Light Beyond the Darkness

by Tami Lund

  They shifted into the form of hawks and flew over the cliff to the village at the bottom, rounded up four more healers and herded them up the steps to the beach house. Once the healers were in place, doing their jobs, Finn ordered Reid to take Carley and get some sleep, suggesting she might be willing to make breakfast in the morning, after she had a full night’s sleep. He then dragged his protesting mate out of the chamber and guided her down the hall to the room they usually slept in when they spent the night at the beach house.

  “But Olivia—”

  He cut off her protest. “Is sound asleep, and probably will be, until they put the pup to her breast. And then she’ll be too focused on him to care about anything else. The best thing you can do right now is get some sleep, so you’ll be lucid enough to function tomorrow.”

  As soon as he closed the door behind him, he began working on the buttons to her dress. It was a mark of her exhaustion that she did not even comment, but simply stood there and allowed him to have his way.

  “What about the babe?”

  “I’m not sure,” Finn said with a frown. “But he’s in as capable hands as he can be right now. Those healers will stay with him round the clock.” He pulled the dress off her shoulders and pushed it down to her waist. “Let’s go to bed.”

  He gave her a nudge, guiding her toward the bed, and then he climbed in behind her, snuggled close, and wrapped his arms around her waist. He buried his face in her flaxen hair and assumed she would fall immediately asleep.

  He should know better than to assume anything at all about his mate.

  “Are you happy to see your brother again?”

  He nodded. “Sure. I’m glad he’s doing so well, too.”

  “I suspect he is because of Carley. Do you think they’ll stay?”

  Finn took a moment to gather his thoughts before speaking. “I think Carley is not convinced her mate is dead. And Reid, I suspect, will do whatever he has to, to make her happy—and keep her safe.”

  “Are you implying what I think you are?”

  “That Reid is in love with Carley? Yes, that’s exactly what I’m implying. Although the whole thing worries me.”

  “Because you aren’t convinced Miguel is dead either.”

  Despite their differences, his mate knew him well. “I’m not. Although I am convinced he left the coterie, which means Carley is safer inside than outside the wards. The problem is that Reid doesn’t know she’s mated to another.”

  “I don’t think she deliberately deceived him.”

  “It doesn’t matter, at this point. Reid was burned before, badly. Because of a woman who belonged to someone else. It was years ago, but to tell you the truth, this is the first time since it happened that he’s appeared…normal. Healthy. Sane. I don’t know.” He shook his head, unable to find the right word to describe the state his brother had been in since Quentin Lyons had whipped him for banging one of his paramours.

  Cecilia turned her head to look at him. “Are you suggesting that if he discovers her deception, it could make him go insane?”

  “I don’t know. Even without his issues, shifters are damned possessive beings. If, in his mind, she’s already his, he isn’t going to take well to learning she isn’t. And that she knew it all along.”

  They both fell silent for a few moments. Just when he thought she might have finally fallen asleep, Cecilia whispered into the darkness, “Maybe Miguel is dead.”

  “Maybe.” But Finn wasn’t convinced.

  *

  At his brother’s insistence, Reid guided Carley to the guest room where he’d stored their bags earlier in the day. She didn’t protest, but did start chattering on about what she intended to make for breakfast in the morning. He recognized her desire to help, to feel needed, and was admittedly looking forward to sampling whatever she concocted. But for now, he wanted her naked, in his arms. That scene at the top of the steps leading down the face of the cliff still nagged at him. He wanted to connect with her, in the way of the shifters, even more than usual, but he forced himself to settle for holding her instead.

  She snuggled more deeply in his arms and sighed, already nearly asleep.

  “Carley?” He whispered her name, so softly she might not have even heard.

  “Mm-mm.”

  “You said you fell down the stairs,” he started, haltingly. “Did you? I mean…fall?”

  She was silent for a long time, but he knew she wasn’t asleep, not anymore. Her body was so tense, it didn’t really fit against his anymore. She rolled onto her back, subtly putting a small distance between them. He let her go. So long as she remained in his bed, he could handle a little separation. Just a little.

