The Hard Way

by Katie Ashley

  At two, I heard Mom’s footsteps out in the hallway. After tip-toeing out of bed, I cracked open the door. “What’s going on?”

  Outfitted in her scrubs, she was pulling her hair into a ponytail. “Oh sweetie, I’m sorry to have woken you. Most of all, I’m even sorrier that I have to leave you, but Dr. Cooper’s had an emergency, so I’ve been called in to cover for her.”

  “Don’t worry. You didn’t wake me.”

  Mom stopped rushing around and looked at me. Her face then filled with worry. She came over to me and put her arms around me. “I’m sorry to have to leave you tonight, Noah. I can only imagine how you must be feeling about Jake’s…” She nibbled her lip. “Maybe I could get one of the other partners to cover for me.”

  I snorted. “Mom, I’m not going to slit my wrists tonight, okay?” When her face crumpled a little at my harsh tone, I sighed. “I’m sorry that I sounded like an asshole. But I’m seventeen years old, not a baby.”

  Giving me a hesitant smile, she cupped my chin in her fingers. “You’ll always be my baby, remember?”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I mumbled. Even though I fought it, I really did enjoy it when she wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me tight. Nothing felt as good as my mom’s hugs—the smell of the light vanilla lotion she wore and the strawberry shampoo.

  As she pulled away, she ruffled my hair. “If I didn’t wake you, why are you up?”

  I shrugged. “I just couldn’t sleep.”

  “Want me to get you something from my goody-bag?”

  I laughed. “Yeah, you got something to knock me out?”

  She nodded. “But just this once.” I followed her downstairs to the kitchen. In the bottom rack of the pantry, there was a bag full of medical supplies—you know, the really good stuff that only doctors had access too. She dug around in the bag for a few minutes before snatching out a bottle. “Here you go.”

  I took the blue pill from her hand.

  “Sweetie, why don’t you stay home from school tomorrow? You know, take it easy before the wake and all.”

  I almost choked as the pill slid down my throat. Since Mom never advocated for me skipping school, I thought it was best I took her up on the offer. “Um, yeah, sure. Why not.”

  “Good. Sleep in and get your rest.”

  When I leaned over to give her a quick peck on the cheek, she threw her arms around me, hugging me tight. “Jeez, Mom, you been taking the roids lately?” I joked, trying to lighten the somber mood enveloping us. Tears sparkled in her eyes when I pulled away. Oh shit. “Mom,” I warned.

  She shook her head as her hands came to cup my cheeks. “I need to say this, sweetheart.” She drew in a shaky breath, and I could tell she was fighting hard not to lose it. “I just keep thinking over and over again in my mind how I couldn’t bear if something happened to you like it did with Jake. After seeing Evelyn tonight and the pain she was experiencing…” Mom closed her eyes as a shudder rippled through her body. “My heart just shatters,” she whispered.

  Our roles shifted, and I took on the comforter by pulling Mom into a big bear hug. “Stop thinking those things. I’m right here, and I’m okay. Nothing is going to happen to me.”

  I let Mom weep for a few minutes before I pulled away. “Come on now, you need to be strong for patients. Somebody is counting on you to get their baby into the world tonight.”

  Mom bobbed her head as she wiped her eyes. Her hand then brushed against her abdomen for a second. At my confused expression, she jerked away from me. “Okay then. I guess, I’ll see you tonight then.”

  “Okay.”

  “Get some rest, sweetie,” Mom urged while kissing my cheek one last time.

  “I’ll try,” I replied.” As Mom started out the garage door, I headed back upstairs. I started to feel the effects of the magic blue pill almost the second my head hit the pillow. Thoughts whirled through my mind like debris in a storm and spat out bits and pieces of random conversations. Suddenly, I remembered the ring and song lyrics. I could almost feel the weight of the box in my hand. Even in my woozy state, I tried hard processing the fact that Jake had bought a ring for a girl. Jake, the ultimate manwhore and player, had been serious enough about commitment to buy a ring. Jesus.

