Johnny and The USed Wonz

by DaNeo Duran

  Instead he looked at Grace and asked, ‘When can we meet her?’

  Grace hadn’t a clue. She opened her mouth then looked at Mazz. Then the phones started ringing.

  ‘I’ll just get this,’ she said and headed for her desk. She scooped up the receiver. ‘GMD, Grace speaking.’ Pause. ’Trudie? Pause. ’Mazz is here now, we were just talking about you.’

  Thursday 21st June 1984

  Behind her Linda heard the inner office door open.

  ‘Morning Boss.’

  She turned from the filing cabinet to see Fiona. ‘I can’t find the copy of the Warner invoice.’

  Fiona’s brow furrowed as Linda watched her put her bag down.

  ‘I filed it in the W section.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ Linda couldn’t keep the impatience from her voice.

  ‘Yes, you saw me. It was after lunch the day I came in early and you were dressed up.’

  Linda sat at her down behind her desk.

  She remembered. ‘There’s no chance you moved it?’

  ‘Why would I do that Boss?’

  ‘I can’t imagine but it’s not there now.’

  Fiona sat uneasily behind her own desk. ‘What’s brought this on?’

  ‘Warner haven’t paid.’ She knew Fiona didn’t like to see her angry but she couldn’t help it.

  ‘Oh.’

  Holding up the last two months bank statements she said, ‘Nothing from Warner. I distinctly remember producing the invoice. When I couldn’t find the copy I rang them but apparently they didn’t receive the front sheet.’

  ‘Well I know you did produce it because I definitely filed the back sheet.’

  ‘I remember you doing it now,’ Linda said more calmly. ‘Do you remember posting the top copy by any chance?’

  ‘Not specifically. I couldn’t be certain.’

  ‘Hmm, that’s what I thought.’

  ‘Didn’t you post it?’

  ‘Can’t be certain.’

  ‘What will you do?’

  ‘It’s not the end of the world. I’ll have to check the records and produce another one. But, from now on I’ll take everything to the mail.’

  ‘Boss?’ Fiona looked taken aback.

  ‘This isn’t the first time it’s happened.’

  ‘I know but you can trust me to put things in the mail properly.’

  Linda considered her point and relented but secretly planned to log every important item entering the mail and whether she or Fiona had put it there.

  A few hours later Linda posted the recreated invoice on her way to lunch.

  Back behind her desk she recorded in a new notebook that, she herself, had posted the invoice.

  ‘You don’t seem yourself,’ Fiona said.

  ‘Sorry.’ Maybe she had more on her mind than she realised.

  ‘Did Johnny ring this morning?’

  ‘No,’ she said too quickly to sound nonchalant.

  Pretending to be absorbed in the letter she typed, she again answered too quickly when Fiona suggested he might ring later. ‘They’ll be on the road until after we finish.’

  ‘Oh yeah.’

  Chancing a quick look she caught Fiona smiling and asked, ‘What are you up to?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Nothing?’

  ‘Not nothing obviously, I’m just about to start ringing venues for Little Spirit.’

  * * *

  Later that night Linda called in to see her mom.

  ‘You look much better today,’ she said on her way to put the groceries she’d bought her away.

  ‘Thank you Linda,’ her mom called from the living room. ‘How’s that young man of yours?’

  Linda clenched her teeth. ‘I haven’t seen him since you last asked.’

  She couldn’t understand why her mom always asked after Dwight.

  ‘So he’s still not moved in?’

  ‘No Mom and as long as Earl’s in prison he won’t be.’

  ‘That business with Earl was most unfortunate but I worry about you in that apartment all alone. Dwight looks like he’d protect you well enough.’

  ‘You said the same about Earl.’

  ‘Well he would have made a good protector Darling.’

  Linda’s jaw dropped. ‘What?’

  ‘Well, I mean, until he—’

  ‘Until he what? Stopped protecting and started beating me? I don’t need protecting from anybody more than him. I curse the day I ever met that jealous insecure scumbag.’

  ‘Alright, steady on you’ll do yourself a mischief.’

  Linda needed to get off the subject.

  ‘Have you eaten?’ she said without calming down.

