“I’ll do whatever you want to do,” I say, and I’m honest about it. “Until I snap. Because if I want to kiss you, I’m going to kiss you.”
She rolls her eyes. “Well, I see that didn’t change.”
“I’m the same man you fell in love with,” I say. “I just have a few broken pieces.”
“So do I,” she says, and I kiss her again.
“Will you call me when you get home?” I ask, not wanting her to go. I want her to stay and spend the night.
“I don’t have your number,” she tells me, and I smile.
“It’s the same as my old one. Casey kept paying the plan the whole time.” I smile at her.
“Okay,” she whispers and leans in, giving me another kiss. “I’ll call you when I get home.”
I open the door for her, and she gets in, looking at me. “I can’t believe this is happening,” she says. “This, me and you.”
“It never stopped,” I say, closing the door and watching her drive away. My heart hurt just a touch that she didn’t stay. I walk back into the house, my step a tad lighter than it was before. She calls me when she gets home, and we spend an hour talking about Drew and him showing off the new girl. When I hang up with her, it’s to me telling her I love her.
The next morning, I’m parked in front of her school, and I see her getting out of her car and making her way over. Her hair is perfectly styled as she wears another skirt with a nice top. Her bags are in one hand and her coffee in the other hand. I take my phone and call her, and I see her smile and then answer me.
“Hello,” she says.
“I love when you smile,” I say, and she stops walking. “You look beautiful this morning.” Her head flies up, and she looks around.
“Where are you?” she asks. I get out of my truck, and she sees me. “What are you doing here?” she asks into the phone, but then I’m close enough to her. I hang up as I walk over and bend down. I see her eyes in a panic, but I do it anyway. I kiss her on her cheek.
“I took Amelia and Chelsea to breakfast this morning,” I say, and she smiles. “I missed a lot while I was gone, so I’m catching up.”
“Well, isn’t that the sweetest,” she says, and a couple of the kids say hello to her when they walk in, and the bell rings. “I have to get going, but …”
“Why don’t you come over after school and we can make dinner?” I suggest, and she looks down. “Or not.”
“How about you come over to my place,” she tells me. “I have some work to do, and I work better at my house.”
“Done,” I say, and I look around, seeing that some eyes are on us. “I really want to kiss you right now.”
She smiles shyly. “If it makes you feel better, I really want you to kiss me, too.” Another bell rings. “I have to go.”
“See you later, Sunrise,” I say softly, and she walks away from me. Chelsea and Amelia wait for her by the door and say something to her, and then the three of them laugh.
I get into my truck and make my way over to my next stop. I look at the house and see two American flags by the door. I walk up the steps and open the door, seeing Cassandra sitting behind the desk. “I heard the ruffling of feathers that you were in town,” she says, getting up and walking around her desk.
“Hey there,” I say, bending to give her a hug. She’s been working for Beau for the past fifteen years. “Is he in?”
“He sure is.” She smiles. “Do you want me to bring you anything to drink?” she asks. I just shake my head and walk over, knocking on the doorframe. He’s sitting behind his desk, reading something, and he looks up.
He doesn’t smile at me nor does he have any reaction to me standing here. “I was wondering if we can talk?” I ask, my hands getting clammy with nerves. He stands up now walking around the desk, and he leans on it. Looking around the office, I see that it looks almost the same. There is a new couch and some new pictures that line the wall, but in the middle is the picture of my mother and him on their wedding day with me standing in front of them.
“I,” I start to say, and I look down. “I wanted to come by and talk to you.”
“Well, here I am,” he says, folding his arms over his chest.
“I get that you’re pissed at me,” I say, sitting down on the couch.
“Oh, I’m not pissed at you,” he says, pushing off now and coming over to sit on the opposite couch, facing me. “I’m disappointed, not pissed.” He leans back. “Okay, fine, I’m a bit pissed off also.”
“And you have every right to be.” I lean forward, putting my elbows on my knees.
