“Do you think any of the vampires in the catacombs would be at all inclined to help us free Alice?”
Johann shook his head. “Not many of them. I’d wager a lot of them were staked by Alice.”
“Perhaps we don’t need their help,” I said. “But we could use the distraction. And since we look almost identical, perhaps we can use that to our advantage, also.”
“How so?”
I shook my head. “I’m not sure yet. But we should go prepared. And honey, I’m not dressing like that.”
Johann tilted his head. “And you think I want to dress like you?”
I smiled. “You’re already in platforms. You’ll figure out heels.”
27
I HAD MY purse with me. My large duffel bag, with all my weapons, was back at the apartment. But I’d stuck Alice’s crucifix in my purse. I didn’t know for sure what it was, but I didn’t want to leave it out of my sight. Especially not since the Order knew where I lived.
I hesitated a moment, but figured Johann might have answers.
“Do you know anything about this?” I showed him Alice’s crucifix. “The other Order member had one similar to this.”
Johann nodded. “All the nightwalkers carried them. They are vested with celestial magic.”
“Celestial magic?”
“The Order believes it’s a magic given them by the angels. In truth, I think they got it from a witch.”
“From a witch? Don’t they hate witches?”
“As much as they hate vampires,” Johann said. “But as the former existence of the nightwalkers proves, the Order is grossly inconsistent in its convictions.”
I nodded. “How does this thing work?”
“It takes some practice.” Johann extended his hand. “May I?”
I placed the crucifix in Johann’s hand.
He gripped it tightly. A slight smile formed at the corners of his mouth. “To a vampire, this magic is deadly. But there’s also something oddly intoxicating about wielding it.”
“It casts sunlight, right?”
Johann nodded, lifted the crucifix toward the wall, and took a deep breath. He narrowed his eyes in focus. A solid beam of light emanated from the cross and struck the wall.
“Wow,” I said. “I think this one is more powerful than even the ones that the Order members used.”
Johann nodded. “Alice worked a long time to gather more celestial power into her crucifix. So far as I know, it can’t do much more than cast light. But it’s effective if you’re hunting vampires.”
“I can imagine.”
Johann lowered the crucifix and handed it to me.
“Are you sure?” I asked. “I mean, if this thing is a weapon for hunting vampires… You said you know who I am, right?”
Johann laughed. “Consider this a gesture of my trust. Do not betray it.”
I nodded. “I don’t know how to use it.”
Johann smiled. “All you have to do is feel the magic. Like I said, it takes practice. The Order says it requires faith. I’d say it’s just a matter of focus.”
I nodded and extended the crucifix toward the wall. I narrowed my eyes, trying to mimic what I’d seen Johann do a few moments before. Nothing happened.
“When you’re just starting,” Johann said, “it helps to have an emotion to tie your focus to. Anger. Passion. Even joy. Any emotion that you can feel and use to, well… focus your focus.”
I shook my head. “I can see how useful this could be. I mean, as a hunter.”
“Like I said”—Johann smiled widely, showing off his fangs—“I’m choosing to trust you.”
I tucked the crucifix into the top of my stiletto boot. “Thank you.”
“You may need it later. Though I presume once we rescue Alice she’ll want it back.”
“Of course,” I said. “But shouldn’t you take it? I mean, since you can use it?”
Johann shook his head. “Like I said, using stuff like this… it’s intoxicating. And until a few seconds ago, I’ll just say I was fifty-plus years sober. And while I loved the feel of it, this kind of magic… I’d rather leave it in my past. Too many memories.”
I nodded. “Alright. Well, hopefully I won’t have to use it. I’ll keep it safe. In case we manage to save Alice.”
“In case…” Johann cringed. “This is all so infuriating. After all Alice did for the Order, after all she’s sacrificed…”
I took a deep breath. “Have you ever heard of a vampire named Wolfgang?”
Johann nodded. “Of course. He was something of a legend with the nightwalkers. Worked alongside Alice when she was first turned. But he disappeared a long time ago.”
“A long time ago?”
“I never actually met him,” Johann said. “No one knew exactly what happened to him. But with vampires that old, it’s hard to say. Perhaps he just got bored with his eternity and he gave himself to the hunters. Or maybe he just wanted a change of scenery. Why are you asking about him, anyway?”
“He’s in Kansas City,” I said. “He’s the one who told me to go to the Order. He was looking for intelligence on Alice. He said that the Order offered him immunity, that they’d leave him be if I brought Alice to him.”
Johann’s eyes went wide with shock. “Wolfgang, alive? All I can think is that he must’ve gotten involved again with the Order at some point after I was staked. It makes sense.”
“Why does that make sense?”
“From what Alice told me, he was committed to the old ways. She and Wolfgang had very different visions for what the nightwalkers could be.”
“Different in what way?”
Johann shook his head. “The Order always believed that the nightwalkers were a necessary evil, but evil no less. It’s a view that Wolfgang once shared. But over time he came to view them differently. He didn’t see vampires as evil, but as the very fulfillment of the resurrection.”
“Resurrection?” I asked. “You mean like Jesus?”
