Forever Now (The Barrington Billionaires Book 6)

by Ruth Cardello

  His expression darkened. And he rubbed his hands roughly over his face. “I’m sorry I let so much time go by without calling or texting.”

  Without admitting it had been deliberate, she said, “I’m sorry I didn’t make an effort to see you when you came home.”

  “I thought about you often, Annie.”

  Oh, God. This is hard. “I thought about you too.”

  He sighed. “The Barringtons asked to see me tomorrow.”

  Annie noted he still used their last name as if trying to maintain a distance from them. “I’m sure they want to see you as much of you as possible while they’re here.”

  “I said no.”

  “Oh.”

  “I said I had commitments. I don’t. I cleared my schedule for the week in case my parents needed me.”

  Annie held his gaze.

  He frowned. “You think I should go.”

  She lifted and dropped one shoulder.

  “I’ve always known what to do, Annie. Always. Things were clear. Right or wrong. I could trust my gut to tell me the best path. I’m stumbling blind right now. What am I supposed to feel? Because all I am is angry. I don’t want this. God, I sound like a child. It doesn’t really matter what I want or don’t want. The life I thought I had is gone.”

  “Of course you’re angry.” She felt his pain as if it were her own. She took one of his hands between her and held it on her knee. “You had your feet knocked out from under you. I know you, though. You’ll find your footing, and this will all work out.”

  “I hope you’re right.” He made a disgusted sound. “Did you see my biological father’s reaction to me? He couldn’t get away from me fast enough. Why bother to meet me at all?”

  Running a hand up his arm, Annie felt his tension. “I don’t think it’s you Dale was running from.”

  Kade’s shook his head, but something in his eyes told her he needed to hear what she’d learned. Annie plowed forward, hoping she was right. “Your sisters-in-law were pretty upfront about the family dynamics and how your disappearance affected your family. Dale lost a son then almost lost his wife to a breakdown. He didn’t believe Sophie when she said she’d held you. The doctors told him she’d imagined you alive, so imagine his guilt as he watched her fall apart for years because she had a memory everyone told her was false. He blames himself for how long it took to find you. He’s torturing himself with the possibility that had he believed her, it might have not only saved her that pain, but might even have led to finding you. That’s a heavy guilt to carry. No wonder he can barely look at you.”

  “Then not seeing him tomorrow is an act of kindness.”

  I don’t agree, but who am I to tell him what to do in a situation so far beyond what I’ve ever experienced? Really, isn’t the best decision whatever he feels comfortable with?

  Kade laced his fingers through hers, and his gaze remained on their hands as he spoke. “You don’t agree.”

  “What I think doesn’t matter.” She turned her attention to something outside the window of the car.

  He cupped her chin and turned her face so she was forced to meet his eyes. “It matters more than you know.”

  Don’t. Defiantly, her heart began to beat crazily. Her breath caught in her throat as she basked in the full attention of the only man who had ever been able to set her on fire with just a look. His eyes burned with an answering hunger—or was it her imagination? How many more times did he need to leave her before she conceded he’d never feel for her the way she felt for him?

  She pulled her face free and shifted farther back from him. “Then I think you need to spend time with your family tomorrow. I know today was hard for you, and maybe they didn’t all say or do everything right, but they’ve been suffering a long time. They didn’t abandon you—you were stolen from them. They deserve a second chance—a third if they require it. You’ve always been a good son, a good friend. The Barringtons need that from you right now.”

  “I don’t know that I can be that for them.” He sat back in the driver’s seat, expelled a harsh breath, and stared at the roof of the Ranger. “I was in a good place. I knew who I was and what was important. I don’t want to be rescued from my life here. There is no Kent. They want to spend time with someone who doesn’t exist.”

  His reluctance to see them again made sense to her. She could have wept then, her sympathy for all involved was that intense. She didn’t, though. He needed more from her. “That’s not true. They want to spend time with you. You are Kade Thompson. Nothing will change that. But you’re also Kent Barrington. You’re the little baby they mourned. You’re their second chance. No, you didn’t choose this, but life doesn’t always unfold the way we want it to. Don’t be such a pussy. Pick yourself up and make the best of it.”

