Gin and Toxic (Swan Song)

by Cole, Audrey

  “We needed her to fill in.” Tommy answers.

  “I thought our Adrian hated her.” Ralph says, giving me a wink.

  I smile in return. “I don’t hate her.” Mickey laughs. “What?”

  He shakes his head. “You hate her, admit it. You threatened to shave her head last month.”

  “That cow refused to wear the hat for her costume. Said it messed up her hair. I told her I’d be happy to fix it for her if she was so worried about it.”

  Now Tommy is chuckling. “You told her, and I quote, ‘If you’re so worried about that rat’s nest on your head, I’ll gladly sheer you like a fucking sheep.’ End quote.”

  I shrug carelessly. “I don’t remember that.”

  “I’ll always remember that.” Mickey says wistfully.

  “Who was she fillin’ in for?” Ralph asks.

  “Alice.” I tell him. “She wasn’t feeling well.”

  “She threw up in the fuckin’ car.” Mickey mutters, licking his thumb to help him quickly count out tattered bills.

  Ralph looks at me with concern. “What’s wrong with her? Too much hooch?”

  I pinch my lips together, unsure. “I don’t think so.”

  “Maybe she’s pregnant.” Tommy grumbles.

  I want to laugh it off and say it’s not true, but really I don’t know. She easily could be and wouldn’t that be a nightmare. Any guy she’s going to bed with from this joint isn’t looking to be a father and they definitely aren’t looking to get married so guess who would get to help with the little bundle of joy. That’s right. Good ole Auntie Adrian.

  “Let’s hope not.”

  “Who is she seein’ nowadays?” Ralph asks me.

  I shrug. Tommy, though, looks at Ralph meaningfully.

  “Nicholas.”

  “Really?” Ralph asks. Tommy nods seriously. “Yeah, let’s definitely hope she’s not knocked up then. So Clara is back? Hal can stop his belly aching’?”

  Tommy sits back and lights a cigarette. “Looks that way.”

  “What about Eddie’s girl? What are we gonna do with her?”

  “Eddie should be back by New Year’s.” I tell him happily. “We can let her go then.”

  “She doesn’t wanna go.” Tommy says.

  “What?”

  He shrugs, not looking at me. “She likes the money. I’m sure the rest of the family does too. She asked if she could stay on.”

  “And what did you tell her?” Ralph asks quietly.

  “I told her I’d talk to you about it.”

  “When were you going to do that?”

  Tommy smirks. “Now’s as good a time as any.”

  Ralph looks to me. “What do you think, sweetheart? Is she worth it?”

  I can feel Tommy looking at me. I’m too mad at him to look back. “Yeah, Ralph, she’s great but I don’t know what Eddie will think of her staying.”

  “He’ll think he’s doubling his income, that’s what he’ll think.” Tommy argues.

  “It’s not always about money.”

  “This time it is.”

  “Some people care about other things, Tommy.” I say hotly, finally looking at him. He’s cool as a cucumber. “And Eddie cares about his kids. He won’t want her staying in this place.”

  “What’s wrong with ‘this place’?” Ralph asks angrily.

  I look at him and shake my head. “Nothing, Ralph. It’s just not safe for her. She’s young and—“

  “So were you when you came here and you’re doin’ just fine, aren’t ya?”

  I straighten my shoulders and sit up tall. I know a threat coming when I hear one. “Yes, Ralph. I’m doing very well.”

  “Yeah.” he grumbles. “You should try and remember that. Or maybe you’re jealous of this girl’s talent. Maybe we should check and see if she can sing too.”

  I feel my pulse spike, my skin start to burn and itch with anger. But I keep it all locked inside tight as a drum. It won’t do to get angry with a Capone. I’ve seen what that gets you.

  “Maybe we should, Ralph.” I tell him evenly. “Maybe she’d surprise us.”

  He nods, his eyes locked on mine. “After the holidays.” he says quietly. “Right now, who has the time?”

