Memory Girl

by Singleton, Linda Joy

  What will happen by nightfall?

  If Nate is right, I’ll be thrown over the Fence to the claws. My born-mates, usually Clark and Homer, exaggerated rumors of youths being devoured by claws or dissembled—limbs, organs, bones—into nothingness. The R word strikes fear bone deep. Even the Instructors, with their vast knowledge, would only say that Returned youths are sent to the scientists’ compound. All I know for sure is that they’re never seen again.

  Rosemarie will protect me. I cling tight to the slim string of hope she’ll convince Leader Cross to let me stay.

  When I hear footsteps outside my door, I jump from my bed, eager to see Rosemarie. Instead it’s Arthur—like I’ve never seen him before. His usually smooth black hair is untidy, stubble rough on his chin, and there are furrows in his forehead as if he removed his cease-aging patch.

  “Milly … my Milly!” He pulls me into his muscular arms.

  “What’s happening?” I slip out of his arms, going over to peer through the opened door. I expect to see a Uniform, waiting to arrest me, but no one’s there.

  “They say you know too much.”

  I shake my head, feeling as if the more I know, the less I understand.

  “Leader Cross says you must go but I can’t—” His voice cracks. “I can’t lose you—her—again. You’re only one memdenity away from remembering our life together. Our wedding in the City Center garden, the pink roses I gifted you every birthday, and the miracle of watching our daughter’s birth. Daisy was the last natural birth on the island, and we were so proud of her.”

  “Daisy will be glad I’m gone,” I say bitterly.

  “But Rosemarie and I need you.” He comes so close to me I can feel his breath on my skin. “Once I thought I loved someone else, but I couldn’t forget you. Only one more memdenity, and you’ll remember loving me.”

  I can’t imagine loving Arthur. Even though he’s tall with a muscled body and pleasing face, we’re centuries apart in age and experiences. And I feel no stirring of emotions. Not like when I think of Nate—his eyes, his face, his hands—and heat thrills through me. Did Milly feel like that with Arthur? If I’d gained all her memories, would I feel those emotions too?

  Now I’ll never find out.

  “They can’t take you away after I’ve waited so long,” Arthur says with a wild desperation. He grabs my wrists, staring into my face. “I can’t lose you.”

  “I’m … I’m sorry.” I’m aching inside with pain that stabs sharper than needles. I didn’t want to be in the Cross family, yet now I’m desperate to stay.

  “I tried explaining to Leader Cross that you’re not a threat, but he wouldn’t listen.” Arthur runs his hands through his hair.

  “Rosemarie tried too.” I press my lips tight so I won’t cry.

  “This can’t happen!” Arthur stomps the floor, rattling the shells I’d placed on my dresser. “If they take you away, my wife’s memories will go with you.” The softness dies in his eyes, narrowing in accusation.

  “Only the first fifteen years. Another youth can have her other memories.”

  “That’s not how it works.” His frustration shifts to fury. “The health-keepers don’t allow division of memdenity. Milly’s memories will be destroyed—because of you.”

  “I’m sorry,” is all I can say.

  “‘Sorry’ won’t bring her back. You have to save her!” His anger burns my wrist as he pulled me close, his breath hot and sour. “You stole my wife.”

  I try to pull away, but he holds my wrist tight. “You’re hurting me.”

  “You’ve hurt me far worse,” he growls. “I’ll do anything to get my wife back. You must save her!”

  His fingernails dig into my skin, and I cry out with pain. I give a fierce jerk, finally pulling away from him but losing my balance. Falling, I slam against the floor. The impact, hard and stunning, takes my breath.

  “Milly!” Arthur sobs, reaching out for me. “I’m so sorry, Milly.”

  “I. Am. Not. Milly!” I slap his hand away so hard that he stumbles, teetering off balance.

  When he grabs for me again, I shove him away, and he reels backward. His head thuds against a bed post. I scramble to my feet, gasping. Through the window, the crimson curve of daylight is falling fast into night. The Uniforms will come for me. Soon. I must escape while I have the chance.

  But why is Arthur so still? I stare at him, lying on the floor, not moving. Why doesn’t he move? He can’t be ….