  ‘Yes.’ Her mom indicated to her empty plate by her chair. ‘Help yourself if you’re hungry.’

  Too annoyed to eat Linda nevertheless excused herself and made for the kitchen where her cat now in her mother’s care met her.

  How could her own mom be so obtuse? The very mention of Earl’s name following his viciously grievous behaviour should have had her mom foaming at the mouth but instead she seemed to think Earl had one day merely acted out character. And Dwight, never had Linda expressed any indication she loved him or planned anything long-term. It incensed her that her mom kept pushing just because he looked like a quarterback, albeit a retired one.

  Returning to the living room with a salad, Linda said pointedly, ‘It doesn’t feel right to have Dwight move in – so that’s that okay?’

  ‘Is that all you’re having?’ her mom nodded to her salad avoiding the issue. ‘You’ll waste away?’

  Linda didn’t respond having already decided what she’d have from her own freezer when she got back.

  ‘He’d have been twenty-one this week,’ she said. If her mom wanted to anger her then Linda had a few curves to throw back.

  ‘Who’d have been twenty-one?’

  ‘Who d’you think?’

  Pretending to watch TV, Linda saw her mom from the corner of her eye fathoming what Linda meant.

  ‘Oh for goodness sake,’ she said when it dawned. ‘I do wish you’d grow up. It wasn’t a he, it wasn’t even a foetus – just a four week old embryo. You couldn’t possibly have known it was a boy.’

  That may have been the case but for Linda, when the first love of her life got her pregnant before her sixteenth birthday, she had been bizarrely certain a boy grew within her.

  Both women faced the TV neither speaking. Putting her salad to one side Linda’s hand fell to her tummy knowing it’d never be pregnant again. Of course she knew her mom couldn’t be blamed for her blocked fallopian tubes. But her mother, so intuitive at the time, had guessed young Linda’s condition and dealt with the travesty her way. And, of course, she couldn’t have known she’d just ended her daughter’s future hope of motherhood whilst drumming the message home that financial security through a decent career must come before babies; a responsible message for sure, but wholly redundant now.

  Whatever, the news that she’d never conceive again came around the same time she heard of The USed Wonz existence and somehow her mind connected the two things.

  Friday 19th August 1983

  Conservatively dressed despite the summery Friday, Linda sat in the office she’d bought years earlier checking the bank statements she’d redirected from the apartment after Earl’s jealously turned vicious. Though the festival season had almost run its course money would continue gushing her way for some time.

  When the couple started out, Earl had wanted to buy a house. But having so recently purchased her office Linda suggested they rent. Initially their apartment’s monthly payments stretched them both and Earl complained they should’ve bought somewhere instead of wasting money on rental payments. But enjoying her work Linda soon produced her share more easily.

  After that she began helping Earl with his share, and as that habit developed Earl’s complaining soured to resentment. Whilst in America, Trudie suggested her comparative wealth emasculated Earl.

 
; Linda hoped he’d get over it; he didn’t. Now she hid her bank statements in the office along with the better part of her wardrobe which he seemed appalled to see her leaving his side in.

  At her desk, Fiona then new to the company, dressed in sleeveless blouse and smart shorts, signed for a delivery and asked her, ‘Is this of interest?’

  Linda accepted the package and saw it had come from Vanquar in New York.

  ‘You can keep it for the weekend. Let me know what you think and I’ll have a listen on Monday,’ she said handing it back.

  ‘Ooh, The USed Wonz; T-shirt, video and album,’ Fiona said peering inside.

  ‘You’re welcome to the T-shirt.’

  ‘It’s long,’ she said holding it up. ‘You could put a belt round it and wear it as a dress.’

  ‘I don’t want to have to hang anything else in the bathroom thanks.’

  ‘So who are The USed Wonz?’ Fiona asked.

  ‘They’re British. They knew Trudie and jumped on her the minute she arrived in London. They’re a mixed sex four piece – most of them orphans.’

  ‘Orphans?’

  ‘Apparently.’

  ‘And we’re doing a tour for them?’

  ‘We are.’

  ‘So Trudie’s coming back?’

