by Abra Ebner
We had finally connected, and for the first time I no longer saw Sam as the gruff brute he had always seemed. There had been a heart once, and love, and now friendship as well. I could understand why Edgar had chosen Sam, he was a complicated mess, and so he knew I’d like it.
I leaned back into the couch, listening to the steady muffled ticking of Edgar’s clocks within the chest. Their constant reminder of time falling away was ominous, yet it was different when you knew it would never end, though worse at the same time. If I never found Edgar, I’m not sure if I would be able to stay here for eternity, but I would have to be certain I searched out every possible lead. I kept the dagger from the fight in a drawer in the kitchen. I knew, that should I ever chose to leave this life, I would leave the same way Edgar had, beside him forever.
Sam was still staring into space except his eyes were now darting about the room, his face like stone. I sat up and looked at him with a hint of alarm. Something about the way his brows were squeezed together reminded me of that day in London, when he was hunting down Matthew.
“Wha…”
Sam cut me off, putting his cold hand up to my mouth so fast that I hardly had time to object. He glared at me and I felt my heart rate begin to quicken. “Did you hear that?” He whispered, almost a hiss.
His hand was still clasped over my mouth, so I shook my head in defiance.
“Shh…Listen,” he cooed.
I pushed his hand away in annoyance before closing my eyes to concentrate. My thoughts cleared and I envisioned an empty room in my head, allowing for any sound to easily reverberate. He was right, there was definitely something there. It was like the siren from a fire truck, except it didn’t wail in even waves. I listened to the noise with a close intensity, cornering it in my mind and tasting every bit of its drawl.
My eyes opened and I looked at Sam. “What is that?” I whispered.
Sam broke his concentration. “I think…” he paused as though rolling the flavor of the sound around in his mouth, “I think it’s a cat.”
“A what?” I gasped, trying again to feel for the sound but our voices had cut through my narrowed senses and I lost the moment.
He nodded, “Yeah, definitely a cat. I can hear it breathing now too.” My heart surged hard as Sam eyed me with a smirk on his face, “Well I can’t hear it now, not over that,” he pointed to where my heart now thudded in my chest.
I glowered at him. “But where is it coming from? Outside?”
Sam’s grin sunk into a straight line. “No,” he paused, his eyes scanning mine as though still pinpointing the location. “From upstairs.”
“What!” I hissed, my cheeks now flushed and my limbs tingling. It wasn’t that I was frightened about the fact that he had just told me, it was the circumstances of it being here. The last time I had seen the cat, Edgar had died and that was certainly something to ponder over now. That kind of anxiety would make anyone’s blood turn thick with fear and emotion.
Sam’s arms moved in small soundless movements across the couch, as though afraid to scare off the cat, though we were too far from it for it to even notice. I looked around the room in a frantic haze, not really sure if I should grab something sharp, or something for the cat to play with.
“Come on, let’s go.” Sam stood then and offered me his hand.
I grabbed it and he yanked me up, my head swimming. Not only did I not want to see the cat, I also didn’t want to see either of those rooms. I felt my skin change from a bright flushed red to stark white as the sudden flood of forced emotion took over my soul, stinging with tartness in my throat.
“You can do this Elle. Now is not the time to become a wimp.” Sam squeezed my hand, crippling my fears.
He was right. I was being a coward, a hypocrite. I told myself I was going to fight, and now here I was contemplating running away? I took a deep breath and let a sharp exhale escape my lips as I dropped Sam’s hand.
He smiled at me, “Alright, let’s do this.”
The look on his face was as though someone had just offered him a free car. He was relishing the adventure and possible danger. For a moment I wondered if he was really a Guardian Angel, or if in fact he was an Arc Angel in sheep’s clothes.
I balled my hands into fists as Sam waited for me. Taking the initiative, I pushed past him and stormed into the hall. If I died who cared anyway? This is what I was here for, and this was my time. Besides, what if the cat ended up being sweet? Then I would have a new pet.
