Southern Sunrise

by Madison, Natasha

  “I mean that I have to be in town for a meeting tomorrow,” he says.

  “A meeting on a Sunday?” I ask, confused.

  “Yeah, the CEO of the company takes off on Monday, and the only time he could squeeze me in is tomorrow.” He leans against the counter. “I couldn’t say no. It’s a big deal that he’s even talking to me. If I land this account, it’ll be huge.”

  “I mean, if you have to go, you have to go,” I say, putting the kettle on the stove to make tea. “I’m just …” I look down. “It’s the weekend, and I thought we were going to spend it together.”

  “Well, how about I make plans for you to join me next weekend?” he suggests, and I just shrug.

  “It’s just a busy time of year. You know this. It’s almost summer break, so there is so much going on. Not to mention the school carnival,” I remind him. “I just can’t leave.”

  “How about we just table it and see how you feel next weekend?” I’m about to tell him that it’s going to be the same answer, and he really needs to start listening to me when there is a knock on the door. “You expecting someone?” he asks. My heart picks up, thinking it might be Ethan—that he came back to talk—but I don’t tell him that. Walking to the front door, I open it and see that it’s Olivia.

  “Well, hello there,” she says, walking in, and I just take her in. She’s the prettiest woman I have ever seen, and I always want to dress and look like her. She just has a sense of style that comes off as not even trying. “I was wondering if you had time today to help me out.” I look at her. “I am in the middle of planning the carnival, and I would love some input.”

  “Oh, of course.” I smile at her. “Come in.” I turn and walk back to the kitchen. Drew is scrolling on his phone.

  “Oh, hello, Drew,” Olivia says, putting the paper on the island. “Don’t you look handsome.”

  “Thank you.” He smiles at her. “Honey,” he says to me, “I’m going to get going, so I can take my time driving there.”

  “Oh,” I say, surprised he’s leaving right away. “Okay.” I look at Olivia. “I’ll just walk him out, so make yourself at home.” As we walk down the hallway to the front door, our hands don’t even touch. I turn to hug him, and he hugs me with one arm. “Call me when you get in.” I smile at him, and he gives me a little peck on the lips.

  “Will do,” he says, turning and walking out. I watch him leave, waving to him, and then ignore the voices in my head.

  You need to let him go.

  You don’t love him.

  You don’t want to spend the rest of your life with him.

  He deserves to have someone love him with their whole heart and not just a piece of it.

  I walk back to the island, trying to get my stomach to settle, and give her a fake smile. “Did you know that I was a number one faker smiler?” she says to me as she makes tea. “I was so good at faking that I was okay that it became a habit.”

  “I’m fine,” I say, slipping onto the stool because my legs are not steady enough to stand.

  “I used to be fine also.” She looks at me. “Then, I wasn’t.”

  “It’s just a bit too much,” I finally tell her. She’s been so nice to me ever since I started dating Ethan and even beforehand. But when he left, she along with Kallie and Savannah gave me the strength I needed. They held my hand while I cried, while we all cried for him.

  “Do you know that I came here to hide?” She begins her story. “I was running away, and this place welcomed me. I have never felt so much love in my whole life.” I listen to her in awe as she tells me her story. She gives me all the horrid details, all the scary parts, and all the parts that made her the woman she is. “Love, it isn’t easy.”

  “But it should be,” I say. “It’s black and white. You either love or you don’t.”

  “Not if someone is lost,” she tells me. “Not if someone is fighting himself. Fighting to see them instead of seeing the good.”

  “I can’t do it,” I say. “I won’t survive it.”

  “But what if it’s different?” she asks. I know now that she didn’t come over for the school carnival or because she needed my help. Instead, she came over to hold my hand and make sure I was okay. It’s another reason I love the family; to them, I was family. To them, I was one of them, but to them, he was their everything.

  “But what if it isn’t?” I say. “I can’t risk it. I won’t risk it. He’s back, and I have to make my peace with that,” I say, grabbing the tea and bringing the cup to my lips. “We are two adults. We can co-exist.”

