Endgame Act Without Words I
Page 5
Don’t stay there, you give me the shivers!
[Clov returns to his place beside the chair.]
Father!
[Pause. Louder.]
Father!
[Pause.]
Go and see did he hear me.
[Clov goes to Nagg’s bin, raises the lid, stoops. Unintelligible words. Clov straightens up.]
CLOV Yes.
HAMM Both times?
[Clov stoops. As before.]
CLOV Once only.
HAMM The first time or the second?
[Clov stoops. As before.]
CLOV He doesn’t know.
HAMM It must have been the second.
CLOV We’ll never know.
[He closes lid.]
HAMM Is he still crying?
CLOV No.
HAMM The dead go fast.
[Pause.]
What’s he doing?
CLOV Sucking his biscuit.
HAMM Life goes on.
[Clov returns to his place beside the chair.]
Give me a rug, I’m freezing.
CLOV There are no more rugs.
[Pause.]
HAMM Kiss me.
[Pause.]
Will you not kiss me?
CLOV No.
HAMM On the forehead.
CLOV I won’t kiss you anywhere.
[Pause.]
HAMM [holding out his hand] Give me your hand at least.
[Pause.]
Will you not give me your hand?
CLOV I won’t touch you.
[Pause.]
HAMM Give me the dog.
[Clov looks round for the dog.]
No!
CLOV Do you not want your dog?
HAMM No.
CLOV Then I’ll leave you.
HAMM [head bowed, absently] That’s right.
[Clov goes to door, turns.]
CLOV If I don’t kill that rat he’ll die.
HAMM [as before] That’s right.
[Exit Clov. Pause.]
Me to play.
[He takes out his handkerchief, unfolds it, holds it spread out before him.]
We’re getting on.
[Pause.]
You weep, and weep, for nothing, so as not to laugh, and little by little . . . you begin to grieve.
[He folds the handkerchief, puts it back in his pocket, raises his head.]
All those I might have helped.
[Pause.]
Helped!
[Pause.]
Saved.
[Pause.]
Saved!
[Pause.]
The place was crawling with them!
[Pause. Violently.]
Use your head, can’t you, use your head, you’re on earth, there’s no cure for that!
[Pause.]
Get out of here and love one another! Lick your neighbor as yourself!
[Pause. Calmer.]
When it wasn’t bread they wanted it was crumpets.
[Pause. Violently.]
Out of my sight and back to your petting parties!
[Pause.]
All that, all that!
[Pause.]
Not even a real dog!
[Calmer.]
The end is in the beginning and yet you go on.
[Pause.]
Perhaps I could go on with my story, end it and begin another.
[Pause.]
Perhaps I could throw myself out on the floor.
[He pushes himself painfully off his seat, falls back again.]
Dig my nails into the cracks and drag myself forward with my fingers.
[Pause.]
It will be the end and there I’ll be, wondering what can have brought it on and wondering what can have . . .
[he hesitates]
. . . why it was so long coming.
[Pause.]
There I’ll be, in the old shelter, alone against the silence and . . .
[he hesitates]
. . . the stillness. If I can hold my peace, and sit quiet, it will be all over with sound, and motion, all over and done with.
[Pause.]
I’ll have called my father and I’ll have called my . . .
[he hesitates]
. . . my son. And even twice, or three times, in case they shouldn’t have heard me, the first time, or the second.
[Pause.]
I’ll say to myself, He’ll come back.
[Pause.]
And then?
[Pause.]
And then?
[Pause.]
He couldn’t, he has gone too far.
[Pause.]
And then?
[Pause. Very agitated.]
All kinds of fantasies! That I’m being watched! A rat! Steps!
Breath held and then . . .
[He breathes out.]
Then babble, babble, words, like the solitary child who turns himself into children, two, three, so as to be together, and whisper together, in the dark.
[Pause.]
Moment upon moment, pattering down, like the millet grains of . . .
[he hesitates]
. . . that old Greek, and all life long you wait for that to mount up to a life.
[Pause. He opens his mouth to continue, renounces.]
Ah let’s get it over!
[He whistles. Enter Clov with alarm-clock. He halts beside the chair.]
What? Neither gone nor dead?
CLOV In spirit only.
HAMM Which?
CLOV Both.
HAMM Gone from me you’d be dead.
CLOV And vice versa.
HAMM Outside of here it’s death!
[Pause.]
And the rat?
CLOV He’s got away.
HAMM He can’t go far.
[Pause. Anxious.]
Eh?
CLOV He doesn’t need to go far.
[Pause.]
HAMM Is it not time for my pain-killer?
CLOV Yes.
HAMM Ah! At last! Give it to me! Quick!
[Pause.]
CLOV There’s no more pain-killer.
[Pause.]
HAMM [appalled] Good . . . !
[Pause.]
No more pain-killer!
CLOV No more pain-killer. You’ll never get any more pain-killer.
[Pause.]
HAMM But the little round box. It was full!
CLOV Yes. But now it’s empty.
[Pause. Clov starts to move about the room. He is looking for a place to put down the alarm-clock.]
