by Sara Daniell
I followed Nancy around the store for an hour before I told her I needed to get my own things. I went over to the makeup section and was looking for my favorite lip gloss when I saw Katie near the mascara. The sight of her made me sick. I was about to leave, but she saw me. We froze, staring at each other for the longest time. I tucked my hair behind my ears, grabbed a random lip gloss off the shelf, and walked off.
I wanted to grab the bitch by the ears and knee her in the nose instead. I wanted to scream and yell. But I didn’t. I was proud of myself. I was going to be the bigger person in this situation. I wasn’t going to show my ass around them or let them know how much they had hurt me. They didn’t deserve a second of my time.
I walked around the grocery aisles until I was positive I was good and wasn’t going to cry. I found Nancy and threw my lip gloss into the cart.
“That’s all you needed?” she asked.
No, but I wasn’t going to risk seeing Katie again. “Yeah.”
She raised a brow. “Okay then. I think I have everything on my list. Ready to go home?”
I nodded and pulled my cell from my purse to text Jane.
Me: I just saw Katie.
Jane: Did you beat the shit out of her?
Me: LOL. Nope. Aren’t you proud?
Jane: Hell no, girl! You should have given that girl what she deserves! I wish I would’ve been there. I would have. Dumb bitch. WHORE! Love you.
Me: Hahahaha. Love you too!
Jane: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah. It hurt a little to see her, but I’m good.
Jane: And Nancy? Is she being a total bitch?
Me: Nah. She’s being nice.
Jane: Good. See you at school tomorrow.
Me: See ya. :)
I followed Nancy out to the car and helped her load things into the trunk. I was going to put the cart away when I heard the low rumbling of an old truck. Channing. It stopped beside me, but I kept my eyes in front of me and walked a little faster to the cart drop off. I shoved the cart into the others a little harder than necessary.
I stopped when Channing started talking, keeping my eyes straight ahead. Nancy saw me and didn’t get into the car. She just watched the scene unfold.
“Ellie,” Channing’s voice rang out desperately. “Look at me. Please? Katie texted me and told me she saw you here. I’ve been trying to call you. Can I at least say I’m sorry?”
I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if I should let him apologize because he did owe me that. At first, there was no pain at all. I was numb. But the more he spoke, the more I felt a dull throbbing pain. Hearing his voice was like a knife straight to my heart. The pain overtook my senses. It was almost unbearable.
“Ellie,” he said in a barely-there whisper. I was surprised I even heard it. A car behind him started honking.
I took a steadying breath. I was caving. Crumbling right in front of him. I looked at him, hot tears pooling in my eyes. “Apologize and then leave me the hell alone, Channing.”
Looking at him was so hard. Seeing the guy that I had trusted whole-heartedly, those stupid brown eyes that I once loved to gaze into, those lips that had kissed me…Tears filled his eyes. He was hurting too. Good. I wanted nothing more than for him to hurt and burn in hell.
“I’m so sorry, Ellie,” his voice broke, and the tears tumbled down his cheeks.
I swallowed hard, wiped my eyes, and then walked to Nancy’s car. I got in, shut the door, and completely lost it. I bawled my eyes out while Nancy drove and told me how proud of me she was. I might not like Nancy, but it felt good to hear someone say that. I couldn’t see how I was handling any of this well, but I’m glad someone could.
I WAS HAPPY I had made the decision to change my number the night before. The texts from Channing and everyone else finally couldn’t reach me. Eventually, I’d contact Alyssa and Dillon. They were the only ones I actually missed and cared about reconnecting with.
I looked at Finn as he walked into class. I’d texted him last night, letting him know I’d changed my number, but he never responded. I smiled at him, and he sort of smiled back.
Something was wrong.
After he sat down, I turned to look at him. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just tired.”
He was never this short with me.
I frowned a little. “Oh. Okay. So, did you get my text last night?”
He nodded. “Yeah. Why?”
“Just wondering because you never responded.”
“And? Did I need to respond? I added it in my phone.” His pissy tone shocked me.
