by Sara Daniell
“Your mom, Elena. I left your mom. Sometimes people fall out of love. Things change, and I just needed time to process it. I hurt too. I tried to contact you, but you never answered your phone.”
“Not here, Dad! I’m not having this conversation here. Please, just leave. I’ll talk to you when I’m ready.” I pressed the red nurse button on my remote.
Before Dad could say anything else the nurse came in.
“Need something?” she asked with a warm smile.
“Yes, can you please turn out the light and not let anyone else in my room? I’d like to rest alone.” I closed my eyes, so I didn’t have to see the hurt in Dad’s eyes. I might’ve hated his guts right then, but I still couldn’t stand to see him upset.
It was dark, and I was alone. I wanted my brother. I honestly didn’t want to do this alone. I couldn’t confide in Mom; she was a basket case. I couldn’t confide in Dad; I was so angry with him. Channing listened, but he didn’t get it. Katie just tried to make me laugh instead of listening to me. I needed Kyle. But he was in Montana with Grandpa, halfway across the country. He left shortly before all the shit hit the fan because he and Mom couldn’t get along, and Grandpa needed help because of his health. But Kyle didn’t even call me. He didn’t check to see if I was okay. He didn’t offer to come home. He just disappeared from my life when he left, and even though I didn’t say it out loud, it crushed me. I needed my big brother, but I didn’t know how to tell him.
The door cracked open, and Mom came into the room. She sat down in the chair and stared out the window. Tears fell down her face in a steady stream.
“Mom, are you okay?” I didn’t want to talk to her, but even though I was angry with her, I still felt bad.
She wiped her cheeks and darted her angry eyes at me. “This is your fault!”
I tensed at her accusation. “Excuse me?”
“If you wouldn’t have jumped out of the car, he wouldn’t have shown up! You are so selfish!”
“If I do recall, you’re the one who was making me do something I wasn’t comfortable doing! It’s not my fault!”
She stood and stomped toward me, leaning over so her finger was almost touching my nose. “You will do what I say whether you like it or not! I am your mother; therefore, I get to tell you what to do. Is that clear?”
I didn’t respond. I laid my head back against the pillow and closed my eyes. Maybe she was right. Maybe it was my fault. I acted like an idiot. I mean, who in their right mind would jump out of a moving car? I didn’t think it through; I just acted. But it wasn’t fair for her to try to force me to do something I didn’t want to do. Mom or not, that’s just not okay.
THINGS WERE ONLY GETTING worse. Mom worked, ate, and slept. When she was awake, she’d lock herself in her room. She would just leave me notes on the counter to communicate with me. I stopped reading them. I spent my days at school, nights with Katie and Channing, and finally made up with Alyssa, so I was hanging out with her too. Dad and I were kind of talking, but it was still weird. I hadn’t seen him since the hospital, and that was eight weeks ago.
I walked into the kitchen to grab a bite to eat before school. Mom was pouring coffee into her to-go mug. I didn’t know if I should say hi, smile at her, or even get within two feet from her. Being in a room with her was like when you pour baking soda into vinegar. The space between us sizzled, and at any given moment, it’d boil over into a nasty, foamy mess.
I waited for her to move from in front of the cereal cabinet before I walked over. She turned, and I did my best to avoid eye contact but failed. She held my gaze for a few seconds before walking to the kitchen table. I let out a breath, relieved that it didn’t result in a fight and reached for the Fruity Pebbles.
I hated this. I hated that it didn’t feel right to be home. After deciding to eat in my room, I started toward the hall but stopped when Mom called my name. I turned to look at her.
“Are you and Channing having sex?”
My mouth gaped open. “W-what!”
“You heard me, Elena. Are you or are you not?”
“N-no!”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “I don’t believe you. You’re always with him, and you stay out way too late.”
“Because I’d rather be anywhere but here! You yell at me for everything even, when I do nothing wrong; you lock yourself in your room, never asking me how my day was or if I need to talk, and you never acknowledge that I’m home at all. When you do, we fight!”
