Because of Him_The Forgiveness Duo

by Ava Danielle

  “Hey girlfriend,” he jokes as he gets in the passenger seat.

  Rolling my eyes, “shut up and close the door,” I look in the mirror as I put the car in reverse and pull out of the driveway.

  “Well good morning to you, too,” he laughs as he buckles in.

  “She loves you, you know,” I drive away taking a deep breath not sure how this day will go.

  “I know she does, but I don’t love her, I haven’t in a long time,” he doesn’t even seem apologetic.

  “We finally received the paperwork for the divorce. Unless she wants to make it difficult, we should be separated soon.”

  “Will you kick her out of the house?” I’m curious how this will go.

  “Nah, she can have that dump. Too many bad memories for me to want to stay.”

  “It’s not a dump, it’s a nice house. Where will you go?”

  “I’m gonna crash on Braxton’s couch,” he starts to play with the radio dial.

  “Hey, what are you doing?”

  “I need to change it to something good,” he plugs in an aux cord and starts to play on his phone.

  “And what is good?”

  “Some creepy music to get us in the mood,” he laughs.

  “Fuck no,” I slow down and attempt to pull the cord from the radio as I feel his hand on mine, “No, I’m kidding,” he reassures me.

  Arriving at the abandoned Tennessee State Prison I exhale noisily as I prepare for what’s to come and I’m thankful I did bring Bennett along for this adventure I might not be mentally prepared for.

  Ruins are moments when things show themselves.

  A ruin is not a catastrophe.

  It is the moment when things can start again

  - Anselm Kiefer

  The eerie ambient music playing in my mind as I stare at the massive building before me gives me chills to my core. The sun is creeping from behind the clouds as the trees are waving from the wind. It appears from the front as a castle, but these walls have something completely different to tell. Aside from the broken windows, the crumbling stucco, and the unmade landscape, it doesn’t appear to be as horrible as you would imagine a mess left behind when all humans’ leave in a hurry and nature takes hold. The prison had shut down back in 1992 after 96 years of service for humane conditions. Not many people can come visit due to the fact it’s deteriorated to the point of danger. But I was granted access for the article I plan to publish to make readers see the not so pretty things to visit. History per say. Everything that once was great could die the next day.

  Eight hundred small cells, each designed to house a single inmate and in the corner of those cells, some broken metal pieces of past furniture. The walls molding, deteriorating, breaking into tiny pieces. A mess of papers, concrete, and glass litters the halls and I swear I feel a chill of people around me. I know it’s crazy to think there would be spirits, but it feels as if there is still life here. Taking a deep breath as I continue to walk around making mental notes of everything I see around me, I feel Bennett’s hands in mine, “Are you okay?” he seems concerned.

  “It’s a little overwhelming,” I admit never taking my hand from him. Why? He makes me feel safe in this setting.

  Massive metal doors open out to the courtyard as trees, bushes, and weeds grow massively around. The wire still noticeable, the guard towers overgrown in tree limbs. A basketball hoop stands in the corner untouched for many years with a ripped and torn string representing what was then a hoop.

  Inside again more metal gates to keep the inmates inside, we come across broken pink tiles representing bathrooms. Crumbled bricks fill the toilet bowl as the sink hangs on a single screw. It could fall at any given moment and shatter into a million pieces. The open mess hall held by pillars, no sight of tables or chairs, just an empty room with a mess of destruction and a no smoking sign sticker on the wall. One window in the corner broken into pieces with a shape of a heart left up. A sign of some sort? Some rooms with light. Some rooms dark as night. With silence around us I feel the walls moving in closer and closer as I try to imagine the prisoners, the guards, the security, and the employees surrounding this place.

  The administration building still holds chairs; chairs that haven’t been sat in since the 90s. Just thinking about it gives me the chills. The public restrooms next to what seems to be the visitor areas still hold the stalls. And the center of this massive castle like building held four levels of madness and I can hear the voices from those inmates screaming at their metal grid bars.