“Do you know I found out in this office?” he tells me, and I look at him, shocked. “The day I became mayor, I came in here and was sneaking a drink of your grandfather's whiskey. I opened the locked drawer, not thinking anything of it.” My heart beats so fast. “There it was, a paper telling me that the woman I loved had a baby with my brother.”
“Oh my god,” I whisper, and he just looks at me.
“I’ve loved your mother my whole life. Every single day from the moment I can form memories, she was the one I was going to marry, and there it was that she chose someone else and not me.”
“What did you do?” I ask, feeling a sudden pain for him.
“I did what you did, more or less. I said not nice things. Things that to this day, I thank god she forgave me for. But when I heard her story, and I heard the reasons, I was so fucking relieved she didn’t give my brother you because you are hands down the best thing that will ever happen to him.” I wipe away the tear from my eye. “You said things that I know you regret, trust me, I know that, but you hurt a lot of people by staying away.”
“I know,” I say. “I just …”
“Your father,” he starts. “Jacob.” When he says his name, I want to tell him that his name is dad. He’s my dad. “He gave up everything for you.” He shakes his head. “And I mean everything. He gave up the woman he loved and the life he wanted, and he did it without once looking back. He didn’t care what blood type you were. None of us did.”
“It was a shock,” I say. “I felt like my whole life was just a farce. I was scared, Uncle Beau,” I finally tell him, my voice going low. “I was scared that I would be just like him. That I would turn out like him.” I cry now. “Fuck, he threw me away.” He gets up now, coming over to me, and puts his arm around my shoulder.
“He didn’t throw you away,” he says. Whispering, he squeezes me, “He gave you the best gift he could have given you. He gave you Jacob.”
“I know,” I say. “I know that now.”
“My father was not a nice person. My brother was just as stupid, who had no balls to stand up to him. He dropped your mother without thinking twice about you.” I put my hands in front of my face. “He’s not a man, he’s a coward, and you were raised better than that.”
“I was,” I say. “It’s why I came back.”
“You being gone hurt everyone in a different way,” he tells me. “It hurt not to be able to watch you grow to be the man you are. It hurt not to be there when you had doubts and thought you had no one to turn to. It hurt watching your mother miss a piece of her. It hurt watching your father not be able to make sure you were okay. He had to wait for Casey to give him whatever news he had. It would take a toll on him after he did find out,” he tells me. “He would get quiet for a couple of weeks. I don’t know how he did it.” He shakes his head. “Knowing that your kid is out there but not being able to talk to them and hold them.” My heart breaks for my father. I never thought about what this was doing to him.
“I was a selfish asshole who only thought about myself,” I say, wiping my eye.
“You weren’t a selfish asshole,” he tells me. “You were a man finding his path.”
“Well, this path led me to the one place I need to be,” I say. “Home.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Emily
“If you guys need any extra help, all you have to do is let me know,” I say to the kids as
they start to walk out. “I’m here early in the morning and during all of lunch.”
I sit down at the desk and start to pile up the things I need to bring home to correct, and when I walk out of the classroom, I see the halls are pretty much empty. A couple of students stand at their lockers, trying to clean it out before the last day of school. It’s always a bittersweet time of year when the kids get ready to leave. Some of the kids that I’ve taught for the past three years are graduating, and I’m going to miss them. I get into the car and make my way home, with the window open and the air blowing through my hair.
I pull up, and I’m shocked to see Ethan there sitting on the porch. He gets up when he sees my car, opening the door as soon as I put it in park. “Hey,” I say right before he leans in and kisses me on the lips.
My hand comes up to hold his cheek. “Hi,” he says, smiling, and I lean forward for another kiss. “Hi.” He steps out of the car and holds his hand out for me. I grab his hand, getting out. He opens the back door, grabbing my bag, and we walk up the steps to the front door.
