The Boy Who Was Wanted Dead Or Alive - Or Both

by Dominic Barker

  ‘Pick up that bucket of oats and follow me,’ said Lok.

  The first animals to be fed were the horses. That is, all the horses but Pig, who was kept separately because of his great value. Blart didn’t find this very difficult. Soon they were outside the horse enclosure.

  ‘Pick up that pail of apples and follow me,’ said Lok.

  The second animals to be fed were the elephants. The poor beasts were chained to the backs of their cages by their feet. At first Blart was terrified by their enormous size but once he realised that they were unable to come and stand on him he found his confidence and was able to feed them their apples. Soon he was outside the elephants’ cage.

  ‘Pick up that bucket of raw meat and follow me,’ said Lok.

  Most people would have realised that any animal that ate raw meat was probably going to be the most nerve-wracking to feed. And that any animal that regarded raw meat as breakfast would also regard Blart as possible breakfast. Which is why Blart came to a dead stop outside the big cats’ cage. The lions and tigers prowled menacingly behind the bars.

  ‘What are you waiting for?’ demanded Lok.

  The lions and tigers growled. They could smell their breakfast and they were hungry.

  Blart remained rooted to the spot.

  ‘Get that cage door open and feed them,’ ordered Lok. ‘I haven’t got all day.’

  ‘You want me to go in there?’ said Blart. His voice cracked as he spoke.

  ‘Yes, and be quick about it,’ Lok answered.

  ‘Couldn’t I just throw the food through the bars?’ suggested Blart. This seemed a much more reasonable approach.

  ‘And I suppose they will all share nicely, will they?’ said Lok sarcastically.

  ‘I don’t care,’ answered Blart honestly.

  ‘Well, I do,’ said Lok. ‘I’m a lion tamer and if I’m going to earn a living then I don’t want my lions and tigers tearing each other to bits in a fight over food. Those claws can cause serious damage, you know.’

  ‘I’d guessed,’ Blart told him.

  ‘So what your job is,’ explained Lok, ‘is to make sure that they each get a hunk of raw meat. One hunk per big cat, see?’

  ‘But how do I get them to only take one hunk each?’ said Blart. ‘What if one of them wants two?’

  ‘Do I have to explain everything?’ said Lok. ‘There are four corners in the cage. There are four big cats – two lions and two tigers. You send each big cat to a corner then you stand in the middle and throw each one of them one hunk of raw meat. Then you stay there to see fair play and just before they finish eating you leave with the empty bucket. Nothing to it. Just make sure you leave before they’ve finished eating.’

  ‘Why?’ said Blart.

  ‘Questions, questions, questions,’ said Lok. ‘The last boy didn’t ask this many questions.’

  ‘Where’s he now?’ asked Blart.

  Lok shook his head.

  ‘He got casual with his throwing action. He was in there one day and he threw the hunk of meat too far.’

  ‘And so you sacked him?’

  ‘He wasn’t exactly sacked,’ said Lok.

  Blart looked at him suspiciously.

  ‘Look,’ said Lok. ‘I don’t want to have to tell Mr Beserker that you wouldn’t do your job. He tends to get very short tempered when he hears people aren’t working and that whip can be quite nasty. Now get in there.’

  He hoisted Blart over his shoulder and carried him up the steps to the cage door.

  ‘Eeek,’ said Blart. ‘Put me down.’

  Lok placed Blart right in front of the door to the cage. The smell of the raw meat grew ever stronger in the nostrils of the big cats, who growled even more ferociously as they prowled just behind the gate.

  ‘In you go,’ said Lok and his hand reached over Blart’s shoulder and turned the handle of the door.

  ‘No!’ screeched Blart. ‘Nooooooo!’

  Chapter 27

  Lok was laughing so much he fell off the steps.

  ‘You should have seen your face,’ he said.

  But Blart could only see Lok’s face. It was a face he would have liked very much to punch.

  ‘Gets the new boys every time it does,’ Lok told him. ‘You don’t really think I’d let you go in there alone with those big cats, do you?’

  Blart had already seen enough of the circus to think it was completely possible.

  Lok reached down. Behind the steps that led up to the cage door was a large stick.

  ‘Now watch and learn,’ instructed Lok, opening the door and grabbing the bucket of raw meat.