Sam chuckled, “Really, a pet Elle? You’re such a woman.”
“Shut up,” I hissed over my shoulder, narrowing my brows.
I halted at the bottom of the stairs as the crystal chandelier fluttered above me, sending sharp tings of sound through my heightened senses. The cat wailed again and my heart leapt. My eyes shot to the left, toward my room, and I couldn’t help but feel at least a little bit relieved. I wasn’t all too excited about the idea of having to go into Edgar’s room for the first time on a hunt. I had planned to spend more time with it, take it in stride as it deserved.
Sam walked up beside me, “Come on, it’s just a cat. This will be easy, and it’s frightened. Its little heart is racing.”
I looked at him with sheepish eyes before wiping the pitiful look off my face and pressing forward. I grumbled as I ascended each step, my fists clenched and ready. I felt Sam behind me and it helped me to feel brave, but also that at this point there was no turning back, he was like a wall.
My bare foot positioned itself on the top stair like a ballerina as the cat wailed again, holding the sound and ending it with a sharp upward pitch of agony. I pursed my lips and forced myself forward toward the doors. My pace slowed as I approached, my hands held before me as though ready to grab at anything that may attack. My last few steps were so silent and slow, that even the dust remained settled on the floor, my toes now an inch from the entry.
I watched the light creep out from under the door and my heart jumped as a small shadow paced behind it. The cat was acting as though it was trapped but I knew better than to fall for that. It seemed more likely that the cat’s purpose was to make me come get it, particularly in this room.
Taking a deep breath, I lifted my hands and reached them both out toward the handles. Lowering them onto the cold gold, I exhaled and pressed down, throwing the weight of the doors open as the light from the room poured over me and into the hall. I shielded my eyes from the light, bringing my arm to my forehead as I winced, my heart stopping and my mind racing.
THAT WAS EASY
I coughed as the dusk settled and I fanned my hand before my face, allowing the hazy room to reveal its newfound secrets. As my gaze adjusted I scanned the room with sharp frantic eyes, but there was nothing there. Small particles of dust swirled in thick clouds through the rays from the window as I walked into them, disrupting the room that had become so used to the silence and solitude.
In small careful steps, I rolled my feet across the cold wood floor, slowly placing one foot in front of the other. I glanced behind me to check of the cat had hidden itself behind the door, relieved that nothing was lurking there. My eyes followed the floorboards until they met the far right corner and scanned along the wall before me, my eyes grazing over each familiar painting.
I crept to the middle of the room where I stopped, turning on my heel to see Sam standing on the threshold, watching me with unease and intensity. With an agile silence, I bent my knees and scanned under the blue silk and velvet chair by my bed with delicacy and an open mind, but saw nothing there. I craned my head and looked under the gold dressing screen as well, finding nothing more than a pile of clothes still knotted on the floor.
I released the breath from my lungs with discouragement, turning to look at Sam as I shrugged my shoulders at a loss of what to do. His gaze was still strong, like staring at two fresh copper pennies. He could still feel the cat’s presence, so for him the threat was not yet over. I looked back toward my bed, averting my eyes from the coverings in my
attempt to shield myself from the inevitable sorrow of the twin impressions.
It must be under the bed, I thought. Sam made a soft sound of compliance from the door. Like I had back home with the neighborhood cats, I clicked my tongue, calling the cat from its hiding place and inviting it to show itself. I listened to the silence for a moment, finding nothing to warrant where it now hid. As I made a move to call again I heard a soft scratching from under the bed and my heart leapt, my feet jumping back and away as my mind envisioned the possibility that it could easily thrash at my legs.
As I continued to fall back, my eyes became fixed on the thick silk bed skirt where a white cat trotted out from under the large frame, straight toward me. The manner in which it approached startled me, its confidence easily confused with that of an attack. There was a sudden commotion as Sam lunged from the door, grabbing the cat in its path and whisking it across the room where he held it at arms length, as though it were dangerous. I had barely the time to think before realizing what Sam had done and in a split second the cat had been gone.
