How Sexual Desire Works- The Enigmatic Urge

by Frederick Toates

  How many do I have to Kill (sic) before I get a name in the paper or some national attention. (sic) Do the cop (sic) think that all those deaths are not related?

  Are such people lacking in empathy? They certainly were deficient in terms of the victims and their families, but did they exhibit a total lack? Ted Bundy was said to resist stealing from poor people (Rule, 2006). One is reminded of the contrast between the vicious cruelty of Fred and Rosemary West as contrasted with the tender romantic love letters that they frequently exchanged (Sounes, 1995). Could it be that empathy was suppressed when their bizarre desires kicked in? It might be relevant here to note the argument of Rich (2006, p. 214) in the context of juvenile sex offenders:

  sex offenders appear to possess the same sort of global, or dispositional, empathy as non-sexual criminal offenders and even non-offenders, and it is only in victim-specific empathy that they differ.

  In summary

  There is no single trajectory leading to sexually linked killing but there are some strong pointers commonly evident in comparing examples.

  There appears to be a relatively high frequency of brain damage.

  The early upbringing of sex-linked killers is such that they fail to have healthy available role models and do not make healthy attachments. They often feel a grudge against society.

  Sexual stimulation makes an early fusion with negative emotions, such as anger and resentment.

  Toxic fantasy appears to be a prelude to killing.

  Twenty two Concluding remarks

  The statements in the lecture were as simple as I could make them. Any statements which have any reference to action must be simple.

  (C. P. Snow, 1965, p. 60)

  It is time to return to the enigma described in Chapter 1: the enormous range of different sexual desires, varying from the all-consuming, through indifference, to aversion and from cases where romantic bonding is a necessary condition for desire to the extremes of callous violence. It is hoped that the book has enabled this diversity to be better understood in terms of the role of differences in various contributory factors, such as:

  Genetic differences between people, which can be manifest in terms of different contributions to the structure of brain processes underlying desire, arousal and inhibition, as well as differences in hormone levels.

  Different interactions between sexual desire and attachment, drugs and anger/aggression.

  Chance events of an arousal-inducing nature experienced early in development.

  The occurrence of fear-evoking or disgust-evoking situations at any stage of life.

  Different histories of classical conditioning, such that a range of different events can get paired with sexual arousal.

  A variety of events that can reinforce or punish expressions of sexual desire and thereby alter that desire.

  Differences in sociocultural context.

  Given this variety of contributory effects, it is not surprising that there is such a range of different desires both in terms of intensity and their target of attraction. Chapter 2 described a number of common features between sex, feeding and drinking. However, Chapter 4 noted a fundamental difference from feeding and drinking, in that these are both necessary for life and they relate to a regulated state of the body inside and outside the brain. Even given the restraint on variation that is imposed by this regulation, the enormous variety of different appetites for food with associated differences in body weight should be noted. It is suggested that a range of environmental and bodily factors play a role here, some probably similar to those involved in the variations in sexual desire.

  Consider again two quotes from Chapter 1:

  I respectfully held out my hand to her and she took it with an air of utter indifference, but she pressed it firmly as she climbed into the carriage. The reader will be able to imagine the flame which this sent racing through my blood.

  (Casanova, 1798/1958, p. 192)

  the elegant and distinguished assistant who has been travelling across the country with me for two weeks catches hold of my arm when we have just said goodnight to each other, pulls me to him and kisses me on the mouth. ‘In the morning, I’ll come and see you in your room.’ I can feel the spasm rising right up to my stomach.

  (Millet, 2003, p. 84)

  Consider the essential ingredients of the escalation of desire evident in these two quotes:

  There is an intrinsically attractive other individual present and thereby a background level of desire.

  Sexual novelty is present.

  There is a sudden transition from a state of maybe neutral prediction of outcome to one of the encouragement of incentive advance. Things appear to be moving towards a desired goal. If experiments on non-human species are any indication, an unexpected reward is a particularly potent stimulus for the release of dopamine.