  His eyebrows rose and fell and he laughed. “There’s the Annie I love. You say it as it is.”

  Not always. “I try.” She rolled her hand through the air as if taking a bow. Their eyes met and Annie’s heart began to beat double time again. She scrambled to lighten the mood. “There must have been something you liked about today.”

  He nodded slowly. “Sophie is a sweet woman. Kenzi and Dax are people I can imagine in my life. Lance and Willa were cool. We kicked Asher’s and Ian’s asses on the volleyball court, and that felt pretty good.” He bent closer to her. “By far, though, having you there with me was the best part of the day.”

  Annie’s face flamed and she feared everything she felt was on display for him. She couldn’t stop her eyes from half closing in anticipation of a kiss. Her body was humming for his. She could slip out of the car and end this now, but she didn’t have the strength to. His gratitude was—confusing.

  He leaned in closer and closer until his lips hovered just above hers. The desire in his eyes was unmistakable and one word ricocheted through Annie. Yes. Yes. Hell, yes.

  “You’re important to me, Annie.”

  Breathe. Now is not the time to pass out. “You’re important to me too, Kade.”

  “I don’t want to fuck our friendship up.”

  “I don’t want to either.”

  “I should leave now.”

  “Yes,” she said in a husky voice.

  “I don’t want to leave.” He ran a hand through her hair.

  She shivered with pleasure. She closed her eyes and admitted, “Then stay.”

  His hand tightened in her hair, but the kiss she expected didn’t come. She slowly opened her eyes. He wanted her, but there was something else in his expression. “I can’t. Annie, I don’t know how I feel about anything right now and . . . I don’t want to hurt you.”

  Disappointment and embarrassment flipped the desire she’d felt to anger. She whipped the door open and sprinted up the steps, down the hallway to her door. Only when she reached it did she realize she’d left her handbag in his car. She slapped her hands on the door and cursed. Rather than a strong, independent woman, she felt like a pathetic fool. Only Kade had ever been able to reduce her to this.

  He was behind her an instant later. “I’m sorry, Annie.” He slammed his hand on the door beside hers. “Fuck. You were so good to me today, and I repay you by being a complete dick.”

  Without turning from the door, Annie said, “Please give me my handbag and go home. I’m fine.”

  “No, you’re not. I know you, Annie. I’m not leaving until I know you’re okay.”

  Composing herself, she turned and realized her mistake when the move brought her face to face with him, as close as they’d been in the car. The concern in his eyes made her want to hug him, but also kick him. Be an ass, so I can finally get you out of my heart. “Go home, Kade. Today was a long day for both of us.” She held out her hand for her purse.

  He handed it to her. She dug for her keys then struggled to unlock her door with a hand that was shaking from emotion. He closed his hand over hers, and she froze. When he spoke, it was from right behind her ear. “Annie, I didn’t mean to upset you. I wasn’t thinking. Today at
the lodge, I saw you in a different light, and it confused me. I want to be with you, Annie. Tonight—all night—tomorrow. I don’t want to lose you again. I’m trying to be honest. My head is all messed up right now. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.” The heat from his body warmed hers. She closed her eyes and strove for control. His voice tightened with emotion. “I’ll leave, but tell me you’re okay. Say you don’t hate me.”

  “I could never hate you,” Annie said in a strangled voice. She sought the words to tell him how she felt, but when none came to her, she turned and kissed him. She kissed him with all the passion and love she’d fought to deny over the years. She kissed him deeply, wantonly, with every inch of her and every formerly safeguarded corner of her soul.

  Kade pulled her full against him and kissed her back hungrily. Any doubt she’d had faded away in the face of their passion. Her body came alive for him in a way it hadn’t for those before him. No man had ever lived up to him simply because they hadn’t been him.