Johann nodded. “Think about it. The Bible says that if anyone would follow Jesus, he must die to himself and be raised anew. It also says that his followers would drink blood… what they call the Eucharist. If you read that in a certain way, it sounds an awful lot like…”
“Like vampires,” I said. “So Wolfgang believed that the nightwalkers were wrong to hunt vampires?”
“On the contrary,” Johann said. “He advocated for eliminating any who denied the faith. If they rejected their place as heirs of Christ’s resurrection, they were impostors. They’d taken the gift of the Lord by force rather than by faith.”
“Then why in the world did he recruit me to locate Alice?”
Johann shook his head. “I’m not sure. Perhaps he thought she’d become an apostate. But no one had more faith in the Christian religion than Alice. When she was a human, her father was a preacher.”
“Alice was a preacher’s kid?” I raised my eyebrows.
Johann nodded. “I suppose there might be something to what he said. The Order was not too keen on his defection. He was never a target. Not when I was a nightwalker, anyway. But that was largely because of Alice’s influence. With Alice out of the Order, and the nightwalkers disbanded, it makes sense that the Order would want both of them eliminated.”
“I wish I knew how to find him,” I said. “He wanted to help us… I mean, he wanted to help kill Alice. But maybe since that ship has sailed, since the Order already staked her and the Order wouldn’t accept that he’d fulfilled his half of the bargain, he’d be inclined to help rescue her instead.”
“I wish I knew,” Johann said. “Old vampires like that, they’re generally three steps ahead of the rest of us. But so far as I’ve heard, he was never a particularly villainous vampire. He just had… how shall I put this… some extreme religious views that soured him to the rest of the Order.”
“I can see why that might be the case,” I said. “But since we can’t reach him, if we’re going to work together I need to get this place in or
der. Maybe then we can come up with a plan. If Alice was right about the Order being involved in something far worse than she ever was, I don’t think we can just let them eliminate her.”
“And I can’t allow it,” Johann said, “because I love her still.”
I nodded. Vampire love was a bit weird for me. Of course, I was hardly an expert on the topic. I mean, in the span of just a few days I’d had my first love and my first heartbreak. My relationship with Devin was never more than a few moments of hope. It ended before it really ever began. But one thing I knew about humans—and I suppose since all vampires were human once, their love might be similar—it’s that very little can dissuade a person in love.
People in love don’t always act rationally; they’re prone to the opposite. They tend to behave rather foolishly at times, but they do act with resolve and purpose. And if that’s what Johann brought to the table, I could use it.
Besides, I wasn’t exactly in a position to turn him down. Supposing I wanted to take and eat Alice’s heart, I’d have to deal with him at some point. And if he suspected that was my purpose, he’d fight me here and now to prevent me from attempting it. Better to accept his proposal for an alliance, at least for now.
Johann helped me clean up Leotards and Lace. I know there were more pressing matters facing us, but it was my job. My responsibility. And singing at the club was important to me. If I survived the next twenty-four hours, I’d want my gig waiting for me.
If they’d still have me after I changed my appearance.
I wasn’t sure how I’d deal with that.
One problem at a time. I mean, if I became a cis woman, perhaps I could get a gig at a regular club. But if things didn’t work and somehow I survived, best not burn any bridges. I had to do my job.
And with Johann’s help, we wrapped it up in about thirty minutes. It’s amazing what you can accomplish with enhanced speed and a bit of urgency.
With Leotards and Lace back in order, we headed to the plaza to shop.
I didn’t have many duplicates in my wardrobe. If we wanted to dress the same, it meant purchasing all new items. Sure, there were differences between Johann and me, but nothing we couldn’t get away with.
Hair dye wasn’t an option. We just didn’t have the time. But if it was dark there, and from the way Johann described the place, it probably would be, then our hair and eye color differences wouldn’t be that noticeable.
This wasn’t going to be as easy as I’d expected. Johann wasn’t me. He wasn’t even like me. He just looked like me. Getting him into heels was… a challenge.
He probably couldn’t move like me in them. But once we found a pair in our size—which was challenging enough (usually I had to special-order them), and even more difficult, a place that carried two identical pairs in our size—we didn’t have many options.
We also didn’t have much time. Since we had to wait to leave Leotards and Lace until sundown, Johann being a vampire and such, we only had a couple hours to get our shopping done before we’d have to start heading toward the old church where the ritual was supposed to take place.
The heels we found were satisfactory. Not my best. I probably wouldn’t wear them again. And they weren’t the pair I’d choose to wear when I died… which made me all the more resolved to survive the night.
These weren’t my Jimmy Choos. Not even my Louboutins. But Aldo had some nice shoes—and some accessories I couldn’t pass up.
When it came to the rest of our matching outfits, we needed style, but we also needed to be able to move. I’m pretty sure the red dresses we chose wouldn’t pass the dress codes Order members were accustomed to when they attended their rituals. The dress didn’t come down past my fingertips. Hell, when I put my hands down, it didn’t even get past my wrist.
If on the off chance this was my last outfit, I was going to go out fabulous.
