Funk's the Chocolate Loving Vamp

by Jamie Ott

  “What?”

  Jacko couldn’t tell who said what, until Rick spoke.

  “Someone in the window. It looked like a zombie with white skin and dead eyes.”

  “Ah hahaha,” they laughed.

  “You’re so scared!”

  A second later, Layton heard the glass door open around the back.

  Scared and having forgotten to hide, he stood up again, and pulled his sling shot from his back pocket.

  “Oh my gosh!” someone in the room said.

  He turned his head and saw that everyone in the room – Rick, Jeff, and Brad – were staring and pointing at him, with mouths open.

  But where was John?

  Layton remained dead still where he was, waiting. Finally, Brad stepped into view. He stood out under the lighted portion of the cement, grabbed the sides of his cloaked and raised his arms to the sky, the way Dracula did in the movie.

  Brad shrieked and disappeared back around and into the house.

  Layton tried to look through the window, which had fogged up again. Thinking of the lady in white from the films, he wrote the word, in large backward letters, “E – T – A – L - O - C– O – H – C. “

  He leaned in close to see inside the room. Rick and his buddies stood still, all staring at Layton’s face through the window.

  It was strange that none of the boys recognized him. Layton continued by writing in smaller letters below the word, chocolate, “.eid ro thgin worromoT”

  It took him a minute or two to finish, and especially since he wasn’t accustomed to writing words backward.

  Layton stood back, a few feet, from the window, allowing his full self to be seen. He threw his cape once more by raising his arms skyward, and opened his mouth wide to show the fangs inside.

  Suddenly, John Miller ran to the window and yanked it up. He reached out to grab Layton, but instinctively, Layton hurled a stink bomb through the window.

  The plastic broke against the wall, instantly releasing a foul sewage odor. The smell was stronger than Layton anticipated, as up until that point, he’d never broken a stink pellet before.

  Unfortunately, the smell was so strong that Layton’s eyes watered, and he couldn’t breathe. It was like a thousand rotten eggs being cracked at once. Through his squint eyes, he noticed Rick and his buddies were on their fours, hacking into the carpet.

  Just then, Brad ran into the room. Layton pointed the slingshot and pressed the button, twice.

  CRACK-POP-CRACK!

  Half a dozen pellets jetted at once, in all directions of the room, and then ricocheted off the walls.

  “OW!” cried Brad, who was, now, on the ground, too, rubbing his forehead.

  Suddenly, light flooded the room. Rick’s dad stood in the doorway.

  Layton didn’t waste time; he bolted.

  In a hurry to get out of there, Layton didn’t realize that he was being watch until he heard a high pitch scream, like a girl’s. Jerking his head, there, outside in the alley, was Bob who ran fast back toward Molly’s house.

  What was Bob doing out?

  Layton didn’t stop to find out, but he made it through the window and into his room five minutes later. Quickly, he undressed and wiped the makeup from his face. He buried the costume between his mattress and box springs. It was only when he was lying in bed that his heart slowed its beats, and then he laughed and laughed, until he fell asleep.

  Pals Stick Together

  Chapter 4

  The next week, Layton spent most of his time trying to avoid his mother, afraid that to spend too much time with her would land him extra punishments. Often, he’d sneak out early in the mornings, leaving a note on the kitchen table.

  Every day, she seemed to grow increasingly agitated. Other than that, things hadn’t changed much: Heather still hadn’t come home, his mother spent most of her time at work, and his father would call, from time-to-time, pretending he wanted to talk.

  His mother went back to the spot on the river several times, but Heather and the kids seemed to have found a new location, because the house on the river was always deserted.

  Right under the shirts in the small dresser that was his, lay a small growing pile of chocolate. There were chocolate bars, chocolate jots, chocolate kisses, and two packages of chocolate cakes. Amazingly enough, the boys got the message and had complied, o, at least, Rick did.

