How Sexual Desire Works- The Enigmatic Urge

by Frederick Toates

  In theorizing about atypical sexuality, a working hypothesis is termed the ‘sexual preference hypothesis’ (Barbaree, 1990, p. 116): ‘If a man is maximally aroused by a deviant stimulus or act, his eventual satisfaction or reward will be greater than that resulting from less strong responses to normalized or socially acceptable stimuli or acts.’ In the laboratory and clinic, arousal to a deviant image is measured by the reaction of the genitals. If the person is speaking the truth, he or she will admit to being aroused by the deviant stimulus or act. The logic underlying treatment would normally be to attempt to shift the deviant desire and arousal to a more acceptable target or act.

  In some cases, fear is necessary to achieve sexual arousal. For many voyeurs and exhibitionists, such fear is that associated with potential capture (Barlow, 1986). Similarly, consider a transvestite, John, who assumed the role of Jenny (Gosselin and Wilson, 1980, p. 62):

  we asked him if he would feel happier if people were allowed to dress as they wished, without let or hindrance. From John’s rather reserved attitude suddenly sprang something of Jenny’s greater mischievousness. ‘Heavens, no,’ he smiled. ‘Merely to be allowed to wear women’s clothes in public is nothing. It is the challenge of being so like a woman that no one knows I’m a man that turns me on. The combination of doing something that you want to, that everyone says is impossible and is forbidden anyway produces in me an arousal which, because it is in a sexual context, becomes sexual arousal.’

  Unusual sexual preference might arise from the same set of component processes that is responsible for acquiring normal sexual preferences (Laws and Marshall, 1990). The underlying processes might start out being much the same but the social environment in which they develop can be very different, for example abusive as opposed to supportive. That is to say, the external inputs to these processes can be very different. So, to understand some differences in desire, we might not need to propose any factor beyond those involved in normal sexual desire. This chapter will show how general processes of desire, learning, arousal and so on can help our understanding. As a bonus in this investigation, by studying how things can take an atypical trajectory, we might better understand how normal sexuality arises.

  For an analogy, albeit an imperfect one, consider learning a language. Children exposed to Japanese learn this language, while American children normally learn English, Spanish or both. In each case, the brain is assumed to start out much the same but then it gets channelled in a particular direction such that later learning of another language without an accent can be difficult, if not impossible. The linguistic environment writes the script onto the developing brain. This can be contrasted with a situation of genetic abnormality or traumatic brain damage such as to disrupt language acquisition. Here an unusual form of speech might arise as a result of disruption to brain processes. By analogy, different social environments write the sexual script on the developing brain. Genetic differences or traumatic brain damage could modify or even seriously disrupt sexual development.

  So, the discussion now turns to consider how a difference in the underlying processes and inputs to them could contribute to differences in sexual desire and behaviour. Some processes are within the system of sexuality itself whereas others are in those systems with which it interacts: executive control, attachment, anger/aggression and fear. The notion of levels of control will be shown to be fundamental to understanding different types of fringe sexuality.

  Attachment

  Specifically humans

  Atypical sexuality appears to arise sometimes from sub-optimal attachment formation (Ressler et al., 1992; Smallbone and Dadds, 1998), most obviously where the trajectory leads to socially damaging activities. The assumption is commonly made that the early attachment failures cause adult effects. However, this notion has not gone unchallenged (Hare, 1993). In the case of serious adult psychopathic behaviour, Hare speculates that an early failure to bond might be a symptom not a cause of the underlying abnormality.

  Of course, not everyone with a bad attachment history develops an antisocial sexual desire, otherwise the jails would be overflowing. So, poor attachment appears to be only one possible factor (Rich, 2006). Reciprocally, there might be those with an antisocial aberration who did not have a disturbed early history. However, FBI profilers of serial sex-related killers (Douglas and Olshaker, 2006) and experts on juvenile sexual offenders (Rich, 2006, p. 106) suggest the universality of a disturbed childhood. A healthy attachment history is necessary for full and healthy brain development, while abuse of a young child can impair optimal brain development (Schore, 2003).

