Needing Her

by Annabelle Love

  “It’s not nearly as important as you think, Hailey. My end goal is to separate from my father and everything he owns and stands for completely. Turning off my phone wasn’t a big deal. And, since we’re on the subject, I only go back to the hotel to shower and change. If nothing else, the room is good enough for that.”

  Grabbing my fork to twirl it between my fingers, I watched intently as Hailey took a deep breath of her sausage, egg, and cheese on toast. She was so well together, and tensions zinged down my spine and into my thighs. Even over breakfast, she exuded grace and confidence as her fingers caressed the edge of the plate.

  And all I wanted to do was strip away that confidence, leaving a quivering, cum-covered, raw creature exposed.

  “I got it for you.” Clearing my throat roughly, I forced the thoughts away as Hailey’s struggling passed into my scope of comprehension. Standing up as she opened her mouth to protest, I moved the car seat to the floor to sit directly to her left. “Just let me, Hailey.”

  “It’d be easier for you to hold Antonya—I can do it…” Frowning as I reached for her fork and knife, I stared at Hailey through narrowed eyes. She caved quicker than I thought, leaning back and breaking eye contact with a soft sigh. Nodding slightly, I set about cutting her sandwich into easily managed triangles, and the thought briefly occurred to me to feed her.

  But I had to be careful, and that step was just one too far for now. Which was fine, because the wait was just as exciting. We were slowly but surely getting to know each other beyond Antonya, and that was essential.

  Because I’m not going to waste this opportunity.

  “Thanks.” Hailey’s gratitude was tainted by the slight lilt of awkwardness, and I nodded before moving back to my seat. “Um… yeah… so… when your dad takes everything back, what are you planning on doing?”

  “I’m going to stay here.” The ‘duh’ in my tone rang across the cluttered expanse of the tabletop, and I picked up my fork once again to stab a piece of scrambled egg. “I’m not going to abandon Antonya. It was one thing when I didn’t know, but now I do. With any luck, things won’t go too bad between us, right?”

  “Way to have low expectations, Anthony.” Smirking as I pushed my forkful past my teeth, I chewed as Hailey let out a laugh. The sound was pretty, relaxed, and she took a bite of her sandwich before I swallowed roughly to open my mouth.

  “They’re realistic. Besides, things are going pretty okay right now. There’s no reason they can’t get better. I don’t want to be that guy that loves his kid but can’t stand her mom. I’m not going to allow that kind of suffering.”

  Arching a brow as she chewed on her sandwich, Hailey let the silence stretch while I worked on my own plate. My words hung low and firm between us, and confidence seared my chest when the twinkle in her eye brightened slightly.

  Chapter 15

  Hailey

  “♪You are so b-e-a-u-tiful… to me…♪” Swaying slowly with Antonya horizontal just under my bust, I smiled broadly even as her kicking feet dug into my aching, sore breasts. “♪Yes, you are.♪”

  Antonya’s naked, wrinkly butt was soft against my skin, and I rolled my shoulders against the pressure of my padded sports bra. My swaying never ceased, and the cold tiles of the kitchen floor sent little shocks up my legs. Water spewing from the sink faucet created a background for my song, but the tiny baby in my hands didn’t notice the droning sound as she wiggled and reached for me with gurgling squeaks.

  “My turn.” Anthony’s deep voice caused Antonya to pause, eyes darting around, and I carefully held her up for his hands to come up under her. His smile was wide, and she squawked in pleased surprise, waving her pudgy hands around wildly. “There she is—my little fire Ant, huh.”

  “Fire Ant?” Strained amusement laced my tone as Anthony held our daughter just above the tub in the sink, and I leaned on the counter in front of the dishwasher to tap my foot. Anxiety flooded my veins when her butt touched the water, and I gripped the edge of the granite countertop tightly. This was the third time Anthony was giving Antonya a bath, but it made me a nervous wreck, and sweat broke out at the nape of my neck.

  “Yeah—I thought it’s fitting.” Sucking in a sharp breath at Antonya’s uncomfortable squeal, and the muscles in my arms tightened as she wiggled in an attempt to get out of the water. “It’s okay, Antonya. You’re okay. I got you, Daddy’s got you.”