  The growling became snarling.

  ‘Aaaaah!’ shouted Lok, thrusting his stick forward. ‘Back, you brutes. Aaaahhh! Aaaaahh!’

  One lion reeled back. An angry tiger tried to cuff the stick away with his mighty paw.

  ‘Aaaah!’ shouted Lok. ‘Back, I say. Back.’

  To Blart’s surprise the big cats eventually retreated to the far side of the cage, where they continued to growl menacingly.

  ‘Quiet,’ shouted Lok. ‘Now get to your corners.’

  The lions and tigers each padded over to their individual corner.

  ‘You see,’ Lok called to Blart, ‘all this growling is just for show. They know what they’ve got to do to get their breakfast and they’re happy enough to do it.’

  Happy seemed an exaggeration to Blart.

  Lok tossed hunks of raw meat to each of the big cats. They tore ferociously into them the moment they landed at their paws.

  ‘Nothing to it,’ said Lok. ‘Look confident and remember to get out before they’ve finished.’

  Lok backed out of the cage.

  ‘Just remember everything I showed you this afternoon.’

  ‘Why?’ Blart wanted to know.

  ‘There’s a matinee performance,’ Lok told him and confronted by Blart’s blank face explained, ‘that’s one in the afternoon. The lions have to be fed just before they go on stage.’

  ‘Why?’ said Blart again.

  ‘Because when I put my head in a lion’s mouth I want to be absolutely sure that’s it’s not at all hungry,’ said Lok. ‘So make sure they all get a big juicy hunk of meat.’

  ‘You can check that,’ Blart told him.

  ‘I won’t be here,’ said Lok. ‘I’ll be getting changed and putting my make-up on.’

  ‘But I can’t go in there on my own,’ protested Blart.

  ‘Course you can,’ Lok assured him. ‘You’ve just had my masterclass. Point the stick, shout “Aaaaah” and look confident. There’s nothing to it.’

  Blart scanned Lok’s face for any hint that he was joking again. There was no hint. Blart was going to have to go alone into the big cats’ cage.

  Chapter 28

  ‘We have to get out of here,’ Blart told Princess Lois.

  ‘We can’t go without Pig the Horse,’ replied the Princess.

  They were sitting in Gibb’s Field, eating the dried bread and bowl of thin soup that Beserker’s Circus gave out to its most junior members for lunch.

  ‘You don’t understand,’ said Blart. ‘I’m going to have to go into a cage with lions and tigers this afternoon. On my own. They’ll eat me.’

  ‘Stop thinking about yourself,’ Princess Lois told him brusquely. ‘Pig the Horse is in danger.’

  ‘I’m in danger,’ said Blart.

  ‘Stop being so selfish and let me speak, you ugly slug,’ hissed Princess Lois.

  For someone with such a love of animals, Princess Lois did seem to use them rather a lot when it came to terms of abuse. Still, the abuse worked, for Blart lapsed into silence.

  ‘During a break in my acrobatic rehearsals –’

  ‘You get breaks?’ interrupted Blart indignantly. ‘I don’t get breaks and I have to –’

  ‘Shut up. I am trying to tell you something very important. The acrobats weren’t very pleased when Beserker told them I was to join their troupe and during a break I found out why.’
/>   ‘You’re horrible?’ suggested Blart.

  ‘They thought I had gone to the toilet,’ said Princess Lois, ignoring Blart’s intervention, ‘but I thought there was something suspicious about them, so I crept back into the tent and crawled underneath the seats until I was close enough to overhear their conversation, and do you know what I heard them saying?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘They were discussing Pig the Horse. They’re planning to steal him too, because,’ said the Princess, dropping her voice to a whisper, ‘the acrobats are all minions of Zoltab.’

  Blart dropped his bread into his soup.

  ‘Minions of Zoltab!’ he repeated.

  ‘Keep your voice down,’ hissed Princess Lois.

  ‘But weren’t they all killed when the Terrorsium collapsed at the end of our last quest?’ asked Blart.

  ‘No,’ said Princess Lois. ‘Many minions of Zoltab were elsewhere on that day, preparing for his conquest of the world. From what I overheard it seems they are searching for any of the questors who took Zoltab from them. They know because Zoltab is immortal he must be somewhere and they are determined to find him.’