  “Do you think you can actually do that?” I look at her, thinking of my answer.

  “I have no idea,” I say. “He made his choice five years ago. I get to make my choice now.”

  “Good,” she says. “The best time to meet the bull head-on is to do it wearing red.” I laugh, thinking about how she tries to country almost everything. “Tomorrow, he’s going to be at the barbecue and so will you.”

  “Oh, I’m not going to be there,” I say. “I’m not doing that.”

  “Well, I have a message for you.” I listen to her as she sips her own tea. “From Billy.”

  “Oh, dear,” I say, putting down the cup of tea.

  “If you aren’t there tomorrow, he’s coming to get you.” She smiles. “And from that, you can assume that all of them will follow since he isn’t allowed to strain himself.”

  “Oh, god.” Closing my eyes, I know there is no getting out of this. “Fine. I’ll call Jenna.”

  “Good. Now …” She sits next to me. “Let’s go over some things for the carnival.”

  We spend a good three hours making sure we have everything in place, and when she leaves, I’m really excited about the carnival in two weeks. I make more notes while I watch television, and the loom and gloom of the barbecue hanging over my head means that sleep doesn’t come easy.

  I finally give up at dawn and get up. Making my coffee, I walk outside and take a seat on the porch to watch the sunrise. When I put the cup in the sink and walk to my bedroom, my stomach is in my throat. My heart is beating so fast that I have to sit several times while I get ready. I’ve changed at least forty times by the time Jenna yells that she is here and end up sliding on the white shorts that I feel most comfortable in. I roll the hem just a bit, making my long tan legs look even tanner. Grabbing a blue and white striped button-down shirt, I slip it on, then roll the sleeves up to my elbows and tie the front in a knot. I slip on my brown flip-flops, and I’m about to tie my hair when I hear a whistle behind me.

  “God, I wish I had your legs,” she says, and I shake my head. “You ready?”

  “Nope,” I say honestly. “Not even close, but we are going to go,” I say. “I’m going to smile and laugh, eat good food, and then I’ll come home and hopefully not throw up.”

  “Well, that sounds like a banging time. We should rush over there,” she says, making me laugh. “Brett says he is going to meet us there.” I don’t say anything, and when I get into her truck, and we get there, the barbecue is already bustling. We have to park out onto the road because all the trucks are already there.

  “It’s crazy how many people come every single weekend,” I say when we walk onto the grass and toward the backyard. There are four barbecues every week; the men take turns. I spot the teenagers all the way at the back, trying to play soccer. I make a quick scan of the backyard, and I don’t see him. My heart, on the other hand, doesn’t care and still picks up speed. “I might have to have one of Billy’s sweet teas.” I lean over to tell Jenna, and she just laughs.

  “Sweet tea, my ass,” she says. “That shit made me do things I never thought I would do.” She grimaces.

  “I don’t want to know or for you to tell me,” I say as we make our way over to Billy and Charlotte, who are greeting everyone. “Hey there,” I say, giving her a big hug and then hugging Billy. “Smells amazing.”

  “It’s nice to have you,” Billy says. “Although I was hoping I would have t
o come and get you, and she would let me out of her sight.” He motions to Charlotte with his head, and she wraps her arms around his waist.

  “I’ll never let you out of my sight.” She smiles at him, and he just leans down and kisses her.

  “Now that.” I point at them. “That’s the love you want in your life,” I say. Laughing, I turn to walk away and slam into someone. I know right away who it is; my body knows who it is. My heart definitely knows who it is. His hands grab my arms to make sure I don’t fall, and my hands go to his hips to steady myself. I swear all the laughing and talking stops as everyone watches this one moment. “I’m sorry,” I say to his chest, my eyes never looking up at him. He smells the same; no, he smells better than he did before. My body goes on high alert, and I drop my hands and step out of his reach, walking around him. My gaze never meeting his.

