A Different Light

by Morningstar Ashley

  Then Bennett was gone, and Mac went back to work.

  It was interesting to Mac how just a tiny shift and an open conversation could set them on a path of at least trying to get along. He wasn’t holding his breath that they wouldn’t have any bumps as they went along, because he was a bit too cynical for that. Plus, it was them. They’d never tried as teenagers to get along, to learn more than what was on the surface, so the habit was already ingrained in who they were. It was hard to let that go. For both of them.

  Mac was sure that he had always seen more in Bennett than Bennett had ever seen in him. Everyone around Mac always saw just the surface stuff with him. The stereotype. The bad boy. The kid with the motorcycle, the rebellious kid who hung out with the outcast crowd, and the kid who had tattoos and wore black clothes.

  To blend in, not stick out and get gossiped about, you had to not be different. Fit in the box people wanted to put everyone in and you were golden. But stick even one foot out, be prepared to be bullied or have rumors spread.

  He wasn’t the only one that happened to. Allie, his best friend was the same as him in that way. She kept her ‘different’ hidden for so long that, when she finally gave that up and jumped out of that small-town box, people had been so shocked that they didn’t know what to do. Even to this day, she was the one they gossiped about. Mac found it rude and annoying, and often found himself in tense conversations—more like arguments—with his more annoying clients when they decided he needed to set her straight. Like he could change her personality and make her what they wanted. His response was always that she was one of the best people he knew, and he wouldn’t change her for the world.

  He’d just put the cap on the ceiling fan when he heard the car pull into the driveway. Quickly cleaning up the mess he’d made in the dining room, he went to clean up in the half bath downstairs, so he could eat as soon as Bennett came into the house.

  “Mac, you still here?”

  “Yeah, B, you told me to stay, didn’t you?” Mac teased.

  When he heard Bennett chuckle from the other room, he felt optimistic.

  He walked into the family room to the scent of the best damn food in town. “God, the smell of that food is like a siren call to my hungry stomach.”

  “Yeah. This’ll be the first time I’ve had it since…well, since we moved away. I’m salivating right now just smelling it.” Bennett replied as he set out each container on the coffee table that sat in front of the big couch.

  “It’s the fucking best. If it wasn’t for Allie keeping me fit, mainly by knocking food out of my hand, I’d be a big as a house eating this shit every damn night.”

  Mac grabbed a plate and started piling the food onto it. By the time he was done, he’d put enough food on the plate to probably feed two people, but he didn’t care. He was hungry, he worked hard, and Allie wasn’t here to yell at him.

  Bennett took a seat at the opposite end of the couch from Mac. They sat in silence for a few minutes, not talking, just enjoying the food. Mac was shoveling the yummy goodness into his mouth like he hadn’t eaten in weeks. Whereas Bennett had a fork and a knife and was cutting each piece before placing it in his mouth and chewing. Mac wasn’t surprised really. Bennett ate like he did everything else, with care and thought.

  “You enjoying the food, B?”

  “Most definitely. It tastes exactly as I remembered.” Bennett seemed to pause in what he was saying and it was clear from the look on his face that there was more he wanted to say.

  “Just ask whatever you’re thinking. I probably won’t be offended.”

  Bennett looked over to him searching Mac for what was probably confirmation of what he just said. “Why do you call me everything but my actual name?”

  That hadn’t been what Mac had been thinking he was going to ask, and it made him laugh, because of course, the first question was in a way about Bennett himself. “Because nicknames are fun and your name is more fun since it has many ways to tweak it. You don’t like when I call you B? How about Benny? Ben? Benster?” Mac was having a hard time holding in a laugh at the look of horror on Bennett’s face.

  “Stop. No to all of them. Sheesh, ask one question with you.” Bennett shook his head at him, a hint of exasperation in his voice. “How about just Bennett?”

  “Nah, that’s too boring and everyone calls you that. Haven’t you noticed I like to be different?”

  “Yeah, don’t remind me.” Bennett replied but Mac saw the small smile on his face.