  When he looks away I know I’m in the clear. He’s issued his threat, he’s made me squirm and I’ll think twice about ever criticizing the club again. I should have known better in the first place. I’m just so bone tired and sick I can’t even think straight. By the end of the night lately my head is killing me, feeling like it’s looking to be split wide open. I’d see a doc if I had the money. I could ask Tommy or Ralph if I could see one but then I’d be in their debt. I’d owe them something and it’s my life’s goal to never owe anyone anything. I’ve worked hard these past couple years in the club to make sure I owed my place in the roster to my talents on the stage and not anywhere else. It’s not easy but I did it and a few measly headaches aren’t going to convince me to jeopardize all that now.

  “Mickey,” Ralph says suddenly. “Take Adrian home. She looks exhausted and it’s late.”

  I smile at him gratefully. He grins back and I feel I’ve partially been forgiven.

  “Thank you, Ralph. I appreciate it.” I say earnestly.

  “I know you do, kid.”

  “I’ll take her.” Tommy says, standing abruptly.

  Ralph looks up at him, his eyes doubtful. “Maybe it’d be better if Mickey took her.”

  “It doesn’t make sense for him to drop her.” Tommy argues, pulling on his coat. “He lives in the opposite direction.”

  “If memory serves, so do you, Tommy.”

  “I got this.”

  Ralph looks at me but I keep my face impassive. I don’t actually care.

  “You alright with that?” he asks me.

  I shrug. “Whatever gets me home.”

  “Alright. You heard the lady. Take her home. Her home.”

  Tommy smirks as he helps me up and into my coat. I can feel Ralph’s eyes on me the entire time and I wonder what it is he’s worried about. I’ve dodged Tommy’s advances for years. This won’t even be the first time he’s taken me home, but there’s something in Ralph’s face that is pure concern tonight and I can’t understand why that is.

  “Goodnight, Ralph. Night, Mickey.” I tell them with a smile and small wave.

  “Night, doll.” Mickey answers.

  “Goodnight, Adrian.” Ralph says quietly. Thoughtfully.

  “You want a drink before we go?” Tommy asks as we pass the dark, empty bar.

  I shake my head, pulling my coat tightly closed in preparation for the cold, winter wind.

  “No, I’m fine.”

  “It’ll help you fall asleep.”

  I chuckle. “So will warm milk. Besides, I don’t think I’ll need any help falling asleep tonight.”

  We ride through the night in relative silence. Just the sound of the wind outside the windows and the road beneath the wheels. It’s almost comfortable.

  “I’ll walk you up.” Tommy says, slipping out of the car before I can protest. When he opens my door for me I’m already shaking my head.

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “It’s not a line, Adrian.” he says with surprising sincerity. “I want to make sure you’re safe. What’s the point of driving you home just to leave you to be jumped in your stairwell?”

  I look into his fathomless, dark eyes and I wonder if he means it. If he truly has no darker intentions than to see me safely home. It seems unlikely but at the moment, I almost believe it.

  I smile weakly at him and take his offered arm. “Thank you, Tommy.”

  He doesn’t answer me. He’s all business as he walks me across the snow strewn street, into my building and up the winding flights of stairs. When we reach my apartment door I turn to him and feel my heart hammer in my chest. I don’t know what he intends or what I’ll do with what he has planned. All I know is I’m tired as sin and I want to lie down. Alone.

&
nbsp; “Well, I’m home.” I tell him not so subtly.

  He chuckles quietly. “I can see that. Go inside, Adrian. I’ll leave when I hear the door lock.”

  I nod my head, hurry with my keys and step into the darkness deftly. I throw the latch and wait, listening.

  “Goodnight.” I whisper through the crack between door and frame.

  “Goodnight.” I hear him rumble from outside. Then his footsteps slowly begin their descent taking my pulse down with them.

  “Adrian.” Rosaline whispers sharply.

  I nearly scream from fright.

  “Rosaline, why?!” I exclaim angrily.

  “Get in here. Now.” she demands, ignoring me.

  “What’s wrong?”

  She steps into the light coming in from the window. It’s just a small slanted, yellow shaft but it shows me enough of her face for my heart to resume it’s pounding. She’s terrified.

  “Alice is dead.”