  There are a number of conclusions from the earlier chapters, many of which are consolidated by comparisons across chapters, as follows:

  1 Sexual desire can be best understood by taking both objective and subjective perspectives (Chapters 1 and 7). Some features of desire are open to scientific investigation, whereas others are best understood by qualitative first-person insights.

  2 How sexual desire is understood has profound implications for how sexual behaviour is treated in ethical, medical, social, legal and religious contexts (Chapter 3), as exemplified by edicts on the desirability of chastity (Chapter 3) and the meaning attached to ‘addiction’ (Chapter 17).

  3 Sexual desire arises from triggering by sexual incentives in the outside world, acting together with internal representations of these in memory (Chapters 4 and 16). The strength of desire increases with the physical and temporal proximity of the incentive, exemplified by temptation (Chapter 12) and addiction (Chapter 17).

  4 Sexual desire towards a particular incentive is strengthened by its consequences such as orgasm (Chapter 10) and the lifting of negative emotional states, seen in addiction (Chapter 17) and sexual violence (Chapters 20 and 21).

  5 Desire is sensitized by sex hormones (Chapter 8) and this is reflected in fantasy (Chapter 16).

  6 The system underlying sexual desire is constructed in such a way as to assimilate information from the social environment, in the form of imitation and reinforcement, which further undermines naïve dichotomies of the ‘nature versus nurture’ kind (Chapters 1 and 2).

  7 Sexual desire, arousal, pleasure and inhibition (Chapter 12) arise at different levels within the brain, in some cases acting in automatic and controlled modes (Chapters 1, 5, 7, 9, 10 and 12). The differences in weight attached to different levels can vary as a function of species, gender, development, experience, stress, drug-intake and brain damage.

  8 Sexual desire can be associated with discounting the future (Chapters 7 and 8).

  9 The modules suggested by evolutionary psychology co-exist with some flexible motivational processes (Chapters 2, 5 and 6).

  10 The intensity of contemporary sexual desire can be illuminated by the notion of ‘supernormal stimuli’ and ‘evolutionary mismatch’ (Chapter 2).

  11 Sexual desire has many features in common with hunger, gambling and drug-seeking, such that insight can be gained by taking a broad perspective (Chapters 2 and 4), including towards addiction (Chapter 17). The notion of ‘incentive salience’ is applicable across several motivations. However, unlike hunger/feeding, there is no obvious harm to the body tissues caused by sexual deprivation. This is exemplified by asexuality (Chapters 9 and 14). Any distress associated with deprivation, it is argued, arises in the brain from frustrated desire (Chapter 3, 4 and 10).

  12 Evidence suggests that dopamine lies at the basis of desire (part of a behavioural activation system) and opioids at the basis of the pleasure of sexual activity (Chapters 1, 8 and 10).

  13 Anticipatory and consummatory pleasures can be distinguished (Chapters 1 and 10). This distinction is useful in the study of bipolar disorder, depression, schizophrenia and drugs. Dopamine might have a role in an
ticipatory pleasure (Chapters 1 and 10).

  14 The model suggested bears some similarity to that advanced by Freud (Chapter 3). Rather as with the Freudian id, the dopamine-based incentive system can energize and act at an unconscious level. However, its activation is not from an intrinsic energy source but from external incentives and internal representations of them. The cost–benefit calculation of action has features in common with the role of the ego. The process underlying intentional inhibition (Chapter 12) assimilates information from the culture, incorporates the ‘inner policeman’ (Chapter 18), and has similarities with the Freudian superego.

  15 Up to a point, the strength of incentives as triggers to desire is increased by the novelty value of the incentive (Chapter 11) and the uncertainty of gaining it. Experimentation on non-humans suggests a dopamine basis to this. Addiction is commonly directed to particular specific targets (Chapter 17). Hence there is little to support the notion of a diffuse and undirected sexual drive (Chapter 3 and 4).

