How Sexual Desire Works- The Enigmatic Urge

by Frederick Toates

  What goes on in the brain of a rapist?

  Hare (1993) estimates that one half of all repeat/serial rapists meet the criteria for being psychopaths. The non-psychopathic rapists would feel some guilt and remorse.

  Ramsland and McGrain (2010) suggest that there are a number of personality characteristics of rapists as a group:

  Misogynist beliefs: women are subservient to the interests of men.

  An aggressive style: a willingness to employ force to gain ends.

  Personality style: little personal responsibility.

  Sexual style: dissatisfaction with their sexual lot in life and a failure to achieve sexual satisfaction.

  What follows applies mainly to those who plan rapes and are turned on by transgression. Rapists often feel inferior and rape boosts their image of manliness. Where anger is a precipitating trigger, the rape appears to have the consequence of lowering this, an additional source of reinforcement (Rosen and Fracher, 1983). Also, sensation-seeking is very frequently offered by rapists themselves as an explanation (Apter, 2007; Gove, 1994), sometimes described as ‘being on a high’. Transgression and risk, probably associated with fear, would add to arousal level and would surely add to the attraction of rape for some (Zillmann, 1984, 1986).

  Zillmann (1986) argues (p. 195): ‘Sexual access has become a matter of convenience in contemporary western societies, and sexual coercion offers itself as a high-excitement, mania promising solution to the tedium of habitual recreational sex.’ Rapists typically experience fantasies and urges for rape prior to committing the offense (Pithers et al., 1983). They commonly try to resist but are overwhelmed by the strength of the urges. Following the rape, fantasy can only go so far in perpetuating the high and, when it subsides, thoughts presumably turn to the next victim. Typically, in the fantasy world of the rapist, the act itself is easier to entertain, for example, based upon memories of previous rapes, than are its longer-term negative consequences. Guilt sometimes follows the rape but the urges then build up in strength again (Abel and Rouleau, 1990). Those fearing that they will submit to the urges might try speaking silently to themselves a preformed statement of the kind ‘a moment’s pleasure is not worth years in jail’. They could carry an instruction card at all times showing such an expression in words.

  Finding deficiencies of attachment amongst rapists, Smallbone and Dadds (1998) write:

  If they indeed seek out adult intimate relationships, they may adopt an uncaring, unsympathetic approach to their partners. Their sexual behaviour may become disconnected from normal (i.e. secure) attachment-related perceptions, such as commitment and mutuality, and may be readily activated or at least may fail to be inhibited in the context of abuse and violence.

  Rapists are likely to be high on a scale of narcissism, since several characteristics of this personality type are conducive to coercive sex (Bushman et al., 2003):

  1 low empathy when this conflicts with the individual’s goals, as in feeling bad about the victim’s suffering;

  2 high tendency to show reactive aggression when thwarted;

  3 elevated sense of entitlement;

  4 high need for admiration by others, which would be associated with a strong threat to the ego on rejection but also with the opportunity to brag about the rape to any peers of similar inclination.

  Characteristic (2) would be expected to be applicable in situations of date rape as well as stranger rape. In fact, it might be particularly a factor where there has been some consensual erotic contact already and the woman decides to ‘put the brakes on’ (Bushman et al., 2003). The physiological reaction in sexual arousal has considerable overlap with that of anger (Chapter 15), and hence thwarting of sexual advances could easily transform itself into full-blown anger (Kinsey et al., 1953). Factors (2) and (3) are linked, with narcissists coming out relatively highly in both. A high sense of entitlement is likely to lead to a strong negative emotion on being thwarted.

  Rapists commonly acquire various ‘rape myths’ (‘neutralizing definitions’) concerning women. Men high on narcissism find such myths more attractive than do non-narcissists (Bushman et al., 2003). Scully and Marolla (1984) note that rapists learn attitudes of the kind ‘women mean “yes” when they say “no”’. Their schemas would often seem to be anger-associated and thereby possibly contributing to rape, such as that women are deceitful and cannot be trusted (Ward and Beech, 2006). Such neutralizing definitions would act counter to any remnants of empathy. Where blame can be placed upon someone else for any perceived unfair situation in which an individual finds himself and corrective action seems possible, anger is a likely emotion (Harmon-Jones et al., 2008). Pornographic representations that show women finally coming to enjoy the rape could be particularly toxic in undermining the little empathy that the potential rapist might feel (Zillmann, 1984). Males’ negative attitudes towards rape are lowered by this depiction (Fisher, 1986). Hence, a woman’s behaviour of, say, avoidance is likely to trigger such ideas and be interpreted in terms that facilitate assault.

  In the case of date rape, there is often a failure to pick up cues given out by a woman. Friendliness is interpreted as a come-on sign and negative signals, such as resistance, are seen as being positive invitations (Calhoun and Wilson, 2000). Alcohol and the man’s own sexual arousal often have a role in such misinterpretation.