“I know you’re having sex, Elena. You’re a little slut just like your friend Katie.”
“Mom!”
She didn’t say anything else. She started sipping her coffee and reading the paper, showing no remorse for the words she just spit out. I walked to the sink and set my bowl down. I wasn’t hungry anymore.
On my way to school, I didn’t cry. I was too shocked to cry. I couldn’t believe that my mom could just assume I was having sex and then say such hurtful things about Katie and me. She was hurting, but in the process, she was hurting me too.
“IS THAT SMELLY CAST coming off anytime soon?” Katie asked while scrunching her nose.
Channing set my lunch and backpack down at our table in the cafeteria. “Remember, we’re taking her after school to get it off?”
“Oh yeah! Sorry, I completely forgot. This math test has my brain fried. Am I the only one going to fail it?”
“Hell no! I’m toast,” Dillon answered, as he sat down across from us. “I might as well start applying to be a garbage man.” He took off his ballcap, exposing his short, brown, curly hair.
We all laughed.
“Well, you know, garbage men are pretty important,” I added.
Everyone looked at me oddly. Probably because it was the most I had said in over a month in a large group. Our lunch table was always packed, and usually, I was the one being silly with Katie while we made everyone laugh. But since the night Dad left Mom, I was more reserved around people.
“Well,” I said while smothering my fries in mustard and ketchup, “They are.” I smirked before putting a bite in my mouth.
Channing was beaming. “Hey, there’s that smile I’ve missed the hell out of!” He kissed my forehead, attracting some disapproving glares from the few teachers on lunch duty.
I smiled bigger and looked at the tableful of friends. I could do this because I had them. Forget being sad. I’d been sad long enough. Life at home was pretty shitty, but everything else was good, and I couldn’t ruin that by being upset all the time.
“Are things getting better?” Dillon asked me.
I shrugged. “Not really, but I’m trying to not let it affect me.”
“That’s great, Ellie.” Dillon smiled and started eating again.
“What time is your appointment to get the cast removed?” Katie asked.
“4:30. You guys don’t have to come with me if you don’t want. I can drive myself just fine.”
Katie looked at Channing and then at me again. “I actually made plans with my brother after school because I forgot all about it. But if you want me to go, I’ll reschedule with him.”
I waved my hand and smiled. “Nah. I’m a big girl. Channing, you don’t have to go either.”
“Are you sure? I really don’t mind.”
“Positive. I’ll just meet up with you after.”
He smiled. “Okay.”
I GOT HOME, PARKED my car behind Mom’s, and went to go inside. Problemo. The door wouldn’t unlock. I kept trying my key, but the damn thing wouldn’t work. I tried the back door. No luck. I tried calling Mom, but she wouldn’t answer. I banged on the door with my fist but no response.
You’ve got to be shittin’ me!
I rang the doorbell over and over.
“Mom!” I yelled over and over again.
I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. All I could think about was that something horrible had happened to Mom. Why wouldn’t my key work? I turned around in the carport and saw a note on Mom’s car. I
froze. I pulled the paper that was taped to the window off and read:
Elena, you are no longer welcome in this house. When I look at you, I see your father. I can’t do it anymore. You and I don’t get along. It’s more than obvious that we’re only making things worse for each other. You have plenty of people who love you and will take you in. Sometimes, we just have to do what’s best for ourselves.
I was numb. Completely numb. Was I even breathing? Was my mom really saying this? This wasn’t my mom! She’d lost it. She had truly lost her mind.
I sat with my back to the door for hours. I called my mom, trying my hardest to get her to answer with no luck. I could call the cops, but what good would that do? It’d only upset Mom more, and as angry and hurt as I was with how she was handling this, I wanted her to heal. I wanted her to find herself again.
I worked up the courage, wiped my tears, and dialed Dad’s number on my almost-dead phone. I didn’t want to call him, but he was my only choice.
“Elena?”