  Blart looked over to the other side of the field, where a troupe of eight performers were eating their lunch.

  ‘They do look shifty and dangerous,’ he told Princess Lois. ‘Just like minions of Zoltab.’

  ‘You’re looking at the jugglers,’ Princess Lois pointed out. ‘The acrobats are over there.’

  Princess Lois indicated a trestle table at the far side of the field, where a group of ten people sat huddled together, eating and muttering to themselves. Blart studied them.

  ‘They look shifty and dangerous too,’ he observed. ‘But Pig wouldn’t help Zoltab’s minions.’

  ‘Of course he wouldn’t,’ agreed Princess Lois. ‘But they don’t know that, and what foul tortures might they subject him too because of his role in helping us escape with Zoltab!’

  ‘Meal time is over, you no good layabouts,’ bellowed Beserker, appearing from the big top. ‘Get back to work. We have a matinee performance in an hour and I don’t pay you to sit around in fields.’

  ‘What are we to do?’ whispered Princess Lois anxiously. ‘We must get to Pig before the minions of Zoltab do.’

  ‘I don’t know,’ said Blart irritably. ‘I don’t do the plans. That’s normally Capablanca’s job.’

  ‘You two!’ Beserker stormed over towards them. ‘How dare you still be sitting down when everyone else has returned to work?’

  Beserker aimed a powerful kick at Blart.

  ‘Ow!’ said Blart appropriately.

  ‘Get back to work, Useless,’ ordered Beserker, ‘or I’ll get the fire eater to roast you alive.’

  As threats go, it was good one. Blart got up hurriedly and rushed back to work. But it meant that he left without agreeing a plan. The questors didn’t have one while the minions of Zoltab did. And if the minions were to put their plan into action first, then Pig the Horse could be lost for good, and the questors would never be able to prove their innocence and would be wanted dead or alive for ever.

  Chapter 29

  ‘Here, kitty, kitty. Here, kitty, kitty.’

  ‘Grrrrrrrrrr!’

  ‘Nice kitty, kitty.’

  ‘Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!’

  ‘Get those cats fed,’ shouted Beserker. ‘They’ll be in front of an audience in ten minutes and I want them stuffed full of meat.’

  Blart nodded obediently, picked up Lok’s stick in one hand and the huge bucket of raw meat in the other, and walked purposefully up the steps to the cage. Beserker disappeared into the big top. Blart stopped.

  ‘Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!’ growled the lions and tigers.

  ‘Are you purring?’ asked Blart.

  ‘Grrrrr! Grrrrr! Grrrrr! Grrrr! ARRRaaggghh!’

  The big cats confirmed in no uncertain terms that they most certainly weren’t purring.

  Blart gulped.

  Behind him he could hear the music. It was the first half of the show and the acrobats were on. Blart could hear the audience laughing and applauding. He closed his eyes and wished he were among the audience, watching the performance and not here, trying to summon up the nerve to walk into the lion’s den.

  ‘Useless!’

  Beserker was back.

  ‘I told you to get those cats fed. If you aren’t in that cage by the time I get over there then I’m throwing you in without any meat, and you know what that means.’

  He began to march over towards the cage. Blart was paralysed with fear. Beserker’s face was darker with anger than it had ever been before.

  ‘I knew it,’ he shouted. ‘I go to all the trouble of letting you join the circus and what do I get? Laziness. You will not do an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay.’

  ‘You’re not paying me,’ Blart reminded him desperately.

  ‘Don’t you try to renegotiate your wages with me,’ said Beserker, reaching the bottom of the steps. ‘Now get in that cage.’

  Blart looked at Beserker. Then he looked at the big cats. Beserker was definitely angrier than the cats but he lacked their vicious teeth. Anger – Big Teeth. Blart wanted to face neither.

  So he compromised.

  He opened the gate of the cage and threw in the raw meat. He whirled round to find Beserker just a step below him. Desperately, he tipped the bucket’s remaining meat and blood over Beserker, who toppled down the steps. Blart jumped down and crawled under the cage to hide.