  Every night, Layton went back and Rick would push a serving of chocolate through the crack of his window. Layton would drop a stink bomb, if he got too close, and then he’d run off; although one night, Rick got the courage to surprise him from behind, at which point Layton nailed him with a dozen pellets – Rick went down fast and easy!

  He hadn’t seen Billy or Bob in a week because their dad took them to his home for a visit. But he got a call from Bob saying they’d be at Molly’s a little later. He sounded normal, and never mentioned the incident in the alley.

  Layton climbed out of bed and walked into the bathroom. His vision blurred without his glasses, he leant over and reached for the faucet handle and took a pump of the liquid soap.

  Rubbing the soap lightly between his palms, the it sudsed up. Then he rubbed it on his face when, “Ow!” he exclaimed.

  Something must have bit him while he slept.

  Gently, he touched the spot. It was red and round, and extremely sore.

  He finished washing up, went back to his room, put on his glasses, and returned to the bathroom.

  There on his right cheek was something he’d never seen before but knew all about from a class he had to get permission, from his mother, to attend. It was a fuchsia-red, volcano of a pimple on his cheek. From under the skin, he could feel the pimple pulsate as though it were alive!

  Layton reached up to touch it with his forefinger and “Oooowwwww!” he moaned.

  From outside of the bathroom, he heard his mother stir. Not wanting to meet her, he hurried out, got dressed, packed an overnight bag and snuck through the window.

  His mother must have caught on to his avoidance tactics, because lately, she liked to ambush him over breakfast. She’d instruct him to go to the store or do chores. Every day she had a laundry list that, literally, ruined his whole day. What good was summer vacation, if he spent the whole time doing chores?

  Now July, the summer had reached its heat peak of 100 degrees every day before noon. It was sometimes uncomfortable being in Molly’s home because she didn’t have air conditioning, either, but he’d suffer if only to get away from his mother. Maybe they would go hang out at the mall again? He had another $20 to perfect his vampire costume. It was shopping money he should have bought paper towels with!

  Every time he walked down the alley, he always kept an eye out for commotion in Rick’s backyard. That day, there seemed to be the sound of scraping on the ground.

  Peeking through the wooden slats, he saw Rick’s dad pushing the barbeque across the back patio.

  Molly was up to the same old – same old, as they say: she was busy in the garden, but this time, she didn’t want Layton’s help. Apparently, she’d overwatered and some of the flowers needed to be dug up and re planted, despite the heat.

  “Not today,” she said with the sound of disappointment in her voice. “I gotta do this, delicately, myself. Why don’t you go in and watch some television? There’s some iced tea in the ‘fridge.”

  Mad Dog followed him into the house.

  The couch was too hot, so they lay on the floor, together, and watched Swords of Hollow: a cartoon about the search for a sacred sword in medieval times.

  It was about noon when a car pulled up to the front of the house. Layton walked up to the door and saw that Bob, Billy, and a guy Layton assumed was their father, was inside.

  Bob got out of the car, walk-stomped into the yard, and slammed the gate behind him. His lips were pursed tight and his eyes were wide and steely looking. He marched right past Layton, without saying hello, and into his room where he shut the door.r />
  Billy got out of the car but was much calmer.

  “Hi, Layton.”

  “Hi. What’s wrong with Bob?”

  “Dad was going on and on about our mother again. They never can get along. Bob hates it when he says bad things about her.”

 

  Layton walked to Bob’s room and knocked on the door.

  “Come in.”

  Billy was lying on his bed and looking up at the ceiling. The expression on his face was normal again.

  “Hey,” Layton said as he sat on the cot on the opposite side of the room. “What happened?”

  “My dad was just being a jerk. Going on and on about how our mom was ruining his life, and trying to take all his money to pay for us.”

  Bob sat up and started unpacking his duffle bag.

  “Billy tried to defend Mom, but Dad told him to shut up and called her things that a person should never call a woman. Our mom works so hard to support us, and we still have practically nothing. Like your mom, you know, she’s always gone or tired. Billy says it’s really Dad who’s ruining our lives. He’s right. I mean I love my aunt Molly, but he’s the reason we’re here, and our mother’s working all the time.”

