The Love Solution

by Ashley Croft

  Molly wasn’t satisfied with that explanation. ‘She doesn’t think she’s ex anymore. And you’re right, you should have been more honest.’

  ‘I know but in every way that really matters she was – is – my ex. She moved out, she had an affair and I feel very sorry that things didn’t work out for her and sorry for today. And I’m sorry for the way I freaked out over the Love Bug. I may have over-reacted.’ He tried to take Molly’s hand but she wasn’t ready yet.

  ‘When Anna turned up on my doorstep, I couldn’t just throw her out but there’s been nothing going on – like that – between us. Do you know how hard it has been to tell the woman I loved and who I still care for to leave my house forever? To walk away when she tried to get into my bed? I care about her.’

  Molly stood firm. ‘I understand that but, Ewan, you need to be sure that you’re over her. When you’ve sorted out how you feel, when I’ve sorted out how I feel … then maybe we could start again?’

  His expression was agonised. She wondered if he was going to storm off out of the flat but then he declared, ‘If that’s what you want but I promise you I’ve never been surer of how I feel in my life.’

  ‘And what is that, Ewan? I’m still in the dark.’

  ‘I want you. I want us to be together. I don’t want to go to Switzerland and I want to stop living a lie. I want us to be together and for everyone at the lab to know.’

  ‘After what I’ve done?’

  ‘That has nothing to do with the way I feel about you. With the fact that I love you. We’ve both done things we’re not proud of. We’ve both hidden things from each other and kept secrets for the sake of people we love. Your reason for giving Niall the Love Bug was more excusable than mine for not telling the truth about Anna. It was cowardly. I’m grumpy and find it hard to show my feelings but please believe how much I want to be with you. Can you give me another chance?’

  Molly hugged herself, still not ready to step into Ewan’s arms. If she did, that would be it. She’d be on the path to forgiving him and … Would that be so bad?

  ‘I’m not perfect, either …’ he began.

  Ewan smiled but made no attempt to touch her again.

  ‘You know the worst of me too,’ she said. ‘That I’m sarcastic and outspoken and that my revenge will be terrible if you hurt me again.’

  He smiled. ‘I’m quaking.’

  She stepped nearer, within touching distance. Ewan held out his hand. Molly took it and interlaced her fingers with his. She put her arms around him and looked up into his face. ‘Two wrong people don’t make a right one,’ she said.

  Ewan ran his finger down the side of her cheek and the ice chip in Molly’s heart finally thought about melting. ‘No, but we could have a bloody good time testing that theory.’

  CHAPTER FORTY

  Sarah glanced nervously around Liam’s office. She still wasn’t sure she’d done the right thing in coming to see him. Was she adding fuel to the fire?

  ‘Thanks for seeing me,’ she said, as he gestured to the chair opposite his.

  He smiled. ‘I never mind seeing you. Why don’t you sit down?’

  Sarah didn’t plan on staying but the baby was growing so much heavier and she’d rushed over to Liam’s office in between workshops. She eased herself down into the seat and Liam sat behind his desk. Despite him saying he was pleased to see her, his expression was a little wary.

  Sarah launched right in. Liam deserved straight talking. ‘I’m sorry Niall stormed over here and kicked off. I’m afraid I’d just had to tell him some bad news.’

  ‘Yeah, he made that clear. I’m sorry – genuinely – that things haven’t worked out between you two.’

  ‘They were never going to after he left the first time. I did try to stop him from muscling in on you at work. I told him there was nothing between us. That we’re just friends.’

  Liam frowned. ‘Of course we are. We’ve nothing to feel guilty about.’

  ‘Um. You might not have,’ she murmured.

  ‘What?’ Liam said, looking hard at her.

  Sarah regretted her comment, ‘Nothing. I felt I had to come to apologise for him. I was so worried he might start a fight with you or you’d have to call the police.’

  ‘Don’t worry; I could see he was upset. He simmered down eventually but I was more concerned about you. I wasn’t sure what had happened between the two of you at home. I almost phoned you but didn’t want to make things worse.’