  Bennett never left my side. In fact, here and there he would hold my notes and pen just so I can take mental images of the things I see. The smell is indescribable. It’s a mix of old cologne and dust. Not a great combination. Surprisingly there’s no smell of dead animals as I had expected. “It’s crazy, isn’t it?” his voice is a whisper sending chills down my spine. “Are you as afraid as I am to speak the words louder than a whisper?” I murmur as he nods his head.

  The unnerving feeling of what used to go down here, the screams, the pounding, the yelling, the screeching, and now the silence has fallen. “I can’t believe they just let it die like this,” I look around.

  “There’s so much potential here to do things with a little clean up,” he rubs his fingers across the wall.

  “Right? They could restore it and make it a prison again. Or change it up completely into a resort.”

  “Would you want to stay here knowing this was a prison for so many years?” he does make a valid point.

  “I don’t know. Have you ever stayed somewhere and researched if it was anything other than the hotel or resort you’ve stayed at?” I’m curious.

  “Touché,” he laughs.

  Back in the car after hours of strolling and making notes for my article my mood is anything but chipper. I’m quiet as I drive back towards his house.

  “Feel like some lunch?” he offers.

  “What were you thinking, McDonalds?” I joke.

  “Not really my style,” he plays on the phone and then holds it to his ear, “yes, hi, a reservation for two,” he speaks into the phone, “In the next fifteen minutes. Yeah? Perfect. Greene. Awesome. Thank you.” He hangs up the phone, pushes a few buttons, and replaces my phone in the console with his, “follow these directions,” he mutters.

  “Where are we going?”

  “It’s a surprise.”

  Taking left turns, right turns, barely making it through red lights, I finally arrive at my destination. Shocked I park and look at Bennett, “you got us a reservation here?”

  “Yep. Have you been?”

  “No. Never. Always wanted to go, though,” I turn the engine off and grab my bag, meanwhile, he’s already ran around the car to open the door for me.

  “Why thank you,” I tease.

  Behind those dark wooden doors lies a chic restaurant with dark wooden floors and matching wooden chairs along with a semi-rounded bar set with black tablecloth. I feel a little out of place here, but I am enjoying the fact he brought me here. As we’re being seated at the table by the window and the waiter lights a candle, I can’t help but think this is a little too romantic. He seems to sense my inhibitions and places his soft hand on top mine to remind me it’s anything but serious.

  “So, why are you getting divorced?” I can’t help but speak of the obvious.

  “Way to dive on in,” he laughs.

  While waiting on our food he had ordered for us I’m fascinated by his voice and the smile that crosses his face as he notices me staring.

  “I don’t think I ever really loved her. At the time I don’t think I even knew what love was. Sure, there was something about her that attracted me to her back then otherwise I wouldn’t have married her, but, this is going to sound cliché, but the girl I wanted was already taken and I found someone that wanted me.”

  “You talking about me?” I’m curious.

  “Yeah. When Noah told me to keep my hands off you, well I had to find some way to move on in life.” />
  Shocked I put the glass down I was about to drink from, “Noah told you to stay away from me?”

  “I shouldn’t have said anything,” he looks around waiting for the waiter to bring our food.

  “Yes, you should’ve.” I raise my eyebrows waiting for more of his story.

  “Noah was so head over heels and worried anyone could swoop in and take you away. I wanted to. But he threw the bro’s before ho’s in my face, then he threatened me with the football career.”

  “Football career?”

  “Back then I really wanted to be a football player, I had good chances, but he could’ve talked to the coaches and came up with some bullshit stuff for my chances to get ruined so I promised him I’d stay away from you.”

  “So, football over love?”

  “I don’t know what you would call it. Looking back now, it was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. I should’ve chosen you. I should’ve fought because seriously, what did I end up with? I’m a firefighter with a wife I don’t love. See how that worked out?”