  16 There can be a fracture line between wanting and liking, such that wanting can escalate without a corresponding increase in liking, as in addiction (Chapter 17), or wanting can decrease without a corresponding decrease in pleasure, as in some long-established relationships (Chapter 10). It seems reasonable to suppose that altered dopamine activity lies at the basis of this.

  17 Some individuals show an escalation in the expression of their sexual desire, revealed in such things as taste indexed by pornography (Chapter 16), addiction (Chapter 17) and violent sex (Chapters 20 and 21). This implies a comparison between some actual state and a modelled state, with a desire to bring the former into alignment with the latter.

  18 Typically, women’s sexual desire is more heavily dependent upon a partner’s individual personality and such contextual factors as meaning and relationship dynamics than is men’s desire (Chapter 7) and is less strongly expressed in overt wanting and searching. There is no reason to suggest a difference in liking between the sexes. Sexuality taken out of a personal one-to-one context is more of a male than female phenomenon, as revealed in such things as fetishes and anonymous voyeurism and exhibitionism (Chapter 19).

  19 Sexual desire can exhibit strong interactions with attachment, anger/aggression and drug-seeking, as well as the reward derived from control (Chapters 1 and 15). When attachment fails and there is early conflict, sexual behaviour can be projected in a seriously aberrant direction (Chapters 20 and 21).

  20 The drugs that form the strongest link to sexual desire, namely cocaine and methamphetamine, target primarily dopamine (Chapter 15) and can be associated with combined sex and drug addictions (Chapter 17).

  21 In certain disorders, increasing dopamine activity, either naturally as in bipolar disorder or by medication as in sleeping sickness and Parkinson’s disease, increases sexual desire (Chapter 8).

  22 Stress can increase the tendency to put desire into action, exemplified by addiction (Chapter 17) and violent sex (Chapters 20 and 21), probably by sensitizing incentive salience and lowering inhibitions (Chapters 12).

  23 Diffuse arousal can spill over into a specifically sexual arousal and desire (Chapter 9).

  24 The direction that sexual desire takes sometimes appears to owe much to chance events early in development or even later (Chapter 18), exemplified by the acquisition of paraphilias, such as fetishes (Chapter 19). A situation of high arousal, not necessarily sexual and even aversive, can later form a target of sexual desire.

  25 Inhibition takes several forms (Chapter 12). Temptation arises from a struggle between desire and intentional inhibition. Inhibition appears to be deficient in cases of coercive sexuality (Chapter 20 and 21).

  26 In development (Chapters 13 and 14), the first or at least a very early sexual experience sometimes has a profound effect on setting the direction that sexual behaviour will subsequently take. Behaviour is such as to try to repeat that first experience or masturbatory fantasy.

  27 It appears that sexual fantasy mirrors reality and can interweave with it. They exploit some similar brain processes. Reality is incorporated into fantasy and it appears that fantasy can strengthen the tendency to enact the fantasy in behaviour (Chapters 16 and 21). The scenarios envisaged in fantasy can show evidence of escalation. Dopaminergic activity appears to be implicated here.

  28 Viewing pornography can exhibit features in common with sexual behaviour in association with real humans, for example habituation, novelty-seeking, temporary relief from distress, escalation and addiction (Chapters 1 and 16).

  29 The layered nature of the organization of the brain was revealed in two ways in the previous chapters: desire arising at a basic stimulus-driven level as well as a ‘higher’ cognitive level (Chapter 5); and inhibition arising from stimulus properties as well as cognitive calculations.

  A number of similarities between coercive sexual offending and non-violent addiction are evident (Pithers et al., 1983), suggesting some common underlying features. For both, the individual experiences a transient boost in emotional state on engaging in the activity, often followed by extensive and delayed negative consequences. In both phenomena, the experience of negative emotion is a common precursor to relapse. The violent offender, as with the addicted person and the paedophile, might only escape from relapse by carefully planning ahead to avoid the danger of unexpected high-risk situations.