  “I never ever see my mom, either, and when I do, it’s to tell me to go to the store and buy something.”

  “You know, you really shouldn’t complain. I mean our mom works a lot too, but she’s not a nurse or something. You should see our apartment; it’s not even as nice as this small house.”

  “I never thought of it that way.”

  “What’s that bump on your face?” Bob asked.

  Someone knocked on the door.

  “Yeah,” called Bob.

  “Want to go to the Planks?” asked Billy.

  YES!!!!

  After a fun lunch of hot dogs and ice cream again, Molly went off to look at some dresses, and Billy and Bob went off to the game room while Layton made an excuse about finding the restroom. He told them he’d catch up to them in a bit.

  Haha!!!

  Excitement coursed through his veins! Today was the day he’d finish his vampire costume.

  He went to the Halloween shop. As usual, spooky chants were blaring over the intercom radio.

  Layton headed straight for the vampire costumes and makeup, but what he wanted more than anything was a real black cape and white powder and red lip stick because he couldn’t keep using his sister’s. He only had $20 though!

  He sifted through the capes for fifteen minutes before selecting a plain, thin cotton cape with a drawstring neck. It was cheap and thin, but it looked way better than the cut up sheet. He, then, looked in the aisle with makeup. It was just too expensive, though, so he paid the $7 for the cape and went to the .99 store across the street.

  He ran across the street, through the parking lot, into the store, and over to the makeup section.

  Aha! Everything he needed for cheap! From the 99 cent black eyeliners to the 99 cent red lip liner, and $1.50 for baby powder! Perfect!

  After paying for his items, he gathered them all into one bag and ran back to the shopping mall.

  Just like they said, he found Bob and Billy in the game room. He looked at the clock on the wall and saw that he hadn’t been away too long, but they did give him curious looks when they saw the bag.

  “What did you get?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Don’t look like nothin’” said Bob.

  He still had enough to play a few games. Two hours later, Molly came and got them, and she, too, wanted to know what was in the bag.

  Layton didn’t want to be rude to his friends, but he knew it was best to keep it quiet. All too often, his mother complained about what a gossip Rick’s mother was. He didn’t need anyone putting two and two together.

  Back at the house, Layton stuffed the cape and makeup into his overnight bag, and then went into the living room.

  They spent the rest of the day playing cards.

  Once again, Layton, Bob and Billy, were in the room watching television before bed. Layton kept waiting and waiting for Billy to leave and Bob to fall asleep when, at long last, 2 am rolled around and Bob lay there snoring lightly.

  Layton got out of bed as quietly as he could.

  Carefully, he unzipped the bag so as not to make too much noise and wake Bob. He, then, pulled out the little compact mirror he’d stolen from his sister, and pressed baby powder all over his face and neck. Next, he carefully drew in his eyebrows and smudged black around the bottom of his eyes to make them look dull; then he colored in his lips with the blood red lip liner. Lastly, he put on the wig, tied on his new cape, loaded his pockets with stink bombs and pebbles, and grabbed his sling shot.

  Slowly, he opened the window and crawled through, but this time, he shut it a tiny bit so that too much air wouldn’t wake Bob again. He looked left and right to make sure all was still, and when he was satisfied, he ran across the alley and into Rick’s backyard.

  Gently, he tapped on the window and stood back. As Rick opened the window, Layton flapped his new cape, tilted his head back and opened his fangs so as to show him his new scary look.

  Layton was so proud and thought for sure Rick would be scared out of his mind, but he simply stood there with a curious look in his eyes. He placed a small bag of chocolate jots on the ledge and shut the window. Layton didn’t even have time to break a stinky capsule.

  Was he not scared anymore?

  He grabbed the bag and ran out of the yard, back across the alley, through the window into Bob’s room.

 

  “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH.”

  “AAAAGH,” screamed Layton.

  He nearly jumped out of his skin.