  Chapter Five

  I drop my clutch and keys loudly on the floor.

  “What?” I ask shakily.

  Rosaline shakes her head, her eyes wide as saucers. “She’s dead, Adrian.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know. I can’t go back in there.”

  “Where’s Lucy?”

  “In the bathroom throwing up. She checked on her a moment ago and… Oh God, Adrian. Her eyes.”

  I push past a shaking Rosaline to hurry into the bedroom. We have two beds set up in here. One larger bed to fit two of us, usually Alice and Rosaline, and one small, cramped one for myself. Alice is on my bed lying on her side facing the rest of the room. I know she’s dead the moment I see her. There’s vomit on the floor beside her and she’s curled into the fetal position, her skin sharply white and tight over her bones. But it’s her eyes that let me know she’s gone. They’re colorless and empty, staring off into the distance blindly.

  “Shit.” I mutter. I can feel panic rising inside of me. I need to squash it down, to be smart. I need help. “Tommy.”

  I run out of the room, making a beeline for the window facing out over the street. I yank on the frame of the window, fighting against the frozen wood and cursing over and over again. Finally it gives way and I’m able to lean out just in time, just as I see Tommy stepping back into his car.

  “Hey, handsome!” I cry, careful not to use his name. My voice sounds shaky, horrified. His head snaps up to the window immediately.

  “Adrian?” he calls back, using a much more subdued tone than mine. “Are you alright?”

  “I—Yeah. I don’t know. I changed my mind. About the nightcap? Will you come back up?”

  I can’t see his face in the dark at this distance but I can tell he’s confused.

  “It’s late.” he argues, staring up at me.

  “It’s almost early.” I tease shakily. “Come back up. Please.”

  It’s the please that does it. He knows something’s up. He walks hurriedly back across the street, disappearing into the building entrance below me. I slam the window shut and hurry to the door. I have it open when he comes bounding up the stairs, his face a dark mask of concern.

  “What’s happened?” he asks immediately. When he walks in he takes one look at Rosaline and gets the idea. She’s started crying silently, her face glistening with tears and her hands twitching at her sides. “Where?” he asks me gruffly.

  “In the bedroom. Through there.” I whisper.

  “Shut the door and keep quiet.” he tells me as he disappears into the bedroom.

  When I shut the door Rosaline grabs onto me and buries her face in my shoulder, silent sobs racking her body. I don’t say a word and I don’t hug her back. I just stand there going numb, shutting down.

  I hear Tommy curse from inside the room then he reappears, his expression all business.

  “How long ago?” he asks sternly.

  Rosaline ignores him and continues to weep into my shoulder. I have to shake her to get her attention.

  “Rose. How long ago?”

  “Um,” She sniffs, standing up straight and wiping her eyes. “Not even half an hour. She was here with Lucy when I got home from the club a couple hours ago. She, um, she was weird. Acting looney.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Rosaline shakes her head faintly. “I don’t know. She was saying crazy things. Talking to people who weren’t there. Calling Luce and I by the wrong names. She called me by your name once, yelling at me about some number she didn’t want to do. It was like she thought she was still at the club.”

  “Mickey said she threw up in the car.” Tommy says. “And she threw up in there but is that it?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, just those two times.”

  “Alright, you girls go sit on the couch.” He glances around suddenly, looking alarmed. “Where’s the other one? There are four of you, right?”

  “Lucy.” I confirm. “Rose said she’s in the bathroom.”

  “I’ll get her and bring her in here. Stay together and stay quiet. I gotta find a phone and call the doctor.”

  “But she’s dead… isn’t she?” Rosaline asks weakly, sounding hopeful that maybe she’s wrong.

  Tommy looks her hard in the eyes. “She’s gone. But we need the doc to tell us why.”

  “Should we call the police?”

  “Are you simple?” he asks her harshly.

  I put my hand up and glare at him. “Easy. She’s upset, give her a break. I’ll talk to her. Just go get Lucy.”

  Tommy storms out of the room in search of the bathroom while I sit Rosaline down on the couch. She slumps down hard, the wind entirely out of her sails. I gently brush her brown hair out of her eyes as her tears start up again.