  ‘Thanks, but I’m fine. Niall was very upset and confused but he’s calmer now. He’ll get over it.’ Sarah toyed with a pen on the desk.

  The shrill ring of the phone in the outer office and the laughter of other staff drifted into the room. Sarah twirled the pen between her fingers. He reached across the desk to her and his olive-skinned fingers were inches from hers. She knew that his touch would be warm and firm and that it would feel amazing.

  ‘Sarah?’ he said softly. ‘You must do what you have to to be happy and make a new start for you and your baby. You must know how much I care about you – more than care – but my feelings don’t come into it. I won’t pressure you in any way.’

  She found the courage to look at him, knowing how dangerous that was. Even looking at his serious, handsome face was lethal, listening to him speak in his calm voice, knowing he might smile at any moment.

  ‘I really care about you, Liam, but the past few months have felt like a bomb has exploded in the middle of my life. I still haven’t picked up all the pieces, let alone put them back together. What I need most right now is time. Lots and lots of time, with no deadline at the end of it.’

  ‘I think I know – I should know how you feel. I’ve needed a lot of time in the past, way too much, but after that long, after waiting to find someone I want to be with – well, I can wait a while longer. As long as it takes.’ He smiled. ‘In fact, I won’t even tell you I am going to wait. Think of me having a whale of a time, dating loads of women, clubbing in Cindies, getting drunk and thrown out of Vodka Revs.’

  Sarah couldn’t help but laugh. ‘I haven’t been chucked out of Vodka Revs for at least ten years.’

  ‘They wouldn’t even let you in at the moment.’

  She patted her bump, definitely the perfect size for balancing a plate now. Her heart hurt. It was a good sign, wasn’t it, that she felt real fear that she might lose Liam, a sharp pang almost of disappointment at him letting her go?

  ‘Liam, I need to say something before I leave. It’s probably a bad idea to tell you this and after I’ve said it, I want you to promise that you’ll still let me walk away from this office and give me the space and time I need.’

  Liam’s eyes widened and then he said gently, ‘No businessman or woman should agree to the terms of a deal they haven’t even heard yet.’

  ‘But those are my terms. I drive a hard bargain too.’

  He drummed his fingers on the desk. ‘For you, I promise.’

  ‘It’s this. I could so easily fall in love with you, be loved by you – come to rely on you – and that’s exactly why I’m going to try very hard not to do any of those things. Not for a while anyway. Not until I’m one hundred per cent sure that it’s you I want and that it – us – will be the right thing for my baby too.’

  Sarah was amazed at how firm her voice was when every other part of her was shaking like a leaf.

  Liam was lost for words for a few seconds and she liked him all the more for that.

  ‘Wow,’ he managed eventually. ‘I’m not sure I feel better for hearing that or not. I – I guess I’m overwhelmed. But in a good way,’ he added hastily. ‘And I already love you as a friend and in every other way but I swear I’ll wait until you’re ready. If you’re ready and until then, be happy to fix any damage to the house caused by you throwing items of crockery at whoever you decide deserves it.’

  Sarah closed her eyes at the memory of her first meeting with him, but her heart was full of hope too. More hope than she’d felt since New Year’s Eve
. ‘You’ll never let me forget that, will you?’

  ‘Nope.’

  She eased herself out of the chair. She had to get out of the office before she changed her mind and ran to him right now. ‘Thanks for not pressing charges against Niall and for not putting me under any pressure.’

  He gave a crooked smile. ‘It’s a pleasure. Now, will you consider doing one thing for me?’

  ‘That depends what it is.’

  ‘Come to the wedding?’

  Sarah hesitated. She wanted to go, very much. ‘I don’t know … it’s a family occasion and it might seem strange if I turned up. I’d love to see Hayley get married though. Can I have time to think about it?’

  ‘Like I said, you can have all the time you need.’

  ‘I will let you know. You’ll need to let the caterers have the numbers.’

  ‘Don’t worry about that yet,’ Liam said. ‘I just wanted you to know that what you did for me – and Hayley – and I don’t just mean the tiara; it meant a lot to me and Hayley. In fact, she’s asked me to give you this card. I held back under the circumstances but it arrived with the last lot of post from her base.’

