Isaac's Decision

by Ruth Ann Nordin

  “You misunderstand the nature of good and evil, for one. You suggest that the main character was justified in murdering people because he did it to get rid of God’s enemies.”

  “No, I didn’t write that. I wrote that he used a process of reasoning that led him to the conclusion that he was right in killing those people. It was his thought process that justified him to himself. I don’t believe morality is subjective like the character does.”

  “The way you worded it suggests otherwise.”

  “Then I fear you did a poor job of reading what I wrote,” Emily argued, an underlying tension in her tone.

  A look of indignation crossed Eva’s face for a second, and then she cleared her throat and squared her shoulders back. “Another reason why this is inappropriate is because of its violent content. Maybe if you were a man, a book featuring an antihero with a desire to murder others would be somewhat feasible, but the subject matter contained here—” she motioned to the papers—“is offensive to a lady’s sensibilities.”

  Emily’s skin bristled. “The matter of good and evil is just as relevant to a lady as it is to a man.”

  “You’re missing the point. The point is, books like Emma is perfect for—”

  “Emma was boring. It didn’t tackle anything as gripping as the struggle of good and evil. It was about a woman who tried to play matchmaker but paired up the wrong people. She was annoying because she imposed her will on other people, and the book didn’t challenge my thinking or make me question morality. That was the purpose of this assignment, was it not?”

  “Emma is a delightful story regarding the power of love finding a way to connect people regardless of obstacles that come their way. And if you read it long enough, you would understand that Emma truly desired to do good when she wanted to see Harriet with a man of notable social standing. An annoying character wouldn’t go through all the trouble that she did for Harriet. Now, I implore you to finish Emma and do your report on that.”

  “I don’t want to finish Emma. This is the report I’m turning in.” She pointed to the papers.

  “I will not have the school board thinking I teach my pupils to read books featuring excessive violence.”

  “I’m not the one who missed the point of the book. You are.” Leaning forward, Emily hissed, “That book makes people think about choices that are right and choices that are wrong. It looks into accountability and our responsibility to choose good even when we desire to do bad. If you see where the road took the main character, then you’ll understand why I wrote that just because we justify a choice to ourselves, it doesn’t mean it’s the right one. That is why morality can’t be subjective. We need an objective standard to go by. The character took something objective and twisted it so that right became wrong and wrong became right. Don’t you see how relevant this is to your pupils who are the future of this country? What if everyone ended up like him?”

  “I’m not arguing about the moral lesson you gained from this book. I’m saying that serial killing is too violent, especially for a young woman.” After a very tense moment, Eva handed the pages to Emily. “I refuse to turn this into the school board as an example of what you’re learning under my guidance.”

  Crossing her arms, Emily said, “And I refuse to do a report on Emma.”

  Eva set the papers on the desk and made eye contact with her. “If you intend to keep going to school, you’ll do what I say.”

  It took Emily a moment to realize what Eva was telling her. She narrowed her eyes at the teacher. “Very well, Eva. Have it your way.”

  Eva stood up, a look of indignation on her face. “When we are in the schoolhouse, you will address me as Miss Connealy. I would never refer to an instructor by the first name.”

  “Well, that’s the difference between us, Eva. I don’t get uptight when it comes to opening my mind to new ideas, like what a woman should and should not be allowed to read. You will keep your mind closed to new possibilities, and in so doing, you will live a pathetic and lonely existence as an old maid since no man wants to be with a woman who’s continually uptight.”

  Eva gasped. “I’d watch your words, Emily! It is not befitting for a proper lady to talk in such a way.”

  “I’ve got better things to do with my time than to spend it on etiquette, Eva. I want to enjoy my life, not waste it away with my nose stuck in a boring old book while I criticize those who don’t share my reading taste.”

  Eva’s lips formed a thin line, but Emily decided she’d had enough. She wouldn’t waste one more minute in this place or with Miss-Holier-Than-Thou Eva Connealy. Spinning on her heel, she ignored the stares of the students who had stopped their work to listen to her argument with Eva. She made her way over to Isaac who had the good sense to keep his gaze on the paper on his desk. The fact that he’d stopped writing was a dead giveaway that he’d been listening along with the others.

  “Take me home,” Emily demanded, her anger emboldening her so that she could confront him in front of everyone.

  Isaac’s head shot up, his eyes wide and his mouth open in shock.

  The silence hanging in the air was so profound that Emily swore time stood still. She maintained eye contact while she waited for him to respond. When his gaze flickered to Eva, she snapped, “Either you take me home or I’ll walk.”

  “Oh, Emily, be serious,” Eva called out. “You can’t walk all the way home in the cold weather.”

  Still looking at Isaac, she told Eva, “Don’t tell me what I can or can’t do. I’m not a child!” When Isaac returned his gaze to her, she softly asked him, “Will you take me home or not?”

