Mistakes

by A. M. Hayward

  I don’t know how long we sat this way, but perspiration was running down my back. I took a deep breath and broke the silence. “What do you do for a living? You look like a lawyer or something.”

  He laughed. “Hardly. I run part of my family’s business in Dallas. We specialize in international trade, and I was down in Mexico talking with some of the NAFTA officials. We were having issues getting some of our trade agreements passed…” He stopped as if he thought of something. “They asked for me specifically, saying that it would show solidarity with the Mexican Government. I wonder if this was planned,” he murmured. “My father didn’t want me to go, but I insisted. This trade agreement could have brought hundreds of jobs to the area, and I was very hopeful to get it passed.”

  “How did the meeting go?” I asked.

  “Sadly, it never happened. I went out for a quick bite to eat and was attacked in the parking lot,” he answered. It was evident that he was upset, and I gripped his arm trying to give him the same comfort he’d offered me. “It’s amazing what becomes important to you when you think you’re going to die.”

  We stopped talking when we heard men coming toward our cell. I turned in his embrace, and we looked desperately into each other’s eyes, not knowing if either of us would be taken away in the next few seconds.

  The door flew open, and I screamed and cowered back into Dalton. He tightened his grip on me. “Good morning, my friends,” Javier greeted us too cheerfully. “I hope you had a pleasant night.”

  Javier strode through the door with two men on his heels. They were both leering at me, and I quickly looked away, burying my face into Dalton’s dirty shirt.

  “Put the chair here and leave us,” Javier said to the men, indicating to a metal chair.

  He sat down and dusted off his pants. “Maddy, I need you to look at me now. We have much to discuss.”

  Not wanting to get him angry, I raised my eyes.

  “Such a good girl. Isn’t she, Mr. Dalton?”

  I felt sick. I didn’t need his compliments. I wished he would just get it over with.

  “Anyway, I’m here to go over a few things that will make your stay with us much more pleasant. You will listen, no?”

  Dalton sighed, and I nodded.

  “First of all, Maddy will be given two meals a day. I expect both of you to finish your meals completely. If you fail to do so, I will force feed it to you, and your roommate will be beaten.” I gasped. “You,” he said pointing at Dalton above my head, “will only get one meal in the evening, and will not eat from her plate,” he said, challenging Dalton to defy him.

  He turned back to me.

  “Also, Maddy, you will be allowed one shower a day. You will go with my men, who have been instructed to be on their best behavior,” he said, smirking at us. “Before leaving this cell, you will clean up your waste bowls and deposit them in the restroom. If you struggle or fight them in any way, you will again watch as your roommate is beaten. I’ve decided to leave the two of you together during your stay. I think that you will become very good friends, no? And as you can see, I can use that to my advantage.”

  He was a monster. I wanted to look at Dalton to find out what he was thinking of this, but I didn’t dare.

  “You will both remain here until I’m able to collect more assets. If the two of you abuse any of the privileges that I have given you, I will make you watch as I torture the other, and then I will separate you for good,” he said in an eerily calm voice.

  It seemed like he’d said this many times before.

  “Tell me you understand, and then we can move on with our day.”

  I turned my head and looked at Dalton, who was staring back at me. It was clear that we were in this together. His safety depended on my compliance, and my safety depended on his.

  “I understand,” Dalton said, continuing to look at me.

  I dropped my eyes to the floor. “I understand,” I whispered. I thought I was going to throw up. I was terrified.

  “Good,” Javier said as he rose from his chair and called for his men to return. He went over to the corner of the cell and pointed to a metal bowl. “This is to be used for your daily waste. Do not relieve yourselves anywhere but here. It will not be cleaned up if you do, and you’ll run the risk of illness.”

  Dalton mumbled something under his breath, but Javier ignored him.

  “Frankie, take Maddy here for her shower. Make sure she gets very clean, but don’t damage the merchandise. Mr. Dalton and I have a few more details to discuss in her absence.”

  The larger of the two men came over and grabbed the chain holding my hands. I fell forward onto my knees. It hurt, and I was sure my skin was scraped away.For the first time I noticed a V in the chain separating my hands. At the end of the V there was a lock.

  Frankie used a key to unlock it, but left my hands in the cuffs and chains and pulled me along with the chain between my cuffs. Before I left, I looked back at Dalton. He tried to give me an encouraging smile, but instead of comforting me, it reminded me that it could be the last time I’d ever see him.

  “No, Wait,” I struggled. “Just a second more, please.”

  Javier stepped into my view of Dalton, shaking his head. “Now, now, now. I thought we had a deal. Didn’t we just go over this? Are you breaking the rules so soon?”

  He turned back to Dalton with an evil grin on his face. “At least I will enjoy this.”

  I was forced to watch as Javier first punched Dalton in the face. “No!” I screamed. “Please!”When he slumped forward, the next one caught him in the stomach. I lost track of how many times he was hit. He ended up crumpled on the floor as Javier kicked him twice more.