  Anthony’s soft coos didn’t do anything to ease the stress running rampant in my chest. Slowly, gradually, Antonya got used to the lukewarm water, and he grinned down at her as she rested against the mesh support. Watching the interaction between narrowed eyes, I held my breath as my thoughts slowed down to just below the speed limit of my mind.

  “She doesn’t have a personality yet, Anthony. She’s only 7 weeks old.” Remembering what we were talking about beyond the fog of worry, I exhaled through my nose. Anthony only shook his head, his eyes never leaving Antonya as he caressed her belly and shoulders under the water.

  “I don’t care. She’ll be fire. I know it. She’ll be beautiful and fierce, just like you.” Blushing furiously, I pursed my lips together and looked away, but Anthony smirked in my peripheral vision. My heart fluttered in my chest, and I shuffled from one foot to another as I became incredibly aware of how little clothes I was wearing. “You don’t think about what she’ll be like when she’s older?”

  “It stresses me out.” My confession earned me a laugh, and goosebumps broke out along my thighs and up my back. Clenching my abdomen and butt tightly, I silently cursed the heat that spread from my core; I couldn’t do anything to stop it even though I had anticipated it for a long while now. “I don’t like to think that far in the future.”

  “Are you okay?”

  Anthony knew—the bastard knew what he was doing to me, and I turned my face away until he disappeared from my peripheral. His tone said it all, and my nipples ached and tightened against my padded bra.

  “Does the future stress you out that bad?”

  “You know what you’re doing—” The sharp snap echoed around the kitchen loudly, and I whirled around to glare at Anthony’s darkening face. “This is your fault, you know exactly that I’m not okay, Anthony. You’ve been doing this all week, and even before all week.”

  “That barely makes any sense, Hailey.” Anthony had washed Antonya during our chat, and he picked her up out of the water to hold her to his chest. He didn’t even care about getting his shirt wet, and I clenched my hands into tight fists as he finally turned his swirling, heavy gaze to me. “I thought you were open to this.”

  “I am!”

  Why am I yelling?

  My loud shout was met with terse silence, and Anthony frowned even as my vision blurred and watered slightly. Flinging my arm out, I sucked in a harsh breath while my heart beat harder to put tremendous pressure on my aching lungs. Tightening and burning, my throat throbbed all the way up the front of my face, only stopping just above my eyebrows.

  “You know this makes me all crazy, and then you compliment me—you know what you’re doing.”

  “You don’t like my compliments…?” Confusion laced Anthony’s voice, and my mind stalled as I furiously tried to figure out what was going on.

  Why was I mad?

  Why was I horny, and why did that bother me so much?

  Why was I having an episode now and not two weeks ago?

  “Yes, I do.”

  Why am I crying?

  Wiping my tears away roughly, I sighed harshly and crossed my arms tightly over my chest. The action only rubbed the pads in my bra raw against my nipples, and I growled as my trembling fingers fumbled with the front clasp. Only faintly did my watering, blurry gaze catch Anthony setting Antonya in her bouncer, but my scope of comprehension narrowed into no wider than a hair’s width.

  “Hailey, Ha- babe, stop. Stop it—” Grabbing my wrists tightly in both his hands, Anthony forced me back as my shallow pants became thick with his smell. Whimpering and sniffling l
oudly, I ground my forehead against his chest while he locked my arms behind my back. “Stop. You gotta stop, Hailey.”

  “No-o-o! Unless you’re going to tie me up, you stop!” Muffled and hoarse, my declaration only earned me a heavy sigh, and my emotionally overcharged brain balked. That was all I got? A damn sigh? “You need to get out… I can’t… I can’t be around you anymore… I can’t do it- I- I- I…”

  “Like fucking Hell I’m leaving you like this.” Before I could even realize it, Anthony pinned me against the refrigerator with a hand wrapped tightly around my neck and the other holding my wrists high. His eyes flared like pools of liquid, blue fire, and the heat of his gaze dried my tears instantly.

  “I’ll tie you up when I feel like it, understand? You don’t get to cry and automatically get your way, Hailey. Don’t forget—I make that decision. Not you.”