  Consider the following common features between violent offending, exemplified by sexual homicide, and sexual addiction:

  The lure of immediate pleasure is followed by long-term costs.

  There is an ideal incentive that is pursued often with an extensive phase of searching.

  Negative emotional states such as stress can exacerbate each condition.

  Over repeated experiences, habituation can set in such that novelty is sought in order to maintain or increase intensity.

  Escalation occurs over time.

  Deprivation from a suitable outlet is felt as stressful and tension-evoking.

  Use can be made of props such as items of erotic underwear.

  Fantasy, pornography and masturbation provide virtual simulations of the interactions with real incentives.

  A changed state of conscious awareness can be obtained, sometimes termed ‘dissociation’.

  Engaging in the target behaviour causes an elevation in mood.

  Following engagement in the behaviour, vows are sometimes made to quit but these usually are broken.

  Behaviour can lock into excitatory interaction with use of alcohol and illegal drugs.

  In addition, there are two features which usually apply to sexual addiction and almost invariably apply to sexual homicide:

  It is a male behaviour.

  There is not a one-to-one reciprocal attachment.

  There are a number of questions raised by the present study, amongst which are:

  Do genetic differences and early experience both have a role in determining sexual orientation, and, if so, how? Chapter 13 presented two somewhat conflicting accounts of the environmental factor. Is reconciliation possible?

  Do genetic differences and cultural influences intertwine in determining women’s greater sexual modesty compared with that of men and, if so, how?

  Rather as with drug-taking, why does sexual activity for some people tip into escalation and addiction, whereas for others it remains under control? Can the notion of increasing incentive salience illuminate this?

  Notes

  1. What is enigmatic about sexual desire?

  1. From Looking for Spinoza by Antonio Damasio (2003). Published by Hutchinson. Reprinted by permission of The Random House Group.

  2. From ‘Narratives of Desire in Mid-Age Women With and Without Arousal Difficulties’ by Lori A. Brotto, Julia R. Heiman & Deborah L. Tolman in Journal of Sex Research 46:5 (2009). Published by Taylor & Francis Ltd, www.tandfonline.com. Reprinted by permission of the publisher.

  3. One of the brain’s chemical messengers, described shortly.

  2. Expl
aining desire: multiple perspectives

  1. One of the founders of Christian existentialism.

  2. The reader fully versed with biological psychology might wish to jump straight to the section ‘Sex in comparison with other desires’.

  3. I am grateful to Saroj Datta for this.

  4. This describes ‘working memory’.

  5. The basal ganglia.

  3. Sexual desire in a broader context

  1. From Consilience: The Unity of Knowledge by Edward O. Wilson (1998). Reprinted by permission of the author.

  2. The contemporary language is of homeostasis and negative feedback.

  3. In the Taoist tradition of China, men were urged not to waste their yang essence by ejaculation (Hatfield and Rapson, 2002).

  4. From Love, Sex and Marriage: Insights from Judaism, Christianity and Islam by Dan Cohn-Sherbok, George D. Chryssides and Dawoud El-Alami (2013). Published by SCM Press. Reprinted by permission of the publisher.

  4. An incentive-based model

  1. From ‘Discourse, Intercourse, and the Excluded Middle: Anthropology and the Problem of Sexual Experience’ by Donald Tuzin in Sexual Nature Sexual Culture edited by Paul R. Abramson and Steven D. Pinkerton (1995). Published by University of Chicago Press. Reprinted by permission of the publisher.

  2. See Chapter 2.

  5. Sex and levels of organization

  1. Le cœur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît point.

  2. The brain region termed the amygdala is implicated here (LeDoux, 1999; Spiering and Everaerd, 2006).

  3. The prefrontal cortex plays a primary role here.