Firestorm

by Radclyffe

  “Oh, you’re a rookie.” Chantal managed to lean her head back while pressing her breasts even more tightly against Jac’s. She had nice breasts, full and firm and probably not all completely original, but nice all the same. Jac straightened to ease some of the contact. She didn’t usually go in for bar pickups, at least not without a little conversation and a bit of connection first, and she was totally not in the mood at the moment. She’d only agreed to dance to get away from the uncomfortable tension at the table.

  Mallory obviously wasn’t happy to see her, and that hurt. She kept trying to figure out what she’d done wrong. What she’d said, what invisible line she’d crossed. She appreciated boundaries. She respected them. She never would’ve pushed Mallory… Okay, maybe that wasn’t true. Maybe she had pushed. Mallory fascinated her. Mallory was aloof, remote, controlled—everything Jac understood and most of the time emulated. But there were moments when Mallory smiled at her, and the sky opened and sunlight drenched her. Waiting for those moments seemed endless, and then when they came, when she and Mallory connected, every second of waiting was worth it.

  “Hey,” Chantal murmured, skating her fingertips down Jac’s neck. “I hear boot camp is really rough. All the guys complain about what a ballbuster it is. You could probably use a good massage. I’ve got a great hot tub back at my place. We could—”

  “I don’t think so, Chantal,” Jac said. “Really, I appreciate it, but—”

  “Baby,” Chantal said laughing lightly, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’re not going to have a lot of choices around here. And trust me, neither Mallory or Emily is really your speed.”

  Jac stiffened. “I’m sorry?”

  “Come on, baby—with a reputation like yours, you need a woman who’s been around, and I bet I can show you things even you haven’t done before.”

  “I don’t recall us meeting before, and you I’d remember.” Jac forced a playful tone. “So how do you know anything—”

  Chantal waved her hand dismissively. “A face like yours is hard to hide. Hey, baby—really, it’s cool. I think I could really get off doing a celebrity.”

  “Probably. But not tonight.” Jac’s guts turned to ice. Maybe she’d been fooling herself that she’d found a safe haven at Yellowrock. Maybe she’d never outlive her past or her birthright.

  “Tell me you wouldn’t like a little TLC.” Chantal rolled her hips into Jac’s crotch.

  Jac registered the pressure and the surge of sensation shooting through her pelvis and down her legs. Was that what she wanted? Someone to take her mind off what she shouldn’t want and couldn’t have? She wouldn’t mind not thinking, not guarding, not second-guessing everything and everyone for an hour or two. She’d never really been able to do that with anyone, except Mallory. Everything came back to Mallory. “I’m not fond of one-way streets, and I’m running on empty. I think I’m gonna have to take a rain check.”

  Chantal pretended to pout and gave up all pretense of two-stepping. She wrapped both arms around Jac’s neck and cleaved to her, her mouth moving indolently against Jac’s neck. Jac just prayed for the song to end. She wasn’t made of stone, and Chantal was hot and wanting. She really needed to escape before she gave in and took Chantal up on her offer out of sheer fatigue.

  Cooper tapped Jac on the shoulder. “Cut in, Russo?”

  Jac could’ve kissed him, but damn it, her mother’s manners kicked in and she hesitated, glancing at Chantal. “Okay?”

  Chantal shrugged and gave Cooper a hot smile. “Sure. Coop and I are old friends, aren’t we?”

  “Not so old, gorgeous.” Cooper laughed and pulled Chantal into his arms.

  Jac backed away and bumped into Ray. “Sorry.”

  “No problem.” He tapped Mallory on the shoulder as she danced close by with Emily. “Cutting in.”

  Mallory released Emily, and her eyes met Jac’s. “Guess we’ve been retired.”

  The fire in Mallory’s gaze melted the ice in Jac’s belly. “Want to dance?”

  Jac held her breath while she waited for Mallory to say no.

  “Okay,” Mallory said softly, and Jac stopped breathing altogether. When Jac didn’t move, Mallory laughed. “Having second thoughts?”

  “No,” Jac said quickly, sucking in a breath. She willed her feet to move and prayed she could remember what she was supposed to do.

