Funk's the Chocolate Loving Vamp

by Jamie Ott

  His mother opened the door.

  “Can’t you knock? You always tell me too!”

  Ignoring him, she said, “I’m going to bed early because I’m working the early shift at the hospital. I want you to keep it quiet. By the way, you forgot to get paper towels, go to the store and get some tomorrow. ”

  “All right,” said Layton, thinking about the change he’d left at the store.

  “Good night.”

  Layton lay there and lay there, but again, he couldn’t sleep.

  Finally, he looked up at the clock which said 1 am. He turned on the television and it was Dracula again, only this time it wasn’t that freaky looking guy with a butt chin, as Rick would have called it. This time it was some tall skinny guy with a cape.

  After another hour passed with him still being wide awake, he climbed out of bed and put on some clothes. He gently raised the window next to his bed and crawled through. He didn’t know where he was going or what he was doing, but he just wanted to get lost in the cool darkness. It was stupid and probably dangerous, but he loved looking at the stars, and his mother would never notice.

  Except for the cool air whooshing through his hair and brushing in his ears, he heard nothing. The atmosphere was so dark blue that it was easy to fantasize that he’d escaped to another planet. For the first time, he walked with his head held up because the night had nothing that he feared. Not even the shadows that danced sinisterly in the alleys he passed could frighten him.

  Eventually, he walked onto his school’s playground, and into the plastic tunnels. On the very top, he was hidden by the plastic walls. It was his favorite place to sleep at night because no one would see him.