HAMM [soft] What’ll I do?
[Pause. In a scream.]
What’ll I do?
[Clov sees the picture, takes it down, stands it on the floor with its face to the wall, hangs up the alarm-clock in its place.]
What are you doing?
CLOV Winding up.
HAMM Look at the earth.
CLOV Again!
HAMM Since it’s calling to you.
CLOV Is your throat sore?
[Pause.]
Would you like a lozenge?
[Pause.]
No.
[Pause.]
Pity.
[Clov goes, humming, towards window right, halts before it, looks up at it.]
HAMM Don’t sing.
CLOV [turning towards Hamm] One hasn’t the right to sing any more?
HAMM No.
CLOV Then how can it end?
HAMM You want it to end?
CLOV I want to sing.
HAMM I can’t prevent you.
[Pause. Clov turns towards window right.]
CLOV What did I do with that steps?
[He looks around for ladder.]
You didn’t see that steps?
[He sees it.]
Ah, about time.
[He goes towards window left.]
Sometimes I wonder if I’m in my right mind. Then it passes over and I’m as lucid as before.
[He gets up on ladder, looks out of window.]
Christ, she’s under water!
[He looks.]
How can that be?
[He pokes forward his head, his hand above his eyes.]
It hasn’t rained.
[He wipes the pane, looks. Pause.]
Ah what a fool I am! I’m on the wrong side!
[He gets down, takes a few steps towards window right.]
Under water!
[He goes back for ladder.]
What a fool I am!
[He carries ladder towards window right.]
Sometimes I wonder if I’m in my right senses. Then it passes off and I’m as intelligent as ever.
[He sets down ladder under window right, gets up on it, looks out of window. He turns towards Hamm.]
Any particular sector you fancy? Or merely the whole thing?
HAMM Whole thing.
CLOV The general effect? Just a moment.
[He looks out of window. Pause.]
HAMM Clov.
CLOV [absorbed] Mmm.
HAMM Do you know what it is?
CLOV [as before] Mmm.
HAMM I was never there.
[Pause.]
Clov!
CLOV [turning towards Hamm, exasperated] What is it?
HAMM I was never there.
CLOV Lucky for you.
[He looks out of window.]
HAMM Absent, always. It all happened without me. I don’t know what’s happened.
[Pause.]
Do you know what’s happened?
[Pause.]
Clov!
CLOV [turning towards Hamm, exasperated] Do you want me to look at this muckheap, yes or no?
HAMM Answer me first.
CLOV What?
HAMM Do you know what’s happened?
CLOV When? Where?
HAMM [violently] When! What’s happened? Use your head, can’t you!
What has happened?
CLOV What for Christ’s sake does it matter?
[He looks out of window.]
HAMM I don’t know.
[Pause. Clov turns towards Hamm.]
CLOV [harshly] When old Mother Pegg asked you for oil for her lamp and you told her to get out to hell, you knew what was happening then, no?
[Pause.]
You know what she died of, Mother Pegg? Of darkness.
HAMM [feebly] I hadn’t any.
CLOV [as before] Yes, you had.
[Pause.]
HAMM Have you the glass?
CLOV No, it’s clear enough as it is.
HAMM Go and get it.
[Pause. Clov casts up his eyes, brandishes his fists. He loses balance, clutches on to the ladder. He starts to get down, halts.]
CLOV There’s one thing I’ll never understand.
[He gets down.]
Why I always obey you. Can you explain that to me?
HAMM No. . . . Perhaps it’s compassion.
[Pause.]
A kind of great compassion.
[Pause.]
Oh you won’t find it easy, you won’t find it easy.
[Pause. Clov begins to move about the room in search of the telescope.]
CLOV I’m tired of our goings on, very tired.
[He searches.]
You’re not sitting on it?
[He moves the chair, looks at the place where it stood, resumes his search.]
HAMM [anguished] Don’t leave me there!
[Angrily Clov restores the chair to its place.]
Am I right in the center?
CLOV You’d need a microscope to find this—
[He sees the telescope.]
Ah, about time.
[He picks up the telescope, gets up on the ladder, turns the telescope on the without.]
HAMM Give me the dog.
CLOV [looking] Quiet!
HAMM [angrily] Give me the dog!
[Clov drops the telescope, clasps his hands to his head. Pause. He gets down precipitately, looks for the dog, sees it, picks it up, hastens towards Hamm and strikes him violently on the head with the dog.]
CLOV There’s your dog for you!
[The dog falls to the ground. Pause.]
HAMM He hit me!
CLOV You drive me mad, I’m mad!
HAMM If you must hit me, hit me with the axe.
[Pause.]
Or with the gaff, hit me with the gaff. Not with the dog. With the gaff. Or with the axe.
[Clov picks up the dog and gives it to Hamm who takes it in his arms.]
CLOV [imploringly] Let’s stop playing!
HAMM Never!
[Pause.]
Put me in my coffin.
CLOV There are no more coffins.
HAMM Then let it end!
[Clov goes towards ladder.]
With a bang!
