Yearning Devotion

by Rachael Orman

  Curling up on the couch, Gwen flipped on the TV. She finally settled on a kid’s movie, nothing else looked worth watching. She texted McKayla to see where she was. McKayla’s return text came back almost immediately saying she’d be a few hours since the photo shoot she was at wasn’t going as smoothly as it was supposed to. Slipping down on the couch, she rested her head on the arm and curled up on her side. She watched a few minutes of the movie before her eyes closed and she dozed off.

  “Wakey Wakey.” McKayla said sitting next to Gwen on the couch rubbing her back. Gwen opened one eye, looked at her then closed it again.

  “I was sleeping so good.” Gwen groaned and rolled onto her back to stretch her arms over her head. She yawned and folded her arms behind her head while watching McKayla. “What time is it?”

  “A little after four.” McKayla looked across the room to the clock on the wall.

  “Man, I slept for 3 hours. Guess I was tired.” Gwen stretched again before sitting up. McKayla moved so she was sitting next to her. “So, we need to talk.”

  “Sounds ominous.” McKayla lifted an eye brow at her in question. McKayla relayed what happened that morning with Cole. “You want to know what I think?”

  “Yes. We’ve talked hypothetically but now I have to know for a fact that this is ok.” Gwen bit her lip nervously.

  “Of course it is. I want you to be happy. I don’t particularly trust him, but I think it’d be worth talking to him more.” McKayla gave her a small smile and held her hand. “As long as he doesn’t try to take you away from me.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.” Gwen bent her legs over McKayla’s lap and laid her head on her shoulder, wrapping her arms around McKayla’s body. “I love you more than anything.”

  “Good cause I love you more than life.” McKayla softly spoke into her hair before kissing the top of her head.

  Gwen sat at a table in the back of a quiet little Italian restaurant waiting for Cole. She decided she wanted to speak to him without McKayla there. It was easier to not have to see the pain and sympathy on McKayla’s face when she spoke about her past. She was tracing the bottom of her wine glass with one hand while the other hand spun the glass in circles. She was staring at the front door, waiting for him to show. She got there 10 minutes early so she could have a glass of wine and get settled before he arrived.

  She knew when Cole showed up because it was like every cell in her body was suddenly on alert. Her body knew his even from across the room. She took in his black slacks and green shirt that he had on at her interview earlier in the day. His eyes locked on her and he waved off the hostess before heading her direction. Gwen had dressed in a long sleeve black knit dress that fell to the floor. It had a high boat neck. She felt like she needed to be as conservative as she could with her clothing. Her hair fell in loose waves down her back. She smiled as every woman watched Cole as he walked through the restaurant, even some of the men. His stature and gait just demanded attention.

  “Hi there.” Gwen smiled at him. She stood to greet him. He gave her a tight hug and a soft kiss. He pushed the hair back over her shoulder while still holding her close.

  “You look beautiful.” Cole said running his hand down her neck softly while looking into her eyes. Gwen blushed slightly. He always knew how to get to her.

  “Thank you. And you look just as handsome as always.” Gwen smiled. Cole pulled back and waited till she sat back down before he took his spot across from her at the table. They both ordered from the waiter and he disappeared leaving them alone again.

  “So, what is it that is so important that you have to tell me?” Cole wasted no time, going right to the reason they were there. Gwen bit her lip for a moment and wiped her damp palms against her dress.

  “Well, gee, ok. Jumping right in are we.” Gwen took a deep breath. “So promise you’ll keep an open mind and let me explain.”

  “Ok. Done. Promise.” Cole said taking her hand across the table. Just like that. He promised to do what she hadn’t done for him. Gwen took a deep breath, held it, blew it out, drummed her fingers on the table then looked up at Cole. “You can tell me anything.”

  “I was a prostitute for four years when we met. But you don’t have to worry about me being clean. I worked for a company and it was all very monitored.” Gwen said looking at the table. She held her breathe as she waited for his response.