  Isaac slowly stood up and went to the back of the room. Relieved because she really didn’t want to walk all the way home, she followed him. He handed her her coat so she slipped it on and bundled up for the cold while he put his coat and hat on. She told herself not to look back at Eva because that might give Eva a bit of power over her if she knew she bothered Emily as much as she did, but she couldn’t resist. She didn’t know whether she was relieved or dismayed that Eva had sat back down and was quietly working on whatever it was she worked on at that desk. Probably boring teacher work. That’s all Eva Connealy ever did: boring things. And then she’d pass judgments on people who didn’t share her boring interests. Maybe boring was the reason Isaac’s father liked her. Maybe he was just as boring as she was.

  Emily yanked on her gloves and threw the door open. Her body was so hot with simmering rage that she didn’t notice the bitter wind that pierced her face. She didn’t bother to see if Isaac followed her to the buckboard he’d brought out with those his father deemed worthy of taking to the schoolhouse. Gritting her teeth, she hopped into it, not caring if the wind blew her dress so her petticoats were exposed. She sat and waited, aware that Isaac’s footsteps were quickly approaching.

  “I would have helped you in,” he said as he rounded the side of the buckboard.

  “I see no reason to inconvenience you more than I already have,” she bitterly replied. Really, it took her getting into a showdown with the teacher to get him to talk to her? Suddenly, he wanted to be nice? The whole thing made her want to scream. “Just take me home.” Under her breath, she added, “If you think you can stand the thought of upsetting your father.”

  He stopped and turned to face her. “What was that?”

  “Nothing,” she snapped. “I just want to go home.”

  With a guarded look in her direction, he turned to the task of getting the two horses hitched up to the buckboard wagon. When he got in next to her, he released the brake and urged the horses forward.

  She stared off into the distance, not bothering to talk to him. For all she cared, he could have Eva. The two were so wrapped up into doing what they thought was right and proper, they honestly deserved one another. Eva had her reputation as a good teacher to maintain, and he had his need to please his father to the point where he ignored her for years. What a fool she’d been. Why did she want to be with someone like tha
t?

  She didn’t realize she was crying until he said, “Look, what happened back there isn’t worth crying about.”

  Wiping her tears from her cheeks, she snapped, “Don’t tell me what I have a right to cry about, Isaac.”

  He blinked. “I’m not saying that you don’t have a right to cry.”

  “No?”

  “No. I just meant…” He shrugged and focused on the land in front of them. “I don’t know. I reckon I don’t see the point to it, that’s all. So you and Miss Connealy—”

  “That’s Eva! Her name is Eva.”

  “Her name is also Miss Connealy, just like your name is Miss Craftsman.”

  “You never call me Miss Craftsman. Come to think of it, you never call me Emily either. In fact, before today, you had nothing to say to me at all, so what do you care? Just take me home and you’ll never have anything to do with me again.”

  He opened his mouth to speak in a way that told her he was ready to argue the point but then closed it. After a tense moment, he softly said, “You’re right. I’ve been rude to you.” He paused and then added, “I’m sorry.”

  Surprised, she gave him a good look and tried to determine the sincerity in his words. He seemed like he meant what he said. Testing the waters, she asked, “Why have you been ignoring me?”

  He took a deep breath but didn’t say anything. His gaze remained focused on the path ahead, and she gave up on finding out why. Why would he tell her? He wouldn’t tell Elmer, her father wouldn’t tell her, and for sure, his father wouldn’t tell her why he refused to let his son talk to her. Apparently, everyone else was allowed to know this great mystery but her, and this had everything to do with her.

  “Something happened between our parents a long time ago, and my pa hates your pa,” he replied, his voice low.

  Startled that he actually told her, she couldn’t speak for half a minute. The answer was one she didn’t expect, either. “I don’t understand. What could my pa have done that was so bad your pa would hate him?”

  “I don’t know the details. My ma told me that shortly before I was born, your pa kidnapped her.”

  Emily’s face flushed with rage. “He wouldn’t do that! He’s a good man.”

  “I’m telling you what my ma told me. If it makes you feel better, he realized that what he did was wrong and changed his mind. But ever since then, my pa hasn’t wanted anything to do with him. Why my pa has decided that includes me not talking to you, I don’t know.”

  She blinked back her tears. She wanted to deny her father was capable of kidnapping someone, but then she recalled what her real mother had blurted out in front of her when she was a little girl. Her real mother mentioned something about her father running off with another man’s wife. At the time, Emily couldn’t fully grasp the meaning. Now she could, and it had to do with Isaac’s mother. So this had to do with something that happened years ago, something she had no control over and something that had long since been buried in the past?

  “Emily?”

  “What?” she asked, not bothering to look at him.

  “I really am sorry.”

  “Is it just me you can’t talk to or is it everyone in my family?”