  His eyes flutter open and he moans, “Milly … please … give me ….”

  I don’t wait to find out what he’ll say next.

  Yanking open the door, I rush into the hall. No one is there, and I nearly fly down the stairs, having no plan, only desperation to get away before the Uniforms arrive. When I hear voices from the main floor, I grab hold of a banister rail, panicking. This way is blocked.

  Doubling back to the second floor, I glance around desperately for a way out. I look at the doors down the hall. Three lead into bedrooms and one is a supply closet. My only chance is to crawl through a bedroom window.

  But if I get away, where will I go?

  No time to come up with a plan, only to run.

  I race down the hall, trying the first door and finding a sleep room with only a bed and dresser—nowhere to hide or escape. I check in the next room—which isn’t empty. Grandmother’s wrinkled eyes widen at the sight of me, and her mouth opens. Sure she’s going to shout out an alarm, I slam the door, then run down the hall. The next room is the one I would have shared with Arthur as his wife. I look past wedding photographs and the jewelry box to the balcony.

  Expecting shouts and thudding footsteps any second, I push open the door to the balcony. A roof slopes down to a tall, leafy oak with strong branches.

  Milly’s fear of heights slams into me. Get down, don’t climb, it’s not safe. You’ll never make it, you’ll fall and break your bones. I’m paralyzed with her terror and start to back out of the room.

  “No!” I say, then shove aside her fear with images of myself playing climbing games with Marcus in a tree so tall I couldn’t see the top branches. I pretended to be a furry monklee, swinging from branches and never once losing my grip.

  I am not afraid, I tell myself. Determination pushes me forward. I grip the edge of the shingles; my knees crouch as I take small steps at a slanted angle. The air is misty with the darkening clouds and the acrid scent of rain.

  Climbing down the tree takes only a few heartbeats. I hide in shadows, considering my next move. I have to get far away quickly. Once they know I’m gone, they’ll lock the gates, then search until I’m found.

  It’ll be dark soon, with claws stalking the night outside the Fence. I can’t survive out there, yet I can’t stay in ShareHaven—not without a Family. If I wait too long, the Uniforms will arrive with boar sniffers.

  Should I go to Marcus or Lorelei? Surely, they’d hide me. But if they get caught, they’ll be punished—Returned?—too, and I can’t do that to them. I need a safe place to hide until I can decide what to do.

  The answer is so simple I almost smile.

  My cave.

  Petal will be so joyous to see me. She’ll purr her tinkling sound and give me lick-kisses. She taught me how to find edible plants and sweet fish and fresh water seeping from a wall crevice, so I’ll have food, water, and safety in our cave. And Petal will be my Family.

  But how will I get to the cave quickly without being caught?

  My gaze shifts to the vehicle barn. I borrowed a solar cycle once; can I do it again? Glancing around furtively, I stay low as I creep to the vehicle barn. I slip inside, heading for a Cross Family solar cycle. I change my plan when I see the Edu-Center solar coach. Instructor Penny must be inside the house.

  Hmmm …. When she returns to the coach, she’ll drive back to the Edu-Center. I know she would help me if I could talk to her alone, but she might be with other Instructors. Besides, she’s one of them—the Believers—and they want me gone. Sti
ll, her coach will take me close to my cave. If I hide in the rear compartment and stay quiet, she won’t know I’m there.

  I move toward the coach but stop at the sound of a creaking door.

  Whirling around, I stare at Daisy. Her arms are folded triumphantly across her chest and she’s smiling. Not a nice smile; it’s the sort a spider might give to an insect struggling in a sticky web.

  Caught.

  TWENTY-NINE

  Daisy’s taller than me, but she lacks the muscles I’ve gained from cookery work and climbing trees. I bend my knees, ready to tackle her. I’m poised to spring forward when the sound of growls and grinding wheels startle us both ….

  “Bad news for you.” Daisy smirks as she points beyond the door. “The Uniforms are here.”

  Here for me.

  Panicked, I look at hay piles, vehicles, crates and high windows. Plenty of places to hide but nowhere to run.

  “She’s in here!” Daisy shouts with a wave of her arm. Triumphantly, she flings the doors wide, welcoming the Uniforms.

