Donnie stroked my hair. “I understand. And in my own way, I can relate. I mean, accepting yourself as you are, when the world looks at you and tells you that you’re unacceptable.”
I started to cry. At first, just a few tears. And then I let it flow. I hadn’t cried much as a human. But since I was a water elemental, I knew I’d never run out of tears. And I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to stop crying.
Our doorbell rang.
“You expecting someone?” I asked.
“Not at all,” Donnie said as she stood up and went to the door.
I didn’t even bother looking at who it was. I just stared at the television. Donnie had paused it as Melissia Benoist, the actress who played Supergirl, was mid-sentence. If I wasn’t so upset, I would have laughed at the awkward pause.
“Nicky?” Donnie asked. “It’s for you.”
I looked at the door.
There stood Devin’s dad. Apparently he’d recovered from Alice’s bite pretty quickly. I mean, she’d barely bitten him, and had hardly drained him of any blood. So I guess it was to be expected.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I suppose I should formally introduce myself,” Devin’s dad said. “My name’s Tom Miller.”
I nodded. I didn’t even know Devin’s last name until now. I stood up and looked at him curiously. “What are you doing here, Tom?”
“Do you have a moment to talk?”
I shrugged. “I suppose I have all the time in the world.”
“Mind if I take a seat?”
“Be my guest,” I said, gesturing to the couch.
He sat down on one end. I sat on the other.
“I’ll leave you two to chat,” Donnie said. “I have to freshen up, anyway. Will you be okay, Nicky?”
“I’ll be fine, Donnie,” I said. “Go ahead.”
Donne stepped into the bathroom. Aside from one of the bedrooms, I suppose, it was the only place she could go where we’d be left with any semblance of privacy.
“I’ve always believed in redemption,” Tom said. “And while your lifestyle is not… typical for a member of the Order, our success today… We never could have done it if you hadn’t been there.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know what I did. I didn’t even stake a single vampire.”
“But you alerted us to the threat. If you hadn’t, they’d have probably wiped us out.”
I nodded. “I suppose that’s true.”
“This isn’t something we normally do,” Tom said. “But I’d like to invite you to tonight’s ritual. I’d like to give you a chance to join us in the inner circle.”
I cocked my head. “But I’m… Like you said, I’m not the kind that the Order typically accepts.”
Tom shook his head. “Perhaps it’s time for the Order to rethink some of its outdated values. Alice was a major win for us, but there are other threats. Vampires just as dangerous, if not moreso. And we could really use someone with your skills.”
I took a deep breath. It wasn’t the time to confide in him what Alice had told me. If I did, he might rescind his offer. And this was like a gift from heaven—a chance to be there before Alice was killed. I didn’t exactly intend to follow through. I wasn’t about to join the Order, and I didn’t believe for a second that Tom was genuine about the Order changing their views for my sake.
But when opportunity knocks…
Still, I didn’t want to sound too eager.
“How much time do I have to consider?” I asked.
“The ritual will begin at midnight.” Tom reached into his pocket and handed me a card. “Bring this with you to the address printed on the back. I hope you’ll consider joining us. But if you don’t, I understand.”
I nodded. “Thank you, but Devin made it pretty clear he didn’t want to see me again.”
“Let me worry about my son,” Tom said. “He was just, shall I say, taken off guard by what you are.”
“As a trans woman?”
Tom laughed. “No, as something other than human.”
I nodded. “I guess that’s a lot for anyone to wrap their mind around.”
Tom stood up from the couch. “I really hope I’ll see you later tonight.”
I nodded. “Like I said, I’ll think about it.”
25
I SAT THERE, my arms folded across my chest, as Donnie emerged from the bathroom. She looked amazing. Her makeup was on point. I’d always envied her implants; surgery had never been an option for me. And the way she was flashing her cleavage through her low-cut shirt was eye-catching, to say the least.
“You went to the bathroom,” I said. “You did all that in the bathroom?”