  “Why?” Cole asked. Gwen slowly looked up and was surprised to not find any disgust or anger on his face.

  “That’s it? Just why?” Gwen was surprised.

  “Many people sleep around, unprotected, carelessly. Why is that so much different than what you did? And it is obviously something you felt you needed or wanted to do. So, what I want to know is why did you do it and are you still doing it?” Cole said completely calm.

  “No, I stopped over a year ago. I realized it wasn’t healthy for me to continue. As to why, well, that we have to go back years for that.” Gwen drummed her fingers against the table on the hand Cole wasn’t holding. Taking another deep breath, she began, “When I was 12, I was kidnapped. A set of brothers decided they wanted a play thing. They had me for five years. They raped, beat and starved me over those years. Somewhere in my twisted mind, the control and power I got for selling my body was my way of dealing with it. For once it was my choice. I lost my virginity to those bastards. This was a way in my mind to show that I was the one now in control. But after being with you, I realized it was none of that. It was just my excuse to allow men to continue to use me because that’s what I was used to. When my heart got broken, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t want any man, other than you, to touch me anymore. I didn’t want them to ruin the beautiful memories I had of what it was like to have a man touch me as though I mattered. Someone who cared about me as more than a way to get off.”

  “I’m glad I made you feel that way because you do matter to me and I do care.” Cole said rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb. “I’m very sorry about your kidnapping. How were you found? Did your parents keep looking for you the whole time?”

  “I don’t have parents. Well, I do but I don’t know where they are. They abandoned me. It was part of why I stayed in captivity, as horrible as it was. I didn’t have anywhere else to go.” Gwen shrugged. “When I got out, I was pregnant with my fourth baby.” Gwen swallowed hard. “That was what changed everything for me. It made me want to leave to protect myself and the baby too.”

  “You have kids?” Cole was surprised. Gwen shook her head as tears welled up in her eyes.

  “No. They beat me until my body aborted every pregnancy. When I escaped I was too malnourished to hold the pregnancy. When I lost that baby I was crushed. It had saved me and I couldn’t save it.” Gwen brushed away the tears running down her cheeks with the back of her hand as she fought to hold back a sob. After a moment she continued, “When I had enough money, I had my tubes tied. I will never have another pregnancy. I will never have another miscarriage. I will never lose another baby. I’d make a terrible parent anyway. I know nothing of what it is like to have a normal childhood and I don’t want to screw up any child the way my parents did.”

  “So that’s why you knew you wouldn’t get pregnant this morning.” Cole said scratching his cheek. He didn’t really know how to feel about it all. This wasn’t what he’d come here expecting to hear, but he wasn’t entirely surprised. He’d known Gwen had demons in her past that haunted her by some of her actions and what she’d said. He had his own demons but nothing like hers.

  “Yes.”

  “You never want to have kids?” He asked out of curiosity.

  “Nope. Do you?” Gwen asked.

  “I thought I might have one or two someday. But nothing I’m in a rush for. I’m not sure kids would fit in with my lifestyle anyway.” Cole shrugged. Gwen sighed, feeling a huge weight lifted. Cole had acted like what she told him wasn’t anything unusual. While they would still have to talk about other things in her past, most of it was out in
the air and he had handled it much smoother than most people would. He didn’t pity her for the situations she had no control over, which she liked. She hated when people pitied her.

  They spent the next two hours chatting about any and everything. She learned that Cole was an only child. That he was born into money but he had troubles with his parents, although they steered clear of that topic. They talked about the fashion world and many other not so sensitive topics. Finally Cole paid for their food and they walked out of the restaurant holding hands. They stopped just outside the restaurant. Cole pulled her to him and pressed his lips gently to hers.

  “I’ve wanted to do that all night.” He said looking deeply into her eyes. A smile in his eyes. “I still remember the first time I kissed you just like that, you know. I had no idea how much you would come to mean to me back then but I knew that you were someone special that I had to get to know better. You are so beautiful even through all the horrors life has thrown at you. Not just your face and body, although those are amazing, but your soul. You are still so caring and loving after everything and everyone was so hard on you. You really are a little miracle.”