  Five figures in imposing gray clomp out of the jail coach. This coach is similar to a solar coach, only it’s domed, with impassable metal bars separating the front and back seat. There are no doors or windows in the back. An attached wagon holds chained boar sniffers. The bloodhound-hog hybrids growl and gnash spike-sharp teeth.

  The tallest Uniform challenges me with a “go ahead and run” expression. I won’t make it a meter before the sniffers take me down. I won’t beg or sob. Lifting my chin high, I shove against Daisy and step out of the vehicle barn. Returned … soon I’ll know what it means.

  One of the Uniforms is familiar—long black hair flapping like a wing over his forehead and a thin mouth set in a forever frown. He was posted at the jail entrance when I first visited Nate. He grabs my arms, twists them roughly behind my back. I hear the metal clip of a restraint. Pain squeezes my wrists.

  “Inside,” he barks, shoving me into the back seat.

  The sniffers growl and snort in the cart behind me.

  I take one last look at the Cross dwelling, tears spilling hot down my cheeks. The cart door slams. Locked. I fall backward, crying out as my elbow smacks against hard wood. Wheels creak as I’m driven away. I hear sobs that sound like Rosemarie. I’ll never see my sister again. I’m dead to ShareHaven, yet I’m still breathing. Is this how Nate felt waiting in jail for his execution? At least he knew what was going to happen. I have no idea.

  The bearded driver glances through the steel bars, his gaze cold. He snorts, then turns away. When the coach lurches over a road bump, I stumble sideways. I can’t push back up with my arms shackled. Despair chokes my throat. Don’t think about what’s happening … what could happen.

  I send my thoughts back into Milly’s memories, needing to think of a happy moment so I don’t lose control. The happiest time was before life turned sad, before we lost our brother and left our home. A morning of sunshine and turning six. A special birthday gift. The present I longed for since I rode a pony at a kiddie carnival—my own horse. We couldn’t keep a horse in our suburban backyard, so my horse stayed at a ranch. I wanted to name her Ariel after my favorite Disney cartoon, but my parents said she already had a name: Sunrise. So I called her Sunny. She was so beautiful—reddish brown with a white mane, a small Arabian with a long swishy brown tail. I took riding lessons. Mom said I was a natural rider. When I sat tall on Sunny, I felt confident and fearless.

  I smile at Milly’s thoughts, riding Sunny through golden fields instead of being jostled in my rolling prison. Metal cuffs dig into my skin.

  Although there are no windows to see through, I smell salty air. We’re not headed for the Gate to toss me like raw meat to vicious claws. Instead we’re nearing the sea and climbing up a steep road into hills that conceal the most mysterious part of ShareHaven: the scientists’ compound.

  The rumors are true. The scientists punish the Returned. Does that mean Lila, who called me her friend, will be the one to end my life?

  Wheels click-clack as the road grows rougher. The coach stops abruptly, and I slam against the floor. The door bursts open. Two Uniforms yank me out.

  Stumbling, I fall on my knees. Pain shoots through me as the black-haired Uniform yanks me to my feet. Another Uniform pushes me forward. I’m surrounded by cruel hands and imposing hills that rise into twilight. Scientists dwell in these hills, shrouded in mystery. Lila described rocky cliffs and a vista of sea and sky, and I hoped to walk with her along sea cliffs. I can only hope that being Returned is quick and painless.

  Wood creaks like a gate opening, but I only see tall grasses sweeping up a steep hillside. A light seems to float in the air. A figure made of shadows and moonlight comes forward holding a torchlight. The pale, white-haired woman is apple-round, with a doughy face drooping oddly to one side. Her feral eyes glint dangerously at me.

  “Here she is, Frost,” the bearded Uniform says in a clipped tone. “We’ve brought her directly to you as requested.”

  “She doesn’t look dangerous.” Only half of the woman’s mouth moves, her words hard to understand.

  “The youth betrayed ShareHaven by releasing the Grand Leader’s killer from jail, and she also attacked her husband. Leader Cross suggests you Return her immediately.”

  “Humph,” the droopy-face woman snorts. “Scientists don’t take orders. But we can always use another droll.”