“Were you waiting long?” I ask, opening the door and feeling the cool air hit me right away. I walk in and go straight to the fridge, grabbing him a water bottle. He sits on the stool after putting my stuff on the couch. “Here.” I hand him the bottle, and he finishes it. “I wish I knew you were coming. I would have given you the garage code.” As soon as I say the words, I want to take it back. Maybe he won’t remember. “It’s 1-7-1-4,” I say, and the look on his face tells me that he remembers. He gets up, coming around the counter toward me. “Ethan,” I say as he picks me up and sets me on the counter.
“That’s the first day I told you I loved you,” he tells me in almost a whisper.
“You remembered.” He puts his hands beside my hips, coming in and rubbing his nose against mine.
“I remember everything when it comes to you,” he says softly. “Every single moment, every single day, every single memory is engraved inside me.” His voice is so low that if I wasn’t this close I would not hear it. He kisses me softly. Then his tongue comes out to lick my lower lip, and my tongue comes out to meet his. He kisses me, and I suddenly hate that I’m wearing a skirt and can’t wrap my legs around him. His hands come up, one holding my neck while the other pushes my hair away from my face, and he holds it in his hand. The sound of us kissing fills the room, and just when I’m about to wrap my legs around him anyway, a knock breaks us up. “Were you expecting anyone?” he asks, his chest rising and falling. His lips wet from my kiss.
“No,” I say. Pushing him away, I hop down, walking to the front door as another knock sounds. I open the door, and I’m shocked that it’s Olivia and Kallie. “Hey,” I say, smiling.
“Sorry to just drop in,” Olivia says, and then she looks behind me, and I know right away that they must see him because they both look at me with their mouth open. They recover pretty quickly, and I see a smirk form on Olivia's face while Kallie smiles so big. “We didn’t mean to interrupt anything.”
“Don’t be silly,” I say, and then I feel him at my back, his hands on my shoulders. “Come in.”
I move aside, and Kallie comes in, getting on her tippy toes to give Ethan a hug. He hugs her around her shoulders and turns to walk into the house with her beside him. “We are going to be five minutes max,” Olivia tells me, and I just shake my head, walking into the house. I come to a stop when I see Kallie sitting on a stool with Ethan getting water out of the fridge for her.
I try not to make it seem like I’m thrown for a loop as Olivia tells me about all the details with the carnival Saturday, and when they leave five minutes later, he looks over at me. “What’s wrong?” he asks, and I avoid his look.
“Nothing,” I say. “It’s nothing.”
“Sunrise,” he says, and I look at him, and I’m annoyed now that even after five years of being apart from him, he still knows me.
“I bought this house for you,” I say finally, and he stands in the kitchen, shocked. “I know it’s stupid, and I had to literally beg your mother to sell it to me, but when I told her that I wanted to make you a home for when you came back, she gave in. I wonder if she did it because she felt sorry for me. Still holding out with the hope that you would come back.” I wipe a tear away. “But now having you here in the kitchen, and it’s just, it was always meant to be yours.”
“It was meant to be ours,” he says now. “My mother was holding on to this house as a wedding present.” It’s my turn now to be shocked. “So, in the end, it was always meant to be ours.” He smiles. “Go get changed, and I’ll start on dinner.”
I don’t say anything else. Instead, I walk into my bedroom and slip on a pair of shorts and a tank top. When I come out of the bedroom, he’s already in the kitchen cooking. I slip onto the stool, and I know I’m supposed to do work, but I can’t. Instead, I sit and watch him. “You still like steak, right?” he asks, taking the steak out of the freezer, and I nod. He pours me a glass of wine, and when he brings it to me, he kisses my lips softly.
Dinner is made with small talk. He tells me about meeting with Beau, and he talks about the work he is doing at the barn. When it’s time to clean up, I look at him. “You cook, I clean.” I lean down now and kiss him. “You know the rules.”
