by Regan Black
A few minute later, she returned. “They won’t even let me go inside for formula or diapers. My purse is in there too, so I don’t have my credit cards or even my ID. I can’t even get a hotel room.” She turned to face him, her expression pleading. “Please, Kyle, can I—”
“You can stay with me,” he said, cutting her off. No way was he going to make her beg. “You and Jacob are welcome for as long as you need. And on the way there, we’ll make a Walmart run and pick you up whatever supplies and clothes you need to tide you over.”
She sat so still he almost wondered if she’d heard him. And then, she nodded. “Thank you,” she whispered. “I really, really appreciate it.” She took a deep breath. “Jacob’s infant carrier is in the backseat of the BMW. Let’s just hope I forgot to lock the car.”
* * *
Nicole had. Since the BMW was unlocked, Kyle removed the infant car carrier in the pouring rain. It took a few minutes, but he was able to get it installed in the backseat of his truck. She transferred a sleepy and grumpy baby Jacob into it and buckled him in. Once that was done, Kyle drove them to the huge discount store a few miles away.
Nicole knew she needed to ask to wait in the truck while Kyle shopped for her in the brightly lit superstore, but she didn’t want to push her luck. However, she also was aware she had no choice. She wore a soaking-wet T-shirt, nursing bra and exercise shorts, flip-flops and little else. For the first time, she wondered how much of her body had been visible to the firefighters. Hopefully, due to the darkness, not too much.
Kyle, however, might be another story. She winced, thinking of how brightly lit her house had been. If he’d noticed her appearance, he hadn’t commented. Of course he hadn’t. Despite his rough upbringing, Kyle had always possessed a gentleman’s manners. He also had always been observant, missing little. She had no doubt he’d seen exactly what she did and didn’t have on.
Nothing she could do about it now. Jacob needed supplies. He’d require frequent diaper and clothing changes, but damned if she could go into a store in a wet T-shirt and give total strangers an eyeful.
She had no choice but to ask Kyle for one more favor.
“Kyle,” she began. “I just need a few things for now, to get Jacob through the night. I can get more later. If I write them down, would you mind buying them for me while I wait in the truck with Jacob?”
He gave her a puzzled look. “Why? Wouldn’t you rather pick everything out yourself?”
Though she thought she might die of shame, she forced herself to lift her chin. “My clothes are wet. And I’m not wearing anything underneath except my nursing bra.”
Silence.
The atmosphere changed instantly. Charged, heavy, like static electricity would spark if they touched. His breathing changed, became rougher, harsher, and she realized her words had aroused him.
Despite everything she’d been through, this realization turned her on too. Great. How the hell was she going to manage to share a living space with him and not want to constantly rip off his clothes?
“Sure, I’ll do it,” he finally said, his voice husky. “I’ve got a notepad and pen in the console. Write down exactly what you need and the sizes, and I’ll take care of getting it.” He turned on the interior light and, carefully avoiding looking directly at her, fetched the paper and pen.
Relieved, she accepted the pad and jotted down a few things. One box of diapers, a pacifier, several onesies and his size, and some diaper rash cream.
When she handed it back to him, he looked it over. “What about you?” he asked. “All of this is for Jacob.”
“I…” About to say she thought she’d go back and get her own supplies tomorrow, she realized she’d at least need a change of clothes and some undergarments. Her face heating, she jotted down her own sizes, asking for just one nursing bra, some panties, a T-shirt and a pair of shorts. And some flip-flops, since she couldn’t run around in her bare feet. At the last moment, she changed the bra to two, because she’d need a spare.
He accepted the list again. “I’ll be right back,” he said. “At least the rain has stopped.”
Surprised, she glanced at the windshield and the brightly lit parking lot. “That’s good. At least you won’t get soaked again.”
After he left, she watched him until he disappeared inside.
When Kyle returned after about thirty minutes, he was pushing a cart. After loading a large box into the back of his pickup, he climbed in the cab and handed her two full shopping bags. He also had a package of diapers, which he placed in the backseat next to the once again sleeping baby.
“All set,” he declared, a forced cheerfulness in his tone. Still carefully avoiding looking at her, he started the engine.
When they reached his house, he grabbed the diapers and the bags. “You get Jacob,” he said. “I’ll meet you inside.” And he hurried off.
Bemused, she unclicked the car carrier, hoping not to wake her son. Feeling more self-conscious than before, she kept the carrier strategically placed in front of her, hoping it would act as a shield. At least her T-shirt had begun to dry—no longer ringing wet, she hoped it provided a bit more coverage.
Once inside, Kyle turned on lights as he went. His movements were efficient and confident, just like they’d always been. She’d always wondered how someone who’d had the kind of childhood he had could still have so much optimism, but nothing had ever seemed to get Kyle down for long. This was one of the things she’d always admired about him.
“Follow me,” he said, not even turning to glance her way. His house seemed spartan, more like an impersonal hotel room or barracks than a home. She could tell from the mismatched furniture that it had come furnished. Kyle probably hadn’t the time or the inclination to do any decorating to reflect his tastes.
