Zombies On The Block | Book 8 | Better Off Dead

by Evans, Mike

  Nick yelled, “Babe, what the hell are you doing?”

  “They’re dead! They’re all fucking dead!”

  “Who’s dead, what happened? Oh god, please tell me it isn’t one of the boys.”

  “Why would it be one of the boys, Nick? I’m in Ames!”

  God forbid he thought first about her and the kids. He said, “Thank god, what are you screaming about, are you running?”

  “Fuck yes, I’m trying to get to the van. You don’t know what’s going on?”

  Nick looked down at his bare legs thinking that he absolutely didn’t know what was happening. Nick said, “I don’t know what’s happening, could you give me a clue?”

  “Some goddamn nightmare came to life!”

  Nick felt frustration, not so much worry. There had to be an easier answer than whatever it was she was saying. They’d been on the phone for over a minute and the only thing he was getting out of this conversation was confusion and love. Nick uncharacteristically yelled, “Jesus, god, could you please tell me what is going on?”

  Trisha said, “Nick Lambert, do not scream at me! It is not my fault that this is happening. I can quite honestly say I don't really understand what in the fuck is happening! Are you trying to tell me that everything in Illinois is completely normal right now?

  “Other than the explosive diarrhea, yeah just about everything is normal.”

  “Oh of course, there's a zombie apocalypse happening in Iowa and the worst thing that you need to worry about is your poop splattering your butt. I don't understand how you could possibly be so lucky. I'm trying to get to the van then I'm going to get home and I want you to figure out some way to get your ass here. I don't care if the bigwigs have meetings or not, you need to get home and you need to do it as soon as possible. Do you understand?”

  “Yeah, I understand needing to get home, but other than that every single thing you have been saying hasn't made a goddamn bit worth of sense. What the hell are you talking about zombies, did you get into some of the nitrous at work by accident?”

  “No, dear, I did not get into the nitrous. Thank you for your deep concerns about my well-being. This little shit at the dentist office turned into a damn zombie. I thought that he had died and then everybody blamed me for him dying but then he came back out of nowhere. He turned purple and then he started trying to kill everyone! Dr. Matt, his parents, his brother and sister! I don't feel like the world is going to lose out on a whole lot not having them, however it was still pretty damn fucked up.”

  Nick was beginning to wonder if she was telling the truth at this point. She was more of a catching her husband doing something horribly stupid on the phone type of wife, not so much the practical joker type like some were. Nick said, “I'll get home. I'll make something up. It doesn't matter; you guys are more important than anything going on today. Just get to the van and let me know when you get home. I bet Lexi is losing her shit right now.”

  Trisha was going to say something when the door to the bathroom shook a few inches, almost knocking it off of the hinges. Nick knew the shop crew had no issues giving people a hard time but for the love of God, really, he thought when you're trying to take a shit. Just as he looked back down to say something to Trisha the door shook again. However, this time it wasn't so much that it shook but that it was the undoing of the door. It splintered, ripping the door frame from its place and Harry and Dean who both looked ridiculously frightened fell on the floor next to Nick's polished shoes.

  Nick peered down at them, rage boiling his blood. This was more than he wanted to deal with right now. Just having diarrhea was bad enough. Compounding that with confusion, fear for his wife and kids, and now having to finish this up and get on a plane with or without his bosses was the cherry on this horrible soon to be bloody sundae. He was probably having the hardest time with trying to wrap his head around everyone at her doctor's office being dead. He still didn’t understand anything, but his wife wouldn’t do anything that would put his job at risk if it wasn’t life or death.

  Nick looked down at his hands only now realizing that the plop he had heard was not from his insides. No, this was worse, this plop was an Apple iPhone now sunken inside of some very dark murky waters below. Nick’s stomach turned a little at the unjoyful thought of getting to reach down into his own waste. God forbid this happened on a day where he was capable of producing solid foot long pieces of shit. Nick yelled, “Are you guys fucking insane? What the hell is wrong with you?”

  Dean yelled as he tried to push up off Harry, “What in the hell do you mean what is wrong with us? Did you not hear anything going on out in the shop?”

  “Kind of busy in here, Dean. What the hell are you talking about? My wife called me sounding batshit crazy screaming that I had to get home, that everyone at her work is dead and there's fucking zombies. Is it just me or does Monday have to try and take a crap on your head at least once a month? If it wasn't a weekly thing, you'd have to say it was the period of the day in the month.”

  Neither of them needed to say anything. All explanations were going to be answered immediately. Travis raced towards the doorway making some sort of a scream sound. It was hard to tell what it was and without his Adam's apple there was hardly a sound. When Nick saw him, everything his wife had talked about immediately began to make a helluva lot more sense.

  Nick started pulling toilet paper as fast as he could off the roller and Dean screamed, “Are you fucking kidding me? Get up we need to get out of here.”

  Nick said, “Who said that I'm going anywhere with you guys?”

  “Because I don't remember giving you an option,” Harry yelled back.