And showing some thigh.
There’s a scene in It’s a Wonderful Life where Violet is walking down the street and all the town’s men are turning their heads to look, catcalling as she makes her way casually to her car.
That’s how I felt as I walked side by side with Johann down the plaza sidewalk.
The men weren’t snickering at us as we walked by. That’s not the way I saw it. They were simply taken aback by our gorgeousness. The people were staring at us as we owned the sidewalk for two reasons: because we were hot, and because they were jealous.
At least, that’s how I chose to take it. Let them think what they wanted. The world was our runway, bitches, and no one was about to steal our show.
I’m not sure Johann felt the same way. But he was a good sport.
“I now introduce to you, Joanna!” I declared as he stepped out of the dressing room looking eerily similar to me. I suppose I should say I looked more like him, since it was his appearance I’d taken as Alice’s object of desire. But now, dressed like this, he’d shifted into me.
Johann, aka Joanna, curtsied for probably the first time in his long, but interrupted, vampiric existence.
I pressed my red-painted nails to my lips and giggled a little. Joanna was an act as much as Nick had been for me, but I had to admit that Joanna looked fantastic. She was beautiful. Which, I suppose, meant I was beautiful, too.
It isn’t that I ever doubted that. Just because I wanted a woman’s body didn’t mean I thought this one was ugly. This body was fine. It just wasn’t mine. Looking at Joanna, formerly known as Johann, dressed identically to me struck a chord.
On the one hand, I appreciated this body—his and mine—more than ever.
On the other hand, encountering Johann, even transformed to look like me, emphasized the fact that this wasn’t my body. It never had been.
All at once I appreciated my beauty more than ever. And I realized that, all the while, it wasn’t my beauty. It was Johann’s.
But did I have a beauty at all? I was formless, in essence. I was water.
I suppose a river, an ocean, can be beautiful. But it’s a totally different kind of beauty. It’s a beauty that might be appreciated, but isn’t adored. Not the way a man might adore a woman he loves. I wanted to be beautiful like that. And I wanted it to be my beauty, not anyone else’s.
And at the very least, I wanted a body that reflected my truth.
This wasn’t it. Not exactly. Even if this body’s beauty was undeniable.
We didn’t have a lot of time to “train.” Johann needed to become Joanna. He needed to get into the role, to look like me, walk like me, flip his hair the way I did when a stray strand got into his eyes.
We didn’t have a lot of time. This was a crash course in being me. And all things considered, he was doing a good job of it.
We were queens of the night, two identical goddesses ready to rule the world. Co-regents of glamor.
I almost got lost in the moment. Until I realized we had no idea what we were walking into. And I still didn’t know what I was going to do. I mean, if you’re going into a super-risky situation, it’s helpful to have a goal. Something to accomplish.
Rescue Alice, or find a way to steal her body and eat her heart?
I was conflicted. Pangs of guilt settled into my gut.
I was still weighing my options. If I had the chance to take Alice’s heart for myself, when Johann had her heart already, how could I possibly go through with it?
But if I allied myself with Alice, if I rescued her and accepted her offer, maybe there’d be another way. Maybe some of her blood would be enough.
Probably not.
But if I brought her Johann, if I saved her and was her heroine, perhaps she’d allow me a chance to try it. Another long shot of long shots that depended on a thousand different remote possibilities.
But by partnering up with Johann, I was basically ceding my chances of eating Alice’s heart.
I couldn’t betray him like that. Not that I owed him much. And I still didn’t exactly like the idea of aligning myself with vampires, not to mention the one w
ho’d done what she did to me.
But Alice did have a point. It might have been out of ignorance of the situation, but I had intended to eat her before she bit me.
Maybe she’d tricked me the whole time as a ploy to take my abilities. But I wasn’t an innocent victim.
That night when I targeted her and she bit me… I didn’t get my meal. But I did get my just desserts.
And Tom, Devin’s dad, was right.
Tonight was my chance at redemption.
Not the sort of redemption the Order of the Morning Dawn embraced. Real redemption.
I couldn’t rewind the clock and undo anything I’d done as an elemental. I couldn’t give the humans I’d eaten their lives back. But I could save Alice.
I almost couldn’t believe I was thinking it, after all those years trying to find Alice with one desire in mind.
But tonight wasn’t about regrets. It wasn’t about the past. It was about the future.
If I ate Alice’s heart, and what she’d said about the Order was right, I couldn’t undo that.
If I saved her, well, at least I’d still have the option of killing her again later.
Not saying that’s what I’d do. It just depended on whether she was telling the truth about the Order, and what she was trying to build.
A different kind of vampire community. A kind that fed, of course, but had a code. Vampires who fought for justice. Who wanted to make the world not their hunting ground, but a better place.
If all that was true, I’d have no regrets. And I wasn’t about to focus on regrets tonight, either. At the moment, my only regret was that we didn’t have time to get mani-pedis.
28
“GET ON THE back,” I said as I mounted my bike. “No offense, but you’re riding bitch.”
Gates of Eden: Starter Library Page 110