  Holding out her left hand, she slid her right arm around Mallory’s waist. Mallory moved close. Their bodies didn’t touch, but heat shimmered between them all the same. Jac licked her lips. “I guess I should warn you now, it’s my first time.”

  Mallory laughed again, free and unburdened, and she was so incredibly beautiful Jac wanted to kiss her throat where the sound echoed.

  “Thank you so much for telling me ahead of time.” Mallory leaned close and whispered, “I could lead if you need me to.”

  “I’d like to try, but it’s up to you. I do know how to follow.”

  “Why don’t you go ahead and we’ll see how you do.”

  The music changed, slowed, and Jac found she could manage the waltz steps fine as long as she didn’t think too long about the way Mallory fit in her arms, the way her hair smelled like honeysuckle and sweet clover, the way Mallory’s fingers slid so easily between hers.

  “Jac?” Mallory murmured, her cheek grazing Jac’s.

  “Yeah?” Jac said, ordering herself not to look down at their feet.

  “You’re shaking.”

  “I’m terrified.”

  “Do I scare you?”

  Mallory’s breasts and belly and thighs glided over Jac’s, subtle and so, so sexy. Jac couldn’t think, lost track of the people moving around them, forgot her own name. “You have no idea.”

  “You survived Chantal.” Mallory’s lips were so close to Jac’s ear, Jac could hear each breath, feel the warm exhalations trickle down her neck.

  Jac swallowed back the plume of excitement that shot through her chest. “You could’ve warned me.”

  “I didn’t want to make assumptions. She might have been exactly what you were looking for.”

  “You know she isn’t, don’t you?” Jac spread her fingers over Mallory’s lower back but didn’t pull her closer.

  “Jac,” Mallory said, her tone a warning even as she trailed her fingers across Jac’s shoulders and into the hair at the back of her neck. Her mouth skimmed Jac’s earlobe. “We have a rule I haven’t gotten around to telling you.”

  “What’s that?” Jac forced herself not to tense. Here it comes. The escape clause, the exit, the line that couldn’t be crossed.

  Mallory leaned back, the playfulness gone from her eyes. She was still so close their lips nearly touched. “What happens in Bear Creek stays in Bear Creek.”

  “Wouldn’t have it any other way.” Jac wondered if Mallory was talking about herself or Chantal.

  “Good. I wouldn’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

  “Don’t worry, I understand the rules.” The song wound down and Mallory pulled away. Jac still had enough sense left to know wherever they were going, Mallory was leading. She let her go.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Oh my God.” Gasping, Emily dropped into the seat beside Mallory, brushed damp hair back from her face with one hand, and reached for her beer with the other. “I don’t think I’ve danced as much in a year.”

  “I’m sorry, I should have taken you out more often.” Mallory drained her own club soda. “I think I’ve let you spoil me with home-cooked meals and all your attention.”

  “No complaints from me.” Emily leaned against Mallory’s shoulder and clasped her hand. “You’re a pleasure to spoil, and I’ve always liked quiet nights in. I’d forgotten what a great dancer you are, though.”

  “Your dance card seemed to be pretty full tonight,” Mallory noted. Ray, then Anderson, and eventually Sarah had all danced with Emily. Mallory had declined several invitations and escaped to the sidelines. She enjoyed dancing, but after she’d almost lost h
er grip out there with Jac, she decided the safest place for her was with her ass in a chair. Jac was still on the floor, and Mallory studiously avoided looking for her. She still couldn’t believe she had come a breath away from kissing her. On the dance floor at Tommy’s. Could she possibly do anything more stupid? Well, yes—she could have invited Jac to spend the rest of the night with her at Big Sky Lodge, the only hotel in town. What happens in Bear Creek… God, she’d almost given in to the fist of want pounding away in her belly. Jac had made it pretty clear she was willing. And she smelled so good—mountain pine, clean and sharp—and her body was so tight and hot. Jac would be damn near irresistible under any circumstances, but add in her stubborn determination to excel and her touching honesty and her quiet humor and her gorgeous, intense eyes that looked right through the darkest shields… Oh, she was so, so tempting. Mallory rubbed her eyes, as if that would dispel the images that rippled through her mind like an endless stream of teasing caresses.