  Looking down I understand where he’s coming from, but I’m not sure how I feel, “Look at you now, the girl you wanted is no longer with Noah and the wife you don’t love is soon to be your history. Maybe you’re not doing as badly as you think?”

  “If Noah was still around we wouldn’t be sitting here.”

  “Guilty?” I wonder.

  “Not so guilty as curious.”

  “Curious about what?” I wonder.

  Our plates arrive just as our conversation was going well. We’re connecting on a much deeper and emotional level, one I didn’t know we had. The truths about Noah keep coming to light and I wonder if he was as in love with me as I was with him. It seems he didn’t want anyone else loving me and had to have me for himself.

  “Here you go ma’am,” my Argentinean beef tenderloin and his cashew chicken breast look impeccable. The smell of fresh zucchini and spices fill our little table as he raises his glass, “to a great friendship,” I smile as we toast to what’s to come.

  Perfect Lunch with a pretty perfect guy. Bennett and I talked about the past, our hobbies, our love for abandoned things, passions, and our jobs, and what drives us to get up every day. We’ve connected and it feels good to have someone look at me the way Bennett does. Noah’s been gone for five months now and I’m starting to get over the fact he’s gone. Not completely, I still think about him often, but I’m ready to move forward in my life.

  “I need to get to work,” I mention as we leave the restaurant.

  “Would you mind dropping me off at the firehouse?”

  “Not at all,” I smile as we get into my little car.

  Once we arrive at the fire station, we say our goodbyes like friends do. A small peck on my cheek and he’s out the door. Along the drive to my office I think about our conversation at the restaurant. Some of the things he’s said have put everything about my relationship into question. Was it all just so Bennett wouldn’t be with me? I don’t see it would matter though; I never had those kinds of feelings for Bennett. It could be because I didn’t know or I was just too focused on Noah. However, I don’t think of any of that really matters now.

  Approaching my office, I sit the notebook and pen on the table as I start up my computer getting ready to type the article about the prison. It’s all-fresh in my mind and I want to remember that creepy feeling as I type it out.

  “How was it?” Cassie scares me nearly half to death.

  “Fucking crazy and creepy,” I continue to stare at my screen.

  “How was lunch?” she leans her elbows on my desk and places her head into her hands with a dreamy look across her face.

  “Tasty,” throwing a cheesy grin in her direction.

  “I need more details than that,” she’s impatient.

  “It was nice, okay. I’ll tell you all about it tonight when we’re home. I need to write this story.”

  “Ugh,” she huffs, “fine!”

  A week has gone by and I can’t stop thinking about Bennett. In fact, I’ve texted him every night after work while he’s at the station and when he’s not on call, we’re on the phone talking like a bunch of high school girls. We have an official date coming up for Saturday night, unless of course he has to take over a shift or I stumble across a good story for an article.

  “Hey, come here,” Cassie, shouts from her bedroom.

  “What’s up?”

  “Who’s that?” she points to someone in a black hoodie walking around our community pool.

  “I don’t know, you know these people, I don’t.” I point out as I try to walk away again.

  “I don’t know everyone, but don’t you think that’s odd behavior? He or she seems to look around, like they’re looking for something, they don’t know their way around,” she continues to stare.

  “Cassie, you’re overreacting,” I head back to my room to search through my closet for something to wear.

  Under her breath I can’t exactly understand the words she mumbles.

  Dressed in my favorite blue jean shorts and a white blouse with a pink floral cardigan, “How’s this look?” I ask Cassie as I slip into some brown sandal flip flops.

  Before she could answer the doorbell rings and she answers to a storm, before she could say anything Bennett storms in with an angry face.

  “Some son of a bitch almost ran me over in the parking lot, didn’t even give a shit and kept driving on, I’m barely standing,” he pants.

  “Were they wearing a hoodie?” Cassie runs back upstairs to her bedroom.

  “I don’t fucking know, I didn’t get a good enough look.”