Not sure whether to be relieved or amused, she did as he asked. He stopped in front of a doorway. “Here’s the guest room. I’ll need to get some sheets for the bed.” Dropping the plastic bags on the floor, he turned away. “Make yourself comfortable. There’s a bathroom across the hall.” With that, he disappeared.
The small room held a double bed, a nightstand with a lamp, and a dresser and mirror. There were no pictures on the walls. Slowly, Nicole made her way to the bed, where she placed a still-sleeping Jacob’s carrier. She knew she’d been blessed to have such a calm baby, especially now when everything else in her life seemed so to have gone crazy.
After retrieving the bags and emptying their contents on to the bed, she saw Kyle had purchased two T-shirts for her, along with two pairs of shorts, a package of panties and the two nursing bras she requested. Though she blushed at the thought of him choosing such intimate items for her, she wasn’t surprised to see that they were exactly the no-frills kind she liked to wear. He’d also thoughtfully purchased her a toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant and shampoo and conditioner. He’d even put in a small bottle of the perfume she’d worn back in high school. This made her smile.
Next, she wanted a hot shower. She smelled like smoke and rain and fear. Afraid to leave Jacob alone, even though he still slept and was still securely buckled in his carrier, she brought him with her to the bathroom across the hallway. Like everything else in Kyle’s house, this room was neat and clean, with nothing to mark his personality. There were already clean towels hanging on the rack.
Ten minutes later, as she stood drying herself off, she glanced in the mirror and shook her head. While outwardly, her appearance hadn’t changed, her insides had been shaken up, spit out and put back in.
One week ago, her life had been entirely different. She’d been miserable, fearful, saving up in the hopes of leaving her abusive husband. Kyle had been, at least as far as she knew, dead. Her love for him had never died, and she’d known her grief at losing him would shadow her for the rest of her days.
Now her husband had been murdered, unexpectedly giving her a freedom she
hadn’t expected so soon, but Kyle had returned from the dead. Instead of the joyous reunion she’d have expected if she’d known he still lived, he wanted to be friends. She’d learned Bill had a mistress, had emptied their savings account and she’d lost her house. Oh, and her in-laws now hated her, the police had made it clear they considered her a suspect in Bill’s murder and she’d managed to lose the respect and love of the only man she’d ever loved.
Yep. Her life had become as dramatic as one of the soap operas her mother had used to watch.
But she still had Jacob and that was all that mattered, right? Maybe some way, somehow she could find it in her to squash her feelings and become platonic friends with Kyle. She’d have to, since he’d made it clear he wanted to be a part of their son’s life.
After her shower, she returned to the bedroom to find Kyle had set up a brand new portable bassinette. That must have been what was in the box. To her dismay, tears filled her eyes. How kind, how thoughtful and how unexpected. Grateful, she changed Jacob and fed him. After burping him, she placed him in the bassinette and went looking for Kyle.
She found him in the kitchen, sitting at the table drinking a beer and scrolling on his phone.
“That was really kind of you,” she told him, her throat aching with emotion. “I hadn’t thought about where he’d sleep tonight. I promise you, I’ll repay you as soon as I can.”
“No worries.” He shrugged. “Do you want a beer?”
“No thank you. I can’t, because I’m breastfeeding Jacob and I don’t take chances with passing anything along to him.”
Immediately, his gaze went to her breasts. Full of milk, they were swollen larger than normal. She fought the urge to cross her arms.
“How about some water or tea?” Without waiting for an answer, he got up and retrieved a bottle of water from the fridge and handed it to her. To her surprise, it was the brand she preferred, which made her wonder if he’d known that or if it was just coincidence.
Feeling awkward, she took it. “I’ll try to stay out of your way as much as possible,” she said. “Tomorrow I’m going to call my insurance company and talk to the fire department to see when I can get into my house. I’ll keep you posted.”
“Sounds good.” He nodded, his impersonal gaze sliding over her before returning to his phone.
Though she’d basically been dismissed, she lingered another moment, not sure if she should. Finally, she mumbled something about going to bed early before beating a hasty retreat.
Once inside her room, she closed the door and sat down on the edge of the bed. Talk about uncomfortable. The sooner she could get out of here and back in her own home, the better.
In the middle of the night, a tortured cry startled her awake. She sat up in bed, blinking, wondering if she’d imagined it. First, she checked on little Jacob, finding him still peacefully sleeping. Since she had no pajamas, she’d slept in the nude. She pulled on her sundress and opened her bedroom door. Then she stood in the doorway and peered out into the dark house, listening.
When nothing else happened, she left the door open a crack and padded back to bed. Climbed beneath the sheets, fluffed her pillow and closed her eyes, willed herself to sleep.
She’d just about dozed off when she heard something again. More sounds, muffled this time. A grunt, a moan and another cry. Someone was in agony. Or badly hurt.
Kyle.
Panic flooded her. Not completely sure where he might be, she rushed down the hallway in the dark, looking for his bedroom. She found it at the end of the hall, but he wasn’t there. The room was empty, the bed covers twisted as though he’d tried to sleep but couldn’t.
Then where had he gone?
She found him in the dark living room, curled up in a ball in the chair, his head down, his body shaking.
