Channing tonight. “Sorry, go if you want. I understand.”
“You could just come with me. You didn’t come last night.”
“My dad will be home tomorrow. It’s his Sunday to be home, and I don’t want to be too tired to hang out with him and Mom.”
He stuck out his bottom lip. I laughed and sat up, then leaned over and kissed him. “I’m not going, but you go if that’s what you want to do. We can watch a movie anytime.”
“You sure?”
I wasn’t. I wanted pizza, a movie, and Channing all to myself. I put on my best smile and nodded.
He sat up and kissed me. “I love you. You’re always so cool with me hanging out with my buddies. I appreciate that, ya know?”
“Yeah.”
We walked into the kitchen where his mom was pouring some sweet tea. She noticed Channing throwing a hoodie over his head. “You two leaving? I thought it was pizza and a movie tonight?”
“Change of plans. Our friends want to hang out tonight,” Channing said, putting his ballcap on.
“Have fun, be safe, and home by midnight. No drugs and alcohol,” she said, pointing her finger at him.
We got out to my car, and he took his truck keys out of his pocket. “You sure you don’t want to come for a little bit? You don’t have to stay the whole time, but I really want you there.”
I chewed on my bottom lip. He was right; I didn’t have to stay long, and at least I’d get to be with him. I smiled.
“Okay, but I’m not staying the whole time.”
WHEN I GOT HOME, all the lights were out. I quietly unlocked the door and made my way toward my room. It was just me and Mom again tonight. Well, it was always just me and Mom until every other Sunday when Dad was home from work. He worked out of town, and around here, you did what you had to do to make good money. Materialistically, we were rich.
I did what I had always done when getting in past Mom’s bedtime. I tiptoed down the hall to check on her. I cracked her door open, but this time I didn’t find her asleep. She was face-down against her pillow, bawling.
“M-mom?” I knelt next to the bed and rubbed her back. “Mom, what is it?”
She wailed and gripped the sheets as she spoke through her sobs, making it impossible to understand her.
Did someone die?
Did the dog die? No, he’s lying beside her.
Did Dad and Mom get in a fight during their nightly phone call?
Did Grandma piss her off again?
Did I do something?
Oh God, did she read my diary and find out I almost had sex with Channing?
I crawled into bed with her and waited for her to tell me what was going on. She finally calmed down, wiped her face, and attempted to smooth her hair. She sat up with my help and put her back against the headboard. She pulled her knees to her chest, and I was positive I’d never seen my mom look so upset in my life.
“Your father would like for you to call him.” Her tone was harsh and downright scary.
“Now? But…” My hands started to shake. What had my dad done? “Why? It’s late, Mom.”
She reached over to her nightstand and handed me her cell phone. “Call him.”
I took her phone, even though I could just use mine, and walked out. I could tell Mom wanted to be left alone. I punched in his number and put the phone to my ear. I walked into my room and put my back against the wall.
“Hello?” Dad’s voice was quiet, and I could tell he too had been crying.
“Dad?”
“Elena. Did you have fun tonight?”
“Just get to the point. What’s wrong with Mom?”
“Elena…” he paused. “I’m not coming home.”
“Okay? Are we coming there this weekend then?”
“No, Elena. I’m not coming home, and you’re not coming here. I’m leaving your mother. I’ve filed for a divorce.”
“What?” I breathed out.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
“Can’t do what anymore? I thought you two were happy! Things are good here. I thought things were fine!” My hands started to shake.
“In front of you, things were fine.” He sighed heavily into the phone.
“Can’t you reconsider? Get some help? Go to counseling or something?”
“No.”
“No? After 20 years of marriage you just say ‘no’?” I yelled.
“Elena, I don’t know how to make you understand. I know this is hard to process, but it’s for the best. I hope you can see that one day.”
I wiped a tear with my sleeve. “Did you tell Kyle?”
“Not yet. Your brother is busy. I’ll call him tomorrow.”
“When will I ever get to see you?”
He paused. Why did he pause?
“Dad? Is this why you were being so weird last night? Please answer me!”
He let out another heavy sigh. “Things are complicated right now. I just need some time to myself. I’ll call you when I’m ready to see you.”
The air in my room became thick and hard to breathe. My whole body tensed with shock and anger. I took the phone off my ear, and my mouth fell open. How was I supposed to respond? I could hear Dad’s loud voice calling out my name, but I couldn’t bring myself to put the phone back to my ear. I felt for the power button and held it down until I knew it had turned off Mom’s phone.
This wasn’t supposed to happen! My parents were happy! Granted, my dad did work out of town and was never home, but they were happy. They never fought. We always had epic Sundays; even though they were just one day we had together, they were always the best. Dad never took his hands or eyes off Mom. They were crazy about each other, or so I thought. Now he’s not coming home and doesn’t even want to see me?
Breathe, Ellie.
Maybe this is a joke.
Maybe you’re dreaming.