  “Please, no more,” I whispered, sobbing. “I won’t do it again.” I meant every word. My struggles had brought this on the only person who’d shown me any kindness. My weakness was going to get him killed.

  Javier came over to me and lovingly wiped my tears away. I wanted to scream and spit in his face. “So we completely understand each other now? You’ll be a good girl for me, and Mr. Dalton will live to see another day.”

  “Yes. Yes, I’ll be good. Please don’t hurt him anymore.” I hated them. I hated him.

  Javier said nothing more and nodded to Frankie to take me out of the cell.

  I kept my head down and tried my best to keep up with his long strides as he pulled me along. We made our way through several long dark hallways and up a series of steps. Frankie used the keys on his waist again to open a door that led into a small dirty bathroom.

  “Lávese.” He spoke harshly as he sat on a stool in the corner of the room, and it was clear that he wasn’t going to leave and give me some privacy.

  The last thing I wanted was to get in trouble again, so I turned away and started to undress. I was still wearing the sundress that I had put on for the party. Only now, it was torn and tattered.

  I was looking at the mold on the grey tiles on the floor, wondering if they were once white when Frankie yelled, “Turn!” I jumped and yelped.

  I did as he said and began taking off my bra and underwear, shaking from head to toe. I thought I was going to faint.He was licking his lips, and he moved his hand to his crotch. I tried to cover my private parts with my hands as the dress fell to the floor.

  I couldn’t watch this. I had to turn my head as tears streamed down my face. I tried not to make any noise, but when I heard the sound of his zipper, I closed my eyes and cried, “Please stay away from me. Please.”

  “¡Cállate, Puta!”

  I put my hands on my cheek, and he made a noise, obviously pleased I was no longer covering myself.

  Quickly, I moved to cover myself again, but he grabbed the chain and held my hands out in front of me, working himself with one hand and holding my chain with the other.

  Silent tears
streaked down my cheeks as I shut my eyes tightly. His grunts and moans could be heard in chorus with the jingling of my chains. I let my mind go, trying to pretend that I was anywhere but here, but my mind wouldn’t let me. The noises he made were too frightening to ignore.

  After my shower, I was given a thick fabric dress. Had it not been white, I would have sworn it was a potato sack, and it might as well of been brown with how dirty it would eventually get. I wasn’t about to complain that it was scratchy, because being able to cover myself was a luxury at this point. Getting it over my head with the chains was very tricky, and I hated that Frankie had to help me. I didn’t want him touching me. He got a thrill out of it, and I knew he was enjoying himself as he touched my breasts through the dress. How was I going to survive this?

  He’d followed Javier’s instruction perfectly, washing every inch of my body. The feeling of his rough hands would be part of my nightmares for the rest of my life. Never after a shower, had I still felt so dirty. However, other than his attention to detail, he didn’t force himself on me as I’d expected him to.

  As we now walked back to the cell, I began to think about everything that Javier had told me about my time here. He saidI was not to be touched, and I would be given food and baths every day while he waited for more “assets.” My stomach churned. It was clear that I was one of those assets. My life had been downgraded to that of a prized heifer.

  The mere idea of my sale caused me to shake and almost drop to my knees.

  “Seguir caminando.”

  He swung the door open with a crash and pushed me inside. I lost my footing and fell to the ground. It wasn’t until I began to get up that I saw Dalton lying in a ball, slumped unnaturally in the corner.

  Before Frankie could grab me to lock me up to the damn chain, I raced over to him and cradled his head in my hands.

  “Dalton, please look at me. I’m so sorry. I won’t do it again. Please wake up. I can’t do this without you.” Tears streamed down my face and splashed onto his, but there was no movement.

  Frankie grabbed the chain between my hands and pulled me away from Dalton’s lifeless body. Sobs wracked my body as the latch clicked into place.

  We were alone again, Dalton was most likely dying on the other side of the cell, and there was nothing I could do for either of us. As I tried to move back to the middle, I noticed that the chain was shorter, and there was no way to reach him. I felt helpless and alone. He needed help. What was I going to do?

  Someone came in at some point and put a plate of food in front of both of us, but I had no interest in eating. I wanted nothing more than to make sure Dalton was safe. Watching his body intensely, I tried to count the rise and fall of his chest. If he was breathing, he was still alive, and that was the glue holding me together at this point.

  I jumped when the door to our cell crashed open again, but my tear- stained eyes never left Dalton.

  “Oh, no. Look what we have here. You have not touched your food,” Javier admonished, sounding more like a parent than a kidnapper. “I see. You are worried about your little friend.” I finally looked up to see what he planned to do about my mini rebellion.

  His smiling face sent chills through my body. “Please don’t hurt him anymore. I just can’t eat right now,” I begged. I looked at the small plate that held my lunch of a small corn tortilla and a piece of dried meat. A dirty bowl held, what looked like, dirty brown water. Eating any of that might send my stomach over the edge.

  Javier knelt down next to me and ran his hands through my hair. “Such a pretty face. You are going to make me a very rich man.”