  An aspect of rape that might give insight into it is the observation that this act is sometimes reported as being associated with a ‘trance-like state of consciousness’ (Rosen and Fracher, 1983, p. 147).

  A case study: the tragic role that chance can play

  A case illustrates how deviant sexual desire can arise from an apparently chance event (Laws and Marshall, 1990). A boy had a conventional upbringing until he reached age 13 years, when he viewed a film that depicted rape. The adult female victim was highly attractive and the boy attained a full erection while watching the film. It was unclear to a naïve viewer whether the woman was truly resisting or, as is often falsely portrayed (Bart and Jozsa, 1980), enjoying the experience. Subsequently, the boy fantasized about the scene and portrayed himself in the role of the all-powerful rapist, something which produced a high level of sexual arousal. Masturbation to the imagery reinforced this.

  When the boy started dating girls, he expected to obtain sexual access as readily as that portrayed in the film but was repeatedly rejected. He was left with his fantasies about the rape scene and adult women intact, which led him to rape an adult woman. Watching violent pornography provided role models for rape. As a result, together with his failure to obtain conventional sexual contact, his own self-image came to be that of ‘rapist’.

  His subsequent behaviour illustrates the narrow and deviant preference acquired as a boy and also some escalation of intensity of stimulation necessary to arouse him: contact with sex workers needed to be accompanied by ever more violent fantasy. In a similar case, a boy had his first exposure to violent pornography at around 6 years of age (Donnerstein and Malamuth, 1997). He later became an addict to such pornography with an escalation in his viewing times. He subsequently became a rapist and murderer.

  Lifting of inhibition

  Some rapists appear to be characterized not so much by the attraction of violent sex as such as by a failure of inhibition (Calhoun and Wilson, 2000). In many (but not all) cases, drugs or alcohol have been taken prior to rape. One rapist reported that this (Scully and Marolla, 1984, p. 538):

  brought out what was already there but in such intensity it was uncontrollable. Feelings of being dominant, powerful, using someone for my own gratification, all rose to the surface.

  It seems that it is not just the chemical content of the drink but the knowledge that it is alcohol and the expectation of its effect that plays a role in disinhibiting sexually aggressive behaviour (Russell, 1980). This observation points to a peculiarly human factor.

  Anger and stress

  Immediately preceding anger is implicated in a number of rapes (Lisak and Roth, 1988). Rapi
sts commonly report a traumatic precipitating event, such as anger at a wife or girlfriend (Rosen and Fracher, 1983; Scully and Marolla, 1984). Wolf (1988) remarked (p. 135): ‘sexual offenders seem to use sexuality in a self-medicating manner, much in the style of an alcoholic abuser’s use of that drug’.

  A number of theorists speculate that hostility in such cases is triggered by ‘blocked goals’ (Malamuth, 1996) and takes the character of frustration.

  The notion of sexual drive, brought under suspicion in earlier chapters, could lead to a wrong conclusion concerning rapists, namely that they have inordinately high drives, associated with extreme sexual deprivation (ideas disputed by Quinsey and Marshall, 1983; Malamuth, 1996). Rather, rapists claim to have a lower frequency of desired sexual outlets than a control group, though this is disputable (Ellis, 1989). Either way, there is little reason to think that their behaviour arises from some general ‘drive’ factor getting out of alignment. Rather, explanation is best provided in terms of external stimuli and fantasies about them, deficient attachment and empathy, as well as interactions between sexual desire and anger/aggression.

  Conscience, social controls and social norms

  When it is present, inhibition normally arises from conscience, social controls, fear of injury or capture, and social norms, society’s disapproval (Russell, 1980). In some subcultures, social norms will be such as to approve of rape, for example in certain Hell’s Angels groups. One can reasonably speculate that the high level of arousal associated with being in a war can spill over into sexual desire and contribute to a tendency to rape (Apter, 2007; Zillmann, 1984). This would presumably be reinforced by the social facilitation of the presence of comrades, a consideration of the ‘enemy’ as being undeserving of empathy and a low chance of subsequent capture and punishment. By portraying women as coming to enjoy rape and the rapist finding successful long-term satisfaction with no capture, violent pornography could undermine any potential inhibitors (Russell, 1980).

  Theories of rape

  The best-known theories of why men rape should not all be seen as necessarily mutually exclusive, since they address different aspects of the phenomenon. After presenting and commenting on these theories, an integrative framework will be advanced that can organize our understanding.

  The feminist theory

  The feminist theory of rape views it as the inevitable outcome of male domination of society and acquisition of resources, whereby women are economically powerless and subservient to men, often regarded as their property (Brownmiller, 1975). Feminist theorists see rape as more motivated by a desire for domination rather than for sexual contact. In the interactive model proposed here it is impossible to allocate such relative weights. In so far as reports by certain rapists are to be believed, their desire is more for a combination of sexual contact and arousal rather than domination (Ellis, 1989). Date rape often only follows a failure of other devious but not explicitly violent attempts to obtain sexual access, such as getting the woman intoxicated.