Dad wouldn’t do this to you and Mom…
Reality hit me hard. This was really happening. I dug in my purse until I retrieved my phone. I called Channing, but he didn’t answer. I called Katie, but she didn’t answer either. I was about to call Alyssa, even though we were currently in a fight over something I couldn’t remember, when my phone started ringing. It was Channing. I answered, with intentions of using actual words, but instead violent sobs escaped me.
Dad left us.
And for what? Or for whom?
“Ellie? What’s wrong? Where are you?” Channing pulled me from my thoughts.
“H-h-home,” I managed to get out. “Please, come pick me up. Please!” I begged.
“I’ve been drinking, but I’ll find someone who can bring me to get you. Okay? I’ll be there as soon as I can!”
I hung up, but I didn’t want to wait. I had to get out of the house. I grabbed my purse and went to check on Mom. She had fallen asleep, so I left her a note on the kitchen counter.
I walked at least two miles down the highway when I saw a car slow down and flash its lights at me. The lights made everything turn into a blur through my tears. I tried to make out the vehicle but couldn’t. I shielded my eyes and felt relieved when I heard Channing shout my name. The car stopped, and Channing came running toward me. His arms wrapped tightly around me, and he held me while I gripped the front of his jacket and cried against it.
After I had calmed down, we got into the car’s backseat. I laid my head on his shoulder. He
never asked me what happened; he just gave me time to process and waited patiently.
I looked toward the front seat and saw Katie. I smiled a little, relieved that I had the both of them with me.
“Thank you,” I barely got out. My voice was raspy from crying.
“You’re lucky; I was just about to down my first shot,” Katie teased.
I tried to laugh, but I couldn’t.
Channing rubbed my back. “Katie, can you drive to my house?”
“Yup,” she said, sounding as bubbly as she always does.
She turned up the music, and I closed my eyes.
WITH CHANNING’S HELP, KATIE and I climbed on top of his roof—our favorite hiding place. Thankfully, it was a clear night, making the stars completely visible. The moon was so full and bright, and the view of the sky almost made me forget the horrible night I was having.
My dad wasn’t coming home. He made that very clear. What did that mean for us? The money was gone; Mom would have to support us on her minimum wage job, and her god-awful family would be screaming their I-told-you-so’s. They never thought we’d make it down here in Texas. When my dad’s job transferred us from Montana to here, they could’ve breathed fire they were so angry. They said horrible things about my dad and told my mom she was stupid. They’d just use this to kick us harder.
I wondered if there was another woman…
“Elena?” Channing nudged my side gently with his elbow.
I turned my head to look at him. “My dad is leaving my mom. He’s leaving us, Channing.”
“What! Are you serious? Your parents are like, in love and shit.”
I rolled my eyes, and more tears started to fall. “Apparently not.” I looked up at the sky and pulled my sleeve over my hand to wipe the steady fall of tears.
“You just found this out?”
“Yeah. When I called you, I had just hung up on him.”
“Shit, Elena. I’m so sorry, baby.”
Katie nudged me from the other side. “That’s real shitty of him. Did he explain why?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t give him a chance.”
“Asshole,” she muttered before taking a hit off her cigarette. She passed it to me, but I just passed it straight to Channing.
“Can I stay with one of you tonight? I don’t want to go home. My mom is really upset, and I think we both need to be alone to process this.”
“Yeah, you both can stay here. My mom won’t mind,” Channing said as he sat up, leaning over me to hand Katie back the cigarette. Before he laid back down next to me, he kissed my lips softly.
We spent the rest of the night talking about memories from last summer when Channing and I first met. Those were such happy times. They were those moments that you think about and can’t wipe the smile off your face, because they were truly rainbows and unicorns and all that happy shit. Things were good then.
MOM WAS LOSING IT, and I had no clue what to do. We fought all the time. I tried my hardest to avoid home all together, but it became impossible; I was overstaying my welcome at Katie’s and Channing’s, and Alyssa and I still weren’t talking except in passing at school.
I looked over at my mom while she drove. “Where are we going?”
We had just finished with one of our many fights. Mom and I always had trouble seeing eye-to-eye, but it was getting worse. Everything I did pissed her off. I got it, though. Dad left, and she was trying to deal with it. But that didn’t give her the right to be angry with me.
This fight in particular started when I tried to ask her how she was and what I could do to help. She yelled at me for reminding her of the pain of Dad leaving her and said that she could do everything on her own without any help from me. Okay? Of course, it infuriated me that she wouldn’t let me help. Her anger ignited my anger, and we exploded.
Every. Damn. Day. We did this.
“Mom?” I said, wondering why she never answered me.
Her lips were pursed, and her forehead creased from scrunching her eyes. “The church. You’re going to confession.”
“Like hell I am!” I shouted.
“We both are, Elena! We have both been angry and fighting! We need forgiveness!”
Seriously?
She was losing it!
I gripped the latch to open the door. “Mom, I swear I will jump out of this moving car if you don’t take me back home! This is insane! It’s okay to be angry! Moms and daughters fight all the time! Our whole world was shattered, and we’re trying to figure out how to put it back together!”