  “Holy, fuck me.” I hear Jenna mumble next to me. “He’s …”

  “An asshole,” I finish for her and walk to the table where the drinks are. “Are people still looking?” I ask, and she looks around. “No, but he is.”

  “Fuck,” I mumble and blink away tears. “This was such a bad idea.”

  “No,” Jenna says, grabbing her own sweet tea. “A bad idea would be you not coming.”

  “This is true,” I say and avoid the eyes that I know are staring at me.

  Chapter Ten

  Ethan

  I know it’s her the minute I start walking toward my grandparents. I’d know the sound of her laughter anywhere, and then I hear the words that cut me deep. “Now that, that’s the love you want in your life.”

  She turns to walk away from them and runs smack into my chest. My hands reach out to make sure she doesn’t fall. Her hands go to my hips, and my whole body goes on alert. I get so tense that I’m afraid I’m going to hurt her arms. The chattering around us stops, and everyone is looking at us. I look down, seeing her face and hoping for one minute that she looks up at me, and I can see her eyes.

  “I’m sorry,” she mumbles as her hands fall from my waist. She walks away from me, and I can’t stop my eyes from following her. Her head stays down until she hits the drink table, and then Jenna turns around to glare at me. I swear if looks could kill, I would be ten feet under already.

  “Don’t go there,” my grandfather says, and I look at him and my grandmother, who blinks away tears. “You don’t go there.” I look down and then up. “You need to fix yourself before you go there.” My grandmother walks away. “There are demons inside you, Ethan. You need to get them out before you take that step.”

  “She’s engaged,” I say.

  “Doesn’t mean shit,” he spits. “That man is not good enough for her. The only reason she probably took him was that he was another connection to you.”

  “Emily wouldn’t do that,” I say, ready to argue with him.

  “Not the same Emily you left behind,” my grandfather says, and all I can do is look back at the table. Only, she isn’t there. She’s hugging my mother and then moving around the yard, saying hello to everyone. She smiles as big as she can, but it’s as fake as can be. Not once do her eyes light up when she smiles. Not once do her eyes crinkle at the sides. I watch her from afar the whole time. I say hello to all the people I left behind. I say hello to my cousins, who are now grown. None of them say more than hey to me. Forget about Chelsea, Keith, and Toby—who don’t even come my way—and I’m not even going to mention Amelia and Travis, who pretend I don’t exist. My mother doesn’t leave my side for long, and when she does, it gives me a chance to breathe. I look around, seeing that Jacob is off to the far right with Kallie by his side the whole time as they sit at the table with Casey, Olivia, and Beau. None of them get up or come say hello to me.

  “We should get a picture,” my mother says to Billy. “All the boys are here. We need a new one for the bar.” She calls Quinn over and asks him to go wrangle all the boys, and you can see that he’s uncomfortable.

  “Why don’t we do it another time?” I say, and she looks at me. “All the kids are playing.”

  She smiles and nods. “I’ll be back.” Turning, I walk away from the barbecue and make my way to the barn. I look around, seeing if I can spot Emily. I spot Jenna with Brett laughing with another couple. Walking away, I enter the barn, and then I hear her voice.

  “You are so pretty,” she says. I watch her petting my horse, and it’s like she’s telling her all her secrets. “Oh, don’t you get all feisty on me.” She laughs at her as the horse huffs at her. “I snuck two apples and four sugar cubes.”

  “It’s not good to give the horse too much sugar,” I say, startling her. She turns to me, and the only true smile she had all day is gone when she sees me. “I didn’t know you would be in here.”

  “I was just leaving.” She turns and walks past me.

  “Emily.” I call her name, and she stops walking, but she doesn’t turn around. “We need to talk.”

  She turns now and looks me straight in the eyes. “Anything you had to say to me ended up on the side of the road when you opened the window and threw me away.”

  “I didn’t throw you away.” I advance on her. “I would never.”

  “Oh, but you did,” she says. “Besides, I don’t think there is anything you have to say that I want to hear.” She wipes away a tear. “Nothing.” I let her walk away from me, knowing that here’s not the time or the place for this. I let her walk away, knowing that the next time I won’t let her walk away from me.