Donnie shrugged. “I was getting ready when you arrived. Everything was already in there. I have a date.”
I smiled. “Good for you. Anyone I know?”
“Probably not. I mean, you might have seen him at the pharmacy. But he’s new. Just graduated pharmacy school.”
“A name?”
“Caleb,” Donnie said. “But enough about me. What did that guy want? He was this Devin guy’s dad?”
I nodded. But I was still thinking about Donnie’s date. “This guy knows about you, right?”
Donnie nodded. “Of course. It’s not the first time I’ve had a date, Nicky. Why are you so interested in this one?”
I shook my head. “How do you find men who accept you like you are? I mean, apart from showing your cleavage…”
Donnie laughed. “That has very little to do with it, Nicky. Attraction is just the start. You need to have conversations. You need to be up front about what you want. You need to be honest. Not just with a person you intend to date, but more importantly, with yourself.”
I nodded. “That’s how I screwed it up with Devin. I didn’t respect where he was at in his… journey of self-exploration. And I didn’t tell him the truth about me.”
“You had a reason, Nicky,” Donnie said. “I don’t know this Devin, but if he’s a half-decent man, and he has some time to think about it, he’ll realize you only did what you had to do.”
“I just didn’t expect that I’d be so… captivated by one guy. I mean, in all my years of human existence, I haven’t met anyone…”
“In all your years?” Donnie raised her eyebrows to emphasize her incredulity. “It’s only been five years. Not much longer than most humans are in high school. Most of us have the advantage of getting over our various romantic issues—and embarrassing ourselves along the way—during school. And even then, a lot of people spend half their twenties going from one awkward relationship to another. This isn’t a process you can rush, Nicky.”
“Maybe not,” I said. “But there’s something going on with the Order. And whether he and I are meant to be or not, he’s getting involved in something that I have a feeling he’ll regret later.”
Donnie nodded. “And his dad came to see you… why, exactly?”
“He invited me to join Devin in tonight’s initiation to the Order’s inner circle.”
Donnie furrowed her brow. “Seriously?”
I nodded. “I can’t believe he was genuine about what he told me. He said it’s time the Order changed its views. But Devin told me if his dad knew he was gay—or at the very least curious and had experimented with other men—he would kill him.”
“So you think it’s a trap?”
I nodded. “I think. But why? I mean, it’s not like I’m a major threat to the Order.”
Donnie shrugged. “Maybe they’re desperate for help. If they used vampires to kill vampires, and they hate vampires more than anything else, surely they can overlook a transgender woman doing their dirty work.”
I sighed. “That’s the thing. If they wanted to use me as a hunter, they wouldn’t have to initiate me into their inner circle. They could just string me along with contracts.”
“So what are you going to do?”
I shook my head. “Do I really have a choice?”
“There�
��s always a choice, Nicky,” Donnie said. “But if there’s a chance you can still get your abilities back, and if you think Devin is in real danger…”
“Yes, and yes,” I said. “But do you think I’m being selfish? Like, not every trans woman has a chance to actually become a cis woman.”
“The point is, Nicky, that it’s your choice. I won’t begrudge you, ever, for doing what you think is true to you. And that ability, it is and always was a part of you.”
I nodded. “It’s a part of who I was. But I don’t know if I can totally go back to who I was. Even with my abilities restored.”
“Can any of us?” Donnie asked. “You think you lost your ability to shift. But all of us are shifters in a way. We’re always changing. Every one of us. I’m not the same girl I was five years ago, and you aren’t, either. You’ve grown. You’ve evolved.”
I nodded. “I suppose that’s true.”
“And if I’m being honest with you, Nicky, you’ve become a better person.” Donnie put her hand on mine. “Abilities or not, you have shifted.”
I forced my lips together into a pressed smile. “Thank you for that.”
“But you’re still changing. The day we stop changing, when we stop shifting, that’s the day we die.”