  Smallbone and Dadds theorize that for sexually mature adults with a secure attachment history (1998, p. 557): ‘sexual behaviour may tend to be activated within a context that includes perceptions of security, reliability, and mutuality’. This would reflect early experience of such things as recognition and synchronicity of emotion (‘mirroring’) between mother and infant, for example, in exchanging smiles (Rich, 2006). By contrast, for sexually mature adults with an early developmental history of being insecurely attached (Smallbone and Dadds, 1998, p. 557): ‘sexual behaviour may be activated with less regard to commitment or mutuality and may indeed be activated in response to negative cognitive and affective states similar to those experienced during problematic early attachment experiences’.

  Non-human studies

  Disturbances to the early mother–baby interaction have been studied in monkeys and rats (Harlow and Harlow, 1962; Lomanowska et al. 2011). These experiments reveal deviations from normal development that have some striking similarities to the effects of disturbed upbringing in humans. For example, animals that have suffered maternal deprivation have difficulty in inhibiting responses and in abandoning unproductive courses of action. They are more attracted to the self-administration of cocaine when they are adult. Such animals show signs of abnormally strong attraction to cues predictive of reward and they develop attachments to seemingly irrelevant inanimate objects. Evidence from non-human species points to sensitization of dopaminergic systems as a result of social isolation during development (Kehoe et al., 1996; Lewis et al., 1990). These deviations from typical development might help us to understand certain features of atypical sexual development in humans, particularly as manifest in violent sexuality. Such experimentation suggests a causal role of disturbed attachment in the production of behavioural abnormality.

  Learning

  Basics

  Early learning is thought to be involved in forming sexual desires, that is changing a neutral representation of another person or related object into a sexually attractive (‘motivationally charged’) incentive. Evidence suggests that the particular content of paraphilias can arise as the result of learning (McGuire et al., 1965) but, of course, researchers cannot do controlled experiments. Sometimes a chance combination of stimulus → arousal seems to be crucial in setting desire off in a particular direction. In some cases, it appears that something unconventional, such as a fetish object is around at the time when there is (a) arousal and (b) a ‘window of opportunity’ (or ‘critical period’) available for conditioning of desire (Bancroft, 2009).

  In conventional desire, another human and the representation of this human in the imagination are the source of the sexual desire and arousal, while any favourable consequences of sexual ‘interaction’, in reality or fantasy, consolidate the desire value.

  In the examples considered shortly, there is bodily excitement triggered by, for example trauma, in the presence of a potential incentive for sexual desire. As a result of this combination, what was a potential incentive becomes a real source of desire, which might then be put into sexual action. The consequences of behaviour are assumed to be crucial, exemplified by a relaxed state following orgasm and its effect in strengthening the value of the particular stimulus.

  Evidence suggests that the formation of sexual desires is based upon early contact with the class of individual or physical object that later comes to form the obj
ect of attraction (McGuire et al., 1965). Three-quarters of the patients in one study reported that the theme of their paraphilia reflected their first sexual experience. Following the initial phase of experience, the world of fantasy, often associated with masturbation, could come to play a crucial role in consolidating the value attached to the particular event. Very many people are exposed to potential triggers to paraphilia but few develop them. The difference could depend upon whether (a) this was an individual’s first experience of sexual excitement, (b) they subsequently fantasize about the experience accompanied by masturbation and (c) alternative and more conventional sources of stimulation are unavailable. Boys masturbate much more than girls which could explain in part why paraphilias are mainly a male phenomenon.

  The person might find that experimentation with masturbation has the consequence, at least in the short term, of not only the pleasure of orgasm but a lowering of boredom, anxiety or depression. This could add still more motivational strength to the particular incentive. Even though guilt commonly accompanies paraphilias, it arises slowly relative to the immediate impact of orgasm and therefore exerts limited inhibition (McGuire et al., 1965).