  What is a droll? I think, sick with fear.

  She points a sharp-nailed finger at me. “Come along, girl.”

  I glance around at wild grass stretching across rolling hills. Where are the buildings? I breathe in a salty breath, my heart syncing with the rhythmic rumble of the sea, and I long for the safe haven of my cave.

  “Follow,” she barks. Her torchlight moves with the sweep of her hand pointing behind her.

  “Where?” I’m puzzled because there are only endless hills. “Are we near the scientists’ compound?”

  “Very near.” Her words come from only one side of her mouth, garbled and hard to understand.

  “What will happen?”

  She raises her hand, silencing me. “No more questions. Must I ask the Uniforms to escort you or will you come with no resistance?”

  I glance back at the Uniforms. One wrong move and the sniffers will be set loose. I imagine their hot breath and sharp teeth sinking into my flesh.

  “I won’t resist,” I say, as if I’ve given up.

  But I’m studying the misshapen woman—“Frost” the Uniform called her—searching for weaknesses so I can escape. A Uniform hands Frost a key, which she pockets. Once I enter a building, I’ll never leave.

  Deliberately, I stumble, my legs buckling as I fall to my knees on ground.

  “I can’t move … not with the chains.” I hang my head, moaning. “I won’t be able to walk. Could you unlock my hands?”

  “Do I look brain-lacking?” Frost asks as if amused, pocketing the key.

  “I promise to do whatever you say.” I rattle the chains and exaggerate moaning. “The pain is too much. Please unlock my hands.”

  “You won’t feel pain much longer,” she says in a bored tone. “You’ll stay in chains until we reach the lab.”

  Lab. This word pierces my hopes.

  The woman has a chain of her own, which she clips to my restraints, like leading ropes for the hoxen. She jerks me forward. “Follow.”

  As if I have a choice!

  Behind us, wheels rumble and sniffers whine, probably disappointed to miss out on a human snack. I bite my lip, not wanting to think about what lies ahead.

  We go a few meters before Frost stops at an impassable thicket of thorny bushes at the base of a towering hill. She reaches through the bushes. A shrill beep makes me jump. She drags me through the bushes that move aside like sliding doors. I shut my eyes at the burst of blinding light. When I open my eyes, I’m staring at a doorway concealed in a hill.

  “Where are we?” I ask.

  “Don’t speak to me,
” she says coolly.

  We step into a hallway—not made of dirt or grassy roots but walls so white I blink and a high ceiling that shimmers as bright as daylight. She tugs me to the right down a narrow hall that twists snake-like until we stop at a dark wooden door.

  The room we enter has walls a golden shade of sunshine. There’s a dining table, bookcase, large-screened viewing box at the center of a grouping of chairs, and cookery with double burners and large sinks.

  Frost jerks me to another door, and once again, we’re traveling through a twisty hallway. She won’t talk or look at me—as if I’m not worth the effort of speech. In her cloud-white coverings, she reminds me of a half-melted ice statue. She’s not a scientist, so she must work for them, an assistant to the scientists—like Milly’s mother was when we—they—moved to the island.

  “The Uniforms are wrong about me,” I tell her in my sweetest tone, hoping she’ll realize I’m non-threatening and unshackle me. “I’d never hurt anyone, especially someone in my family. I’m not dangerous. Please let me go.”

  “Quiet.” Her clipped tone invites no questions. But if I waited for invites I’d never learn anything.

  “I’m friendly with Scientist Lila Farrow. If she knows I’m here she’ll want to see me.” But will she? I worry.

  “Her brother is eager to welcome you.” She chuckles, then shoves me forward. “We’re almost there.”

  Burnt hope is bitter to swallow. Frost jerks on the chain. I stumble, falling to my knees, which are bleeding through my pantons from my previous fall. They leave a stain on the white tiled floor as I struggle to my feet.

  “Clumsy,” Frost mutters angrily as she yanks my chain again. I want to hail her with insults, but I get a memory of Milly losing her temper and throwing a dish at her mother. Blood trickles from a cut on her mother’s arm and Milly sobs, “I’m sorry.” But her mother shouts and confines her to her room without dinner.