I sighed. “I think I have to do this. If not for me, at least for Devin. Even if he hates me for it even more than he already does.”
“Again, Nicky, I don’t know Devin”—Donnie smiled at me—“but I find it hard to believe he hates you. Confused? I can see how he might be. But real hate? Girl, you’re a hard one to really hate.”
I opened my arms, and Donnie gave me a hug.
I squeezed her back, probably a bit too hard. Like I was holding on for dear life. I didn’t know what to expect. Would I see Donnie again? And if I did, would I be the same? If I succeeded, probably not. And if I didn’t, well, chances were I wouldn’t leave the place alive.
The only thing I did know was that tonight would change me. I hoped it would be for the better. But I feared the worst.
Still, I wasn’t going to go as anyone other than myself. No more “Nick.” As far as I was concerned, Nick was dead.
It was Nyx who would accept the Order’s invitation.
But Nicky still had work to do. I didn’t have a performance at Leotards and Lace, but I still had my cleaning duties.
Not a bad way to take my mind off of everything.
I knew I couldn’t just sit around the apartment all afternoon. I was so nervous I’d go stir-crazy.
26
I WALKED INTO Leotards and Lace. A familiar odor smacked me in the face the second I passed through the doors. A vampire…
I looked around the mostly vacant club. The place was trashed. Apparently my show the night before had stirred up the crowd a bit more than usual. I had plenty of time to clean…
But where the hell was the vamp? I didn’t come prepared. No stakes. No crossbow. Just my trusty heels.
It wasn’t Wolfgang. I knew his scent.
This vamp was younger. Less of a sulfurous smell, and more of the rotting-flesh odor common with younger vampires. But the smell was more seasoned than most of the younglings I’d faced recently. Maybe not a brand-new vampire, but certainly not as old as Alice or Wolfgang.
I’d be surprised if this vamp had been turned for more than a century.
“I know you’re here!” I said as loudly as I could.
My voice echoed through the club. The acoustics of the place were very different when it wasn’t filled with people.
Whoever it was knew to expect me. But I couldn’t think of any vampire I’d engaged with recently, other than Wolfgang and Alice, of course, who wasn’t subsequently staked and baked.
No response. Yet.
I caught something out of the corner of my eye. Something up in the stage lights. I did a double-take, but didn’t see anything.
Maybe if I turned on the lights…
A giant bat flew from behind one of the spotlights, and with wings spread wide, soared across the room.
Most bats you’ll find in Missouri are small—rats with wings. But this one was huge, about the size Alice became when she shifted in her office.
It wasn’t an ability I’d encountered in vampers before. And now two in twenty-four hours? It couldn’t be a coincidence. But this one wasn’t Alice. She was still, presumably, in the hands of the Order. And it didn’t smell like her.
“Get down here and face me,” I shouted at the vampire bat. “I know what you are. There’s no use pretending.”
The bat circled me as if it was a buzzard and I was roadkill. It landed at my feet.
I didn’t have time to remove my boot. I mean, if I was wearing my Louboutins I could remove it quickly. But these Jimmy Choos… they don’t exactly slide on and off easily.
A swift kick to the chest would have to be my move.
But when the bat shifted into human form, I was too stunned to move. It was like I was looking in a mirror.
The same fair complexion. The same fine features. But the irises of his eyes were red, a feature unique to vampires. And his hair was long and blond—the one part of me that, whenever I shifted as an elemental, always turned white.
Alice said that the form I took was not merely her ideal—it was another vampire. One she’d loved once.
But she said the Order had staked him.
I surveyed his outfit. He wore a tie-dyed shirt with a tear and a bloodstain, presumably from a stake, which were barely noticeable beneath all the noise in the shirt’s pattern. Bell-bottom jeans. Platform shoes. I mean, she’d said he was staked in the sixties. But apart from his eyes, hair, and general sense of style—he was my spitting image.
“Johann?” I asked, recalling the name that Alice had mentioned.