  Rather than simply looking at why someone is attracted to a paraphiliac stimulus, we also need to consider the opposite side of the same coin: why they do not acquire a conventional sexual desire. Often paraphiliacs perceive themselves to be very inadequate for a conventional heterosexual role (McGuire et al., 1965). There is the possibility of a learned aversion to consensual sex with same-age peers (Heide et al., 2009). Typically, the paraphiliac’s early life was devoid of normal sensual contact and healthy associations with the opposite sex (Schwartz and Masters, 1983). That is to say, early social contacts had negative consequences. A deficit in mastery of social skills is evident in such individuals. Repeated rejection might set up aversive links (e.g. anxiety) leaving any potential link between paraphiliac incentives, for example a young child, and sexual arousal intact. Schwartz et al (1981, p. 250) observe:

  Repeatedly, paraphiliacs give a history which suggests that society’s definition of normal sexual functioning is associated with excessive taboo, punishment, fear or guilt during their childhood which can greatly distort substitute rehearsal cognition at puberty.

  Viewing the acquisition of paraphilias in terms of ‘preparedness’ might give insight into which associations are likely to be formed (Laws and Marshall, 1990). In evolutionary terms, we might expect humans to be strongly prepared to form associations between adult human partners of the opposite sex and sexual arousal. Inanimate objects having no obvious human link would lie at the opposite end of the preparedness spectrum – to be ‘contraprepared’. An attraction to deviant human stimuli and behaviour, such as sex with children or rape, would be somewhere between these extremes.

  Paedophilia might usefully be viewed as representing something near to one extreme of a so-called ‘normal distribution’ of objects of desire, a disorder of ‘stimulus acquisition’ (Abel and Osborn, 1995). Nubile females represent the peak, with older and younger females corresponding to the extremes to either side. Of course, what can constitute paedophilia in our culture would be considered a perfectly normal sexual attraction in some others, where a girl might be married by the age of 12.

  In many cases, a crucial aspect of the development of paraphilias could be the acquisition of control (Chapter 1). The individual who acquires a paraphilia might often be under stress at this stage. The paraphilia would serve as a coping strategy. Experiments with stressed animals have shown that the experience of acquiring control is associated with enhanced dopaminergic activity in the nucleus accumbens (Cabib and Puglisi-Allegra, 2012). This would be expected to increase the future attraction of the activity, possibly with an enhanced strength at a time of acute stress.

  The gender difference

  The most striking difference in who acquires such things as fetishes is that of gender – overwhelmingly, these are male activities. Gosselin and Wilson’s (1980) explanation should sound familiar. My interpretation of it is as follows:

  1 At intervals, arousal of the genitals occurs spontaneously or with various external triggers. This could reflect spill-over from some other source of arousal such as fear.

  2 The feedback from aroused genitals is more obvious in boys than in girls.

  3 The brain is programmed to set up associations between external events and bodily reactions.

  4 A chance pairing of, say, the sight of women’s shoes and detectable arousal is more likely to happen in boys than in girls.

  5 The chance pairing will endow the shoes with an erotic potential.

  Courtship disorder

  One approach to understanding paraphilias is summarized by the term ‘courtship disorder’ (Freund, 1990). Certain paraphiliacs seem to be stuck at an early stage of a conventional courting ritual. Often voyeurism, exhibitionism, spoken eroticism, rubbing and touching form part of conventional sexual ‘approach behaviour’ that leads to reciprocal sexual behaviour. As such, they are not particularly remarkable. Some paraphiliacs are unable to progress beyond one or more such stages. Possibly anxiety and fear of failure at the prospect of progression means that paraphiliacs cannot proceed beyond the ‘chosen point’ at which they remain comfortable. Patients being treated for paraphilias often report that a normal sexual experience was not possible for them as a result of perceived inadequacies or a rigid parental influence (Gosselin and Wilson, 1980). Paraphiliacs often vary between such activities, either over a given period of time or sequentially. For example, voyeurs are often also exhibitionists (Feierman and Feierman, 2000). Within the imagination, there is a consolidation of the strength of one or more acts, often accompanied by masturbation.