  Then in the deep recesses of my mind, I had a brilliantly vivid flashback. It was of the last time Jake stayed over. My drug induced state only enhanced the affect, and the scene played out in my mind like a movie.

  It was a week until Spring Break, and with all the craziness going on his life and mine, he hadn’t stayed over in a while. It was almost noon when we dragged our disheveled asses downstairs. We’d been up most of the night playing games on the Wii, texting chicks, and inevitably watching titty flicks on HBO. Hey, don’t judge. We were just two unattached, horny dudes.

  Mom, outfitted in her pink tennis skirt and white shirt, was at the stove taking up blueberry pancakes. I gotta hand it to her, the one meal she didn’t ever screw up was breakfast. As we collapsed at the table, she came over to us. “Hi guys! Did you sleep well?” She reached over to ruffle my hair, but I ducked away.

  Jake perked up the moment he saw Mom. He flashed his megawatt smile at her. “Good morning, Maggie.” Sniffing the air appreciatively, he then said, “Wow, something sure smells good! Did you cook for us?”

  Mom smiled. “I sure did. I figured I better do something special for you because it’s been so long since you stayed over.”

  “Aw, thanks. That’s so sweet of you.”

  She set a small feast of culinary goodies down in front of us. As she poured a glass of orange juice, she eyed Jake. “So what’s been keeping you away?”

  He stopped shoveling in pancakes for a moment. “I’ve just been busy that’s all.”

  “Hmm, has someone special got you running in circles?” Mom asked, desperately hoping Jake would abandon his manwhore ways.

  “Not really.”

  Mom gave a disappointed sigh. “Well, don’t stay away so long next time. You’re always welcome here.”

  A knock at the back door interrupted us. Mom practically skipped over to answer it. Greg blew in the kitchen in his tennis shorts and Polo shirt. Jesus, he and Mom looked like two Neapolitan ice cream cones standing together. I fought my gag reflex.

  “Noah, Greg and I are going to play tennis.”

  “You don’t say,” I mumbled. Mom shot me a look, and I ducked my head.

  “I should be back by five or six.”

  “Okay.”

  “You and Jake behave yourself, okay?”

  “We will,” I said.

  “I’ll keep him in line, Maggie,” Jake said, with a broad grin.

  Mom laughed. “All right then.”

  As they started to the door, Jake leaned back in his chair to stare at my mom’s ass in her tennis skirt.

  I grabbed the newspaper next to me and whacked him in the head.

  “What the hell was that for?” he asked.

  “For scamming my mom, you pervert!”

  Jake grinned. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.”

  “Well, you better try.”

  He continued staring at the door. “She seems happy,” he mused.

  “Yeah, whatever,” I grumbled, suddenly losing my appetite.

  Jake cocked his eyebrows at me. “Don’t you think she deserves a little happiness?”

  “Yessss,” I hissed.

  “Oh, I get it. You just don’t like him.”

  “The guy’s a tool!”

  Jake snorted. “No dude, my dad is a tool. That guy,” he jerked his head towards the door. “is a decent guy.”

  “Whatever.”

  “You think they’re pretty serious? Like getting married serious?”

  “I don’t wanna think about it!” I shouted. I shot up from my seat and stalked over to the sink. I tossed my plate into the sudsy water, which sloshed onto my shirt and the floor. “And what the hell do you know about marriage or relationships? It’s not like you’ve ever been faithful to a girl for t
wo seconds.”

  “That’s not true,” he argued.

  “It so is, man. You wouldn’t have the first idea about how to be in a relationship.”

  Jake’s eyes narrowed. “Take that back.”

  “I will not.”

  I’d turned to get a dishcloth to mop up the water when Jake appeared at my side. “Listen man, I’m not just some player who doesn’t care about anyone but myself!”

  “I didn’t say you were.”

  Out of nowhere, he shoved me hard against the counter. “Not in so many words, but you did.”

  I shook my head in disbelief. “Dude, what the hell is the matter with you?”

  Jake’s face softened. “Nothing…sorry.”

  “Man, you’re acting weird today. Maybe I better call Mom back to examine you.”

  He snickered. “Um, last time I checked, having a vagina wasn’t one of my problems.”