  “You’re not having a very good time, are you?” Emily said softly.

  Mallory jumped. “No, I’m having a great time. You were right. I’m glad we came out.”

  Emily stretched and sighed, looking and sounding content. “I have to work tomorrow. I hate to say this, but I should probably go.”

  “Okay,” Mallory said, hoping she didn’t sound too relieved. “I’m ready.” She rose quickly and lifted Emily’s coat from the back of her chair, holding it so Emily could slide into it.

  “You can stay, you know.” Emily turned and placed both palms against Mallory’s chest. “I think we know each other well enough to be honest about things like this. Wherever your head is, you’re not thinking about coming home with me. It’s okay.”

  “Ah God, Em.” Mallory looped her arms around Emily’s waist inside her coat and tilted her forehead against Emily’s. “I’m a jerk. You may not want to be on a pedestal, but I swear you deserve one.”

  “If I was inclined to be angry with you—which I’m not—your charm would save you.” Laughing, Emily kissed Mallory lightly. “If you want me on a pedestal, I’ll be more than happy to stay there. All the same, for tonight at least, I think we should leave it at dinner and dancing.”

  “Thanks,” Mallory said, her chest tightening. She should go home with Emily, make love with her, sleep peacefully. Awake content. Content was good, better than crazy with need and want and doubt. Emily might not have her heart, but Emily didn’t mind, and with Emily, she’d never risk losing her soul. She would be safe. “I know you might not believe this, but you really are exactly what I needed tonight.”

  “Good. And likewise.” Emily waited while Mallory got her coat on, then took her hand. “Ready to get out of here?”

  Mallory looked past Emily to the dance floor. Sarah and Ray were dancing. So were Jac and Chantal. She could stay—Emily would understand. She could make that offer to Jac—spend the night with her, burn with her until the fire burned itself out. But she’d never be safe with Jac—not even for a night. Jac got too close, made her want too much. If she cared, she’d be vulnerable, and she wouldn’t be, couldn’t be, again.

  Mallory looked away, certain of her choice despite the lead weight dragging at her heart. “More than ready. Let’s go.”

  *

  Jac watched Mallory and Emily leave hand in hand, a hard ache filling her chest. Dumb reaction. They came together, of course they were going to leave together. They were on a date.

  “Thanks for the dance,” Jac said, steering Chantal off the floor. The crowd in Tommy’s showed no sign of winding down, even though it was after one. She wasn’t tired, at least not physically, but she felt kind of like she did after an afternoon in the slamulator. Bruised and weary. Being around Mallory all night, brushing shoulders with her, trading pleasantries, pretending she didn’t want more, had tired her out in spirit. She pretty much just wanted to climb into her sleeping bag, close her eyes, and shut out the world for a couple of hours. Then she’d be ready to face Mallory, the last of boot camp, and a season of being around a woman she wanted so badly to reach, who didn’t want her anywhere around. “I’ve got an early day tomorrow, so I’m going to call it a night.”

  “The offer of the Jacuzzi and a massage is still open.” Chantal wrapped her arms around Jac’s neck, stood on her tiptoes, and nipped at Jac’s lower lip. Her breath tasted of lime and gin. Her body threw off sex like a coin-operated vibrating bed, relentless and just as impersonal.

  Jac knew damn well Chantal’s attraction had nothing to do with her, and everything to do with what Chantal saw as a new adventure. Jac was as adventurous as the next woman, but she didn’t like the idea of being a notch on anyone’s bedpost. And the idea of making love to a woman who wanted nothing more than a thrill, no matter who gave it to her, left her cold. She’d had a lifetime of being chased after because of her name. Her solution had been to surround herself with strangers, and now she’d had enough. If she couldn’t do more than slide against a body in the dark for a few mindless hours and wake up as empty as when she went to bed, she’d do without. “Yeah, thanks, but I’d better just get going.”

  “Some other time, then.”