  Gwen didn’t know what to say so she just gave him a small closed lip smile. She didn’t think she was special. She just tried to do the best she could with the cards that she was dealt in life.

  “Let me drive you home.” Cole pulled her towards the parking lot by the hand.

  Chapter 26

  Cole opened the passenger side of his black sexy sleek car for her. Gwen slid into the leather seat and watched as he walked around the car. He really was too good looking. He had a sexy gait and he just had an air about him that was so different that most people.

  “You know you really aren’t fair to woman kind.” Gwen smirked when he slid into the car. He just shrugged.

  “I think you are unfair for mankind… So I guess that means we go together well.” Cole winked at her. Gwen rolled her eyes at him. He laughed at her and pulled out of the parking lot. He drove like he had sex. Fast and hard. Gwen had to practically peel herself apart from the seat when they got to her apartment. She waited for him to come around and open the door for her.

  “I don’t think I’ll be driving with you again.” She took his hand as she stood. He chuckled at her as they walked through the underground parking garage towards the elevator. “Don’t laugh. You drive crazy. Even for a New Yorker.”

  “I love driving but I have no patience for other drivers. Which is why I tend to ride the subway.” Cole pulled her to him while they waited for the elevator. He kissed her lips softly once before kissing down her neck. Gwen tilted her head to give him better access. He growled softly in her ear. “I love the way you smell and its strongest right here on your neck.” He leaned back down to lick from the base of her neck up to her ear causing a shiver to run through Gwen. She moaned and sank her fingers into his hair. The bell to the elevator dinged alerting them that it had arrived. Cole pulled back from her and they moved inside the empty car. They waited as it moved up the floors to her apartment.

  “You know, I’ve always wanted to have sex in an elevator.” Gwen said casually still looking at the closed elevator doors. The sexual tension was so thick they could both feel each other catching glimpses of each other out of the corner of their eye. Gwen bit her lip when he didn’t respond immediately and turned to look at him.

  “Really? Hm. Maybe I’ll have to see about making that happen sometime.” He moved quick and groaned as he pushed her into the elevator wall. “You like to tease me, don’t you?”

  “Mmm… It makes things more exciting. Plus I get bored easily.” Gwen licked across his lips before nipping his bottom lip. The elevator dinged yet again. This time they were at her floor.

  “Saved by the bell.” Cole grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the elevator.

  “Do you know where you are going?” Gwen laughed following after him. To her surprise he stopped right in front of her door. He gestured with his hand as if to say ‘see’. Gwen pulled out her keys and unlocked the door.

  “It was on your resume.” Cole winked at her as they entered. He was instantly in love with her apartment. Although not spacious, it was well decorated with muted tones that made him feel instantly relaxed and at home. It fitted Gwen perfectly. It was just like her oh so calm demeanor that she so often projected.

  “You know, I guess we skipped the part where I ask you in. But I suppose I could ask if you want to stay for a drink.” Gwen laughed as she closed the door behind them. She made sure she flipped the locks, never could be too careful.

  “Well, well. Look what the cat dragged in.” McKayla walked from around the corner into the kitchen. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt looking as plain as she ever got and still incredibly sexy. She hadn’t expected Gwen home so early. She looked at the beautiful man and woman in front of her all dressed up. She gestured and turned back into the kitchen, “Come in here. I’ll make us some drinks.”

  Cole grabbed Gwen with a hand on either side of her face and pressed a hard kiss to her lips before releasing her. He followed McKayla into the kitchen. Gwen took a few deep breathes before following the pair. When she walked into the kitchen, McKayla was pouring lemonade into glasses for each of them. Cole was leaning against the counter on the opposite side of the small kitchen watching her with an eyebrow raised. Gwen leaned against the opening into the kitchen to watch.