  But instead of truly putting distance between them, she turned toward him, opening her legs and shimmying closer, so that the apex of her thighs rode along the ridge of his instantly swelling erection. When she rolled her hips and reached around to grab his ass, he lifted his hand and cupped one of her breasts, rolling the nipple between his thumb and forefinger. She moaned quietly.

  He slid his hand down to her sex. “Reid,” she murmured as she pressed against his hand.

  “I’m here,” he responded, forgetting, for the moment, the question he’d asked a short time ago. There would be plenty of time to talk, later. The need to couple was too strong. Although he would rather claim her as a shifter would, he was more than happy to settle for sex any damn way he could get it. As long as it was with Carley. Only Carley.

  He slid his finger along her sex. She was hot and wet. For him. He wanted her. He needed her. He rolled them both, so that he lay between her thighs and she was on her back. Her eyes blinked open, but there was none of the fear that had once been there, in the beginning, when she confessed that she always felt as though she was suffocating, whenever her abuser had taken her like this.

  “Hey, beautiful,” Reid said softly, as he stroked her face.

  She lifted her hips, a silent invitation. His upper body was propped on his elbows, but his erection pressed against her most intimate parts.

  “Make love to me,” she whispered, sounding far more bold, more confident than he’d ever heard her before.

  “Anything you want,” he assured her a moment before he thrust, filling her, sending swirls of pleasure twisting through his system. And hers. He knew this, because he could feel it. As if he shared her feelings, her emotions.

  It was a damned heady feeling, to know the precise moment she was about to climax. And know that he was the one to do it for her. Had been the only one. Would only ever be the one.

  Forever.

  *

  The next morning, Carley woke with the sun. She felt refreshed, regenerated. She felt good. Despite the circumstances. As far as she knew, she was still mated to Miguel, and Olivia’s pup was not doing well, yet she still felt…delightful. It was truly amazing what good sex could do for one’s disposition. What a good man could do for one’s disposition.

  She tried to slide out of bed, but Reid’s arm tightened around her waist, pulling her back so that she was half tucked beneath him. “I like you like this,” he mumbled into the pillow. He was on his stomach, and in her position, on her back, practically underneath him, she had a bird’s eye view of the disfiguring scars zigzagging across his back. She wasn’t even bothered by the fact that not all that long ago, whenever she was in this position, she felt as if she were suffocating. She was too busy staring at his scars, and imagining the horrible person who caused them.

  It broke her heart to look at them. She wished she had the ability to take them away. But even more so, she wished she had the ability to take away the pain that he’d felt when this atrocity happened to him.

  Reid shifted and rolled over onto his back. “What are you thinking?” he asked as he draped his arm over his eyes to shield them from the sun pouring into the window.

  “Nothing.”

  “You’re thinking something. Something not good. I can tell. I can feel it.”

  “You can?”<
br />
  He lifted his arm to peer at her. “You were looking at the scars again, weren’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Don’t,” he said shortly, and just like last time, he rolled out of bed, snagged a shirt and a pair of boxers, and disappeared into the bath chamber. She let him go, knowing without him telling her as much, that he needed to be alone. Even if she ached to go in there with him, to hold him in her arms, to reassure him the scars didn’t matter to her.

  A short time later, Carley entered the beach house kitchen for the first time in nearly five months. In reality, very little had changed during that time period. But to her, everything had. She trailed her hand along the smooth countertop, fingered the knives, pinned to the side of a cupboard by two strong magnetic strips. She touched the coffeepot and realized it was new. She wondered what happened to the old one.

  “Oh. Hello there.”

  She turned and found herself looking at a lightbearer she only knew in passing. She was younger than Carley, by five years at least. She wore her curling blonde hair in an off-kilter ponytail, and she had on black slacks and a formfitting black top that was belted around the waist. Not all that long ago, female lightbearers had rarely worn anything but dresses. The shifters who had moved to the coterie brought with them more than just testosterone and safety. Lisa had refused to wear dresses, and whether they liked her or were afraid of her or not, many female lightbearers, especially the younger ones, had begun to emulate her.