  Dean said, “Everyone in the office is either running for their lives or chasing after someone that must still have one. It's a fat shit show going on up there and the only options that I see right now are us getting in the Van Wall plane and making our way up into the fresh blue skies.”

  “I can't leave the owner. I'm sure the two of you don't understand but that isn't really like the greatest thing for a career in aviation by stealing the plane, leaving the clients, leaving the owner of the plane, and not letting them at the very least know that you are doing any of those things.”

  “If they are in the plane when we get to it, then we gots to go. I don't think you appreciate the crazy associated right now with these things.”

  Nick felt like he was beginning to get a grip on the situation very quickly. He had always been a quick learner, and this of course was not going to be any exception to the rule. Today wasn’t going to be any type of day for the slow minded to survive, it was a day of thinking on your feet or being eaten on your back. Nick stood quickly pulling up his pants knowing he was going to be changing them in a second when he got up in the air. He saw Travis racing towards him and couldn’t say anything. The blood pouring out of his purple neck did little to make him feel at ease about anything happening.

  Nick pointed and Dean saw him coming just in the nick of time. When Travis made it to the bathroom, he was met by Dean who was up on his feet and ready to take him just in time. Dean dodged to the side, bumping Harry backwards into Nick. Dean took hold of Travis’s neck and slammed his face down into the ledge of the cheap once white porcelain sink. Travis didn’t so much as utter a word when he hit the sink. His days of speaking were over, and he was now just a purple freak. Dean brought him down a second time, breaking the sink off clean, where it landed on the floor. Dean was fighting to keep a hold on the rear of his neck. Travis wasn’t aware of how to get free but once he did, he wanted to eat...that craving was all consuming.

  Harry said, “What are we gonna do? He isn’t alone.”

  “What we, you aren’t doin’ shit!” Nick yelled back.

  Harry got in front of the doorway and shut the broken door hard forgetting that it needed to be able to click to stay shut. Harry jumped when the door bounced back hitting himself in the face with it, scaring him more than hurting. He pushed against the door, trying to keep
it shut. Joe and Phil both hit the door at once, knocking him back far enough to let Joe get his hand through the door. Harry put all of his weight into it and it was just barely enough to keep them out.

  Harry knew he needed Dean’s weight to keep this thing shut. Dean was definitely busy at the moment. He was going to need someone though. Nick was in-between pants being pulled up and going out of his way to make sure his only current way to make contact to his wife was not lost. That meant to Harry’s horror that he was watching Nick elbow deep in his own shit...quite literally. Harry yelled, “If you could get your hand out of the shitter, I could use what little weight you have to offer me.”

  Nick was no happier about the fact that he was having to do this and couldn’t help but feel his stomach gurgling wanting to puke up what was left in his stomach. Nick pulled up a soaking wet no longer White iPhone from the murky depths of the scary waters below. Nick yelled, “Yes I got it! Tricia are you still there are you still there?”

  Harry repeated himself this time much louder screaming, “For the love of God if you ever want to talk to her again get off your ass please. I need you to put some weight up against this door. I've seen more of you today than I want to for an entire fucking lifetime.”

  “Hey, it isn't like I was planning on you guys coming in here. I can't help it that your Mexican restaurant gave me the shits from hell.”

  Dean, who was still holding tight onto the back of Travis, was looking at the sink thinking he had an idea. Guaranteed to be one that quite possibly was going to make him want to puke but for the love of God there was no way he was sticking his head anywhere near that toilet after the decimation that Nick had done to it. Dean held Travis as best as he could putting weight on him and running his neck left to right to left to right trying his absolute damndest to do what he wasn't sure was even possible.

  Blood and some sort of black ooze began coming out of his neck covering the floor and making it quite slippery where Dean was trying his best to keep his balance. Dean didn't quite make it all the way through when he slipped, not letting go of Travis but unfortunately not helping himself either by pulling him down on the floor next to himself.

  Dean yelled, “Oh holy fuck. Somebody get this guy before…”

  Dean screamed this time there was no question about what had just happened. Travis had no shortage of blood or ooze or some weird mixture coming from him it was hard to say. But they were more concerned with what Travis was doing as he was tearing away at Dean's shirt, ripping flesh just as quickly as he possibly could. Nick was having issues dealing with seeing all this. It was a bloody mess, only in the best horror movies he’d seen.

  Nick managed to get up on his feet and used what would have just looked like a regular kick, but it wasn't. His years of taekwondo were hard to forget when it came down to muscle memory. Nick had hard heeled shoes on as well and he brought it with enough force that he sent Travis flying off Dean up into the air and bouncing off the wall.

  Harry watched this in horror, knowing what the outcome was and what was going to be coming next. Nick yelled, “Dean come on let's go, hurry up! I'll give you a hand, come on we gotta get up against that door and we got to regroup. Even a shitty plan is better than no plan.”

  Harry said, “Get your hand away from him Nick! You don't understand what's going on here.”