  “Good night.” Jac escaped into the crowd before she made a remark she couldn’t take back and would surely regret. Sarah was back at the table, and Jac squatted beside her. “I was thinking I ought to get back to base. If you’re not ready to go, I should be able to catch a ride with one of the guys.”

  “No,” Sarah said, “I’m about done in myself. I don’t think I’ve danced this much in years.” She collected her things and stood. “Let’s say good night to the guys and get out of here. Mallory left already, I think.”

  “Yeah, she did,” Jac said abruptly. She didn’t want to talk about Mallory or Emily. “You want me to drive? I haven’t had anything to drink in over an hour.”

  Sarah shook her head. “Neither have I. God, we’re really party animals.”

  “Yeah,” Jac said, not sorry she’d come, but glad to be leaving the relentless hunt for an antidote to loneliness behind. “We’re dangerous all right.”

  Outside, the inky sky was crystal clear and almost painfully bright after the murky light in Tommy’s. Splinters of moonlight illuminated the road as Sarah drove back to base. Theirs was the only car on the highway, and Jac could almost believe they were on another planet—remote and void of any other life. The barrenness mirrored the hollow ache in her core, a not unfamiliar sensation. The first time she’d felt that cold isolation had been when she’d been twelve and she’d overheard her father in his study dictating a press statement outlining his position against gay marriage. He’d used words like “unnatural,” “amoral,” “a sin against God,” and she’d known he was talking about her. She’d wondered then if he would say the same things when he learned about her and hoped he would change his mind, because she didn’t think she could change herself. When she’d been unwilling to hide and unable to lie, she’d learned that his feelings wouldn’t change either. Knowing her, supposedly loving her, had not made a difference. Perhaps that was when she had learned that being known and still being rejected was far worse than being discounted through ignorance and fear. Maybe that was when she’d stopped wanting to be known.

  Jac tilted her head back against the seat and stared up at nothing, wishing she knew how to close the door again on longing.

  “Tired?” Sarah asked gently.

  “A little footsore,” Jac murmured. “Obviously, I didn’t know what I was in for at Tommy’s. I think I danced with every single person in the bar.”

  Sarah laughed. “I guess I should’ve warned you that new blood in a place as small as Bear Creek requires everyone to investigate.”

  “No problem.”

  “You’ve really got the moves down now. I don’t know what excuse I’m going to use the next time I want to get you to go out with me.”

  “All you have to do is ask, lessons not required,” Jac said. “I’m at your service.”

  S
arah laughed. “Be careful what you offer, cowboy.”

  Jac glanced down at her feet. “I guess I’m gonna have to get appropriate foot apparel.”

  Sarah’s eyes lit up. “Oh, let me know when you want to go shopping. There’s a great new place in town.”

  Jac shook her head. Shopping with a straight girl. Turning down an invitation for a night of wild sex with a hot woman. Could her life get any stranger? “Okay, I’ll let you know—if I’m still around, that is. I have to get through the last ten days.”

  “You’re not really worried, are you? You’re doing great.”

  “We still have the field training left to do. I haven’t exactly impressed Mallory so far.”

  Sarah glanced over at her, her brows a dark slash across her forehead in the moonlight. “It’s not about impressing her, you know that, right?”

  “I know. She’s totally fair. She’s a great training instructor.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Jac’s face heated. Sarah sounded as if she was waiting for Jac to say more, but there was nothing she could—or would—say. Mallory had been nothing but professional. Jac was the one out of bounds, and she sure wasn’t going to share her frustration with Mallory’s best friend.

  “You now, Jac—” Sarah’s cell rang and she fumbled in the pocket of her jacket. “Hello?…Hey, we were just—”

  Jac straightened. Something in Sarah’s tone put her on alert.

  “About half an hour—maybe a little bit less. What’s up?” Sarah nodded silently. “Okay. Jac is with me. Who else is at base?…Figures, everyone’s away…Hold on.” Sarah looked over at Jac. “How much search and rescue experience do you have?”

  “Plenty. I got certified when I worked at a ski lodge in college, and I had more than enough practice in the Guard.”