I scrunched my eyebrows and shrugged. “Guess not. Just making sure.” I turned in my seat and stared at my pencil and paper.
The rest of class was so awkward. I tried a handful of times to start a conversation with him, but he treated me the same as he had at the beginning of class. And if I recall, during lunch he was the same way. Maybe he was just having a bad day. I pulled out my phone and texted Jane.
Me: Have you noticed that Finn is in a bad mood today?
Jane: No?
Me: Just wondering.
Jane: Gotta go! This teacher will flip if he catches me with my phone.
I put my phone away and worked on my homework for the next day.
After school, I saw Finn talking to his friends by his truck. I kept my eyes straight ahead and went to my car. I threw my stuff in the backseat and was about to get in the car when I looked up and saw Finn alone. He was looking in his backpack for something. I swallowed hard. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to ask him what his problem was. But I also wanted to ignore him for being rude and just let him talk to me when he wanted to.
I decided to go talk to him because he would do the same thing if he noticed I was upset, and since we were friends now, it was my job to check on him. I walked over to him and cleared my throat. When he heard me, he stopped digging in his backpack and looked at me. He used his fingers to comb his hair back so it was out of his eyes.
“What’s your deal today?”
“I don’t know. What’s yours?” he snapped back.
My mouth fell open. “Excuse me? I’m fine! It’s you who has the problem! You’re being an asshole!”
“Maybe I just don’t want to talk to you, just like there’s times you don’t want to talk to me. Back off, Elena!” He walked around me and got into his truck. He slammed his door and drove away.
I stood there, swallowed by a cloud of dust in the student parking lot, alone and in shock.
What a jerk!
I HAD JUST FINISHED UP counting down my drawer, concluding my Friday night shift at work, and was walking out into the parking lot when thoughts of the past two weeks I was trying to forget about bombarded my mind.
Finn was avoiding me. I had done it. I officially ruined our friendship. He was fine with Jane and Tryston. He was fine with everyone except me. I hadn’t even tried to talk to him since the day he sped out of the school parking lot because I knew if I did, it’d only make it worse.
When I heard he was kind of seeing another girl, I had no desire to have any more hope for us. I understood why he didn’t want to be friends anymore. I’d told him I was starting to have feelings for him, and now that he had a girlfriend, why would he want to be around me? Knowing Finn, he didn’t want it to hurt my feelings, so he figured it’d be better to just avoid me altogether.
Jane and Tryston had no clue what was going on between us, and they didn’t need to. I didn’t want to weird them out too. They just blew it off as Finn was dating someone, so his time with us was limited.
Once I got to my car, I saw Alyssa and a few of my other friends waiting in the parking lot for me.
How’d they know I worked here?
“Elena Johnson, you have some serious explaining to do!” Alyssa yelled with her hands on her hips.
She pushed off the car she was leaning against and came stomping toward me. My purse hung by my side, and I just stared at her and the others with my mouth open.
Once Alyssa reached me, her arms flung around me and held me tight.
“We heard. Channing told us what happened. Why didn’t you tell us? Why did you just stop talking to us all?”
I wrapped my arms around her. “Because I thought it would fix the hurt, but it didn’t. I’m so sorry, Alyssa! I was so confused and lost.”
She squeezed a bit tighter then let her arms fall to her side. She stepped back a little. “Well, we aren’t letting you walk away from us. You’re still our friend, dammit.”
I smiled and laughed a little. “Yes, ma’am.”
Everyone else came out of their cars, and we all formed a group hug.
After many laughs and a lot of convincing, I was talked into going to hang out at the parking lot in Fredericksburg that night. I was promised Channing and Katie wouldn’t be there, and that if they did show up, they’d probably both get a good ass kickin’. I wouldn’t mind seeing that.
I SAT ON DILLON’S tailgate, smoking a cigarette. I had fruit punch and pure-grain alcohol in a styrofoam cup. I hadn’t planned on drinking, but Alyssa insisted and had made a special run to the bootlegger just for me. She knew it was my favorite.