“Kyle?” She called his name softly. He didn’t react.
The moonlight streaming in through the window revealed the fine sheen of perspiration on his skin.
She took a step, reaching out for him. The instant her hand connected with her shoulder, he exploded out of the chair, knocking her down.
When she hit the floor, she hit hard. Crying out, she reacted instinctively, crawling on her hands and knees away from him.
CHAPTER 9
“Hell’s bells.” Horrified, Kyle froze as he realized what he had done. Nicole still scuttled on her hands and knees to get away from him, as if she thought him some kind of monster.
She was right to think that way. He was a monster.
“Nicole, wait.” He started to go after her, then thought better of it. Instead, he stood with his knees locked in place, forcing himself to relax the hands he’d balled into fists. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were there. When I get like that, it’s all pure reaction.”
Though she didn’t respond, at least she stopped crawling away.
He dared to take a step toward her. “Nicole, are you hurt? Can you stand?” He had no idea if he’d simply bumped her or if he’d done worse, and hit her. He prayed it wasn’t the latter.
Instead of answering, she slowly pushed to her feet, keeping her gaze averted. When she finally turned to face him, instead of the tears he’d feared he’d see in her eyes, she appeared solemn, even thoughtful. He’d have done better with furious. Anything but this thoughtful, numb sort of detachment, as if she’d already succeeded in distancing herself from him.
“I’m okay,” she said, surprise echoing in her voice. He studied her face, relieved that he saw no fear in her eyes.
“I’m glad.”
“Yeah.” She crossed her arms. “Would you mind telling me exactly what just happened there? It was kind of like when you startle someone who’s asleep and they react in self-defense.”
“That’s a good analogy,” he said, ashamed. He looked away, but then forced himself to give her his full attention. “I’m working through a few things since Afghanistan. The IED explosion apparently was the final straw. Though it’s not an excuse—there is no excuse—I’ve been told I have PTSD.” He swallowed, forcing out the words he really didn’t want to say. “I’m not sure I’m entirely on board with that.”
She stared at him, her eyes wide, but didn’t speak. He couldn’t help but notice her defensive posture, arms crossed.
“Sometimes I get like that, like the way you found me. It’s… I’m…in a dark place. I’m not fully conscious of what’s going on around me.” Taking a deep breath, he hoped his desperation didn’t show. “I don’t know what exactly is wrong with me, but I’m working on getting better. Nicole, you know I’d never hurt you. I swear I didn’t know who you were or what you were doing.”
Finally, finally, to his relief, she nodded. “I believe you. And I think I understand. But Kyle, I know there’s help available for servicemen with PTSD. Have you tried to get some assistance?”
“I’m dealing with it myself,” he replied, even as he had to force himself to unclench his teeth. “If it ever gets to a point where I don’t think I can, I’ll seek help.” Which it never would. He’d done and seen things in the service of his country that would make any other man shudder. Some stupid, psychological thing like PTSD didn’t stand a chance against an army ranger like him.
But Nicole, all she knew was the old Kyle. The one she’d gone to school with, made plans with and loved. That Kyle, well, he might have allowed himself to exhibit weakness and seek help from a shrink.
The new Kyle, way stronger, didn’t need help. Nicole should understand that, but how could she?
Judging from the way she eyed him, she was carefully considering saying something else. He knew her still, and recognized the look on her face. He braced himself, because Nicole had always been honest, sometimes blunt, at least when it came to him.
“I think you should look into it,” she finally said, almost as an afterthought, pretending she didn’t care. Or maybe she w
asn’t really pretending. Because while his life had frozen in place, she’d gone on with hers.
She’d moved on. He wondered if he’d ever be able to do the same.
* * *
Kyle in pain. As she padded back to her room, the thought tormented her. He might not have realized she’d been there, but the image of him, strong, fearless Kyle, curled into a ball and shaking, would haunt her as long as she lived.
What the heck had happened to him over there? While she knew the last thing, the IED explosion that had seriously wounded him and killed his buddy, she understood that there had been more.
And his refusal to get help seemed textbook too. She’d read enough about veterans with PTSD to know that a lot of them thought, like Kyle, that they could heal themselves.
After checking on Jacob, she stepped out of her sundress, got back in her bed and pulled up the covers. In the morning she resolved to do more research. If there was any way she could help Kyle, she’d find it.
Jacob woke early, crying with hunger. Nicole stepped into the same sundress, picked him up, got him changed and then fed him. While he nursed, she gazed down at his perfect little face in wonder. How did no one see Kyle when they looked at her son?
Once Jacob had his fill, she burped him and then rocked him in her arms. His little eyes drifted closed so she placed him back in his bassinette. Her cell phone rang just as she’d finished getting herself dressed.
When her in-laws’ number showed in the display, she almost didn’t answer it. But then, knowing they’d leave a message, she decided to simply get the call over with. Who knew, maybe they’d learned what had happened to her house and were calling to offer support, even though she highly doubted it.
“Hello?”
“I know what you did.” Theresa’s voice dripped venom. “You knew we were investigating to see if you really had any right to Bill’s house, so you set it on fire. The fire chief told me it looked like a bomb went off.”