  He lay on his back and looked at the moon.

  ~~~

  The next morning, when he walked down the alley back to his house, he saw Molly sitting on her back porch, petting Mad Dog.

  “Hey, why didn’t you come by yesterday?”

  “My mom said I couldn’t because she was tired and she doesn’t know you.”

  “Oh well, if you get bored, come by later. I have some yard work I’d love you to help me with. Later on, we can go and meet your mom. My nephews will be over again later.”

  “Okay, Bye.”

  When he got to the block on which his house stood, he saw his mother had already gone to work. He opened the door and felt that it was already reaching sauna degrees, as their house didn’t have air conditioning.

  In the kitchen, he poured a bowl of Count Chocola, and took it in the living room.

  He turned on the television.

  “Where’s Mom?”

  His sister, Heather, walked into the living room looking like she’d recently tumbled down a mountain. Her hair was mop-like, and the expression on her face was of such disgust that Layton couldn’t stand looking at her. He wondered if she ever realized just how ugly she could be when she looked at people that way. “Work. Where were you last night? With your ugly boyfriend?”

  “Shut up or I’ll kick you in the face.”

  The Party

  Chapter 2

  Despite everything that happened between him and Rick, he still got an invitation his 10th birthday party. What if Jeff and the twins showed? This was going to be humiliating.

  “Layton, you’re going,” his mother said as she filled her car mug with coffee.

  “He hates me. He’s friend with kids who hate me. Remember the guy I got into a fight with? He’s gonna be there, too.”

  She breathed out, loudly, and said, “You can’t go through life fearing bullies. Someone’s always going to try to intimidate you.”

  The lid made a loud popping noise when she pressed it down onto her mug. Then she went to her purse and opened her wallet.

  “Here.” She handed him a $20 bill. “Get him a nice birthday present.”

  “Rick humiliated me. Why should I get him a present?”

  “Because he was still nice enough to invite you.”

  That afternoon, when his sister emerged from her room and declared she had no place to go, he decided to visit with Molly. Anyone had to be better company than his yeti of sister.

  Once again, there she was, digging in the yard next to hers; the condemned house staring eerily down at him.

  “Can’t you get into trouble for planting in someone’s yard?”

  “No one, personally, owns it; it was foreclosed on by the bank. Besides, the flowers will bloom and I’ll harvest them in a few months’ time. Why don’t you grab that shovel over there, you can start on these.”

  She handed him a shovel and a packet of marigolds.

 

  It was strange but Layton enjoyed working in the garden with Molly. Despite the heat that aggravated every pore in his body, and the sweat that slimed his skin and rolled into his eyes, it was nice to have actions that demanded so much of his focus that he couldn’t think.

  Layton picked up the water hose and drank and doused himself with the cold water. Across the way, the sounds of kids yelling, followed by the sight of a football flying across a yard, came from Rick’s backyard. For the first, he didn’t care: what a relief.

  He stuck his shovel into the 50lb bag of soil, and sprinkled it into the row he’d dug.

  About noon, the sounds of laughter and shouting boomed through the house. Into the backyard came Molly’s sister Melinda and her two kids: Billy and Bob.

  Billy was a tall dark half-Mexican with ashy legs and dirty scruffy clothes. He looked like one to play hard. His younger brother, Bob, was in the third grade and, although he had the same father as Billy, was light and golden like his mother. Bob was more laid back and liked to talk, and his clothes were less scruffy.

  Molly’s sister carried a bag of tacos and a couple liters of cola. After a round of introductions, they sat around the living room table, as the kitchen was too small, ate tacos and watched a movie.

  “Mom, can Billy and I go to Golf ‘n’ Games after this?”

  “No. We have to go get a present for Rick, the kid across the way. He’s invited you to his birthday party.”

  “I was invited to the party, too,” said Layton. “My mom told me to get him a gift.”

  “Well, you can come with us,” said Bob.

 

  After lunch, they piled into Melinda’s SUV. Layton crammed in between Billy and Bob. They drove to the Planks Shopping Mall, where they spent the rest of the late afternoon looking at toys.

  They wandered along an isle full of cars.

 

  “Oh wow,” Billy exclaimed at the H scale train set. “I want this. Mom!?!”

  He walked off to find his mother.

  “So how old are you?” asked Bob.

  “Ten.”

  “Oh cool. I’m eight but I’ll be nine in a few months. It sucks being the youngest. I have to do everything Billy tells me, like last night when he made me smear toothpaste on the seat of our neighbor’s daughter’s bike. He wouldn’t tell me why, only that he’d put my feet behind my ears and sit on me if I didn’t do it. But I know he’s mad because the girl broke up with him, though. I threatened to tell Mom, but he said if I did, he’d put potato bugs in my cereal. He already put jumping spiders in my shoes so I figured I’d better do as he says.”