The vampire nodded. “You must be Nyx.”
“I thought you were dead,” I said. “Alice said…”
“She thinks I am,” Johann said. “I was staked.”
“If you were staked, you were in vampire hell.”
“I was.”
“And Alice went there,” I said, “when she was trying to eliminate Mercy. I think it was her second failed attempt.”
Johann tilted his head. “I wouldn’t know. I was there so long, I don’t think she would have recognized me if she found me. I was little more than a wraith. Everything I remember from there, it’s like waking up from a nightmare and barely recalling the details.”
I nodded. It must’ve been similar to my lack of memory from the time I was a pure elemental. Anything I could recall was sketchy at best. “And someone unstaked you?”
“I woke in a catacomb,” Johann said. “Beneath a giant statue. A gargoyle, I think.”
“Who unstaked you?”
Johann shook his head. “I don’t know. I couldn’t see his face. He said something to me, but I was still in something of a daze. I don’t think I understood a word he said.”
I nodded. “And Alice doesn’t know you’re back?”
Johann shook his head. “I’ve been watching her from afar, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak to her. Everything has changed so much over… How long has it been? I was staked in… sixty-eight.”
“More than fifty years,” I said. “It’s been a half-century, and the Order kept you staked in some kind of catacombs?”
“I wasn’t the only one,” Johann said. “There were others. Dozens of sarcophagi. Most of them probably contain other staked vampires.”
I shook my head. “Why would the Order keep so many vampires without incinerating their hearts?”
“I can’t speak to the Order’s practices today,” Johann said. “But the attitude of the Order in those days was that if a vampire’s soul was freed, they might be redeemed. When we’re staked, we’re left to languish in some kind of vampire hell.”
“They didn’t believe that vampires were worthy of redemption,” I said. “Today it seems they conduct a ritual to free the vampire’s spirit.”
“Again,” Johann said, “the times have changed. I suppose that’s better.”
“But they have Alice.”
“I know,” Johann said. “And I wouldn’t be here seeking your help if I had any other choice. I missed my chance to show myself to her again. I was timid, afraid she’d moved on… but then you appeared.”
I nodded. “I’m not human.”
“I know what you are,” Johann said. “She and I had discovered your kind on a trip through Eastern Europe. We imagined that if we could acquire your ability, we might be able to use it to our advantage.”
I scratched my head. “Well, it seems she pursued that idea later. And I am the result.”
Johann smiled a little from the corner of his mouth. “We went on a tear throughout Europe. Eliminating vampires from the old world, dozens of them. Doing the work of the Order.”
“Delightful,” I said. “Sounds… romantic.”
Johann laughed. “For a couple nightwalkers, I suppose it was. We even shared our meals. It’s how we both acquired the same ability.”
“Shifting into bat form?”
Johann nodded. “A lot of the vampires staked there had a similar ability. It must be something that runs in the blood of humans there.”
I shook my head. “I’ve never seen it before. Not amongst the vampires here.”
“Perhaps we can work together,” Johann said. “I realize that saving Alice might not be in your plans…”
I sighed. “It wasn’t. Not before. But now I’m not sure. All I know is I can’t let the Order incinerate her heart. Before they staked her, Alice said the Order was up to something. Do you think it has to do with the catacombs where you were kept?”
“It’s possible,” Johann said. “Do you know where it is they intend to kill Alice?”
I nodded, reached into my bra, and recovered the card that Tom had given me.
Johann looked at it and tilted his head. “This is where I was staked. An old building. Looks like it came from another century. I mean, it has gargoyles and everything. I was in the catacombs beneath what must’ve been an old sanctuary. I think the whole place was a church once. I’d never encountered it before, not while I was a nightwalker. But I was never a part of the Order’s inner circle. Since they kept staked vampires there, I suppose it makes sense the nightwalkers wouldn’t know about it.”
Gates of Eden: Starter Library Page 109