  The curly-headed lightbearer glanced at the coffeepot and then at Carley.

  “I’m here to make breakfast,” she said, sounding apologetic.

  “You are?” Why was Carley surprised? Had she really expected the king would not replace her? She’d had no intention of coming back. Why would the king not replace her?

  “Nona was supposed to work this morning, but she isn’t feeling well. Her hip makes it hard to climb the stairs, especially when it’s icy,” the woman explained.

  Carley remembered Nona. Nona had worked in the kitchen at the beach house for fifty years. She should be retired, but she refused to do so. Unfortunately, that meant the other cooks had to be ready to pick up her shifts at a moment’s notice, such as when her hip started bothering her and she couldn’t make it up the stone staircase to do her job.

  “I’m Carley Druthers,” she introduced herself. “I used to work here.”

  The woman gave her a perplexed look. “Druthers?”

  “Santiago,” she corrected. She had begun to think of herself in terms of her maiden surname, not her mate’s. It made it easier to bear the guilt of sleeping with Reid, without admitting to him that she was mated to another.

  The other lightbearer nodded. “Oh yes, I’ve heard of you. You left some pretty big shoes to fill. I’m Mica Granger.” She stretched out her hand and Carley shook it. Mica reached behind her and flipped on the coffeepot.

  “I’m still learning here, so if you want to pitch in, feel free,” she invited, and unable to resist, Carley took her up on the offer.

  * * * *

  The day was a somber one. Olivia and Tanner’s pup continued to struggle to breathe, and a healer had to be with him at all hours, to help him out. Keeping him breathing was depleting the healers’ magic, especially overnight, when their stores were already at their lowest. Everyone was on edge, and the uncomfortable mood was made even worse by the fact that Tanner barked and growled like an angry dog any time anyone came close to either his mate or pup.

  “I’m fine, Tanner,” Olivia said after he’d snarled at Carley when she appeared at the door with a tray of food.

  “Our pup isn’t,” he replied.

  “Well, if you don’t let Carley in to feed everyone, he’ll only get worse,” she retorted.

  As Carley situated the tray on the bed, Olivia said, “Welcome back, Carley.”

  “Thank you,” she said, fighting the blush that spread over her cheeks anyway.

  “Cecilia says you arrived yesterday. And that you brought Finn’s brother with you.”

  “Reid?” Tanner asked. He hadn’t left the bedroom since Olivia went into labor the day before.

  “Yes.”

  Tanner nodded. “How is he? Finn says he’s been pretty fucked up in the head ever since my father whipped him over that girl that he claimed as his own.”

  Carley sucked in a breath. In one sentence, Tanner had just told her far more than Reid ever had about the incident.

  “He’s—he’s actually fine,” Carley managed to get out. “N-no issues.”

  The scars were because of a female. Carley thought about her own situation. She was sleeping with Reid, yet she was mated to another. And she hadn’t been at all forthcoming about her situation before they started sleeping together, nor since their relationship shifted into something much, much more. Now that she knew the scars were connected to a woman, a woman who belonged to another, she was suddenly desperately afraid to tell him, and equally as afraid not to.

  Alexa walked into the room, carrying Olivia’s tiny pup in her arms. It was swaddled so thoroughly that all Carley could see was a tiny, wrinkled, pink face amongst the blue and white blankets and knit hat.

  “Here you go, Olivia. He’s freshly diapered and ready for some one-on-one with his mama. And I’m ready to find a bed in a nice, bright swath of sunlight and sleep the day away.”

  Carley made a strangled noise, and Alexa looked up sharply, her gaze darting from Carley to the infant. “Oh. Carley. Why don’t we…”

  She didn’t hear whatever Alexa suggested. She just stared at the sleeping babe and shoved her fist into her mouth. The memories hit hard. She felt as though she was drowning.