  “No, screwing too many is!” I joked.

  Jake laughed but shook his head. “There you go again. I told you last night I was changing.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know if you were serious or not.”

  “Well, I am. No more one night stands or random hookups for me.”

  “How come?”

  Jake didn’t answer me. Instead, he walked out of the kitchen to the living room. I followed him and plopped down beside him on the couch. “Jake, you didn’t answer me.”

  He glanced up from the remote and gave me a smile—a truly sincere one. “Because I think I’m in love.”

  I almost fell off the couch. “You’re what?”

  “You heard me, asshat!”

  “I’m sorry, man. I just wasn’t expecting that from you.”

  “Well, I’m sorry to shock you, but it’s the truth.”

  I stared at him in astonishment. “Wow, that’s intense.”

  Jake laughed and propped his feet on Mom’s antique coffee table. “It feels intense man.”

  Eyeing him warily, I kicked Jake’s feet away. “Yeah, well what happened to you telling me when I was in a relationship that love’s for pussies?”

  With a grimace, Jake replied, “I was wrong. And I’m sorry.”

  My eyebrows practically shot off my forehead. “Excuse me? Did you just not only admit that you were wrong about something, but you also apologized?” When Jake bobbed his head, I reached for my phone. “Okay, Mom definitely needs to check you out!”

  “I told you, I’m fine.”

  “So when did it happen?”

  He was thoughtful for a moment. “I don’t know. It’s been coming on for a while. I guess I just didn’t notice. But for sure like a month ago.”

  Then it hit me that I hadn’t asked the most crucial question of all. “So who is the lucky chick?”

  “I’m not telling you,” Jake replied.

  I shot up off the couch. “What? That’s bullshit man!”

  He slowly shook his head. “Nope. Not going to tell you.”

  “Why not?”

  He tossed the remote control to the side of the couch and then stared at me. “Because I haven’t told her yet. I think she deserves to know first, don’t you?”

  I rolled my eyes as I started pacing in front of him. “So you’re in love with a girl, and you haven’t told her?”

  “Yeah, that’s right.”

  “Do you think she feels the same way?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I think so.”

  “Do I know her?”

  “Maybe,” he admitted reluctantly.

  I threw my hands up in exasperation. “Okay fine. Keep her a secret.”

  Jake smiled. “Good, because I plan on it.”

  Plopping back down on the couch, I grabbed up the remote. “So, let’s say she feels the same way about you—in love and all. What does she think about you being a manwhore?”

  “I’m a rehabilitated manwhore,” Jake replied.

  I arched my eyebrows. “Seriously dude?”

  “Yep.”

  “And how exactly does one become,” I paused to make air quotes with my fingers, “a ‘rehabilitated manwhore’? Is there some kind of rehab you studs go to?”

  Jake snickered. “No, there’s not, you smartass. Basically, it means, I’ve stopped screwing around.”

  I gasped and fought the urge to faint off the couch. “Whoa…are shitting me?”

  “Nope.”

  “Since when?”

  Jake raised his eyes to the ceiling while he thought. “Let’s see. It was almost four weeks ago with Presley.”

  My jaw fell to the floor in shock. “You haven’t had sex in almost four weeks?”

  “I sure haven’t…well, not with a girl anyway,” he replied, with a wink.

  I laughed. “Spare me the details, bro.”

  “Hey, I gotta do something.”

  I shook my head slowly back and forth in disbelief. “Man, I’m impressed.”

  Jake grinned. “Thanks man, that means a lot to me.”

  “It does?”

  “Yeah it sure does,” he replied.

  “Then I’m glad.”

  “Now, if we could just find your ugly mug somebody!”

  “Hey, screw you!”

  Then the vision faded, and drowsily, I turned over in bed. There would be no counting backwards like when they give you anesthesia. As I went under the levels of consciousness, Jake’s face was the last thing I saw.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  With Mom’s blessing to skip school, Alex, and I went over to Jake’s house to hang out with his brothers and his two cousins from out in the sticks—twins he liked to refer to as “Bubba”. Their names were actually Sean and Ryan, but Jake loved to call them just “Bubba”.