  “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA,” Bob screamed again.

  The door to the bedroom opened.

  “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA,” screamed Billy, and behind him a high pitched squeal, “EEEEEEE.”

 

  The light came on.

  “Layton!” yelled Molly. “What are you doing?”

  “Uhh… Nothing. Just trying on my costume when Bob woke up and was scared.”

  “No, he’s a vampire! I’ve seen him!”

  “He’s not a vampire; it’s Layton,” she sighed. “Go to bed; it’s late.”

  She rolled her eyes, turned off the light and left.

  Bob backed up against the wall, looking at Layton with wide eyes.

  “I’m not a vampire. Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “Because I saw you! You know I saw you in the alley, that night.”

  “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I was trying to get back at Rick for being such a jerk, but I’m not a vampire. I swear.”

  Bob’s eyes contracted and his posture relaxed a bit.

  Layton took off his costume and went to the bathroom to wash the makeup off.

  Back in the room, Bob was back in bed.

  “Why have you been dressing like a vampire?”

  Layton explained how it all started: him taking a walk, scratching the window, how the Dracula movies inspired him, and the nightly chocolate rewards. By the time Layton was done telling him all the details, they were out of breath from laughing too hard.

  “We should go back tomorrow. I want to help scare him!”

  “I can’t because I think he’s onto me. You should have seen the way he looked at me tonight.”

  “That’s because you look more fake then you did last time.”

  “But you were scared.”

  “Yeah because some strangely dressed person with weird skin and hair was standing in my room, and the window was open. Last time, you looked more natural but, tonight, you look more like Halloween. You need a plan.”

  Layton stayed the whole weekend and brainstormed with Bob about ways to frighten Rick and his buddies so madly that people would think they’d lost their minds.

  Bob had a seriously good idea, too.

  “Come on,” he sai
d, beckoning him into his wroom.

  Layton watched him in anticipation.

  Bob produced a little carbon dioxide cylinder.

  “Where did you get that?”

  “I found it next door.”

  Bob put the little tube attached to the canister into a little bag. He turned on the valve for five-to-ten seconds at a time.

  “What are you doing?”

  He did it again and again.

  “You’ll see.”

  Layton noticed the bag was filling, but with what, he didn’t know, because the bag was opaque white.

  Finally, Bob was finished and he removed the bag from the can.

  “See?”

  “What is that?”

  “Dry ice,” he said with a large grin.

  Still confused, Layton said, “Explain.”

  “Weeell, tonight, you’re gonna put on your costume, we’ll sneak over to their house and drop this all along the ground, so it’ll be misty and foggy. At that moment, you’ll drop your stink bomb and I’ll be on the other side of the fence playing this disc.”

  Bob went to his toy chest and pulled out a cd: it was Psycho’s Fest Monsters and Screams.

  “There’s a track on here that plays barking dogs and coyote howls, and they totally sound real!”

  “Great!”

  “I think we should ask for something more though. I mean, a little bag of candy is nice, but we should demand something more.”

  “Like what?”

  “Hmmm” he said aloud and paced. “What about the Brancham Monster set?”

  Layton was uncertain. The Brancham Monster set was a collection of model sized mutants, based on a cartoon about a hero who saved humans on a daily basis.

  “Brancham Monsters are his favorite collectibles. Do you really think he’d give them up? I don’t.”

  “I’ve been wanting the set for years: Spider Face, Wiggy Man, Locust Legs but with the head of cicada! Let’s get him where it really hurts. Besides, do you really want more pimples?”

  Layton just looked at him.

  “I’m gonna help you with getting back at the jerk. Now you can help me with getting my favorite miniature mascots. My mom could never afford them!”

  “Well, how are gonna tell him? If I talk, he’ll know it’s me. I can’t write that long of a message, backward, on the window.”

  “We’ll slip him a note!”

  Although Layton was a little reluctant to continue, as he was sure Rick was becoming wise, he decided Bob’s plan might be worth a shot.