  “Zombies, Dean got bit, you guys broke the sink, broke the door, made me drop my phone what am I missing?”

  Dean took hold of Nick's arm pulling him down towards himself. Harry watched this wondering if it made any difference at all where you got bit and how long this change took to happen. There wouldn't be any answers immediately, and to find out most of the answers, he was going to have to survive and lose quite a few people. This was not something that Nick or Harry was down for. He was perfectly fine just not getting bit and then not having to deal with the repercussions and aftermath that would follow.

  Harry wasn't really the hero type but at the exact same time, he knew if Nick got bit and transitioned into one of...one of whatever the fuck these things were, that there would be no hope for himself. He still remembered the reason they really needed Nick was because he was the only one they knew that was not a purple freak that could get their asses up in the air where they might be safe and far away from here.

  Harry put his ass up against the door trying to keep Joe and Phil from making their way in. Harry did not think that a little education for Nick would hurt himself or Nick given the situation at hand. Harry said, “Nick, once they get bit, they turn into what Travis is. Dean is going to be like Travis quickly, I assure you. Now get away from him so we can get our shit figured out.”

  Chapter 14

  When Jake saw Emily being pulled beneath the top of the water his heart rose into his throat. There was no way that he was going to allow it if he could stop it. Regardless of if he was going to save her life, she was going to yell at him later because of it. But he wasn’t going to complain at all if it meant she was still alive. Jake looked at the pistol he’d been given and yelled, “Is this thing waterproof?”

  Michael said, “Like in the rain?”

  “Like in the pool!”

  “Don’t do it, Jake.”

  Jake yelled as he took off in a sprint, “Don’t shoot me in the back of the head!”

  Michael tried to reach forward to grab him before he did what he didn’t think the boy was crazy enough or stupid enough to do. But of course, that was exactly what he’d done. Jake unclipped the sling from around his neck tossing it backwards to Trevor who was happy as could be to receive it.

  Jake dropped the bag he’d been pulling mags out of and raced even faster kicking off his tennis shoes last second like only a teen could do, never slowing down. He did an impressive shake and bake as one of them leapt for him. Jake shoved another out of the way and pulled the pistol jumping as high as he could as he soared over those dead that were along the side of the pool. They’d piled high enough that this was not going to be a probable exit from the pool if he lived through this.

  Jake locked eyes with his mom. Fear and shock that she was seeing him here of all places didn’t register correctly inside her mind. The force from beneath her was more than she could handle and fight back against at the moment.

  Jake's heart was pounding probably harder than he'd ever experienced in his young life. He took the deepest breath that he could, not 100% sure if he'd be able to come back up for fresh air. Anytime that he got close to the water he turned into a fish, diving cleanly into the water and barely making a splash. The time he’d spent at the pool, diving over and over again was a motor skill at the moment that was only trumped by being able to shoot so accurately.

  Jake had to fight the urge to let all of his air out in a scream when he realized just how many of the purple freaks were under the goddamn water. He in no way had expected to see that many but as he had heard more than one time ‘open a hand crap in a hand’ from his grandpa Denny. Right now, he was actually thinking more about crapping in his pants because this was goddamn terrifying. Jake immediately started paddling, keeping out of reach of the dead’s fingertips braising his stomach making him also think about it touching him and getting a solid taste of puke in his mouth.

  He looked over, seeing his mom being pulled closer by the second to the dead that had been lucky enough to reach and grab her. She was not a quitter and was sure as hell not going easily to become this thing's damn meal. His mom was gouging at its eyes, punching it uselessly in the head, for it felt no pain and Jake thought she probably should have been trying to focus on going after its hands or fingers trying to break them, not to cause it pain but to make it release her.

  Jake felt a millisecond of ease as he realized successfully, he had stayed away from the dozens of dead beneath him. Jake started swimming directly to his mom kicking as hard as he could. His feet trying to balance a tightrope of not going above the water and at the same time not going low enough so that those damn things tried to eat
him. When he got within a few inches of her he saw that she had precious seconds left to live.

  The dead had its mouth stretched out further than a mouth should be able to go and was pulling her in the final few inches which would lead to her peril. Jake was not an idiot and knew that most people didn't outlive their parents, those that did left incredibly sad ones behind. But he sure as hell didn't want to lose his mom or dad before they were good and ready to go.

  Jake kicked until he couldn’t go any further towards his mom. He wasn’t about to test fire a gun for the first time beneath water while pointing it at her. The aftermath of a modification incident that involved a ricochet mixed with an unsuspecting mother on the couch and her rear end came to mind. Jake tried not to laugh thinking about it and shook it off. He knew he needed to be careful and when he got to where she was, he took a grip on the back of its hair, putting the gun up point blank to the side of its head, pointing in a safe direction and squeezed off two rounds in succession. The side of the zombie’s head looked as if a small bomb had gone off on the inside of it. Pieces of hair, skull, and bone seemed to go in a million different pieces and directions. When the hand let go of Emily, Jake pushed the dead down.