  “You ever wonder why we never tried to get along as kids?” Mac wanted to know. Needed to see if it was something that Bennett ever thought about. Mac had thought about it back then, and in the years that followed. He thought about how different life would’ve been for them if they could’ve gotten along, been friends, maybe more. He knew he was pinning his childhood daydreams on even a glimmer of hope that Bennett had thought about him the way he’d thought about Bennett. It was stupid because he’d only get hurt if he didn’t hear what he wanted to hear.

  “I’ll be honest, no. I never wondered, because back then, I was too busy not liking you to even think about the why of it. As any adult, I can see I was being…inconsiderate.”

  “You mean selfish?”

  “Hey!” Bennett shot him a glare that would’ve hurt if he wasn’t already feeling like he been punched in the gut.

  “B, try to be honest. You’re sugar coating what you were like as a teenager. Maybe even a little of how you are now.” Mac stood up, knowing that the warm welcome he’d been receiving was over for now. He knew he should’ve kept his mouth shut. Sometimes, he couldn’t help but lash out at Bennett.

  “And here I thought we were getting along.”

  “Yeah, never lasts long it seems. I can see why you never thought about us being…friends.”

  Mac grabbed his plate in the silence that followed, dropping everything in the sink. On his way, back through the family room he stopped and thought maybe he should apologize, but part of him didn’t feel like he’d done anything wrong.

  “Bye, Bennett.”

  Even after a full night’s sleep and his coffee this morning, Bennett was still confused as to what had gone so terribly wrong the night before. Mac was funny and nice and so different than the Mac that Bennett had always known, it had been…refreshing. Almost easy to see that they could maybe even become friendly. But then it was like a switch had been flipped, and the old Mac, the one that had annoyed and pissed off teenage him had appeared.

  Bennett had managed to get most of the furniture moved into the center of the family room and the trim taped off before he decided that thinking about it wasn’t going to solve it. Logic told him that he needed to have all the pieces of the puzzle to find the solution, and he did want to find a solution. When that had happened, he didn’t know. He also knew he needed Mac to help find the missing pieces.

  The one thing he wasn’t looking forward to. But maybe Mac was in a better place, and they could move back to where they’d been the night before.

  Bennett walked out the front door surveying the work being done and what had already been done as he looked around for Mac. The roof had been completed the week before and looked really…new. He supposed good too. New was good at least. Right after the roof had been completed, they tore off the gutters and replaced those. And now that the biggest outdoor job was done, the crew of four guys had split up. He noticed three of them started working on removing the old tree that had split and was dying and the other one was painting the fence that surrounded the property.

  As he walked around the side of the house, he saw Mac on the phone. Mac hadn’t noticed Bennett, and by the rigid stance of his body and anger clouding his face, Mac wasn’t happy. As Bennett moved closer—yeah, he should’ve walked away but something in Mac’s face was drawing him closer—he realized Mac was talking to his dad.

  “Dad…No…Mom won’t listen…Can’t you try to…Fine, I’ll pass the message to him…Absolutely not…This is who I am and I�
��m happy…I get that…When will you both listen?…I know this puts you in a tough place but Mom needs to hear me for once…I’m not him, I will never be him…Dad…Dad, I gotta go…Love you too.”

  The defeat in Mac’s voice made Bennett uncomfortable. It was a vulnerability he’d never seen in him before. Mac had never shown him this side of him. Why would he? They’d never been friends, never tried to be, and neither had ever wanted to be. But now…this was something Bennett had to think about. There was something in that conversation that intrigued Bennett…who was the him Mac had spoken about?

  Bennett tried to back away quietly and as fast as possible. He didn’t need to know Mac well to know he wouldn’t want to be seen as he was now. But unfortunately, he was clumsy and had never been good at playing spy games as a kid. Besides who puts a freaking rock in the middle of a lawn? A rock he promptly hit with the back of his heel, causing him to cry out in pain.