She drove faster toward the church.
“Mom, I swear. Please, don’t.” I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes. I was going to do it. I was going to jump out of the car.
I opened my eyes to see her turning toward the church, so I did it. I opened the door and hurled myself out. My body rolled and tumbled on its own until I hit the curb with my ribs. I grunted and tried to move but couldn’t because of the searing pain radiating all over me. The pain in my left arm was so intense that my ears were ringing, and I felt dizzy. I faintly heard what sounded like tires squeal and police sirens.
Strands of hair clung to hot tears on my face, or maybe it was blood. All I knew was that I wanted the pain to stop and to yell at myself for being the idiot who jumped out of the damn car. The scene started becoming clearer, and a cop stood above me. He had his radio to his mouth, calling for an ambulance.
“Elena? Is she okay?” Mom was freaking out. Good. I hoped she felt horrible. “Elena! Oh my gosh, Elena, talk to me!”
I closed my eyes and laid on the soft grass, cradling my injured arm with my good arm.
“Ma’am, I need you to calm down. I have help on the way. Your daughter is going to be just fine. But may I ask, how she fell out of the moving car?”
Tears fell steadily down my cheeks. I clenched my teeth trying not to scream. I hurt so badly.
“She jumped out. We were fighting,” Mom answered.
The cop didn’t respond to her confession. How could he? It was ridiculous and stupid.
I could hear sirens in the distance. I was thankful. Sirens meant help, and help meant pain meds.
Doors opened and closed, and I could hear two people talking about medical stuff, so I was certain it was the medics. I opened my eyes and tried to sit up, but a calm hand on my right shoulder stopped me from getting up.
“No way. Don’t you dare try to move. We’re here to help you. Can you tell me your name?”
“Elena Johnson,” my mom answered for me.
“Thank you,” the medic said. I opened my eyes and looked at him. He smiled down at me. “We’re going to get you to the hospital. But in the meantime, while my partner gets the stretcher, can you tell me what hurts?”
“My left arm, I think it’s broken. My left side. My head hurts too, but my arm is the worst.” I had to concentrate on breathing to keep myself calm.
“Okay. I’m going to carefully check you for any other injuries. I promise to be gentle.”
I hissed in pain when he touched the ribs on my left side. “That hurts!”
“I think you may have bruised them. Possible break as well. Carla, bring the morphine. We need to give her something before we move her.”
After they gave me what they called the crazy juice, I was lifted onto the stretcher and placed in the ambulance. My mom asked to ride in the back with me, but they told her she could follow in her car. I was thankful she couldn’t ride along. I was still angry at her.
THEY HAD TO KEEP me overnight. We found out that I didn’t break my arm; I actually fractured my wrist. I was now a proud owner of a splint which would be changed into a cast in a few days after the swelling went down. They also wrapped my ribs so tightly that all I could do was lie down flat. I felt like a big pile of stupid.
Car = 1 Ellie = 0.
I requested no visitors. Not even Katie or Channing. I just wanted to wallow in my stupidity alone. I knew Katie would just laugh at me, and I knew Channing would just keep as
king me about the reasoning behind it. I didn’t even want Mom in here, but she was allowed to be since I was still a minor.
I turned my head to look at Mom who was watching Wheel of Fortune. She was nervously biting her nails, a horrible habit she’d picked up since Dad left us.
She frowned. “You’re an idiot, Elena. Why would you do something so careless?”
I closed my eyes and groaned. “Mom, I’m not doing this right now. Just drop it.”
“Drop it? You scared me! You could’ve killed yourself!”
“Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn’t make people do things they don’t want to. I was trying to prove a point.”
She scoffed. “Well, look what that got you!”
“At least I didn’t have to go to confession. God, Mom, I can’t believe you were going to make me do that!”
She didn’t answer me. Instead, she crossed her arms and started watching TV again. We both looked at the door when it opened, and Dad walked in. I hadn’t talked to him in over a month and didn’t plan on doing so for the rest of my life.
“Jim called me and told me what happened! When did you plan on telling me that my daughter was in the hospital?”
Jim was Dad’s good friend and owner of the ambulance service. Dad volunteered for him when we first moved here but then got too busy with travelling for his insurance job.
“She asked me not to call you.” Mom started tearing up. This was the first time, to my knowledge, that she had seen or talked to Dad since the night he called and told her he was leaving. The only contact she’d had was with his lawyer who was shoving divorce papers in her face. “I need…I need to go ask the nurses something.” Mom bolted for the door.
After she left, Dad moved a chair, so he could come sit next to me. “You jumped out of the car?”
I looked at him, and tears burned my eyes. “Why are you here? You left us!” It hurt to yell, but I didn’t care.
“I left your mom. Not you, Ellie. You didn’t let me explain. I was planning on coming and checking you out of school early Monday, so I could make you talk to me. This is killing me, not seeing you or talking to you.”
“Maybe you should’ve considered that before you decided to leave us! You’re the one who said you needed time away from me!”