  Gosselin and Wilson (1980, p. 153) report that paraphilia:

  is not the deliberate choice of a jaded sexual appetite, whose owner is merely looking for some form of kick. It, is rather, the logical though unfortunate outcome of what appears to a generally shy, introverted and emotionally over-sensitive child to a restrictive sexual upbringing.

  It is, however, important to note that some people who progress to conventional sexual behaviour, rape and sexual homicide still sometimes engage in fetishism, exhibitionism and voyeurism (Chapter 21).

  Fringe fantasy

  Fantasy can be a healthy feature of sexuality. However, it can acquire a maladaptive content and actual behaviour can thereby be steered into alignment with its content. Without the consistent presence of appropriate adult role models and the associated restraints (‘re-tuning’) by positive social interactions, the child’s mind can be filled by uncontrolled and deviant fantasy (Ressler et al., 1992).

  For many, if not all, those with paraphiliac desires, fantasy is a way of moving affect in a positive direction (Gee et al., 2003, p. 52). The level of affect can start from a negative baseline associated with, say, financial or relationship problems. A negative mood might even be triggered by a paraphiliac’s reflecting on his own sexual orientation – a vicious circle.

  In fantasy, an individual can gain mastery and control over others that they could not achieve in the real world (Gee et al., 2003). The world of fantasy can start out as one that relies upon pure imagination but, following any first offence, reality can be incorporated into the story-line (Meloy, 2000). Particularly if accompanied by masturbation, the mastery in the fantasy world brings psychological relief (‘catharsis’) and could reinforce the ‘behaviour’ within the fantasy, increasing the probability of its future translation into action. Negative mood states characterized as rejection, anger, loneliness and humiliation appear to increase the chances that deviant sexual fantasy will occupy the conscious mind. In turn, whether fantasy translates into action will depend upon the balance of excitation and inhibition. Repeated fantasy scenarios, particularly if accompanied by masturbation, might alter the brain so as to make particular incentives and associated behaviour seem more attractive and viable as future sexual possibilities. This could then lead to
, say, grooming of a child (Wolf, 1988).

  It appears that repeated use of fantasy in the conscious mind can set up scripts (‘prescriptions’) for behaviour which are stored at a non-conscious level. Under circumstances beyond the individual’s control, such as sudden stress or humiliation, these scripts might be activated and brought to conscious awareness in the service of controlling (deviant) behaviour (Bartels and Gannon, 2011).

  Maintaining atypical behaviour

  The tendency to paraphiliac behaviour can be increased by a negative emotional state. Paraphiliac behaviour would thereby be reinforced not just by pleasure but by the escape from aversion (McGregor and Howells, 1997). In more cognitive terms, the expectation of the ‘high’ of sexual contact is described by some sex offenders as giving ‘uncontrollable urges’. Potential long-term negative consequences of atypical behaviour are devalued if not ignored. The similarity with addiction is obvious. Any long intervals imposed between behavioural episodes can be filled by fantasy accompanied by masturbation. This might be expected to maintain the strength of paraphiliac tendencies.

  If the course of action takes a deviant direction, ‘neutralizing definitions’ can be assimilated (Akers, 1985). Subsequently, if the individual fits into a subculture of other similar deviants, a new form of social bonding and mutual reinforcement can be provided by exchanging these definitions. For example, in an offending subculture a rapist might acquire and promote the neutralizing definition that ‘all women secretly want to be raped’, or a paedophile might hear that ‘you are doing the child a favour’. Neutralizing definitions serve to undermine the negative quality of the deviation and the criticisms made from outside the subculture.