  As soon as the sound left his mouth, Mac’s head snapped up and zeroed in right on him. The defeat was gone, now replaced by irritation which quickly morphed into anger the moment Mac realized it was him. There was nothing he could do now but try to handle this with dignity. He winced when he put his weight on his foot, but he stood tall and tried his best to show off a confidence he didn’t feel inside.

  “Oh great, Princess hurt himself.” Mac stalked over to him, and if the ground had been harder, Bennett swore he’d be stomping his feet. Who’s acting like a princess now?

  “I’m fine. It just hurts a little bit.”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Here as in the house or here as in the yard?” Why must he be so stupid as to play verbal games with a clearly pissed off Mac now? Maybe he rattled his brain along with his foot.

  “I don’t have time to play games with you, Bennett. As you can see, I’m busy.”

  “I just wanted to talk about what happened last night.”

  “Nothing happened last night.”

  “Mac, come on. We were getting along fine then it was like a switch got flipped and it all went to shit.”

  “You just didn’t like what I had to say.”

  “No, well, yeah—”

  “See, I told you.” Mac grumbled as he turned to walk away.

  “That’s not it. For fucks sake, you called me Bennett. You never call me by my name.”

  Mac continued walking as he replied, “Again, I don’t know what you’re talking about. You asked me to call you by your name, so I did. Now you don’t want me too? Make up your mind, Bennett.”

  “Damn it, Mac, stop walking away.”

  Mac stopped dead, and for a moment, Bennett wasn’t sure he was even going to turn around. His body was coiled tight, but he could see his shoulders rising and falling as though he was frustrated. Bennett didn’t want to piss him off, but he needed answers.

  Mac slowly turned to face him. His face neutral, like he slipped a mask over the real Mac. He always knew Mac to be full of emotion, showing all around him his anger or happiness or more than likely his my-shit-don’t-stink attitude, so this Mac was disconcerting. “You know what? We can’t all be as perfect as you, Bennett. We can’t be know-it-all-don’t-tell-me-I’m-wrong nerds with the perfect life who everyone loves. Some of us just try our best to be who or what makes us happy.”

  Bennett was reeling. He had no idea where any of that was coming from. “What…what are you talking about?” He took a step toward Mac, but as soon as he did, Mac stiffened further. “I’m not like that. I…I am who I am, but I’m not perfect.”

  “Yeah, well, try telling that to your fan club. Now, if you don’t mind, I have better things to do than stand here talking to—” Instead of completing that sentence, Mac looked down, shook his head, then stalked off.

  Bennett stood there for a minute. Going back over last night and today and trying to find some connection but he couldn’t. His mind was clouded by first the hurt that Mac had laid onto him with his tirade and second the anger toward Mac that was quickly blooming like a wildfire in his core.

  He walked back into the house, intending to call and vent to Jaden but his call went to voicemail. He needed to try to find some way to calm down. He stood in the foyer, pacing back and forth and taking deep breaths. He thought that maybe painting would take his mind off Mac and his rude behavior, but he knew it would just leave him more time to ruminate over whatever caused that outburst.

  What he wanted to do was call his parents and tell them to hire someone else, but he knew he couldn’t, and wouldn’t, do that. For one, he was an adult and calling his parents felt like a kid tattling, and he was above that. The other thing, was that talking to his parents about the bad things in his life made him squirm. He’d always talked to them about personal stuff before his assault, but after what they’d seen, he never wanted them to worry, to think he wasn’t alright when he was.

  He tried Jaden again and once again there was no answer. This time he left a voicemail. “Jaden, where are you when I need you? You would not believe what just happened with Mac.”

  After leaving the message, he realized he had a voicemail from his college Professor and mentor, Mr. Higgs. Bennett looked up to the man so much with all that he’d accomplished in his life. He was at the top of his field in Nano-technology, even now as just a professor. His classes were always filled with students desperate to learn from him, to gain just a glimpse of knowledge that Professor Higgs held in his head.

