Southern Attraction: The College Years

by Tracy Kauffman

  “How did you cope with your parent’s passing.”

  “I’m not sure I really dealt with it. I mean I grieved for them terribly, but not really allowed myself to get completely over it.” Heather replied.

  “Heather, I want you to do something for me. I want you to write in a journal. I want you to talk about your parents passing, and the stress of living through the tornado devastation. I want you to write down your feelings, emotions, and anything you want to discuss on our next visit. Can you do that for me?” The doctor asked.

  “I can try. Can you tell me something?”

  “Yes, I will try to answer you truthfully.”

  “If you had to give me a Diagnosis today, what would it be?” Heather inquired.

  “Ms. Brandon, I usually don’t give patients a diagnosis, especially on the first visit. But since you need an answer, I would say you could be experiencing PTSD.”

  “What is PTSD exactly?” Heather questioned.

  "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a condition caused by a traumatic event caused by someone experiencing a distressing experience in their life. They could experience nightmares, anxiety, and recurrent thoughts about the event."

  "So the tornado and my parents passing so close together could have triggered this."

  "Yes but I want to discuss this in more detail on your next visit in the meantime. I want you to do something for yourself. Take an art class, join a gym. Do something to take your mind off things."

  "I'll try. ...Will it help me to quit having nightmares?" She asked.

  "It will definitely help you some, but the nightmares might continue for a while. Stress takes a toll on people, their health. Try to find time to relax. ...I'll have the receptionist set you up an appointment in two weeks."

  "Thanks, Doctor," Heather replied as she gathered her purse and left his office.

  Chapter 9

  That night Heather thought long and hard about what all she had talked about with the doctor. It made a lot of sense to her that she had PTSD, especially after everything she had been through the year before. It wasn't long after her head hit the pillow that night that she was fast asleep. Heather slept well and wasn't haunted by her dreams for the first time in a long time.

  The next morning Heather was awakened by her phone ringing. "Hello."

  "Hello, may I speak with Heather Brandon."

  "This is Heather."

  "Hi, I'm Amanda Turner with the Center for Service and Leadership. I would like to have you come in so we can discuss our program and ways we help our community. Do you think you have time to come by this afternoon?"

  "Yes, that would be good. I can come by after lunch. I would have a break between classes at that time," Heather replied.

  "Fantastic. My office is located on the 2nd floor of the Rose Building. I'll expect to see you then."

  "Okay thank you for calling." Heather was excited about the CSL program. She was glad that she would be able to do more at the school. Cheerleading wasn't the same it once was. She used to love doing it as more of a popularity thing, but now it wasn't as fun. Things were different. Perhaps she had grown up some. She wanted to make a difference in the world, starting right there at the school with her fellow classmates.

  Heather glanced at her Safari themed clock. It was getting late, so she jumped up and hurried into the shower. The warm stream of water falling on her head and skin felt exhilarating. She closed her eyes imagining she was sitting on a rock in the woods by a stream of water. Rabbits were jumping all around her. Birds were chirping in perfect melody. She could hear water trickling over pebbles down its path. Then all of a sudden, a coyote growled behind her, she turned around and opened her eyes.

  “Jake, I’m in the shower, do you mind?”

  “I know I’m sorry; I just wanted to surprise you.”

  “Well, I’ll be out in a minute,” Heather replied. Heather was irritated how Jake just pranced into her room and into the bathroom without even knocking. How did he get in here? She asked herself.

  Heather quickly dried off and slipped on a robe. She opened the door to her bedroom and saw Jake spread out over her bed.

  "How did you get in here. You know they don't allow guys in here."

  "Relax. The house is completely empty. I knocked for the longest, and no one came to the door, so I came in and didn't see anyone. So I decided to come on up."

  "Well, you could have knocked."

  "I did. You must not have heard me. Then I heard the shower running, so I figured you were in there. What's the deal? Are you mad at me or something?" Jake replied.

  "I'm not mad; I am just a little surprised. I came by your dorm the other day, and you must have been at practice. I told you that I wanted to talk to you. I guess I figured you would call me or come by before now. What have you been doing lately?"

  "I didn't want to worry you, but the coach made me go to the doctor for a follow up to make sure nothing was going on, since my injury."

  "I thought you were okay. Should I be worried."

  "No. It's just something that they make all players who get injured do. It's really stupid, especially since I’m not in any pains."

  "I don't think it's stupid. It teaches you responsibility. Caring from your well being and not just some stupid game."

  "We aren't doing this again, are we? You used to love me playing football and now all of a sudden you don't. What gives?"

  "I went to the doctor too."

  "What? Why? Are you hurt?"

  "No, it's not that type of doctor," Heather replied as she rolled her eyes.

  "Then what type of doctor did you visit. Sounds like you’re being mysteriously vague."

  "Promise you won't laugh or judge me," she replied.

  "Uh. Why would you ever think I would judge you. I care about you. Don't you know me by now."

  "I've been experiencing some nightmares and flashbacks from Huckleburg."

  "You mean the tornado, right?"