“Daddy?” I broke into violent sobs. “Daddy, I need you to come get me.”
“I’m on my way!”
I hung up on him. I didn’t have the energy to explain anything to him right then. I just needed him to come pick me up, and I’d explain it to him later. I pulled my knees to my chest and waited while what little tears I had left in me fell silently down my cheeks.
I EXPECTED A BACHELOR’S PAD. A poorly decorated, foodless fridge, and a smelly apartment. Not this. Floral couches, girly framed pictures, and smelling like a craft store at Christmas. Dad put out his cigarette before walking in behind me. That was a new habit of his.
I didn’t have anything with me. Mom could’ve at least put my things outside, but she didn’t. I turned to look at Dad.
“Are you gay? If you are, I mean, that would explain why you left, but just tell me now. I won’t judge. I promise.”
Dad burst into laughter. “Gay? Elena, you’re funny. No. I told you on the drive here I’m staying with a good friend of mine until I can find a place.”
“You didn’t mention this friend is a girl,” I muttered. “Is she here?”
“No. She works third shift in the ER. She’ll be here when you wake up.”
That’s when it dawned on me. When I wake up. School. “Dad, how will I get to school tomorrow?”
“Well, Elena, if you live with me, you’re going to have to change schools.”
I felt like I might throw up. How was that possible? I was only 20 minutes, at the most, away from my hometown, but I couldn’t go there?
“What if we go get my car from Mom’s and I drive? Won’t they let me do that?”
Dad shook his head. “I don’t think so, but I will find out. Tomorrow you just need to take off and relax. You’ve had a horrible night.”
I nodded. He was right. “Where can I sleep?”
“The couch is all ready for you.”
I looked and saw a pillow and blankets on it. I gave him a thin smile. “Thanks. Hey, Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you have an iPhone charger?”
“Yeah, I’ll get it for you.” He kissed the top of my head. “Get some sleep, Pumpkin. I’ll see you in the morning. Although the circumstances are crappy, I’m really glad you’re here. Truly, Sweetie. I am.”
I was full of mixed emotions. It was like I had forgotten how to think or process anything. I just nodded because telling him that I felt like most of this was his fault was a bad idea.
Dad went down the hall and shut a door. I walked over to the couch and set my purse beside it. I sat down and put my head in my hands, letting out the breath I was holding.
I’m sure my phone was full of texts and missed calls from Channing, Katie, Dillon, and Alyssa. But I just needed sleep. I needed to temporarily forget how screwed up my life kept getting. I was 17. I should be worried about prom dresses and colleges. Not about where I’d be staying after my mom kicked me out because she caught a ride on the looney train.
I WOKE UP TO footsteps coming down the hall. I lifted my head just enough to peer down the dark hall to see if it was Dad. I could tell it wasn’t because the figure wasn’t tall enough to be him. I heard her cough a little. His roommate. I closed my eyes, pretending I was still asleep.
A few minutes later, I could smell coffee brewing. I knew it was safe to open my eyes again when I heard a door down the hall shut and the shower start. I sat up and stretched and then went to get my phone from where I had plugged it in near the TV.
As expected, it was flooded with missed calls and texts from Channing, Katie, Dillon, and Alyssa. But the one person I had hoped to hear from the most wasn’t there. Mom. As angry as I was with her, as much as I wanted to let myself believe I shouldn’t care, because she sure as hell didn’t, I did. She didn’t even check on me to make sure I was alright. Or maybe Dad told her I was here and safe? I wanted to ask, but instead I decided I’d just assume he did because that was easier than facing the truth.
I stood and walked to the kitchen for a cup of water. I was thirsty and needed to pee, but the bathroom was occupied. I noticed a note on the counter next to the toaster. I looked over my shoulder to make sure I was alone and then moved closer, so I could read it. It was my dad’s handwriting telling Nancy that he was called into work and that he’d left money for her to take me out today to get things I needed.