  “I have an older sister, but she’s gone all the time, thankfully. I hate her so much.”

  “What should we get Rick? I don’t even know him that well.”

  “How about a box of dirt? I’m not buying him anything. I don’t care what my mom says.”

  “How come you hate him?”

  “Because he’s a jerk. Oh, whoa!” he exclaimed.

  There, on the shelf, was an electronic sling shot. It had a miniature telescope and a trigger that pulled the plastic bands back into place. Next to it laid a cartridge of ball bullets, five times the size of a BB pellet.

  Like holding a baby, Layton carefully picked the sling shot off the shelf and inserted a couple little pellets into the plastic tube
that fed into the fold of the rubber flap. Breath abated, he squeezed the little trigger, which made a clicking noise, and then loaded a pellet. When the band was in position, he pressed the button again and WHAM!

  Layton and Bob hit the floor, as the pellet made a loud CRACK noise.

  The pellet ricocheted off a box on the shelf in front of them, bounced off a box on the shelf behind them, and then rolled across the floor.

  “Who- hoa,” said Bob. “Coooool, let me try.”

  Layton handed him the slingshot.

  Bob, looking around, saw Billy standing at the end of the aisle. He pressed his eye up to the telescope and aimed the slingshot at Billy’s head.

  Two clicks of the little trigger, and Billy yelled, “OOOWWW!!!”

  He turned, looking murderous, and charged Bob who took off around and into the next aisle.

 

  Barely able to control his laughter so that he could breathe, Layton grabbed an unopened electronic sling shot package.

  This will come in handy.

  For the first time in weeks, Layton had a really good day. Molly invited him to stay for dinner, and he really wanted to, but he needed to get home and stash the slingshot, for if his mother found it, she’d never let him keep it. As it was, she’d be mad that he didn’t get Rick a birthday present.

  Layton opened the door to his home at a quarter to five. Heather was there, and her boyfriend was lying on top of her, giving her kisses.

  “What the hell are you doing?” he asked with disgust.

  “Get out of here, Layton!”

  “You’d better pray that I don’t tell mom, who’ll be home any minute!”

  He walked into his room and slammed the door shut.

  Layton opened his slingshot and practiced aiming at one of the paper targets that came with it.

  Heather opened the door, and asked, “Where did you get that?”

  “Get out, Heather!”

  “Mike is gone. You’d better not tell Mom or I’ll kill you!”

  She slammed the door.

  That night, his mother came home and yelled at Layton for not getting Rick a present. She especially flipped when he told her he spent the money at the ice cream shop. Apparently, they didn’t have money to waste, and it didn’t grow on trees, either.

  No matter; it was totally worth it.

  That night his father called to say hello and apologize for not meeting him and his sister. The only reason Layton went to the phone was to keep his mother from further yelling at him, but as usual, he held the receiver and didn’t say a word.

  “Layton? Layton?” his voice called out through the receiver.

  But he just sat, there on the couch, in silence for fifteen minutes and watched television. He didn’t need to say anything because his dad wasn’t interested.

  “Look, I’m sorry but I had to work.”

  Another lie. He was with his girlfriend and their new baby. He just didn’t say so because he didn’t want them to think he was choosing his new family over them. Or at least, that’s what his mother accused him of one night.

  When his father told him to hang up, he did so without saying goodbye. His mother called him but he ignored her and went to his room.

  He pushed the old television switch into the on position.

  What is this? Vampire week?

  Only this time, it was a funny vampire. An old guy with white hair pranced about, looking goofy.

  Layton’s eyes gently closed. A moment later they opened. The doctor and some guy were standing about.

  “Did you put a bug in your mouth?”

  “It was a raspberry.”

  “We’re not serving raspberries!”

  “Then it must’ve been a raisin. See there’s one missing from the muffin.”

  “Oh okay – wait! You did it again!”

  “What?”

  “You put a bug in your mouth!”

  Layton giggled. This one wasn’t so bad. He couldn’t go to sleep after that scene.

  Several hours passed – with god awful commercials, “Dead and Loving It” long over, Layton was now fully intrigued by the 1931 Dracula which was re running.

  It was a dark film, and even scarier looking, as it was in black and white. Periodically, he put his head under the cover. And then a man and a woman he recognized from his dreams crossed the screen: Dracula in full dress, and the scary lady in white. After that, he didn’t hide his eyes, even when it was tough, because he couldn’t miss a single detail of these villains whom, to him, had become heroes.

  The following week was more of the same thing: his mother would go to work, his sister would pretend to go to Charlotte’s, and Layton would be left all alone in the house. Mom was kind enough, though, to put him in charge of all the shopping, considering that he had “nothing to do.”

