by Kelly, Marie
When I heard snoring, I looked to my left to see that KeKe had finally fallen asleep, and I chuckled.
“About damn time,” I whispered to myself as I gently climbed off the bed, making sure not to wake her up.
After getting off the bed and seeing that she was still asleep, I kissed her forehead and walked out of the room.
“She’s finally sleeping?” Brittany asked, walking out of her bedroom, and I nodded with a smile.
When I tell y’all KeKe had me running around all day, I’m not exaggerating. I leaned against the door and looked at Brittany.
“Can we talk?” she asked, and I nodded.
She went back into her bedroom, and I followed. While she took a seat on her bed, I leaned against the dresser with my arms folded.
There was an awkward silence floating around us until I cleared my throat because she was just sitting there looking at me.
“Sorry.” She chuckled, and I laughed.
“What did you want to talk about?”
“Us, Alvaro.”
“Okay, Brittany, I’m listening.”
She sighed and adjusted the maxi dress she was wearing.
“I’m just saying, I think it would be good for KeKe to see her parents together,” she said, and I looked away from her eyes as I thought about what she said.
“I just want what’s best for KeKe.”
“I do too,” I admitted, and she smiled.
“The thing is, we never gave her a chance to be in a two-parent household. And yes, I know that was my doing.” She threw her hand up in surrender when I arched an eyebrow at her.
Brittany and I were never together, not even during her pregnancy with KeKe, but she made it plain as day that she didn’t want to settle down—whether that was what I wanted or not—and so I ran with it.
“It’s great that you spend a lot of time here with her, Alvaro, but what about if you were here all the time or we were with you all the time? I know that would make her happy.”
Again, I sat in my thoughts and digested her words. My daughter was the first priority in my life, but I never thought about what was best for her regarding my relationship.
What’s best for KeKe is most important, I thought.
Plus, Ma was right. I did need someone in my corner. Although the fight was over, the war was still going on with Faye missing. In addition to that, I didn’t know how I was going to deal with this Guns situation. And then I still didn’t know what I planned to do about Cookie being back. My pops wanted me to go and see her at the rehab, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that for now.
If I was honest, I needed my rib to go with me because for the first time in forever, I found that I didn’t have the strength to do it alone.
My eyes landed on Brittany again when I saw that she had gotten up from the bed. She walked over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck.
“I love you, Alvaro. I always have. I’m sorry it took me a second to see that, but I promise this is what I want.”
“It took another woman to get with me for you to realize that you wanted to be with me?” I asked with an arched brow, and she frowned.
“I didn’t mean it like that, Alvaro.”
“But that’s what it was, right?” I questioned.
Because that was how I felt. None of this being together talk came from Brittany until she saw Kanada. From the moment she saw her, something in Brittany changed, and it was nothing but talks about us being a family.
She sighed and moved her arms from around my neck.
“If I'm honest, Alvaro, we both didn’t give each other a chance, did we?”
“You’re right about that.” I couldn’t deny it.
Getting together wasn’t a conversation that Brittany and I ever had except for when we first met before KeKe and realized neither of us wanted that. And because we had been just fucking for so long, we continued to do that, and getting together was never a subject again. However, it was a conversation that we should have had a very long time ago and now was the perfect time.
“You’re right when you said that it’s about what is best for KeKe,” I said, and she nodded.
We stood there staring at each other as I thought about what she had said and all that was going on around me. It took me a minute, but when my heart and head started singing the same thing, I knew that I had found my answer.
It was what was best for KeKe… and me!
I took Brittany’s hand and led her to the bed because my mind was made up.
By the time I made it back home, my body was shattered from all the running around with KeKe and then talking with Brittany. And before I even got home, I had to make some important calls that tired my ass out too. I felt better that we finally had the talk that she had wanted for some time. No matter what, I was happy with the decision I made because it was the best one for KeKe and me.
I walked into the kitchen to get myself a bottle of water before taking my tired ass to bed. Once I got my water, I headed up the stairs to my room, and along the way, I passed Kanada’s bedroom.
“Baby, are you excited about our new apartment?” I heard Kanada ask TJ.
“Yes! I’m so excited, but what about my daddy?”
My heart rate sped up when I heard him say that and at the anticipation of what her answer was going to be.
“I will be sad if I don’t see Daddy all the time anymore,” TJ said. His sadness mirrored mine because it was a thought that constantly crossed my mind since I found out that she was leaving.
“I promise that you can still see Daddy, TJ. I would never stop you from seeing him, okay?”
Taking a deep breath, I knocked on the door.
“Come in,” she called out, and I pushed the door open.
The first thing I saw was all her bags stacked by the door. When I looked up at her sitting on the bed, she was looking at the bags too before her eyes landed on mine.
“I see you are all packed,” I said, and she nodded.
I nodded too and looked around again.
“Can we please talk before you leave? I think we need some closure, don’t you think? I mean, I am still TJ’s daddy. Are you planning to avoid me forever?”