I scrunched my nose. I didn’t want Nancy taking me anywhere. I didn’t know her and was slightly creeped out that my dad was even staying with her. I turned to leave the tiny kitchen but stopped when I saw a short, curvy woman with wet, dark hair standing at the coffee pot with her back to me. I hadn’t even heard her come in.
She looked over her shoulder before I could sneak out. “You must be Elena. I’m Nancy. It’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you and your brother!”
I blinked a few times without responding.
“Oh, honey, you don’t have to say anything. I was just saying it was nice to meet the famous Elena.”
I smiled a little. “Oh.”
“So, I see that you read the note from your dad. If you’re not up for it, we can just stay here. It’s up to you.” She held her coffee cup with both hands as she took a sip.
Maybe getting out would be good. Nancy seemed nice enough. But most of all, I needed clothes and other things. “Sure. We can go.”
She smiled. “Good. Go get cleaned up, and we’ll leave in an hour. Sound good?”
I nodded and went to the bathroom to get ready. After my shower, I had to put on the clothes I’d worn yesterday, because that’s all I’d come with. It was a painful reminder of what yesterday did to me. Friday nights were supposed to be fun, but all they were becoming were nightmares.
I came out into the living room, pulling my hair into a wet ponytail, to find Nancy folding the blanket on the couch. I didn’t know what to say, so I just stood there waiting for her to finish. She smiled when she saw me.
“I…I, umm, didn’t have anything else to wear,” I admitted sadly.
“No worries, Elena. Your dad told me what happened, and I’m going to take you shopping for the things you need. I made you a bagel, and there’s bottled water in the fridge. You don’t mind eating on the way to the mall, do you?”
I shook my head and smiled. “Not at all. Thank you.” I went to the kitchen and found the bagel with cream cheese spread. I grabbed it and a water from the fridge.
“Ready?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
I HAD TO ADMIT. The day had been fun. I had things to wear and all of the toiletries and cosmetics I needed. Nancy was nice. Like really nice. I could see why Dad was friends with her. I looked at my freshly manicured nails and laughed. It was the first time in my entire life that I had done anything except bite my nails. Nancy was a pro at being girly.
“Your dad wants us to swing by his office for pizza. Are you okay with that?”
“Of course.” And I really was. I was eager to fix my re
lationship with Dad and to hear his side of the story, if he felt comfortable telling me. After seeing how Mom was treating me, I wondered what pushed Dad to leave her. Maybe there was more to their perfect love story. Maybe it wasn’t so perfect after all. I wondered how much they had kept hidden from me and my brother.
When we got to my dad’s work, I followed Nancy in, carrying the large pepperoni pizza. I tried not to cringe when Dad hugged Nancy, but it was weird. They were friends. Friends do that. Right? I set the pizza down on Dad’s desk, trying hard not to feel out of place, and sat down in his swivel chair while Nancy answered his questions about our day.
I was starving, so I helped myself to a piece of pizza and listened to them talk. When they were done, he smiled at me.
“You had fun?”
“I did. It was a lot of fun. Thanks for buying me things, Dad. I really appreciate it.”
“Of course, Sweetie. Anything for you.” He bent down to kiss the top of my head and then looked at Nancy. “Hey, can I talk to you for a second in the hall?”
“Sure,” she answered, grabbed a piece of pizza from the box, and followed Dad out.
I moved the chair back and forth, looking at my texts from Channing, wondering how to tell him what had happened last night. He was freaking out, and this would only make him freak out more.
I was just about to text him when I caught a glimpse of a small blue box peeking from Dad’s suit jacket hanging over his small leather couch. I looked toward the hall and could hear them talking, and there were no signs of their conversation being over anytime soon. I stood and walked over to the couch. I reached to get the box but pulled back.
What am I doing?
You’re being stupid. Walk away.
I bit my bottom lip as I reached for it again.
What if it was…no. No way! He wouldn’t. Or would he?
I looked over my shoulder and then reached into his pocket, putting my fingers around the box. I opened it quickly.