  "Yes, so I decided to see the doctor or Psychologist to try to figure out what to do."

  "What do you mean exactly. Are you thinking about quitting school?"

  "No nothing like that. I just need to find a way to relax. I've been really anxious, and I guess your injury the other day might have triggered it. Not sure really."

  "My injury. Oh, I see. That's why you were arguing with me about me playing football. It wasn't just about football but everything else you've been through lately."

  "Yes, I guess." Heather wasn't too sure at this point why she suddenly changed her mind about football. She knew the stats on accidents and injuries in the past. Why did she all of a sudden hate it?

  "First, your parents passed, then the tornado, then the stress of starting college and now the injury. No wonder you are upset. I'm sorry. I wish you would have told me sooner. Maybe I could have helped you."

  "I didn't want you to worry about me."

  "Sweetheart, it's my job to take care of you. You need to trust me and let me help you."

  "I'll try to tell you more from now on."

  "So tell me what the doctor said?" Jake asked.

  "We just talked about all the tragedy lately in my life. He thinks I have PTSD."

  "Really. I heard about PTSD but really don't know a lot about it. "

  "The doctor said the symptoms I'm experiencing are the same with it. So I think he may be right."

  "Heather, let me ask you something. Have you prayed about it? Maybe God can help you overcome these problems you are having. Really, I know he can."

  "I really like the doctor that I'm seeing. I want to keep going to him."

  "I didn't say you had to stop going to him; just ask God to help you overcome your fears. The doctor is just a plus."

  Jake tried to reassure her as best as he could. Deep down, he knew he was treading into deep waters. He knew he had to allow Heather to realize what she really needed in her life. He wanted her to trust in God and allow him to work in her life. Jake had learned to rely
on God when he was in the hospital after he was injured from the tornado that hit the town of Huckleburg. He spent many nights in his hospital bed praying, and he knew it was God that brought him out of the tornado, and it was God that healed him.

  "So remember when I told you that I wanted to talk to you," Heather asked.

  "Yes, was it about this."

  "No, it is about you playing football. I know how dangerous it can be and I don't want you getting injured."

  "Relax. I am fine. The doctor released me so I can play again."

  "No, that's just it. I don't want you playing again. I don't think I can bare it if you get hurt. I don't want to have to worry about you. I can barely sleep now. I've lost weight. I can't handle the stress right now."

  "I know you are going through something right now. It is going to take time. I think we need to wait a while before we continue this conversation," Jake replied.

  "Why? I think you are avoiding it for your sake. You don't want to quit, do you?"

  "To be honest, no. I love playing. I'm in this school now because of my football scholarship. What happens if I quit? I will lose it, that's what."

  "Maybe we can work something out," Heather replied.

  "Babe listen. I can't quit. I don't have the money to finish if I quit. Quitting is out of the question right now. Maybe next year can be different, but right now I can't quit."

  Heather knew Jake was right about the scholarship, but it didn't ease her mind either way. Deep down, she knew she had to make a decision, and she knew it wouldn't be an easy one. Her feelings for Jake were strong, but she couldn't help thinking back to the time when she had to decide between Shawn and him.

  Her parents had told her how much they wanted the best for her. They always worked hard to make sure she had everything she wanted. Shawn would have been a better choice because of his financial situation. Jake didn't come from money as Shawn did. But Heather wanted to follow her heart and choose love over security. Now all these thoughts came rushing back to her. What if Jake was injured badly. Where would they be? What kind of life would they live? In the back of her thoughts, money did matter some to her. She wanted to live a good life, not a life of meager means.

  "Okay I know the scholarship is important, but it doesn't have to be everything. Maybe we can look into other options. At least choose a career path that is going somewhere. You could get injured where you couldn't play anymore."

  "Yes, I could, but I could get injured doing other things.... Okay, maybe I can look at other options. Please, just don't pressure me about it," Jake replied.

  The truth was he didn't want to look at other options. He wanted to play professionally, and that was his main goal. He didn't want to continue the conversation because he had no intention on quitting. He just didn't want to fight with Heather, so he left it at that.

  "I'm not trying to pressure you at all. I'm just trying to think about our future. You do want a future with me? Heather asked.

  "Why would you even say that? You know how I feel about you."

  "I thought I did, but lately we haven't been spending much time together."

  "I know. I'm sorry about that. I've just been busy with trying to keep my grades up and practice. Anyway, I've been benched for a while, so we can try to do more together."

  "Sounds good… So to change the subject, I have decided to join a volunteer organization. It will give me something to do other than my classes."

  "So what about cheerleading. Doesn't that keep you busy enough," Jake asked.

  "I'm thinking about quitting cheerleading. After what happened with your injury, it has really made me rethink everything. It used to make me so happy, but now I don't know anymore. I want to do something that will help me to have a purpose in life. I thought maybe I could do some volunteering."

  "If that's what you really want, I will support you. I just don't want you to have any regrets about quitting."

  "I've been thinking about it, and I am pretty sure that this is what I want to do. I'm excited about it. I've already signed up with CSL- Center for Service and Leadership. They work on doing projects in the community. I think It would be a great program to be a part of. Besides, it would be good to put on my resume as well."