“Sam!” I screeched. “It was coming to me! I doubt it was harmful, you probably scared the thing to death.”
The cat was indeed very frightened, and I noticed its claws were dug deep into Sam’s white skin, its feet helplessly dangling as it eyed the floor with frantic need. He did not bleed, or even feel it for that matter, but he pulled it away from him and I watched as his skin ripped under the cats Velcro grip.
The cat hissed as he tried to place it on the ground, swatting and spitting. Sam snickered at the helpless creature in his arms. “Yeah its fine, it’s safe. Just needed to make sure, you know, check for fleas.” And with that, he dropped it to the floor, the cat’s feet absorbing the fall like mini hydraulic pumps. It shook its ruffled fur and backed away from Sam, one wary eye fixed on his movements.
I glowered at Sam before clicking my tongue and lowering my body to floor level. The white eyed cat pried its gaze away from Sam where our eyes finally met as it gratefully turned and trotted toward me, its eyes now relaxed and happy. It rubbed up against my leg with careless charm, its throat erupting into a roll of heavy purring.
“Oh, and it’s a girl,” Sam added. “Filthy little feline.” He was tapping his foot, making the cat nervous as each tap made the floor shake.
I petted her on the head and she leapt up at my touch, looking like a ferret on its hind legs. I laughed, marveling at her pure white fur and white eyes. Just as I had thought last winter, I had never seen a cat like it in my life and I knew it was because it was special, like Sam and I.
“Can you hear what she’s thinking at all?” I looked up at Sam, hope filling my eyes.
He pursed his lips in thought, his eyes fixed on her head. “No…” he paused, the reservation in his voice suggesting more, “There’s something though, but I can’t really tell what it is, very intriguing though.” He was nodding now, like a philosopher in deep thought.
I kept petting her, her fur shedding all over me. “You have something to say girl?” I smiled down at her and she popped her head toward me, meowing in obnoxious whales as though hoping to talk like a human.
“Must be a girl, listen to those vocal cords, so whiny and demanding,” Sam’s face was mused and distorted.
“You’re just jealous,” I smiled at Sam, a sassy look on my face.
“Jealous of a cat?” He chortled. “Hardly. Thing can’t even fly, and its body is like pudding, surprised I didn’t squeeze her to death just then.”
I picked her up and held her in my arms. She moved around, cuddling into my grasp in a manner that was surprisingly sweet. All my fear melted away and all the notions I had formulated over months of thought and wonder rested on the one I felt was most likely, she was harmless.
Her claws remained courteously retracted and her eyes glowed at me as they began to fall into sleep. It was amazing how white her gaze was, almost blank except for the black slits of her pupils. As she turned towards the sun that was streaming through the window, I watched as they glittered like diamonds.
She was so attached to me, her paws curling into my arms and her tail flicking playfully. I looked at Sam whom had a horrified and disgusted look on his face. He had been relatively ok with Isabelle and Henry, but the way he looked at the cat let me know he was never going to be so kind to her.
“What should we name her?” I asked with a vindictive smile, finding that he would hate this trivial task.
Sam’s gaze broke, “I’m not naming that thing. Don’t you know, once you name them its nearly impossible to give them away to a shelter, you get too attached.”
I laughed, “You really think a shelter wouldn’t notice the way she looks, come on Sam. I’m not getting rid of her.”
Sam snorted, “Think about it Elly, you don’t even know the thing, what if it slashes your throat in the middle of the night or something?”
“Seriously Sam, you think a cat scratch is going to kill me? I heal in mere seconds! That’s absurd.” I looked back down at the cat, “And besides, this is my house, so you’ll just have to conform.”
“Yeah well we’ll see about that. Have you ever heard of cat scratch fever?” he retorted.
I glared at him, “You really think that just because some hit song says I’m going to go crazy and possibly die, I need to worry?”
His remark got choked in his throat as he began to laugh.