  “It took her a long time,” my mother says behind me, “to get over you.” She walks in now. “It took us a long time.”

  I look down now, not sure what to say. “Yeah.”

  “I’ve been on pins and needles since you got here,” she starts, and I see her wringing her hands. “And I know that Beau said to give you some space”—her head shakes as she wipes away tears—“but I just can’t.”

  “We don’t have to do this today.”

  “No, we do,” she says. “For my sanity, for the kids, I need to say something.” She closes her eyes. “I thought telling Beau would have been hard, but telling you …” She lets out a huge breath. “I didn’t have the best upbringing.” She starts her story. “I was pregnant and alone. He told me he loved me, and I was stupid enough to believe it. Then he hid behind his father and made him deal with me.”

  I step forward to her. “Please don’t. I need to get this all out. I had no one to turn to, and I couldn’t tell the one person I wanted to tell. I caught Jacob while he was walking into prom, and I didn’t give him a choice. I was the one who didn’t want anyone to find out,” she tells me. “I was the one who kept it a secret and begged him not to say anything. It was me.” She finally sobs out. “You can’t hate him for what I did. You were raised surrounded by the best male influences you could ever want. You were raised to be polite and kind. You were raised with morals and compassion, something that Liam didn’t have in him. We loved you with everything that we had. We love you with everything that we are,” she says. Beau comes running in and takes her in his arms.

  “It’s okay.” He rubs her back. “It’s all okay.”

  “I have to tell him,” she says, pushing through.

  “To question who your father is after everything he gave up for you.” She shakes her head. “You have to know in your heart that he is your father regardless of whose blood runs through you. At the end of the day, you’re mine, and you’re Jacob’s, and I will fight anyone who says otherwise, including you.”

  She sounds angry now. “I know we lied to you, and I would do it again. But your life wasn’t a lie; your life was filled with so much love you wouldn’t need to walk because we would carry you. He searched for you the minute you left. He went to Casey, and well, not nice things were said, but he wouldn’t let him hide anything. They didn’t tell me all the details; they would just tell me you were safe. But …” She looks down and blocks the sob from her mouth with her hands. “The day you changed your name.” My mouth ope
ns. “Casey told him, and he collapsed on his knees as if someone had shot him in the chest. He tried to be strong the whole time, but that day, it took something from him. It took a piece away from him.” She shakes her head. “That’s what leaving did to the man who gave up everything for you. He didn’t give you his blood, but he gave you his name, and to me, that is more than just donating DNA.”

  “I never meant to hurt you guys,” I finally say. “I never meant to hurt you guys. But you have to see that I doubted everything. It made me doubt everything.”

  “Then we didn’t do a good enough job,” Beau says, and I want to tell them that they did everything right. “Because if we had done a good enough job, you wouldn’t have to doubt who you were or who you are.”

  “It wasn’t that easy,” I say, and he shakes his head. He’s about to say something else when Keith runs in, calling Beau.

  “Dad!” he shouts. “Chelsea is going to take the truck home.”

  They look at me, not wanting to walk away. “We can finish this at another time,” I tell them, and they walk away, leaving me by myself. Walking out of the barn, I avoid everyone this time. Billy sees me, and I just raise my hand, telling him I’m going. I don’t look for anyone else, and when I walk up the step to the house, I have to sit down. I feel like I’ve gone into a battlefield with no protection. My heart is torn into a million pieces. My mind is so scrambled that I have to close my eyes, and when I do that, the only face I see is hers. Her smile and her laughter as she looked at me as though I hung the moon and stars.

  It happens so fast that I don’t have time to stop myself. I don’t have time to think about what it’s going to do. I have no time for anything. Because my body is on autopilot, and I have to see her.

  I walk toward the house and see that no lights are on in the house. The stars are blinking in the sky, and I stand out here, and I’m about to knock when I hear her from behind me. “You shouldn’t be here,” she says, and I turn and see the hammock swinging side to side.