  "Lemonade? Not what I was expecting when you said a drink. But surprisingly sounds pretty tasty." Cole looked between Gwen and McKayla then back again. He smiled when McKayla threw him a look over her shoulder.

  "We don't have anything harder in the house." McKayla turned and handed him a glass. She gave Gwen the other one before picking up one for herself. "So, what now?"

  "Want to watch a movie?" Gwen gestured with her glass towards the living room. The other two both shrugged and followed her. Gwen sat in the middle of the couch with McKayla on one side and Cole on the other. She put her glass on the coffee table after they finally found some random show on TV. She felt tired and wasn't following the conversation McKayla and Cole were having about some runway one of the designers had put together that made the models walk up stairwells and hills. She leaned over and put her head in McKayla's lap and curled her legs up onto Cole's lap. She didn't care if either cared, she was tired and they could move if they didn't like it.

  McKayla looked at Cole, who looked back at her and shrugged. They continued their conversation as Gwen dozed off.

  “Guess she was tired.” McKayla said when Gwen started breathing heavy. “She was nervous about how tonight was going to go. So, you going to tell me what was said? Or do I have wait to hear it from her?”

  “I suppose she’ll have her own way to describe it. But she told me about her past, her old job and why she felt like it was the right job at the time.” Cole tried to sum up the conversation without saying much.

  “I must say I’m a bit impressed. I’d known her for many years before she shared any of that stuff with me. She’s really learning to open up about her past. The men who had her were brutal to her, I’m just thankful we met when we did and that I was able to reach the hurting young girl under the hard exterior she used to shove everyone else away.” McKayla spoke softly as she looked down at Gwen’s sleeping face. She pushed her hair back from her face and tucked it behind her ear. “I still hate you. You broke her. I’ll accept you as much as I can because obviously she cares about you. But you hurt her and I was afraid I was going to lose her because of you. That I will never forget and it’ll take me a long time to even forgive.”

  “You are right. I owe you an explanation just as much as I owed her one.” Cole held her stare even though she was shooting him daggers. “I was married. I was in the middle of an extremely nasty divorce when my ex-wife thought she would just show up at my apartment one morning. She’d come to beg for me to take her back but instead found Gwen there. I wish I could say I was surprised by her appalling behavior, but I�
�m not. She was always a little spitfire and not in a good way. She threw tantrums like a child all the time. I never cared much for her but our fathers kept pushing us together while we were in college. They were business partners that saw it as an opportunity to bring their businesses together. We dated off and on most of college. I finally agreed to get married when she told me she was pregnant. We rushed to get married because she didn’t want to be an obviously pregnant bride. And as soon as we were married that little bitch did her best to make my life hell any way she possibly could.

  “Turned out that whole pregnancy had been a figment of her imagination. I was just too busy working and trying to keep the old man happy to deal with her. I travelled as much as I could just to stay away from her, which turned out to be great for business. Until one day, I met this sweet girl on the subway and realized what a sham my life was. This lovely lady showed me how wonderful life could be. Even after only spending time with her twice, I knew I had to change my life.

  “I actually filed divorce papers that day. I agreed to give her everything she wanted, if she agreed to let me quietly divorce her. I’ll admit I’d already had the divorce papers drawn up because of the numerous nasty battles we’d gotten in. But I’d never actually filed them until the second day I met Gwen. It didn’t matter if I never saw Gwen again at that point, I just knew that I had to do something to change the way I was living my life.”

  “Why didn’t you stop Gwen when your wife walked in on you?” McKayla didn’t look impressed with his explanation.

  “Ex-wife. And I couldn’t. Cassie, my ex-wife, knew our marriage was over and said as long as she got everything she wanted in the divorce, she wouldn’t share any of my personal details about our marriage, my life, the divorce, anything with the media.” Cole shrugged. “I was stupid. I see that now. But back then I had been terrified of upsetting the easily upset Cassie and her destroying me in the public eye. I try to stay out of it. I hate the media and how they skew things to how they want them to be. I’ve done a lot since I started my business to stay as far from the lime light as possible.