  “Just you.”

  Though he spoke the words softly, they hurt as if he’d yelled at her. If it was her father who upset his, then why did his father feel the need to punish her? What was it about her, specifically, that he didn’t like? “I didn’t do anything to your pa.”

  “I know. It doesn’t make sense to me either.”

  She sniffed back her tears. She’d spent too much time crying over this already. “Let’s just forget it. It’s all in the past. I’m not going back to school, so you don’t have to worry about how you’re going to avoid me anymore.”

  He winced. “Do you have to say it like that?”

  “Well, that’s how it was. I’d smile at you, but you always looked away as if I’d give you the plague. I understand now why you did it. You didn’t want to upset your pa. Fine. Don’t upset him. I don’t care.”

  The last sentence was a lie. Her problem was she did care. She cared too much. And she hated that. She didn’t want to care. She wanted to be able to walk away from Isaac when he took her home and not give him another thought. But she knew she’d still want him.

  “It’s not easy to go against something your father wants,” Isaac said. “If your father told you to avoid me, wouldn’t you?”

  “My father wouldn’t do something like that. He doesn’t hold grudges.”

  “But what if he did?”

  “He doesn’t.”

  With a frustrated sigh, he shook his head. “Pretend he did. Wouldn’t you want to obey him?”

  “It’s pointless to obey someone when what they are asking you to do makes no sense. Sooner or later, you have to think for yourself. Ten years from now, are you still going to be doing things just because your father told you to do them?”

  “Alright. Fine. We’ve established the fact that you wouldn’t do what your father wanted.”

  “And you’re going to keep on doing everything yours tells you to do,” she snapped, not caring for his curt tone.

  His jaw clenched but he held back whatever retort she knew had to be burning on the tip of his tongue. Well, that was fine with her. She didn’t care to hear what he had to say. Soon enough she’d be home.

  “It’s a good thing you don’t have to go by your pa’s place to take me home,” she remarked, clenching the seat of the buckboard in an effort to release some of her aggravation. First, Eva. Now, Isaac. Before the day was up, she might manage another fight with someone else since she seemed to be on a roll.

  He pulled back the reins at the edge of her property and set the brake.

  “What are you doing?” she demanded, glaring at him. “I won’t walk the rest of the way!”

  “I’m not telling you to,” he said as he turned to face her. “Look, I already apologized, and if memory serves, I did that twice. And I’m talking to you now.”

  “Because you’re forced to, Isaac. You weren’t going to take me home. I had to threaten to walk home, and your male pride refused to let me walk out of that schoolhouse alone. You were being watched and people would have spoken ill of you if you didn’t take me home.”

  “I’m going to hear it tonight from my pa because I’m taking you home. You think it’s been easy for me to hold my tongue all these years? You think it’s been easy for me when you were sitting close by but knowing I couldn’t talk to you or else my nosy brother will tell my pa? Then I’ll be given the whole spiel about how looks aren’t everything and that I need to understand it’s what’s on the inside that makes a woman beautiful instead of what’s on the surface.”

  She gasped. Since when was it a crime to be good looking? She had no control over her looks, and even if she had, she’d do her best to look better than Eva Connealy! “So your father hates me because I’m better looking than women like Eva?”

  “No. I think it’s because he knows I’m attracted to you.” His eyes grew wide and he quickly faced forward, as if realizing his mistake.

  Her voice softening, she asked, “You’re attracted to me?”

  He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead.

  “You can’t stop now, Isaac. You’ve already said too much.”

  Groaning, he opened his eyes and looked at her. “I’ve said too much? Earlier, I wasn’t saying enough.” With a sigh, he continued, “Not that it makes a difference, but yes, I’m attracted to you. It’s hard to be in the same room with you and not talk to you. Sometimes I’m sitting at my desk and you’re all I can think about. But what difference does it make? It doesn’t change anything.”

  “Doesn’t it?”

  “No, it doesn’t. Because no matter what I want, our parents won’t approve of the match. My pa doesn’t want me talking to you, and I’ve seen how tense your pa is whenever my family passes by yours when we’re in town. You can’t tell me your pa would be happy
if he knew I wanted to be with you.”

  Recalling her father’s words on Saturday, she grudgingly admitted, “No, he wouldn’t. He says when it comes to your family, the best thing to do is for us to keep our distance. He didn’t say anything about abducting your mother, but he did say what happened in the past is something he doesn’t want to think about. His exact words were that when it comes to Dave Larson, he learned to let sleeping dogs lie.”

  “So there you have it.” Isaac shrugged and stared at the reins in his hands. “We’ll just let sleeping dogs lie.”

  “You mean, that’s it?” Her heart beat frantically in her chest. Now that she knew how he felt, she couldn’t turn away from what might be their future. “You’re going to drop me off at my house and go on with your life as if I was never in it?”