  "I'm glad. As long as you are happy, I'm happy."

  "Maybe you can think about signing up with me."

  "Babe I can't. I have too much on my plate right now to volunteer for anything. Maybe later on, when everything calms down, but not right now."

  Heather couldn't help being a little disappointed. She thought at least if they were working together on a project or volunteering, they would have more time together.

  At least this would give her more time to rethink things. She didn't want to worry about Jake. She was tired of worrying. She just wanted to focus her attention on something more meaningful, like volunteering. It would probably help her stress, as well. At least that is what the doctor told her. So that is what she would do. She would focus her time on volunteering and hopefully give Jake some time to think about where they stood as a couple.

  Chapter 10

  Heather was glad to see Mike as she entered her Math class. "What are you smiling about?" She inquired.

  "Just glad to see you. How is Jake?" Mike asked.

  "He is doing as well as expected at the moment. How are you doing?"

  "I'm great, now that I am here with you."

  "Are you always on?" Heather asked as she smiled. She tried to hold back her smile, but couldn't.

  "Are you blushing?" Mike asked.

  "No. Don't be silly."

  "Okay, then. Do you want to go get some lunch today? Or are you busy with Jake?"

  "No. I just have an appointment. I'm trying to join the Center for Service and Leadership program.," Heather replied.

  "Really!"

  "Why do you sound so surprised?" Heather asked.

  "I didn't realize you were into volunteering, that's all."

  "Well, I have an appointment with Amanda Turner today. Hopefully, I can get started soon."

  "I know Amanda pretty well, and I can put in a good word for you."

  "How do you know Amanda?" Heather asked.

  "Well, the strangest thing. I've been a member of the CSL for a while now."

  "Are you serious? Why am I so surprised. Of course, you are," Heather replied sarcastically.

  "Why are you saying it that way?"

  "Don't take this the wrong way, but you're perfect," Heather replied.

  "How can I take that badly? It sounds like you are into me."

  "Ha Ha Ha. No, it's just that everything you do sounds too good to be true."

  "Now that sounds harsh," Mike replied.

  "I don't mean it in a bad way. I just mean that you surprise me. I just wish Jake would take more initiative like you."

  "That sounds like you are disappointed with Jake. Tell me what's wrong."

  "Maybe after class. I don't want to get in trouble with the professor."

  "Can I walk you to your appointment with Amanda. That way we can talk more."

  "Yes, of course," Heather replied. She was a little embarrassed by what she said to Mike. He was the perfect guy. He was everything she wished Jake was and that frightened her. Could she be falling for Mike? She couldn't help wondering.

  Mike was waiting for Heather by Grover Hall when her 2nd-period class was over. "Are you ready to go meet Amanda now?" He asked.

  "Yes, I am. Let's go," Heather replied.

  "So let's talk about what happened with you and Jake."

  "Nothing happened between us. Boy, you get to the point fast, don't you."

  "I don't see a need to beat around the bush. We don't have much time to talk anyway. So tell me what happened."

  "Nothing. I'm just worried about Jake. That's all."

  "It doesn't sound like you are just worried. It sounds like you are disappointed in him. So tell me why? What did he do or not do?" Mike asked.

  "He just doesn't want to do any
thing but football. That's all he seems to care about anymore."

  "More than you, right."

  "I don't know why I'm talking to you about this. I need to talk to someone that's not partial. Someone that cares about helping my relationship, not tearing it down."

  "Heather, I'm your friend. I care about your happiness. I'm not trying to hurt you."

  "I know. I don't know why I said that anyway. I like talking to you."

  "Well, I'm glad. So tell me what is wrong?" Mike inquired.

  "To tell you the truth. I want Jake to be more like you. I want him to care about the things I care about. I want him to care about our future."

  "Why do you think he doesn't care about your future?" Mike asked.

  "Well, he doesn't seem to care about his career. All he wants to do is play football. He thinks he is going to make it professionally."

  "He could go professionally."

  "Yes he could if he isn't injured first."

  "Oh, I see. You are worried about what happened this weekend."

  "Yes, that's part of it. I just want him to care about his career more than just playing football. He could pick a major that would amount to something."

  "What is his major?" Mike asked.

  "I think he is still undecided, but he chose Criminal Justice or something like that."

  "Why do you think that is a bad choice?"

  "He could get injured in that as well. I want him to be safe."

  "I see. So what major would you rather have him do?" He asked.

  "Something else. Perhaps a medical field. Something where he can make some money when he gets out of school."

  "Heather, I'm not trying to sound uncaring, but he needs to decide on something that will make him happy. It is his life, you know."

  "Yes, but if he wants to have a life with me, he needs to think about our future and not just his. I don't mean to sound so overbearing."

  "I think you care about your future. And that is great. But you can't change him. He wants what he wants."

  "I thought he wanted to be with me."

  "He probably does. But if you want to be with him, you must accept him as he is."

  "Now, that sounded harsh. I guess you are right."