I clean up, and when I’m done, he comes over and grabs my hand, leading me outside to the hammock. He lies on his back and holds out his hand. “Lie with me,” he says, and I get in with him. With my head on his shoulder and my leg over his, we look up at the stars. “I used to do this,” he starts. “Every night, I used to go out and look at the stars and tell you about my day.”
I look up at him, and he leans down and kisses me. He spends the night telling me about the friends he’s made and the house he has in the woods. He kisses me every single time he finishes a sentence, and both of us fall asleep swaying in the hammock. When the sun comes up, we watch it together with his arms around me. I get out, then hold out my hand for him, and when we walk into the house, I make him coffee. He finishes his cup and then kisses me until my knees go weak as he leaves. “Tonight, let’s hit up the diner.”
“That’s a bold move,” I say.
“I want to take you out,” he tells me. “But we can wait until next week.”
“Are you going straight to the barn?” I ask, and he shakes his head.
“I have to get my change of clothes,” he tells me, and I take a big step with my next words.
“Why don’t you pack it in your truck in case …?” I don’t say the rest, and he smiles. “I’ll see you later.”
“Oh, you can bet on that, Sunrise,” he says, kissing me one last time and walking out.
My day goes by so fast I don’t even have time to eat lunch, and when I’m getting into my car, I'm shocked when I see a red rose on my seat with a note.
I can’t wait to see more sunrises with you.
E
I bring the rose to my nose and make my way home. I don’t see his truck there, and when I walk into the house, I have to stop when I see rose petals all over the floor. My bag slips out of my hands as I walk into the house, and there are roses everywhere. “What the …” I say. Looking around, I walk to the big bouquet with a card. Seeing my name in Ethan’s handwriting on the front, I try to see through the tears.
To my love on her birthday. I have so much to make up for, but the biggest for me is missing your birthdays. Happy Birthday to the woman who gives me life, to the woman who makes living easy. Whose smile brightens up the room.
I love you with all that I am.
E
I bring the card to my chest and cry, and just like that, I feel his arms around me. “Happy Birthday, Sunrise.” I turn in his arms and cry in his chest. “I didn’t want you to cry,” he says, kissing my head.
“Then stop doing romantic shit,” I say through my tears as he laughs.
“I picked up some food,” he tells me, but I look up at him as he wipes away the tears from my face. “I got your fa
vorite,” he says. “I mean, I had to text Jenna to make sure it was still your favorite.” I laugh when he says this.
“Where is it?” I ask.
“In the oven,” he says, and I look down.
“You know what I missed most about you?” I ask, and he smiles. “The way you kiss me.” He bends and kisses me softly on the lips. I step out of his grasp, and I hold his hand, bringing him to the couch. “If we are celebrating my birthday, then I want to do it with you and me making out on the couch.” He smiles at me, and I can see that he’s just as into me as he was all those years ago. I sit on the couch, and he just shakes his head.
“If we are going to make out on the couch …” He pulls me up to stand and turns me around. “We are going to do it like we always did it.” He lies on the couch and pulls me on top of him, and I feel every single muscle he has.
“Oh, I like this a lot more than my idea,” I say, laughing. He captures my mouth, and we kiss until the both of us are literally coming out of our skin. “Will you stay the night with me?”
“Are you sure?” he asks, and I just look at him.
“It’s a birthday ritual,” I remind him, and both of us just look into each other’s eyes. The last time we celebrated his birthday before he left, he did it sliding into me at midnight.
“Sunrise,” he asks, “are you sure?”
“No,” I tell him honestly. “I’m afraid,” I tell him, getting up and looking at him. He sits now. “I’m afraid of tomorrow. I’m afraid I’m going to wake up, and you’ll be gone. I’m afraid that one of these days, I’ll come home, and you’ll be gone. I’m afraid that my love isn’t going to be enough to keep you here.” I give him all my fears. “I’m so afraid that I won’t survive this again.” I sob out. “I know I told myself not to get my hopes high. I told myself that I wasn’t going to count on you being here, but I have all the broken pieces that somehow glued together, just not complete.”
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