  Today, the list was milk, eggs, and butter.

  After putting off going to the store for as long as he could, he put on his shoes and took the money off the table.

  When he reached Priddy Street, he took the alleyway down, hoping to see Molly and her nephews.

  As he passed the flowers in the yard of the condemned house, he noticed the seeds he’d planted had already begun to grow. Little green sprouts were sticking out of the ground as though reaching for something.

  Reaching over the fence, he put his cupped hands in the water of the sprinkler and poured it down his back. Next door, Molly’s house appeared to be still, but Mad Dog, who was in the yard, ran up to him.

  Layton scratched and stroked him.

  Across the way and two houses up, he heard some commotion going on in the backyard. Rick’s family must have been getting ready for the party, and they always loved to have a theme of some sort. One year, it was Batman and Robin, the next was Superman, maybe this year it would be the Green Lantern.

  Rick loved superheroes which was something they once had in common.

  He continued onto the store and back, and then he spent the day bored and watching lame daytime television.

  The next day was the party. Layton woke, quietly put on his clothes, grabbed a cereal bar, and attempted to sneak through the front door.

  His mother caught him and yelled. She, then, made him put on his nice shirt for the party. And to make sure he didn’t skip out, she drove him to Rick’s house and walked him up to the door.

  Layton kept his head down as his mom and Rick’s mother chatted.

  His mom handed Rick’s mother a bag, and then she turned and left. Layton silently walked over the threshold, through the house, and into the backyard where a barbeque was going.

  The theme was Spiderman.

  Grownups stood around a smoky grill and under the awning on the patio, conversing. To his right, he saw Rick, Jeff, and the twins playing a short game of football with each other.

  “Hey,” said Jeff loudly. “Isn’t that Layton Funk?”

  That’s it.

  He unlatched the wooden gate, but just as he was about to leave, he saw Bob and Billy walking toward him.

  “Hey, Layton,” they said.

  Slowly, he retreated back into the yard.

  “Layton,” said Rick’s mom, who’d just appeared behind him. “Were you trying to sneak out?”

  All in all, it wasn’t a bad day, because Bob and Billy showed.

  Rick and his buddies didn’t say anything to either of them. Instead, they tossed the football while Layton, Bob, and Billy sat, bored out of their minds, in a shaded corner of the yard. Occasionally, an adult would come up and suggest they join the game.

  When it was time to eat, Rick and friends sat at one end of the wooden bench his parents set out. Quickly, Layton made sure to secure the opposite end, leaving the adults to sit in the middle.

  After lunch, his parents brought out an enormous football ice cream cake. Everyone, except Layton (and Bob out of loyalty), sang happy birthday.

  When it was time to open the presents, Layton wanted to throw up. Watching
Rick – a boy who treated him so badly – be spoiled like a prince made him sick with rage. The adults “oohed” and “aaahed” over the toys he’d got, called him young man and smiled at him, as if he were good.

  “Wow! The Brancham Monster Set!” and “Whoa! A water proof DVD player!” For each person, he read off a name and said “Thanks.”

  Finally, he picked up a package and didn’t say anything at all.

  “And who is that present from?” asked his mother.

  “Layton Funk,” Rick blushed.

  Layton’s heart thumped!

  He just remembered his mother handed a bag to Rick’s mother before she left! His mother always got people the worst gifts! Instantly, Layton knew this was going to be bad.

  Rick untied the gold ribbon and pulled back the blue wrapping.

  “Layton, you idiot! You always get me the worst presents.”

  He threw the package across the table at him. It smacked him in the head and landed on the table.

  “Rick, you ungrateful child! Apologize, now!”

  But he leap off the bench and ran into the house. His mother followed him inside where they could all hear shouting coming from the kitchen.

  He looked down at the package. It was a white watch with pictures of cats frolicking on the band. His face turned completely red. “I didn’t know. My mother got it for him.”

  “Let me see,” said Billy. Turning the watch over in his hand, he said, “Well, it wouldn’t be so bad – if he were a girl!”

  Rick didn’t say another word to Layton while they were there.

  He, Bob, and Billy sat, again, under the shade in a corner of the yard while Rick and his buddies continued to playing football.

  Layton tried to remain calm, but inside, he was madder than ever. Once more, Rick completely humiliated him in front of people. Yeah, it was a crappy gift, but was that an excuse to attack him?

  Another hour passed.

  “I can’t stand this anymore. I’m leaving. See you guys.”

  “Wait,” said Bob. “Wanna spend the night?”

  “Yeah, I’d love too.”

  “Here.” Billy handed Layton his cell phone and said, “Call your mom and ask.”