[Clov gets up on ladder, gets down again, looks for telescope, sees it, picks it up, gets up ladder, raises telescope.]
Of darkness! And me? Did anyone ever have pity on me?
CLOV [lowering the telescope, turning towards Hamm] What?
[Pause.]
Is it me you’re referring to?
HAMM [angrily] An aside, ape! Did you never hear an aside before?
[Pause.]
I’m warming up for my last soliloquy.
CLOV I warn you. I’m going to look at this filth since it’s an order.
But it’s the last time.
[He turns the telescope on the without.]
Let’s see.
[He moves the telescope.]
Nothing . . . nothing . . . good . . . good . . . nothing . . . goo—
[He starts, lowers the telescope, examines it, turns it again on the without. Pause.]
Bad luck to it!
HAMM More complications!
[Clov gets down.]
Not an underplot, I trust.
[Clov moves ladder nearer window, gets up on it, turns telescope on the without.]
CLOV [dismayed] Looks like a small boy!
HAMM [sarcastic] A small . . . boy!
CLOV I’ll go and see.
[He gets down, drops the telescope, goes towards door, turns.]
I’ll take the gaff.
[He looks for the gaff, sees it, picks it up, hastens towards door.]
HAMM No!
[Clov halts.]
CLOV No? A potential procreator?
HAMM If he exists he’ll die there or he’ll come here. And if he doesn’t . . .
[Pause.]
CLOV You don’t believe me? You think I’m inventing?
[Pause.]
HAMM It’s the end, Clov, we’ve come to the end. I don’t need you any more.
[Pause.]
CLOV Lucky for you.
[He goes towards door.]
HAMM Leave me the gaff.
[Clov gives him the gaff, goes towards door, halts, looks at alarm-clock, takes it down, looks round for a better place to put it, goes to bins, puts it on lid of Nagg’s bin. Pause.]
CLOV I’ll leave you.
[He goes towards door.]
HAMM Before you go . . .
[Clov halts near door.]
. . . say something.
CLOV There is nothing to say.
HAMM A few words . . . to ponder . . . in my heart.
CLOV Your heart!
HAMM Yes.
[Pause. Forcibly.]
Yes!
[Pause.]
With the rest, in the end, the shadows, the murmurs, all the trouble, to end up with.
[Pause.]
Clov. . . . He never spoke to me. Then, in the end, before he went, without my having asked him, he spoke to me. He said . . .
CLOV [despairingly] Ah . . . !
HAMM Something . . . from your heart.
CLOV My heart!
HAMM A few words . . . from your heart.
[Pause.]
CLOV [fixed gaze, tonelessly, towards auditorium] They said to me, That’s love, yes, yes, not a doubt, now you see how—
HAMM Articulate!
CLOV [as before] How easy it is. They said to me, That’s friendship, yes, yes, no question, you’ve found it. They said to me, Here’s the place, stop, raise your head and look at all that beauty. That order! They said to me, Come now, you’re not a brute beast, think upon these things and you’ll see how all becomes clear. And simple! They said to me, What skilled attention they get, all these dying of their wounds.
HAMM Enough!
CLOV [as before] I say to myself—sometimes, Clov, you must learn to suffer better than that if you want them to weary of punishing you—one day. I say to myself—sometimes, Clov, you must be there better than that if you want them to let you go—one day. But I feel too old, and too far, to form new habits. Good, it’ll never end, I’ll never go.
[Pause.]
Then one day, suddenly, it ends, it changes, I don’t understand, it dies, or it’s me, I don’t understand, that either. I ask the words that remain—sleeping, waking, morning, evening. They have nothing to say.
[Pause.]
I open the door of the cell and go. I am so bowed I only see my feet, if I open my eyes, and between my legs a little trail of black dust. I say to myself that the earth is extinguished, though I never saw it lit.
[Pause.]
It’s easy going.
[Pause.]
When I fall I’ll weep for happiness.
[Pause. He goes towards door.]
HAMM Clov!
[Clov halts, without turning.]
Nothing.
[Clov moves on.]
Clov!
[Clov halts, without turning.]
CLOV This is what we call making an exit.
HAMM I’m obliged to you, Clov. For your services.
CLOV [turning, sharply] Ah pardon, it’s I am obliged to you.
HAMM It’s we are obliged to each other.
[Pause. Clov goes towards door.]
One thing more.
[Clov halts.]
A last favor.
[Exit Clov.]
Cover me with the sheet.
[Long pause.]
No? Good.
[Pause.]
Me to play.
[Pause. Wearily.]
Old endgame lost of old, play and lose and have done with losing.
[Pause. More animated.]
Let me see.
[Pause.]
Ah yes!
[He tries to move the chair, using the gaff as before. Enter Clov, dressed for the road. Panama hat, tweed coat, raincoat over his arm, umbrella, bag. He halts by the door and stands there, impassive and motionless, his eyes fixed on Hamm, till the end. Hamm gives up.]
Good.
[Pause.]
Discard.
[He throws away the gaff, makes to throw away the dog, thinks better of it.]
Take it easy.
[Pause.]
And now?