“The cops came and hung out with all of us last Friday night. We all had booze in our cups and were smoking dope. They had no idea, or maybe they did and just didn’t say anything. It was so funny!” Dillon laughed, and I passed him my cigarette.
Dillon was the fun-loving, teddy-bear-kind-of-guy that everyone loved. He always ended up being the DD. The poor guy always got shafted on the fun, making sure we were taken care of.
“I missed you, Dillon.”
“Of course you did. I can’t believe you just fell off the face of the earth like that. I get what Channing and Katie did to you was shitty, but you can’t just write us all off like that.”
I nodded and took a sip. “I know. I’m really sorry.”
“Alyssa went around Kerrville asking where you were. She went up to every single person at the Sonic until she finally found someone who knew you. They told her you worked at Kroger. So, we all went and waited.”
I laughed, and he handed the cigarette back. I took a long hit. “Alyssa is crazy.”
I looked up at the sky and smiled at the stars. It was a clear night and absolutely gorgeous out. I set my empty cup next to me and finished off the cigarette. I flicked the butt onto the concrete and laid back in the bed of Dillon’s truck. I closed my eyes as I started to feel the buzz from the alcohol. I smiled and touched my cheeks.
“My face is warm,” I giggled.
“Someone is tips—” Dillon’s sing-song voice stopped, and his hand pressed firmly on my chest, right above my breast. I tried to move his hand but couldn’t. “Shhh, stay down. Trust me,” he said in a harsh whisper.
“What’s going on?” I tried to sit up again, but he wouldn’t let me. “Dillon!”
“Channing and Katie just pulled up. They have some damn nerve! And they’re riding together!” I tried to move again but he whispered, “Just stay down.”
I caught him off guard and shoved his hand off. I sat up and jumped off the tailgate. I stumbled once my feet hit the ground. Dammit, I hated being such a lightweight when I drank. I also become majorly confident as well. Not a good mixture when I’m royally pissed.
I watched them both get out of Katie’s car. Everyone was silent, their eyes moving from me to Channing and Katie. I stood there, my hands trembling. Alyssa came over and stepped in front of me, shielding me from them.
“I wouldn’t come around here right now,” she said calmly.
“People make mistakes, Alyssa. Everyone deserves a second chance. What’s done is done. Elena can either get over it just like the rest of you can, or you can all pretend to be perfect and hate us forever. Everyone does shit they aren’t proud of. Let’s move on already!” Katie answered.
Okay, so Katie was kind of right. People do make mistakes. People do deserve second chances. But I was not the type of person who gave someone a second chance to fuck me over. Not with something like what they did.
I moved swiftly around Alyssa and jumped on Katie, attacking like a rabid dog. I felt like a lunatic, but I didn’t care. Not in that moment. We both fell to the ground, and I crawled across the concrete until I was straddling her lap. My fists plummeted her face, her ribs, and wherever I could hit her as she moved around. Everything in front of me was a blur, and I realized tears were blocking my vision.
I was about to go in for another punch when forceful hands dragged me away from her. I was still shouting profanity, calling the stupid bitch every name under the sun, when I was shoved into the backseat of Alyssa’s car. Alyssa hugged me while she rubbed my back, trying to help me calm down.
“Just drive somewhere! I don’t care where! We have to get her out of here!” she shouted at the person in the driver’s seat. I didn’t know who it was; I never looked.
“I hate them! You said they wouldn’t be there! Why were they there?” I was a freaking mess and couldn’t slow my breathing down.
“I had no idea! I figured they wouldn’t be dumb enough to show up. I’m so sorry, Ellie. I really am.” Alyssa continued to rub my back. It seemed to help a little.
I took several deep breaths, and once I was semi-calm, I moved out of her hold and sat back against the seat. I laid my head back against the leather and closed my eyes.
“I can’t believe I hit her.”
“Well, you did. Several times. I think you may have broken her nose.”
I laughed and turned to look at Alyssa. “Really?”