  “What kind of car was it?”

  “Some black Honda, I think. Y’all got some fucked-up neighbors,” he takes a look at me and a smile crosses his face, “you look amazing.”

  I do a spin, “Really?” as I flip my brown hair back and grab my purse, “we’re out of here, Cassie,” I shout upstairs.

  While walking into the parking lot to his car I can’t help but look around feeling as if someone’s watching us. Looking over my left shoulder, then to my right, Bennett notices, “Are you okay?” he asks as he opens the door to his Jeep Compass, “Nice ride,” I admire his wheels.

  “Thanks, I’ll take you off-roading one day if you’d like?” he grins.

  “Care to tell me where you’re taking me today?”

  “You’ll love it. But before you question my motives, it’s indoors, its black light and it’s because I don’t want to jeopardize the divorce. Don’t be upset, okay?”

  I get it. He doesn’t want to be seen with me in a public place as a cuddly date. For now, we’re just friends but to the outside world it might not seem that way and the last thing he needs is this divorce to be anything but mutual and easy, “Of course!”

  “Oh my god, I’ve always wanted to come here,” I get a little excited once we pull into the parking lot.

  Neon lights guide the way to the first hole of our putt-putt course in the dark. It’s the bright colors that allow us to see while the rest of the room is pitch black. Anyone could hide in here and you couldn’t tell who they are.

  “You get to start,” he places the ball on the tee and smiles at me.

  “Why’s it gotta be me?” I worry as I hit the ball with the club and hit it way past the hole it was supposed to go in.

  “Okay, not like that,” he laughs as he gets behind me and helps me into the perfect position to hold the club for the best results.

  “So that’s why you brought me here, you knew I’d suck and needed a little support,” I tease.

  “Maybe,” he sticks his tongue out, “maybe I can’t control being around you and have to touch you,” he whispers into my ear and slowly pushes my hips back.

  Lately everything we discuss, in my mind turns dirty. I can’t even stand here this close to him without feeling a sexual tension between us. There’s more than friendship, the chemistry is undeniable, and I know my mind says keep your
hands away from him until he’s officially divorced from Sabrina, but the pull between us is much stronger. I stare into his piercing blue eyes as he situates my body. My skin tingles from his touch. My mind wanders with possibilities, my heart skips a beat, and my panties start to feel damp. Shifting my body more towards him I can’t take my eyes from his, he notices, but doesn’t make a move. I’ve let him down before. Instead, I lean further and further in when I feel his fingers lightly tap my lips, “you sure?” he questions as I nod and close my eyes once I feel his hand against my cheek pulling me closer to him. Our lips touch. Warm, tender, soothing lips frivolously press against mine. A tantalizing, sweet, passionate kiss shared between us, it’s an art. Passionately he continues to kiss me, our tongues dance to the beat of our hearts. Everything around us fades away as we’re succumbed to this kiss. Nothing else matters as our feelings take over. His hands pull me into his embrace. I try to pull back to take a deep breath but he won’t let me go, and his moans are turning me on. “You’re intoxicating,” he moans in-between the kisses. “You are what I need in life,” he whispers after we separate.

  Wondering if perhaps this was a mistake he notices the uncertainty, “don’t,” he demands.

  “Don’t what?”

  “Don’t overthink this. Jenna, just go with it,” he places me back into putt-putt position.

  “Your lips taste really good,” I smile as I hit the ball and get a lot closer to the hole than before.

  “As do yours,” he grins.

  Unsure how long we’ve been here, I’m enjoying Bennett’s company to the fullest. We hadn’t shared a kiss since earlier, but when our hands touch its electricity. Like a magnet pulling us together we end up closer and closer each time. I’m not complaining. Being in his company makes me feel protected from something I didn’t know I needed protecting. Enjoying his company, we have a blast playing a game neither of us really know the rules to. It doesn’t really matter though.

  “Do you snore?” I ask.