  “Why not? I deserve it! I don’t even know why this is happening!” Anthony must’ve seen what lay beneath the swirling maelstrom of anger, sexual frustration, and all-around crappy emotions that roiled in my eyes.

  Panting harshly, I started to wheeze when he tightened his grip on my neck. Leaning down, his nose brushed mine, and my heart palpitated with a desire that wasn’t at all the rough and bumpy kind. His eyes never left mine even as his face distorted, and he didn’t so much as blink in warning before his lips brushed mine.

  Tentative, gentle, Anthony’s mouth pressed against mine experimentally, and every muscle in my body hardened to stone. My brain stopped firing; my vision went dark, and even the blood pounding against my eardrums went eerily silent. He kissed me more firmly, and my momentary shutdown ended as a violent shiver lodged between my shoulder blades.

  Sucking in a sharp breath through flared nostrils, I blinked hard and opened my mouth just as Anthony stepped into me fully. His fingers crept up my neck and over the side of my face into my hair, and I moaned as he gripped my hair tightly.

  Pleasure. This pleasure—this thing that formed a dense ball in my chest—I had almost forgotten what it felt like. I clung to the taste of him, the sensation slithering down my throat as our tongues wrapped and caressed. Whimpering a muffled sound, I rolled and ground my hips against nothing, but my needy mind didn’t recognize the fact that Anthony wasn’t anywhere near the juncture between my legs.

  “You do deserve it, Hailey… I’m not going to risk it.” Mumbling against my lips, Anthony’s gravelly voice reverberated down my neck and into my collar bones, and my chest tightened. “I want to take care of you this time. I can’t do that if I don’t know you. I won’t make that mistake again.”

  “I loved it, though. I loved it with you.” My hoarse whisper pulled a groan from Anthony, and I licked him from chin to nose. His growl raged through my body, like he was some sort of animal set on a hunt, and the fine hairs on my face stood up.

  “You should go to sleep, Hailey. I’ll take care of Antonya. You rest.” Déjà vu hit me hard, and a gasp flew from my mouth when Anthony carefully eased my arms to my side. “Go.”

  Shivering when Anthony stepped away from me, I forced my blurry gaze to sharpen, and he strode heavily to the baby bouncer on the floor near the archway to the living room. My heart beat frantically in my throat, lungs unable to expand fully as I watched him crouch down to adjust Antonya’s towel underneath the buckles. For a time that felt much longer than a few seconds, I could only stare, but he unfastened her swiftly to pick her up. Her burbles tickled my ears, and my eyes widened as realization slammed into me.

  She’s not wearing a diaper. Turning on my heel, I practically ran out of the kitchen and down the hall to slam the door behind me. My tears of frustration became tears of shame, and I fell on my bed to curl up into a ball. She’s not wearing a diaper.

  Chapter 16

  Anthony

  “Hailey… open the fucking door, babe.” Banging on the barrier with my fist, I leaned heavily against the wall to listen to the silence that radiated from the porous wood. “Don’t make me kick it down. We need to talk about this.”

  Of all the things I was feeling, anger was absent, and I clenched and released my jaw in agitation. A soft, muffled clunk from beyond the door reached my ears, and relief surged through my chest. Pushing myself off the wall, I raked my hands through my hair as this morning flashed through my mind’s eye.

  Hailey had been horrified that her meltdown last night had resulted in delaying Antonya being fitted with a diaper. She’d called out of work after crying all night; I knew because she hadn’t left her room in the hour or so since I took Antonya’s 5 o'clock feeding. Thankfully, Kelly was willing to take the baby so I could deal with this.

  Honestly, I wasn’t sure what I expected—having a baby was downright traumatic in my opinion.

  “Hailey! I said open the damn door!” Just as my demand rang out, the lock on Hailey’s bedroom door gave way, and I had to resist barging into her room. Crossing my arms over my chest, I held my breath around a heart beating hard, and she peeked out through a thin crack.

  “What?” Her voice crackled harshly, and her bloodshot eye narrowed slightly between puffy lids. “I can’t do this, Anthony.”

  “Can’t do what, exactly? Be specific. What can you not do?” Hailey faltered, her eye training on the floor, and I gripped the edge of the door to push it open. “Hailey, do you think you’re good for nothing but being Antonya’s mom?”