  ‘In a fortnight, yes.’

  ‘Have you ever heard of The USed Wonz?’

  ‘No.’ She filed the statements and checking the notes she’d made from Trudie’s phone calls said, ‘They’ve released a single, Blossoming Angel, it’s had some AOR and student radio interest over here and,’ she said turning the pad over, ‘they’ve just released another single, We are the Little Ones.’

  ‘What have they done in England?’

  Linda had just read the last note. ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Nothing?’

  ‘No single releases. They’re just gearing up for America. They’ve been interviewed plenty and done the live concert video you’ve got there.’

  Fiona studied the album’s gatefold cover. ‘Any idea why they’ve spelt USed with a capital ‘S’?’

  ‘Trudie told me she’s so used to capitalising US, as in United States, that she mistyped USed but figured it’d help their appeal over here.’

  Friday 22nd June 1984

  Knowing Fiona wouldn’t arrive until 11am, Linda didn’t rush to her office until, with the key in the lock, she heard the ringing phone. She snatched the receiver as the answer machine began its introduction.

  ‘Lake All Stars—’

  ‘Morning,’ the familiar voice interrupted her.

  ‘Johnny?’

  ‘As ever. You sound happy to hear from me.’

  ‘I …’ She stopped herself from sounding too keen. ‘Not as ever, you didn’t ring yesterday.’

  ‘No? Well, I never said I’d ring every day.’

  ‘No, but I’ve been getting used to you calling. I thought maybe I’d said something to upset you.’

  ‘I was upset after London but that didn’t stop me phoning did it?’

  ‘The trip to London was just what I needed. I’m sorry it wasn’t what you wanted. Anyway I don’t want you upset; at least until you’ve paid back the money you owe.’

  ‘True, I wouldn’t want to begrudge paying it you. Not that you’ll need it now you’re Little Spirit’s agent.’

  ‘Don’t joke, they’re not enough to get me out of trouble. Anyway how come you didn’t ring yesterday?’

  ‘I told you, I never said I’d ring every day; it wouldn’t be a treat would it?’

  She laughed at his comic arrogance. ‘If you say so.’

  ‘Actually I was busy. Dane got us in a studio for next to nothing would you believe? We used the studio’s gear and knocked up a six song live demo.’

  ‘Wow, how does it sound?’

  ‘Fine, for a demo. Mazz has got loads of bits and bobs recorded but it’s great to hear them sounding like songs finally.’

  ‘Will you send the demo to GMD?’

  ‘It’s just about good enough. One’ll definitely be getting sent to the Production Annex so our producer can have a listen.’

  ‘I’d like to have a sneak preview,’ Linda said sheepishly.

  ‘I’m not sending you one.’

  ‘Why?’ she pretended to sound hurt.

  ‘Because.’

  ‘Because what?’

  ‘Zora, my private investigator, sent you that guy’s wallet I snatched and you haven’t got it yet.’

  ‘That’s true.’ Changing the subject she said jokingly, ‘Well, you should know that someone here would love to hear your demo and given I’m essentially funding the album that entitles me to a listen.’

  ‘Well, we’re only a few days away from you but I guess you’re right. I’ll get Mazz to post you–

  ‘Oh crap,’ Johnny interrupted himself.

  ‘What’s up?’

  ‘What’s your new office address?’

  Linda told him not knowing whether Johnny had a pen.

  ‘Right,’ Johnny said, ‘thinking about it, I’ll have given Zora your old office details.’

  ‘So that’s where the guy’s wallet’s gone?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  She heard him sigh.

  ‘Well, the mail’s been getting redirected but come to think of it I’ve not had anything for a few days. I’d better send Fiona round to check.’

  She wrapped the call up reminding him to send the demo. She hoped she’d enjoy it as much as the album and thought back to the first time she heard it; not that she’d enjoyed much else about that time.

  Monday 22nd August 1983

  On Monday Fiona returned The USed package which Linda had casually chucked into her car on a return trip to see her gynaecologist.

  Though the darkening uneasiness between her and Earl spoiled their family plans, Linda couldn’t understand how after a year of letting nature take its course, nature hadn’t rewarded them.