  Sarah took the small envelope from him and opened the card inside. It was a thank you card with a teddy holding a flower. The message made her eyes fill with tears.

  Thank you so much for helping Dad make my tiara. I absolutely adore it and I know how big a part you played in its creation. It would mean a lot to me if you came to the wedding, and you could see it in action!’

  Hayley x

  ‘Oh, Liam. That’s beautiful. Thank Hayley for sending me such a lovely message. I – I – I’ll be in touch.’

  With tears in her eyes, Sarah said a hasty goodbye and walked out of the office. It had been on the tip of her tongue to rush to Liam and kiss him but she didn’t dare. She owed it to him and herself to be absolutely sure of her feelings before she threw herself into another relationship and for once she was going to let her head rule her heart.

  CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

  Molly locked up her bike in the rack outside her flat and trudged up the stairs. She was starving. Unable to face her spin class, she’d been for a swim in Jesus Green outdoor pool. The unheated water was a refreshing wake-up after the hot and dusty cycle ride from the lab to the pool. In the four weeks since Anna had turned up at the lab, summer had arrived with a vengeance. Molly thought of Sarah waddling around in the heat with the Bump. She’d be able to take her sister and niece swimming this time next year, though not to the unheated pool …

  She pushed open the door and saw the letter on the doormat. It was in a recycled envelope, not a padded one this time, but definitely a reused one. She opened it and pulled out a sheet of printer paper that was carefully folded into three, with sharp creases.

  Department of Behavioural Ecology

  Fenland University

  Research Proposal

  Objectives To determine the best way of persuading human female subject to move in with you.

  Design Longitudinal cohort study.

  Setting House currently containing one lone male, some very dubious boxer shorts and a tandem with a wonky wheel.

  Subjects Female – fit (extremely) and healthy, highly intelligent, talented and funny. Slightly barking mad at times but with a great arse. And breasts. And legs. And mouth. And earlobes. In fact, great everything. Observed almost daily over two years, ten months.

  Main outcome measures Convince female subject to move into home with view to long-term commitment.

  Results To be advised but hopeful despite past experience.

  Conclusions A big smile on my face every morning and an even bigger one on hers. A better class of pants drying on my radiators.

  She smiled. A tear plopped onto the paper, smudging the printer ink. The doorbell buzzed and Molly hastily wiped her tears away. She dropped the letter on the coffee table and pressed the buzzer to let her visitor into the building.

  She opened the front door and found Ewan standing there next to a large and overstuffed rucksack. He looked tanned but tired and Molly tried not to fancy him so much that it hurt.

  ‘You’re supposed to be in America at a conference,’ she said.

  ‘I was. I came straight here from the airport.’

  ‘Have you been watching me?’

  He shrugged. ‘Might have.’

  ‘That’s stalking.’

  ‘Sorry.’

  ‘No, you’re not,’ she said.

  ‘No, I’m not. Can I come in?’

  ‘I suppose so.’ She opened the door.

  He saw the envelope on the coffee table. ‘You’ve read the abstract, then?

  She shook her head. ‘You total nutter.’

  He smiled proudly. ‘I know.’

  ‘And FYI, your pants aren’t that bad … but you really wouldn’t like to have mine drying on your radiators.’

  ‘It’s a compromise I’m willing to make.’

  Molly folded up the abstract carefully along its creases as Ewan watched anxiously.

  ‘So what’s your conclusion, Dr Havers?’

  She popped the paper in the envelope. ‘Your premise is good in theory, but I’m afraid that in practice it’s not going to work.’

  He gave her an intense look. ‘Are you sure? I thought it was worth investigating myself but if you think that the time and effort involved wouldn’t justify the outcomes …’

  ‘Oh, I do. I do …’ Molly couldn’t keep up the pretence any longer. ‘Ewan, I’ve just been offered the possibility of a new job.’