I looked around the room then, remembering it all. Being here wasn’t as bad as I had thought and I felt silly for shutting it away. This was who I was, and I had forgotten how important that is. I slowly stood and walked towards the paintings as the cat cradled herself on its back in my arms, her eyes fluttering in and out of consciousness in her insatiable feline love for twenty hours of sleep a day.
The figure of me behind the piano was easier to recognize now that I was whole again; or at least a whole of a half. I looked at the way I smiled, finally seeing that the smile was indeed mine. I took a deep breath and the cat cooed in my arms. She needed a name, something beautiful, but finding the right name would take time.
Sam chuckled behind me, finding himself amused by my endearing thoughts about my new pet. I looked down at her and stroked my finger over the crown of her head. “I wonder what it is you know,” I whispered to her, careful not to wake her.
A rude snort was replaced by Sam’s chuckles, “Alright this is sickening, I’m out of here.”
I turned and smirked at him, content with that fact that I had finally managed to make him mad, or perhaps it was jealous. He looked at me with resentment as he glided to the doors and walked out of the room, not bothering to shut them behind him. My muscles relaxed as Sam’s departure allowed a wash of relief to trickle over me.
“As I was saying little kitty, you and I have a lot to discuss.” The cat again cooed in her sleep as I walked back across the room to my bed. A sharp breath escaped my lungs as I tried to overt my gaze from the place where I had last laid and I instead simply ruffled the covers, washing away the memory I was not prepared to feel sorry about.
I rolled her out of my arms in one gentle movement and into a nest of down. As her body rolled onto the silk she opened her eyes in objection. I giggled as she pulled her way back across the covers toward me, anything she could do to be near me, as though she was more than relieved I was finally here. Like her life-force.
Something about her felt warm to me, warm like the way a hug feels, or the way Edgar had. I laid back into my pillows, the waft of Edgar’s scent erupting into my nostrils and sending sweet chills down my spine. Though the cat had been a good distraction, I hadn’t soon forgotten about what I had seen earlier today at the college. First thing tomorrow, I planned to go back down there, but this time as myself. Seeing Sarah and Scott had been beautifully intoxicating, just the truth of their familiar faces was enough to know that it’s all still real. I didn’t care if all they liked to do was play Monopoly; I now realized the importance of just having them around because you
never knew when they could be gone forever.
Not willing to move the cat again, I snuggled down deeper into the covers. My eyes were tired and my body was now wrought with exhaustion after the sharp thrill of finding the white cat. It was so surreal; she had literally fallen in my lap with little effort. My eyes fluttered closed as the strain of the bright light from the window began to rip at my sharp pupils.
As I began to doze, my dreams flooded into my head in an array of colors. I was in a field, but not the meadow I was used to. The light from the sky was not normal sunlight and it cast all the plants in a spectrum of dark fluorescents. I looked around but no one was there, though strangely, I did not feel alone either. As I looked toward the overhead light I was surprised to see that the sky had been replaced by a shroud of liquid fire.
I gasped as the rays cast by the glowing mass made my skin shimmer with a brilliant and ethereal light, as though I was made of pure pearl. I heard a female’s voice call my name from somewhere to my right and I turned to look. There I saw two arched doorways, each inscribed with some sort of language I didn’t recognize as human, and then also a raven. I narrowed my gaze as I took in the strange inscriptions.
I slowly shifted my weight as I stepped toward the doors, my breathing steady and light. The air was filled with the subtle pulse of the infuriated sky overhead and I listened hard for the voice, craning my neck as I approached. My eyes darted between the two openings, unsure of which to choose when the voice returned, but this time it was Edgar’s.
Shocked, I stepped back, shaking my head as the air around me swirled in the depths of the dream. I took a deep breath and yelled out to him, listening as the yell echoed back to me through the caves. I waited in patience for any reply when I heard his distinct whisper, saying my name again. I was now just a few feet away from the arches as I continued to listen. It was then that Edgar said my name a third time, his voice echoing from the arch to the right.