  Earl, too proud for check-ups, didn’t wish to discuss the matter so Linda had privately sought a hysterosalpingogram.

  Having allowed herself to be x-rayed she sat waiting for the results confident the problem would lie with Earl. After all she’d previously conceived; to her knowledge he hadn’t fertilised anyone.

  After the results Linda threw herself into a manic gym session. An untreatable case of tubal factor infertility had not been what she’d expected. It seemed her aborted teenage pregnancy had ostensibly been a phenomenon.

  The memory came back to haunt her. Little did she know what effect the singer-guitarist, from The USed Wonz, would have on her.

  She drove home only after thoroughly exhausting her body and waved to her neighbour, Joan who merrily waved back unaware of Linda’s disappointment.

  Leaving Earl on the drive hosing his truck she calmed down watering her patio’s potted Japanese Boxwood and Rainier cherry trees before returning to the living area.

  She felt it her professional duty to know about the musical works of her acts. Not to be swayed by anyone’s opinions she took Trudie’s raving about The USed Wonz and how they’d improved since she’d first seen them nearly two years earlier with a pinch of salt.

  Without second glancing the cover she set the record on the Hitachi turntable Earl had chosen but she’d paid for. As USed music filled the room she heard at once why Trudie thought the band would fare better in the States. America would love their robust sound but The USed Wonz lacked the sugar necessary for British chart success. But, and in spite of, Trudie’s passion Linda felt more in line with Fiona’s opinion of being able to take or leave the band. Unable to hear the beauty Trudie insisted couldn’t be missed she didn’t bother with the second side and forgot about their sound; or so she thought.

  Tuesday 23rd August 1983

  The next morning Linda woke before her alarm. Taking most of the bed Earl slept on. Rolling onto her side she tried to get back to sleep but The USed Wonz wouldn’t let her. Though unable to recall their melodies consciously she sensed the band
’s songs had been working on her subconscious overnight.

  She tried ignoring it but eventually had to hear the record again. In one movement she rolled out of bed, grabbed her robe and bypassing the bathroom headed to the living area where she found the record waiting on the turntable as she’d left it.

  As the needle crackled on the vinyl she turned the volume down so as not to disturb Earl. But the moment the instruments burst into life so did her heart and she grabbed the headphones. Reclined and alone inside the phones she cranked the volume.

  Affected at such a personal level Linda didn’t consider on how she could’ve missed the band’s beauty the previous night nor did she waste thoughts questioning why Fiona had failed to hear this gift. She simply lay back surrendering to the musical force that led her emotionally where it wanted.

  When the first side ended she wondered whether to play the second or replay the first. In the end she looked for the first time at the record’s gatefold sleeve rich in her favourite colour – burgundy.

  To her surprise she discovered the band looked tremendous. Their impoverished upbringings had spawned in Linda’s mind images of bedraggled Cockney street urchins with rickets, half-mast pants and battered caps. She couldn’t have been more wrong.

  The girls had glamour and sass. Equally well styled the boys looked athletic – no hint of rickets. Only the guitarist appeared with his instrument. Unlike the others who eyeballed the camera he appeared watching over them like a pack leader. Impressed Linda felt they had a real chance in America.

  After reading the sleeve notes and revising the musicians’ names she finally turned to the back cover.

  Unprepared for what she saw her face flushed and insides quivered as for the first time she saw the singer-guitarist’s face.

  Disorientated and locked on the photo something about Johnny’s face, that gaze, the relaxed scrutiny seemed unshakable. Adrift in thought she studied his eyes and jawline but couldn’t link his traits to anyone she’d known. Unwittingly her mind regressed two decades to her first boyfriend. She pressed her hand to her stomach cursing her insides.

  ‘Any coffee yet?’

  Linda jumped, startled to see Earl.

  ‘Hang on,’ she said getting up and padding to the kitchen.

  * * *

  She left the album at home but thought of nothing but Johnny Won during work. Quizzed about the band Fiona admitted she’d temporarily fallen out with her boyfriend before listening and hadn’t given the album its best chance. She probably sensed Linda’s reluctance when she asked to borrow it again.