  Social learning theory

  Social learning theory suggests that rape arises from exposure to ‘role models’ where sexual access is gained by coercion, either in reality or in pornography. These tend to excite the desire for this behaviour and cause habituation to any restraints on it (Ellis, 1989). Rape myths of the kind that women secretly want rape can be subsumed under this category. Pornography tends to set a standard of female readiness and unrestrained availability which might, when reality is later found not to match the standard, tend to trigger the desire for rape.

  Consider, as a possible developmental influence, the child’s observation of aggression within the family, as well as the direct experience of physical and or sexual abuse. This can lead to increased acceptance of violence and its adoption as a coping strategy, either in reality or in the imagination, or both. Marshall and Barbaree suggest (1990, p. 261): ‘Poor socialization, particularly a violent parenting style, will both facilitate the use of aggression as well as cut the youth off from access to more appropriate sociosexual interactions.’

  Evolutionary theory

  One evolutionary theory of rape suggests that the benefits that the human male gained by pursuing a coercive mating strategy outweighed the costs (Ellis, 1989; Thornhill and Palmer, 2000). Hence, evolution favoured males who followed such a strategy, because they have been more successful reproductively. Proponents of this theory note that female rape victims are most commonly in the ages of maximum fertility, that is between 13 and 35 (reviewed by Ellis, 1989). Furthermore, some kind of male subjugation and violence in the service of obtaining sexual access, for example biting, is very common across a wide range of non-human species, including those most closely related to humans (Zillmann, 1984). Of course, any extrapolation from non-human species is fraught with hazards.

  In principle, there could be genes underlying rape that have been selected in evolution because of their contribution to reproductive success. Alternatively, and more likely, there could be a genetic contribution to differences in (a) aggression, (b) strength of sexual motivation and (c) inhibitory processes. Genetically based differences in any of these three could alter the probability of rape.

  Of course, there is a large sex difference in rape. As Buss (2003, p. 220) states:

  The fact that there has never in history been a single case of women forming a war party to raid neighbouring villages and capture husbands tells us something important about the nature of sex differences – that men’s mating strategies are often more brutal and aggressive than women’s.

  Comparison

  Clearly, there is considerable overlap between the feminist and social learning theories (Ellis, 1989). Both suggest that features of society and culture promote this behaviour. The feminist theory has little to say about why many, if not most, males don’t rape or wish to do so, whereas the social learning theory sees this in terms of different degrees of exposure to toxic role models. The feminist and evolutionary theories are usually seen as incompatible. Presumably, according to feminist theory, if a society were to be reformed root and branch to eliminate power differentials, rape would naturally be extinguished. As a point of compromise, it is possible to imagine that rape might have been advantageous in evolutionary history and that it is maintained by power differentials and contemporary culture.

  Towards some resolution: formation of the brain of a rapist

  False dichotomies of (a) either biology or culture and (b) either aggression/dominance or sexual desire have only confused this subject. The aggression/dominance part of the second dichotomy usually maps onto the culture part of the first. Once we escape from such false logic, we might be able to make some sense of what is going on. Chapter 15 described the evidence that, if power motivation is triggered even unconsciously, a woman can actually seem more attractive to a man who values dominance.

  Evidence reviewed earlier points to sharing between different systems associated with arousal. By a chance association of sexual desire/arousal and experiencing aggressive feelings, a blending of aggression and sexuality could be formed (Maniglio, 2010; Marshall and Barbaree, 1990). Concerning abnormal development that takes a violent form, Marshall and Barbaree (p. 257) suggest: ‘the task for human males is to acquire inhibitory controls over a biologically endowed propensity for self-interest associated with a tendency to fuse sex and aggression’. Therefore, attention is drawn to the role of those inhibitory processes that appear under-active.

  In sexually linked offenders, disturbances in the dynamics of social interactions with their parents not uncommonly include harsh and inconsistent punishment and being witness to domestic violence (Rich, 2006). Central to theorizing about such sexual deviation, is the notion of insecure attachment, arising from a caregiver who was either not available for mutually rewarding interactions (e.g. smiling, comfort-giving) or who actively rejected the child’s advances towards the caregiver. Such early dynamics are then reflected in sexual behaviour when the child becomes an adult, if not e
arlier. A child with such a history is thought to lack social confidence in later dealings with others and to be unable to form social expectations of a positive kind but rather to rely upon coercion to gain social rewards. In a statement concerning general features of development but which obviously relates to later sexual behaviour, Malamuth writes (1996, p. 281): ‘Abusive home environments may also interfere with the mastery of critical developmental skills such as managing frustration, delaying gratification, negotiating disagreements, and forming a prosocial identity.’ Appropriate parenting teaches empathy with others (Fonagy, 2003) even where such empathy might conflict with one’s own goals and facilitates the development of attachment bonds. By contrast, inappropriate parenting can teach that violence is a viable means to achieve goals, which can lead to alienation as an adult, thereby further triggering hostility and aggression.