She nodded and smirked. “She hit you good a few times too, but you definitely won that fight.”
I laughed, but it slowly faded when I felt the ache in my jaw and left shoulder. I rubbed both areas trying to relieve the pain.
“Can you guys take me back to my car in Kerrville?”
“Are you okay to drive?” The guy asked from the front seat. I squinted my eyes to get a better look at him, but I had never seen him before.
“Yeah. I didn’t drink enough to keep me from driving. I’m good.” That was a lie, but I just wanted to get to my car and to go home. I looked at Alyssa. “Who is he?” I whispered.
“Mark. My boyfriend.”
“Oh. Is he new at school?”
She shook her head and smiled. “He graduated two years ago. Don’t tell my parents; they’ll freak out.”
We both laughed, and then I closed my eyes, so I could calm down before we got to my car.
KATIE GOT ME GOOD. I had a black right eye and a cut on the left side of my bottom lip. But she was worse. I smiled at that. The bitch deserved it.
I sat down in sixth period in my usual spot. Finn had changed spots, so he could be closer to his girlfriend Jenna. I had hoped that by the end of the weekend I would look better, but I didn’t. I looked like a freak show, but I wore it proudly.
I could feel eyes on me, so I looked to my left where Finn was sitting behind Jenna. I smiled at him a little. I wanted to be angry with him, but you didn’t stay mad at Finn. You just didn’t. It was my fault he wasn’t talking to me anyway.
He touched his lip and pointed at mine. I shrugged. He pointed to his eye and then at mine. I shrugged again. He shook his head and leaned back in his seat, resting his feet on the metal bar on the back of Jenna’s chair. She was busily working on something. He took his phone out of his pocket and motioned with his hand toward my purse. I took the hint and pulled my phone out.
Finn: Wtf?
Me: It’s a long story. I’m fine though.
Finn: Promise?
Me: Yeah. But what right do you have to care or ask about it? You’ve been avoiding me for two weeks. #jerkface
Finn: Sorry. After you said what you did at your house, it made things weird, Ellie. I didn’t know how to talk to you. If I was nice, I thought you’d take it the wrong way; if I was mean, I figured you take it the wrong way too. I just didn’t know how to be me around you anymore. I miss you, but now, being with J
enna, I just can’t see it working out.
Me: I’m over it. It was just a thought, Finn. I thought I had feelings for you, but I was thinking too much into it. I was wrong. But I get it, if you can’t be friends with me anymore, I understand. I don’t like it, but it is what it is.
Finn: Just give me time to figure it out, and I promise we’ll talk. I like Jenna a lot and don’t want to mess things up.
Me: I understand.
Finn: Yeah?
I didn’t text back. Instead, I looked at him and waited for him to look over at me. When he did, I nodded and smiled. He smiled back and put his phone in his pocket. Truth was, I did understand. I liked Finn, and the feelings I was having were just me being a silly girl on rebound from a bad relationship. Of course I’d like the first guy who was nice to me. Girls did that kind of shit.
I looked at the book on my desk and opened it to where I’d left off. Maybe there was hope for our friendship after all.
I WAS A NERVOUS wreck about tonight. Jane, Finn, Jenna, Tryston and I were all going out together. I didn’t want to screw things up with Finn again. He was giving me a chance to make things not awkward, and I was scared that I would try so hard to make things not awkward that I’d end up making them worse than awkward.
I spent too much time getting ready, and I was scared Finn would notice. I hoped he didn’t think I was trying to look extra nice for him because I totally wasn’t. I just wanted to look nice. I was a single girl now. I wanted to make heads turn.
I heard the horn honk and peeked out the window. Jane had taken her mom’s minivan to haul all of us around tonight. I laughed. We all teased her about that being her parent’s shaggin’ wagon. She didn’t find it as funny as we did.
I grabbed my purse and headed outside. I got in the front seat because Jenna and Finn had already claimed the backseat; Tryston was sitting behind Jane, and I didn’t want Jane to be stuck up front alone. She smiled thankfully at me when I climbed in.