  Bennett was lucky to fall into a sort of friendship with him. Professor Higgs had seen his potential, had watched him grow and learn, and a mentorship of sorts was born from his interest in helping Bennett succeed.

  They talked about the comings and goings on campus, about some new articles and research papers that had been published, and Bennett even tried to touch on Professor Higgs social calendar, which he knew was next to nothing, but he wouldn’t venture to talk about that. He was happy in his life. He always lamented about his divorces—all three of them— that they weren’t meant to be and the only thing that mattered was his work.

  Bennett wasn’t sure he agreed completely. He’d tried his hand at dating, a lot, if he was honest. Jaden called him a serial monogamist. He was always in a relationship, but something always ended up happening that ended the relationship.

  Maybe his career was all that mattered.

  Jaden kept trying to tell him to look at what the cause of the break ups were so that he could change what happened in the next relationship. But Bennett didn’t get it. He contemplated and wrote lists, but each time, he’d come back with the same conclusion. Each one ended for a different reason. Then Jaden said something he was still trying to figure out. “You aren’t seeing the big picture, babe.”

  He knew he had looked at all the factors. His best friend was one of the smartest men he knew, but he could be the vaguest as well.

  An hour later, he was off the phone, calm, and back to painting the family room. There wasn’t anything better to do unless he took the rental car he got last week and went out driving, but really, that was the same thing as just painting. Painting was more productive, so he opted for that.

  After a break for dinner—leftover Chinese food was the best—and some rest for his back and arms, he was once again thinking about Mac. About the conversation and where his anger toward Bennett had come from. Bennett was frustrated and annoyed with Mac and about the fact that he didn’t know the answer.

  Bennett hated not knowing the answer.

  He remembered as a teenager being equally annoyed and flustered by Mac. Annoyed when he talked because it always led to Bennett getting teased, picked on, or getting a verbal scolding from him. Like Mac knew more than him.

  Well, he had, at least that one time.

  He’d known those guys that Bennett had thought of as friends were anything but. It turned out that they had been even worse than abandoning him in the middle of the woods drunk would have had him believe. Everything that lead him there with them had been fake. They’d us
ed him.

  However, being flustered by Mac was, in some ways, much more difficult to handle. How does a teenager process the idea that he had the hots for the boy next door so bad that he found himself sometimes thinking about him when he jerked off, even though he couldn’t stand who that boy was?

  Now, in some ways, it was worse. Mac had always been attractive. The teenage Mac had worn dark jeans and black t-shirts, add in his black hair with those silver eyes and Bennett was lost. Even his lanky, toned frame had called to Bennett to touch.

  The adult version of Mac had filled out, his body lean and strong with muscles clearly earned from hard work. Everything about him turned Bennett on. From his broad shoulders, to his flat stomach and narrow waist, down to his muscled legs. When he smiled, Bennett felt like he could get lost and forget the world around him.

  He just couldn’t get past who Mac was. How much, even that day, Mac barked at him, made fun of him, and thought he was stupid. He was also so freaking confusing, he treated him like he was dumb but then called him smart.

  This was getting him nowhere. He was just as frustrated as he was earlier.

  His phone ringing pulled him from his thoughts. Getting up from the couch, he walked over to the kitchen counter where he’d left his phone and saw it was his mom calling him. Great.

  “Hey, Mom.”

  “Hello, Bennett. How are you doing today?”

  Adding a false cheer to his voice, he responded, “I’m good. Getting lots of work done.”

  “Oh, that’s wonderful. I’m happy to hear that. Any problems?”

  “I don’t know what you mean. There’s no problem.” He might’ve been a little enthusiastic in his denial.

  His mom hummed on the other end and he hoped she’d let it go. “Bennett, I know you don’t like talking to us about your problems, but please know that we are here if you need to talk.”

  “Of course, Mom.”

  “So, is there anything you’d like to share with me?”

  “Mom, I just told you everything is good.” Quickly changing the subject, he added, “I talked to Professor Higgs today.”