  “I don’t know anymore. I’m tired.” Wrapping her arms around herself, her voice practically dribbled in uncertainty. Rolling my jaw, I raked my fingers through my hair as I furiously tried to think of what to say. Nothing I’d ever done could’ve prepared me for a postpartum mental breakdown.

  “I don’t know what you want me to say, Hailey, but it’s okay not to be perfect.” Red-rimmed eyes landed on me, and I clenched my hands into fists by my sides to avoid reaching for her. “Trust me—the only people that care if you fuck up, are fuck ups themselves.”

  “Is that really what you think or are you just trying to make me feel better about the fact that I put myself before Antonya?”

  “It’s what I really think, Hailey.” My answer was immediate, and Hailey stared blankly at me for a long, tense moment before deflating like a popped balloon. Her heavy, exhausted sigh hit me square in the chest, and my lips thinned as she shuffled back to drop onto her bed. “Look, Antonya is with Kelly until 2-ish, so take this time for yourself, okay? I need to get some new clothes anyway, so… just… take a really hot, long bath or something to relax.”

  “That’s not what I want.” Blood rushed in my ears as Hailey shook her head wildly, and I almost thought she’d guilt trip me into fucking her. Not that I would give in, of course. “I need you to tell me what to do—Anthony, please—I can’t think straight.”

  “I thought you would want me to tie you up before ordering you around.” Surprise colored my voice and rose my eyebrows, but the thick dose of arousal that shot through my chest stiffened my cock. My abdomen tightened, and I walked stiffly the few feet towards Hailey to crouch in front of her. She looked tired and confused, and she managed a ghost of a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

  “Who’d’a thunk it?” Her response was hollow, almost abysmal, and my mind whirred at a mile a minute for a long second. She simply watched me with hopeful expectancy, and I tried to think of something that wasn’t humiliating.

  Really, such a thing was pretty hard; being a Dom was about control—at least, for me. I didn’t get off by having some bitch lick my shoes. At the same time, though, there wasn’t much of a grey area.

  “Stand up.” Straightening as the demand left my mouth, I took a step back as Hailey rose to her feet. Staring at her, pale and covered in goosebumps everywhere her thin, padded bra and boy-shorts didn’t reach, caused my hard-on to shrivel. “Sit down.”

  Dropping down without a single breath of hesitation, she never took her eyes off me even as I opened my mouth again.

  “Kneel on the floor.” The sight of her on her knees was ru
ined by her tear-stained face and bright, almost fevered eyes, and I frowned deeply.

  “Stand up.”

  “Sit down.”

  “Kneel on the floor.”

  I feel like that guy from the karate movie.

  Hailey was sweating buckets, trembling uncontrollably, and panting shallow, wheezing gasps by the time I held my voice in my tight chest. Her body swayed to the side dangerously, and she stumbled slightly over her own feet in an attempt to catch herself before she fell. Heavy lids shielded her eyes, and I tore my eyes off her for only a second to check the alarm clock on her nightstand.

  She’d been moving continuously for the past two hours; it didn’t feel like even 20 minutes had passed, though.

  “Let’s get you that bath now.” Jerking at my hard tone, Hailey went to sit on the edge of her bed habitually only to miss. Her ass slid down the side of the mattress and box spring, and her feet slipped out from under her against the hardwood flooring. She landed hard, but I didn’t do anything to stop it. Carefully picking her up with an arm around her back and the other under her knees, I held back a sigh.

  At least Hailey wasn’t a wreck. I preferred an exhausted, quivering mess over an exhausted, quivering, emotional mess any day. She was light, skinnier than I remembered, but her words from the other day at the doctor’s office echoed in my ears. There was a thing on the TV there that said a woman could burn up to 20 calories per ounce of milk.

  Antonya took three ounces every three hours, but Hailey was pumping at least 12. That was pretty mind-boggling. Whatever the figures, it was enough to make the effort to count it in my head too much to go through.

  “Okay, here we go.” Forcing away the thoughts about her weight, I kicked open the bathroom door with a mere tap of my foot. The tiles were spotless and sparkling, and I inhaled deeply through my nose to smell an extremely faint, light scent that I couldn’t even place. “Everything will be better once you clean up.”