Kanada looked down at TJ before letting out a long breath.
“No. We can talk.”
I watched as she climbed off the bed, fixed the blanket over his tiny body, and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
“Go to sleep. Mommy will be right back, okay?”
TJ nodded and then he looked up at me. “Good night, Daddy.”
“Good night, son.”
He waved and lay down.
Kanada turned and walked toward me.
I couldn’t stop my eyes from roaming her body and lingering on her beautiful face. “Can we go to my room?”
“Sure.”
I led the way out of TJ’s room to mine, and she quietly followed me. She walked in after I opened the door for her and took a seat on the edge of my bed.
After closing the door behind me, I leaned against the door and stared at her.
“What did you want to talk about?”
Kanada Alton
I will admit that sitting on the edge of Alvaro’s bed while he stood there looking at me had me nervous as hell. We hadn’t been alone together since I told him that I was leaving.
Ma took it how I thought she would—very hard—and begged me to stay, but it was something that needed to be done. Even though I never moved in there because of a relationship with Alvaro, it eventually led to that, and now that it was over, it just didn’t feel right staying in his house anymore.
I was both anxious and excited at what tomorrow was going to bring when I finally walked into my apartment with only TJ, but as I said, it needed to be done.
Alvaro stood at the end of his room staring at me, and it caused my body to warm up. My feelings for him were still there, but it was just something I would have to get over, and I knew that time and distance would do that.
“Wha
t did you want to talk about?” I asked Alvaro because he was just standing there staring at me without saying anything.
Ideally, I would have preferred if I didn’t have to talk to him, but at the same time, he was right. TJ saw him as his dad, so were we just supposed to ignore each other from here on out? Plus, despite everything, I couldn’t deny that he had helped me.
“I wanted to clear the air between us, Kanada.”
“I can appreciate that, and you’re right. At least for TJ, we should make friends. So, I will start by saying that I’m so grateful for all the help you gave us, Alvaro. If it hadn’t been for you and Ma, only God knows what would have happened to us.”
And that was the truth. Although in the beginning, when I first came there, he wasn’t happy about it, he still could have allowed me to leave the night I ran away to the bus station with TJ, but he didn’t. Despite how he initially felt about me, he still helped me, and I couldn’t thank him enough.
Alvaro smiled and walked closer to me before taking a seat on the bed beside me.
“You are more than welcome, Kanada. I’m glad that I could help you.”
We looked over at each other and smiled before silence fell between us.
“I’m sorry for lying to you, Alvaro. I want you to know that I was just afraid, and it was for no other reason than that. If I could go back, I would have told you.”
That was my one and only regret. I allowed my fear to hold me back from telling him the truth. A lot of things would have been different had I had the courage to tell him what happened that night he found TJ.
Alvaro sighed and leaned slightly forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
“I’m the one who should be sorry, Kanada. I’m sorry for being such a fuck nigga toward you. I’m sorry for taking what was going on around me out on you.” He then looked back at me.
“I’m sorry for how I treated you and spoke to you. I was angry, but not at you. So many things were going on around me that I didn’t know who I could trust, but I should have known that I could trust you.”
I looked away from his eyes and breathed out. Ma had said that Alvaro was acting out because of the events that were happening around him and not actually me, but to hear it from his mouth was different.
“I apologize,” he added, and I nodded.
“It’s okay. I should have just told you, at least now we are good.”
He looked back at me again and smiled.
“Yeah.”
Again, we found ourselves in silence until I stood to my feet to walk out but stopped when Alvaro gently grabbed my hand.
“Brittany has been asking about us getting together as a family,” he said, and my heart started to beat out of my chest.
After all the time we spent apart, and he spent at Brittany’s house, I knew in my heart that I was slowly losing him to her, but to hear that they had been talking about getting back together was a different thing.
“She thinks that it would be the best thing for KeKe,” he added, and I looked back at him since I was standing slightly in front of him.
We locked eyes, and I could see the tears building up in his eyes that probably matched mine. This wasn’t something I would ever want, and there were many times that I prayed to God that we could fix what I broke, but now I could see that wasn’t going to happen. However, Alvaro said we needed closure, and I guess this was it.
“So, I told her that I wanted to work on us because I think that’s what’s best for both me and KeKe.”
I nodded and smiled through the tears that wanted to drop.
“That’s okay, Alvaro. I understand, and I wish you all the best,” I said, pulling my hand out of his, and he stood to his feet.
“I meant us—as in you and me,” he said, and I gasped.
Alvaro pulled me into his arms and kissed the side of my face.
“I love you, Kanada, and I’m madly in love with you. Even when I didn’t want to, I still loved you.”
He used his hand to lift my chin, and we looked into each other’s eyes. Tears were flowing down his face as he stared down at me.