  That first day she suspected she might be carrying Miguel’s babe. The dread, mingled with a strange excitement at the idea of being a mother. The subsequent days, when the dread began to overrun the excitement. The need to know, to have confirmation from a healer, but the fear of telling anyone just yet.

  The nausea that overtook her when certain smells hit her, especially in the kitchen. The way she’d felt even more exhausted than usual when the sun went down.

  The fear of bringing an innocent child into the horrible relationship she had with her mate. The fear that Miguel would train her child to be just like him.

  And despite all of that, the absolute love she felt for that mishmash of cells that had been growing inside her.

  Alexa swiftly handed the infant off to his mother, wrapped her arm around Carley’s shoulders, and guided her from the room. “Come on,” she encouraged. “Let’s go find a quiet place where we can talk.”

  But before they could take four steps down the hall, Reid was there, standing before them, pulling Carley out from under Alexa’s arm and into his own. “What happened?” he demanded, glaring at the healer.

  She did not back down from his glare. “Who are you?” she asked.

  “Reid Hennigan,” he said shortly, his gaze focusing on Carley’s face.

  “Finn’s brother. How do you know something happened?”

  “I could tell,” he said shortly, still intently watching Carley. “What is it, Carley? Talk to me.”

  “She needs a healer,” Alexa said, and she tried to tug Carley away from him. “She needs me.”

  “She needs me,” Reid said, and then he bared his teeth and growled at the shocked lightbearer. “Get the hell away from us.”

  Alexa stumbled backward a few steps, and Reid turned his back on her and guided Carley away, back to the room they’d shared the night before.

  Once the door was closed, he demanded to know what happened, but Carley shook her head. “I can’t,” she whispered.

  “I’m not accepting that, Carley. Something is wrong. Something big. And I’m not letting you out of here until you tell me.”

  “You’d hold me prisoner?”

  “Yes.”

  She shook her head. “No, you wouldn’t.”

  “Tell me.”

  She turned away from him, toward the wi
ndow. It was a beautiful day. The sun’s rays bounced off the remaining piles of snow, working hard to melt them into puddles. Soon, the snow would be gone, replaced by grass and flowers. If she hadn’t been thrown down those stairs, she would be dreaming of motherhood, decorating the nursery, debating baby names. Would it have been a boy or a girl? She had lost it far too early for even Alexa to know.

  “Carley…” Her name was a warning. Reid was losing patience.

  “I was with child,” she blurted, as she hugged herself, hugged her empty womb. “I lost it, when I—when I fell down the stairs.” She blinked rapidly, but the tears came anyway. It was just as well, she thought. It was high time she cried over the babe she’d lost.

  And then Reid was there, pulling her into his arms, hugging her, holding her. Murmuring nonsense into her ear as he stroked her hair. Telling her it was okay, go ahead and cry, she would feel better afterward.

  When the tears dried up, she pushed at his chest. “You’re okay with this? I was pregnant, just five months ago, Reid.” Why was she trying to push him away?

  The look on his face was startled. “Five months? You were with someone else just five months ago?”

  She nodded miserably. “I lost the babe. I feared for my life. I ran, because I was afraid he would try to finish the job.” She sobbed, feeling a strange sense of relief mingled with trepidation. If Reid left her now, she did not know how she would move on without him.

  “Him. The guy who abused you.” His features hardened. “What do you mean, finish the job?”

  He had dropped his arms and Carley shrank away from him. She wanted to still be in his arms, to feel his comfort, his reassurance that this would not tear them apart. She should have been honest from the very beginning. Except now that she knew the scars on his back were connected to a woman who had belonged to another, she doubted they would have ever started their affair, had he known she was mated to someone else.

  She walked to the balcony door, to stand in the pool of sunlight. She wrapped her arms around her waist and refused to look at him. “I was pregnant, with his babe. He didn’t know. It wasn’t planned. I had only just confirmed it. Alexa was the only other one who knew.”