  Ewan looked poleaxed. ‘You don’t have to leave the lab because of our relationship,’ he said. ‘I was an arse over the Love Bug and over Anna. I’m sorry.’

  ‘You were an arse but I brought it on myself and I’m not leaving because of our relationship. I’m not even going because I almost did something so stupid, I can’t think of it without cringing. I’m doing it because I’ve had a fantastic time here, I’ve learned a lot from you and it’s time I moved on, started my own team.’

  ‘I see,’ he said quietly. ‘You deserve it.’

  ‘It’s one of the London universities. They’ve only sounded me out so far but the head of the lab says she’s very keen and the job is mine if I want it. I’ll have my own small team and a research grant. Not huge but enough to get me started. I’ve so many things I want to look at, so many ideas …’

  ‘That’s great. I’m really pleased for you. I suppose there’s no point me saying that I was going to encourage you to apply for a fellowship here …’

  ‘Were you?’

  ‘Yes, but this sounds even better and I don’t want to hold you back.’

  ‘Thanks. My new employer may take up references,’ she said.

  ‘You know me. I’ll be brutally honest,’ he said sternly.

  ‘Oh God, I hope not!’

  ‘Maybe I can leave some things out.’

  Ewan looked at her in a way that made her want to melt. With pride, with tenderness, with raw lust. He pulled her towards him and she didn’t resist. ‘London isn’t that far. It’s not the other side of the planet.’

  He held her lightly as if he was afraid she would push him away if he put too much pressure on her.

  ‘So you’re not going to Bern?’ she said.

  ‘I decided my work here is too important and I don’t like chocolate or cuckoo clocks – but it’s too late, isn’t it? If you’re going to London …’

  ‘London isn’t Switzerland.’

  ‘No, it isn’t. We could move somewhere in between. Lots of people commute.’

  ‘They do,’ said Molly, hardly able to speak, not making any sense.

  ‘If you decide to move in. I know it’s a big step but it would save rent. My place is closer to the station. There are a lot of practical reasons in favour of it. In fact, on balance, the move would be mutually beneficial for both of us. Even though you’re moving to another lab, we’ll still be working on papers together about the Love Bug and we�
�re not far off a patent for it.’

  ‘Don’t call it the Love Bug, Professor Baxter.’

  Ewan pulled her close. ‘Oh, shut up, Dr Havers. Don’t try to put me off. I want you to move in, most of all because it would be beneficial to me because I love you. I’m over Anna. I have been for a long time, longer than I wanted to admit. Because if I’d admitted it, I would have had no reason to be a coward and not tell you how I feel; how much I feel, which is scary.’

  Molly felt she had to keep things light. If she really thought about what he was saying, she might burst into tears. ‘I thought love was just a state of mutual co-dependency,’ she said.

  Ewan smiled. ‘It is. Of course it is but it’s also a zillion other things. Something we can’t define, something different and unique to each of us. It may change. I can’t guarantee it will last forever but I want it to.’

  ‘What if we’re deluding ourselves?’

  ‘If I’m deluding myself, then so what? Fuck it, I like being deluded and not able to explain it.’

  She’d never heard him sound so passionate about anything. Now she saw why and how he’d been hit so hard by Anna leaving him, why he’d lost it at work and since then; pulled down the shutters and kept his emotions locked away so tightly.

  ‘As your boss I say congratulations on your job. I’m sorry to lose a brilliant colleague and you deserve every success. As the bloke who loves you, I say: please move in with me.’

  Whoa. Molly’s throat dried. She cleared it before saying, ‘It’s something I need to think about …’

  ‘Why? Why not just do it?’

  She laughed. ‘Just do it? Says Mr “test everything to destruction and then think about it” Baxter.’

  ‘I’ve changed. Or rather I’ve realised that when you know you really really want something, there is absolutely no point in waiting and you should grab the opportunity by the balls.’

  ‘Er. In case you haven’t noticed, Mr world expert in primate sexuality, I don’t have balls.’

  ‘Really?’ He sighed. ‘If you’re still not sure about moving in with me, I can recommend a way we can find a solution that’s based on scientific research.’