  A little voice tried to warn her to hold back, to protect herself, but she ignored it. He couldn’t have been clearer about how he felt. Her body didn’t care. This was Kade.

  She’d explain it to her heart later.

  The door opened and slammed shut behind her and they stumbled into her apartment, continuing to kiss as they made their way across the living room. He whipped her shirt up and over her head, tossing it to the floor. She pulled his shirt free of his jeans and tried to do the same. He finished the job for her.

  Her bra—she wasn’t sure who removed it. Clothing flew from both of them in frenzied abandon until they were blissfully naked skin to naked skin. Kade was strong, hard, and as rough as the high country he loved.

  His mouth was hot and confident as it explored her. His hands were bold and commanding. He lifted her and laid her across her bed, looking at her the way she’d always dreamed he would. Spread out before him, she might have felt vulnerable with another man but she trusted Kade. There was no embarrassment, no worry that he wouldn’t take care of her. Primal lust, as simple and as beautiful as time, held her spellbound.

  As he kissed her breasts, adoring each with torturous skill, he ran a hand up her bare leg to settle possessively on her sex. She moaned, wanting . . . needing more from him. She reached for his cock, encircling it with her hand while he slid a finger between her folds.

  He was hard. He was huge.

  His fingers were magic.

  She bit her bottom lip as she moved her hand up and down his shaft, imagining him already inside her. The thrust of two of his fingers inside her had her gasping and begging for him not to stop. In and out he pumped his fingers, driving her wilder and wilder for him.

  “You’re so perfect,” he whispered.

  She shuddered with pleasure. He pulled away for a moment then returned, spreading her legs wide and kissing his way up her thighs to her sex.

  If his fingers had been magic, his tongue was pure sin. Front to back and everywhere between, he claimed her as his. She grasped at his shoulders, so close—so ready to explode.

  “So fucking perfect.” He raised his head, adjusted their position, and entered her with one powerful, balls-deep thrust that took her over the edge. She cried out his name, wrapped her legs around his waist, and opened herself wider for him even as an orgasm rocked through her.

  Any trace of gentleness left him. He pounded into her, and she rose to meet each thrust with equal ferocity. It was a primal mating that consumed both of them until she felt her second climax coming and cried for him to join her.

  They collapsed into each other’s arms. She closed her eyes, hoping he’d do the same, as she tried to gather her thoughts. She and Kade had just fucked. She was old enough to know that sex came in many flavors. Sometimes it was an expression of love. It could be a comfort or connection. This was a release.

  “Annie”—Kade ran a hand gently through her hair—“I know you’re not sleeping.”

  She opened her eyes and searched his expression for a hint of what he was thinking. Where would they go from here? He cared about her—that was never in question. How would sex change their relationship? That was the big unknown.

  “What are you thinking?” He traced her jaw with the back of his knuckles. “I wish you were the type to blurt things out. I need to know if I should start off with an apology or a victory dance.”

  “Victory dance? Really?” The corner of her mouth curled with amusement at that.

  He bent and kissed her lips lightly while saying, “Only if you agree that was fucking fantastic.”

  She smiled into the kisses. “It was okay.”

  His head snapped back and his eyes widened. “Just okay?” He grinned and rolled so she was pinned beneath him. “Annie Martin, you take that back right now.”

  She laughed. He sounded exactly as he had back in high school when something she’d joked about hit too close to home. “I had no idea you were so sensitive.”

  She thought he’d laugh along, but his expression turned serious. “Only when it matters, Annie. And you have always mattered.”

  “I know.” Positioned as they were, she wasn’t able to withdraw or look away.

  “I should have left when you told me to. I couldn’t. And then you kissed me.” He rolled back onto his side, holding her to him as he did. “I’ll fix this.”

  “What do you mean . . . fix it?”

  “I’ll be by your side.”

  She was momentarily lost. “You mean, like if we just made a baby?”

  He went a little pale. “Holy shit, I didn’t think of that.”

  She pushed back a little and sat up. “I’m on birth control and you used a condom. We’re fine, Kade.”