  “We can’t call the cops until we know what happened.” I tell her softly, hoping I won’t have to repeat this for Lucy. “We need to know if it has something to do with the club or with the Outfit. If it does, it’ll be handled privately.”

  Rosaline looks up at me with worried eyes. “You won’t let them just dump her body, will you? What if they want to put her out in the woods somewhere or sink her in the river? You won’t let them, right?”

  I stare back into her pleading eyes and know I can’t promise her that. So I give her what I can.

  “I’ll sure try.” I whisper.

  Rosaline nods then leans over to lay her head on my shoulder again. I take her shaking hands in my own shaking hands and together they feel somehow solid. Steady. As though their mutual fear cancels each other out and we’re stronger because we both feel it.

  Lucy comes walking into the room looking like a ghost. Her face is pale, her white nightgown flows around her with each step, but her eyes are hard. Rosaline and I are shaken up, but Lucy is different. Lucy, much to my surprise, is fightin’ mad.

  “Scoot over.” she commands us. “Your boyfriend told me to sit down and shut up.”

  “I’m sorry, Luce.” I mutter, not sure what I’m apologizing for. About Tommy being harsh with her? About Alice dying so young? About bringing Alice into the club in the first place, putting her in harm’s way? I don’t know, maybe all of it.

  Lucy sits down and waits beside us. We all fall silent, the only sound Rosaline’s occasional sniff. The small apartment smells uncomfortably of vomit and the inside of an outhouse. It’s wafting out of the bedroom and filling the space with death and decay. With the entire contents of Alice’s body that she left behind when her soul vacated the space. That bed will have to be burned and then what? Do we get another bed? Another roommate? Do we try to cover rent and expenses just the three of us?

  I decide to wait for the dead body to be cleared out of the apartment before I go thinking about bringing someone new in.

  Tommy eventually returns with the familiar face of the German doctor on his heels, the same one who attended to Eddie when he was shot last month. I nod hello to him when he enters but he ignores me. Instead, he follows Tommy straight into the bedroom where I hear him plunk his
black medical bag down and begin muttering indiscernibly. I hear Tommy’s voice every now and again, low and rumbling, impossible to understand from here but somehow still reassuring. Eventually Rosaline stops sniffing and I wonder if she’s fallen asleep. I wish I could. Though considering what’s happened in that bedroom I don’t know how I will.

  “Was she taking anything?” Tommy asks loudly, startling us all.

  He and the doctor are standing in the room now, their tall, shadowed figures looking down on the three of us.

  “I don’t know.” I answer. “I don’t think so.”

  “A sleep syrup.” Rosaline says, sitting up straight. “I don’t know what kind but it’s in the kitchen cupboard. Brown bottle.”

  “You mean zis?” the doctor asks, holding up a brown bottle with no label and a small cork in the top.

  “That looks like it, yeah. Where did you find that?”

  “Under the bed.” Tommy says darkly. “It musta rolled under after she drank it.”

  “Do you know how full ze bottle vas?”

  We all shake our heads. No one knows. I didn’t even know she was taking it.

  The doctor nods thoughtfully, looking at Tommy. “She must have procured it from another doctor. I did not prescribed her zis.”

  Tommy nods in agreement. “Nick. His doc.”

  “Zis vas her boyfriend?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Nick who?” I interrupt. “This is the second time I’ve heard that name tonight. I don’t think she was even dating anyone.”

  “Yes, she was.” Lucy says harshly. When I look at her in surprise, she’s glaring at me. “She was dating some big shot named Nick. He drove her home in limos all the time. Bought her clothes. Took her out to the theater. How did you not know that?”

  “That’s what I’m wondering.”

  “She kept him a secret.” Rosaline says, sounding tired. “Lucy only knows because she was here in the evenings when he picked her up. You and I were usually still at the club workin’.”

  “How did you know about him?”

  “She tried to keep him a secret but how could she? I think everyone knew. I mean, it’s Ralph’s cousin, for God’s sake.”

  “Whoa.” I whisper.