“You go hard for TJ, Kanada, and I can’t be mad at that. In fact, that’s what makes me love you that much more because I know you will go that hard for KeKe and me. And that’s what I need in my life. I need you in my life, baby. You are my heart, Kanada, and I can’t do this thing called life without you in it. Forgive me for being too stupid to see it, but I’m begging you to give me another chance.”
I lifted my hand to wipe his tears away.
“I have always wanted you, Kanada, even when I was being stubborn, but just know it was always you and nobody else, not even Brittany. You asked me what I would have done if it was KeKe, and God knows I would have done anything for my daughter. I would have sold my dick, one nut sack, all my fingers, toes, and soul for my daughter,” he said.
I giggled at the one nut sack, and he chuckled too.
He pressed his lips against mine and wrapped his arms tightly around my body. After kissing deeply for a few seconds, he pulled back to look at me.
“I’m sorry, and I promise never to do anything like that again. That stubborn and untrusting Alvaro is gone, Kanada. Only for you am I willing to work on it. Just stay with me, please. You and my son.”
I looked away from his eyes for a second to think about what he was saying before I looked back at him.
“I love you, Kanada,” he said while staring at me.
“You are one stubborn man, Alvaro!” I slapped him, and he smiled. “You refused to talk to me just like you did when I first arrived here.”
“That’s because I knew you were after my virginity, Kanada, and I was right! The first chance you had, you took it on Christmas Day.”
I slapped him again, and we both fell out laughing.
“I missed this, and I missed you, baby. Forgive a stupid ass nigga, please.”
I thought about it, and I couldn’t deny that I loved Alvaro, and I wanted us to at least try. If I walked away without trying, I knew that I was going to regret it, so after releasing a long breath, I looked into his eyes and said, “Don’t ever shut me out again, Alvaro, or I’m gone.”
The smile that plastered his face had me smiling along with him.
“I won’t, and you won’t have to worry about that again, I promise. I love you.”
“I love you too, Alvaro.”
We kissed again, and after, he rested his head on top of mine.
“I promise never to keep anything from you again,” I said, and he nodded.
“Good, because I wanna know everything, even about the nigga you kissed in first grade. I want to know it all.”
I laughed. “That was years ago, Alvaro.”
“Ohhh, so you were kissing niggas in first grade?”
I sucked my teeth at him, and he laughed.
“Kanada, my mom is alive.”
I gasped at his words, and he nodded to say he was telling me the truth.
“How did you find that out, Alvaro?”
“From my pops, after he saw her, but she had been around us for years, Kan, and I never knew.”
He looked hurt, and I wrapped my arms around him.
“Did she say why she didn’t tell you who she was?” I asked, and after burying his face in my neck for a few seconds, he looked up at me.
“I haven’t gone to see her yet. My pops put her into rehab. I know I have to go, but I just don’t have the strength to go alone.”
“I will go with you.”
He looked at me and smiled.
“That’s why you’re the one for me, baby.”
We kissed again.
“Oh, I have something to tell you, baby,” he said, and I stepped back from him.
“Please don’t tell me that Brittany is pregnant again,”
He shook his head. “I never slept with her while we were apart, Kanada, or anyone else. I swear to you.” He put my hand on his heart as he stared into my eyes.
I breat
hed a sigh of relief.
“My dick wouldn’t work anyway, even if I wanted it to.” He smirked, and I rolled my eyes at him.
“Okay, so what did you need to tell me?”
“That you weren’t going to move into that new apartment tomorrow. I fucked that up. I was thinking about telling you after you tried to move in tomorrow, but Ma threatened to tell you herself.”
My eyes widened, and he fell out laughing.
“Alvaro!”
“What?” He shrugged. “You forgot that I own a real estate company, baby. It was nothing to find out where you thought you were moving to. The shit wasn’t going to happen, or we were all going—Ma included. All her shit is packed too.” He smiled widely.
I rolled my eyes at him and shook my head.
“There is something wrong with you, Alvaro.”
“There is, and it’s you, baby. You got a nigga gone.” He winked, and I could do nothing but smile.
Alvaro pulled me back into him, kissed my lips, and slid his tongue into my mouth.
I felt his body pressing mine toward his bed, and I pushed him up.
“Oh no, we’re not ready for all that yet.”
I would have loved to make love to Alvaro because it had been a long time, but we were just getting back together, and I didn’t want to rush it.
Alvaro nodded and kissed my lips again.
“No problem, baby. I can wait.” He winked, and I smiled.
I guess we were back together!
Meshach ‘Guns’ Ramsey
I closed my eyes as the smoke exited my lungs and seeped through my lips. My mind was all over the place and so heavy that I couldn’t sleep, eat, or think straight. But that was nobody’s fault but mine. Everything was all fucked up because of me, and I didn’t know how to fix it. My brothers weren’t fucking with me, and neither was my dad. The only people who still spoke to me was my mom and Ma.
They were mad at what I had done—I could see it in their eyes even if their mouths didn’t say it—but they still dealt with me, and I was thankful for that because I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve the love I still received.