  “Good, but that wasn’t what I meant.” He sat up beside her, in all his naked glory, talking to her as if they were like this all the time together. “Where do you want to take this, Annie?”

  To the altar? No way am I saying that. “I don’t understand, Kade.”

  He ran a hand through his disheveled hair. The move made the powerful muscles of his chest ripple. “How do you feel about me? I mean—Christ, this is hard. I want to make sure you’re okay.”

  Annie gripped the sheet to the front of her. She hadn’t felt exposed a moment ago, but she did now. “I’m good.”

  His gaze slid over her slowly, warming her as it did. Her nipples puckered. Her sex clenched in wet anticipation. His cock surged to full attention. “I have no business being here. I want to fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up to you, but—”

  “But?” Annie crossed her arms over her breasts.

  “God, I’m a selfish prick. I just want—”

  “What?” Do I want to know? I probably don’t. No, I need to know. “What do you want?”

  “Beyond the obvious?” He turned, swung his feet to the floor, and stood. His cock waved high and proud as he paced beside the bed. It would have been a comical sight if Annie wasn’t finding it difficult to concentrate as desire began to flame within her again. “I’ve never slept with anyone I cared so much about. God, that sounds bad.” He swore again, paced more, then stopped and frowned at her. “Maybe we should start dating and see where this goes.”

  “Maybe? Or maybe take a deep breath and slow down.” After all he’s been through today, he is vulnerable and confused. He never wanted to date me before, why would he now? How will he feel tomorrow or next week? I can’t be hurt again.

  “If that’s what you want.” He sat on the edge of the bed, facing her with real torment in his eyes. “I need to know this won’t change things between us. I don’t want to lose you again.”

  Annie blinked back tears and forced a smile. “You won’t.” She could have declared her love for him then, but Kade wasn’t himself. He’d admitted he didn’t know how he felt. When he surfaced from this, most likely they would be right back where they’d been—friends. Telling him how she felt about him, how she’d always felt about him, wouldn’t have been fair to either of them�
�not yet. She bit her bottom lip, sucked in a breath, then said, “And stop worrying about me.” She took a deep breath and lied. “Sometimes a girl just needs to get laid.”

  He frowned and looked as if he had a rebuttal to that, but her phone buzzed from her handbag across the room. Kade retrieved it for her, handing it to her with a strange look on his face.

  She checked the caller ID. “It’s Harrison. I’ll call him tomorrow.” She tossed her phone on the bed beside her.

  Kade crawled onto the bed with a new expression in his eyes. He cupped her chin and ran a thumb over her lips. “Annie, will you have breakfast with me tomorrow morning?”

  Desire rocked through her. “Yes.”

  “And lunch?” He wiggled his eyebrows.

  Despite how tempting that was, Annie said, “I have a client I’m supposed to fly to Melbourne tomorrow.”

  “Dinner then.”

  “Okay.”

  He pulled her ever so slowly back into his arms then whipped the sheet from between them. His remorse had been replaced by rock-hard hunger.

  Maybe he didn’t love her, but he wanted her. She’d spent half her life wishing she could be with Kade. No matter where it led, he was there now, kissing her neck, caressing every inch of her as if she were precious to him. She arched against him, hungrily running her hands over his strong back. If tomorrow took him away from her again, she refused to regret choosing to be with him. She took his mouth with hers, kissed him deeply, and savored every second of it.

  After a restless and brief sleep, Kade woke with Annie’s arm flung over his chest and her leg intertwined with his. Her hair was a wild mess—and she had never looked more beautiful to him. He considered waking her, but she was sleeping so peacefully he couldn’t bring himself to.

  Their conversation the night before came back to him and he cringed. He could hear himself telling her he needed her and remembered too clearly the expression he’d put in her eyes. He’d used her. His love for her as a friend should have stopped him at her door. Although he’d been honest with her, it didn’t make what he’d done more palatable.

  Annie wasn’t a one-night stand woman. She wasn’t even the friends-with-benefits type. She deserved to be with someone looking for a relationship.