  Jonathan brought a cooler out of the apartment above the garage. We popped a few beers and lounged around by the pool. By noon, we were positively shitfaced. It took us all being drunk off our asses before we dared to bring up Jake.

  Bubba, aka Ryan and Sean, were with Jake when he died. After his seventh beer¸ Jonathan grabbed Ryan’s shoulder and slurred, “Dude, can you tell me how the hell it’s possible that my baby brother blew his ass up on a tractor?”

  My breath caught in my chest, and I slowly eased the can away from my lips, awaiting Bubba’s response.

  Ryan gulped down his swig of beer and shook his head sadly. “We were all just hanging out in the pasture—bored as hell. Sean and Travis (one of their other hillbilly relations) had brought along some rifles, so we started shooting beer cans off the fence.” Ryan glanced around us. “I mean, we tried shooting at them, but we were too fucking wasted to really hit anything.”

  Sean nodded. “Jake was pretty quiet. He kept mumbling something about falling off the wagon and ‘she’s gonna be disappointed in me’. About ten, he climbed up on Pawpaw’s tractor to get a better vantage point for the cans, or so he claimed. Travis said, ‘Hey dumbass, you better get off Papaw’s tractor, or he’ll wear out your hide!’ But Jake just shrugged and started firing over and over again. One nicked the barbwire, ricocheted off, and…”

  At Sean’s hesitation, Ryan murmured forlornly, “It happened so quick. I mean, boom, and he was gone.”

  We sat in stunned silence, staring at the sunlight glimmering on the pool water. Jonathan chugged the rest of his beer. Finally, in a strangled voice, he muttered, “Fuck me.”

  The sound of loud voices snapped us out of our daze. It was Mr. and Mrs. Nelson arguing.

  “Did you think you could hide it from me?” Mrs. Nelson shrieked.

  “Of course not. I just wanted you to get through the funeral first before I told you.”

  “And what is that supposed to mean, Martin? Am I such a nut job you don’t think I could handle it?”

  “No, Ev, that’s not what I thought.”

  As the voices got closer, we threw horrified glances at each other. In a drunken stupor, we stumbled around, hiding the evidence of our binge. Course, anyone with brains would have taken one look or one whiff at us and known we were totally
plastered. But when you’re shitfaced, you’re not known for having very many coherent thoughts.

  Mrs. Nelson threw open the patio with such a force I thought she’d rip it off the hinges.

  “Noah!” she called.

  The other guys swiveled their heads toward me.

  Shit. Damn. Hell. I straightened up in my lawn chair. “Yes, Mrs. Nelson?” I called in the most sober voice I could conjure.

  It took me only a second to notice the velvet ring box in her hand. Double Shit, Damn, Hell….

  “Do you know about this?” she demanded, waving the box at me.

  Mr. Nelson joined her at the railing. I exchanged a glance with him before I replied. “Um, yes, Mrs. Nelson. We found it last night in Jake’s room.” Wanting to stay on her good side, I quickly added, “Mr. Nelson thought it would be best to wait to tell you.”

  While the Asshole shot me a death glare, Mrs. Nelson bobbed her head. “Good. Then you’ll be willing to help me.”

  “Um, help you?”

  “Yes,” she said, as she started over to us. I would’ve committed high crimes for a mint at that moment. I covered my mouth with my hand, trying to appear like I was deep in thought to mask my alcohol breath from hell.

  “Obviously, there’s a girl out there who my Jake truly loved—enough to want to be married to her. I want to know who she is, and I want you to find her.”

  Forgetting all about my heinous beer breath, I let my mouth drop open in disbelief. “Y-You want me to do what?”

  “I want you to find the girl who this ring belongs to. Even though Jake didn’t get the chance to give it to her, I want her to have it.”

  I stopped myself from blurting, “Are you insane, Mrs. Nelson? I know you loved your little boy, but he was a major panty chasing manwhore! I’d have better luck finding all the girls he deflowered or potentially gave an STD to than the one girl he might actually have had feelings for!”