  ‘How dare you?’ bellowed Beserker. ‘You’ll regret this, Useless. I’ll set the strong man on you, I’ll set the fire eater on you, I’ll set …’

  He was distracted from his threats by the discovery that something was about to set on him. A lion was coming down the steps from the unbolted cage.

  ‘Back!’ ordered Berserker. ‘Help me!’

  But his cries for help were lost amid a great cheer from inside the big top. The big cat, unused to freedom, advanced tentatively down the steps.

  ‘Get back,’ shouted Beserker. But he was no lion tamer and the big cat showed no sign of obeying. He picked himself up and ran towards the big top.

  ‘The lions are out! The lions are out!’ he bellowed, running down the tunnel, covered in blood and giblets.

  Blart heard loud screams from inside the big top and watched as people began to stream out in every direction.

  Meanwhile the recently escaped lion heard the growls of satisfaction from the other big cats as they tore into the meat Blart had thrown in. The sound and smell tempted him back and he padded up the steps back into the cage. Blart, seizing his chance, crawled out, ran up the steps and bolted the gate behind him.

  Which meant that in reality the panicking crowd had nothing to panic about. But panicking crowds are notoriously difficult to get to stop once they’ve started. The fear of the lions was everywhere. People banged into each other, knocked each other over and trampled on each other.

  Blart was watching the chaos when he felt a thump in his back and turned round to see Princess Lois standing behind him.

  ‘What was that for?’

  ‘I was trying to attract your attention,’ explained Princess Lois.

  ‘You could have just said hello,’ said Blart.

  ‘It’s not as much fun,’ said Princess Lois. ‘Now come on. This might be our chance to get to Pig the Horse while he is unguarded by the Chigorin Brothers.’

  In the fevered atmosphere it did not prove too difficult for Princess Lois and Blart to slip unnoticed across Gibb’s Field and open the gate that led into Gibb’s Pasture. At the far end of Gibb’s Pasture was the tent that was home to Pig the Horse. They ran towards it as quickly as they could. Princess Lois pulled back the flap of the tent. There was Pig the Horse. Twice the size of a normal horse and many more times as majestic – he could carry up to five people on his wide strong back. It was a terrible crime to keep such a beast tethered when he should be flying or galloping freely across the
plains of Nevod that were his home.

  Princess Lois approached Pig.

  ‘Pig,’ said the Princess with a tenderness in her voice that was markedly absent in her dealings with humans. ‘How could we let these terrible things happen to you?’

  The great horse seemed to remember her, for he neighed appreciatively and lowered his head so that he could be stroked.

  She turned her attention to Blart. ‘Get to work on the knots that so cruelly tie Pig down. We must hurry.’

  Blart rushed over to the end of the rope. The knot seemed fearfully complicated.

  ‘There is another rope holding Pig. I’ll undo that one,’ said the Princess.

  Blart began to untie his knot. The thickness of the rope made the task cumbersome but gradually it began to loosen. Pig neighed his appreciation. Loop after loop was undone, each one faster than the last.

  ‘Mine is free,’ cried Princess Lois triumphantly.

  ‘There’s no need to show off,’ countered Blart. ‘I only have one loop to go and I bet my knot was tighter than yours.’

  Blart reached down to the last loop. As he did so the tent flapped open. Standing in the doorway was Gordo, head of the acrobats, dressed in a tight-fitting blue tunic. Behind him was the rest of his lithe and wiry troupe.

  Ten minions of Zoltab.

  ‘What is going on here?’ demanded Gordo. ‘Ginger, why are you not with the rest of the troupe?’

  Princess Lois thought fast. But surprisingly Blart thought faster.

  ‘I was ordered by Mr Beserker to untie Pig the Horse and take him somewhere safe until they could capture the lions and tigers,’ explained Blart, his hands pulling frantically at the last knot. ‘He told me to take someone along to help me and as Ginger is my cousin I picked her.’

  By now the rest of the troupe of acrobats had bounded into the tent. Knowing that they were, in reality, minions of Zoltab made Blart very nervous and his hands began to shake. The final loop of the knot still refused to give.

  ‘Did you say Pig the Horse?’ asked Gordo.

  Blart froze.

  ‘Don’t know,’ he said pathetically.

  ‘I think you did,’ said Gordo.

  ‘He’s always saying stupid things,’ said Princess Lois. ‘Just ignore him.’