  I closed my eyes as he continued to speak to me in Spanish. I may not have understood the words, but the tone was soft and gentle, and he lovingly ran his hand over my head as if trying to calm all my fears. In reality, his touch was sending me into great despair. I wanted to shy away, but I held fast so he wouldn’t get angry. As much as I hated feeling his hands on me, I would take a false loving gesture over a slap or punch any day.

  His caresses stopped. “Let us take care of this shall we, and then we can get back to following the rules, no?” he whispered as he grabbed my now cold lunch and placed it in my hands.

  It was a struggle to keep the food on the plate as I shook wildly. While I picked up the tortilla, Javier walked over to Dalton and raised him off the floor. Dalton grunted.

  When he pulled something out of his pocket, I screamed, “No! No! Please don’t hurt him. I’ll eat. I’ll do better. Please, stop!”

  “Oh I know you will, my niña,”Javier said, then turned his attention back to Dalton and passed something under his nose. Dalton’s head fell back, and his hands came up to grab what Javier was holding.

  “There we go. Welcome back, Señor Dalton. You have been gone for a while now, and sweet Maddy has been feeling very guilty.”

  Dalton shook his head vigorously, andJavier pulled on his hair and forced him to look at me. “Tell our Maddy that you are fine, and you do not hold any grudges against her for her earlier behavior. She wants to be a good girl, right, Maddy?”

  I tentatively nodded and shivered when I got a good look at Dalton. His face was caked with dirt and mixed with his blood. His lips were puffy, and one of his eyes was swollen shut. I had done this to him. This was my fault. I looked away.

  “Maddy, look at me.” Dalton’s voice was hard and demanding, and I did as he said.

  “Don’t you listen to a word these assholes say.You did nothing wrong. I don’t want you to feel guilty about what happened to me. That’s what they want so they can control you. I’m fine, and so are you. Do you hear me?” Dalton tried to sound strong, but I could hear the slight quivers of doubt hanging on every word. “Tell me you understand what I’m saying. You did nothing wrong,”he insisted, and then screamed as Javier backhanded him across his swollen face.

  “Oh, but you’re wrong Mr. Dalton. Maddy knows what she did, and she knows that your life depends solely on her actions. I could do just about anything to her at this point, and she would never lift a hand to stop me.” He turned to me. “Would you?” As I sat there with a terrified expression on my face, Javier came over and lifted me from the dirt.

  He put my hands over my head, and then untied the knots at my shoulders, allowing the dress to fall to my feet. I stood there completely naked, and then gasped as he encircled my right breast with his lips. He sucked and moaned as he moved his other hand between my legs. I shut my eyes and willed myself to stay still.

  “Enough!” Dalton yelled as he struggled to get to his feet. “I get it. Please leave her alone.”

  Javier laughed as he dropped me to the ground. I looked up and silently asked for permission to get dressed again.

  “You see? She understands her place completely. Yes, niña, you may get dressed.”

  With shaky hands, I pulled the dress up over my body and tried to tie the ends at the top, but with the chains on my wrists, it was almost impossible. I finally gave up and just held the cloth to my chest as I settled onto the dirt floor.

  Javier and Dalton continued to talk, but my body was shutting down, and my eyes grew heavier with each passing moment. The lunch I’d barely touched lay in the dirt next to me. I must have knocked it over when Javier pulled me up. I picked up the dried meat, wiped off as much dirt as I could, and attempted to eat. I could feel the crunch of the grit between my teeth.

  I retched and decided that swallowing it in large chunks without chewing would be the easiest way to get through this. There wasn’t much to the meat, and I swallowed it in two large gulps, almost choking on it. The tortilla was still lying on my plate, and although bland, it was edible. I looked at the bowl of dirty water, braced myself, and lifted it to my lips.

  With my breakfast complete, I lay down, exhausted. Javier was still speaking with Dalton, and their whispers were putting me to sleep.

&
nbsp; “Maddy? Maddy can you hear me? I need you to wake up and listen to me.” Dalton’s voice cut into my attempt to sleep, and I struggled to open my eyes. “We don’t have much time before they come back with dinner, and I need to tell you something.” His eyes darted from me to the door several times.

  “How long was I asleep? It felt like only a few minutes,” I mumbled and rubbed my aching neck. When I looked at Dalton’s face, he was nervous. This fact alone sobered me up completely.

  “What’s going to happen to me? I don’t want to leave you.” My voice rose, as I grew more hysterical

  “I want you to do everything they tell you. I don’t think they’ll hurt you as long as you do what they say.” I had already come to this conclusion, but hearing Dalton confirm it calmed me. “I want you to know that whatever happens to me is not your fault, okay? More than likely, they’ve already decided my fate, and it has nothing to do with you.”

  His words began to sink into my overactive imagination. “What do you think they want from you? Aren’t you scared?” He just seemed so brave.

  “Yes, I’m very scared, but if I were to die tonight, I wanted you to know that it wasn’t your fault. These are very bad men, and my life lies in their hands, not yours.”

  It was clear that saying this had taken a huge load off his shoulders. He knew we were both living hour by hour, and he wanted to make sure I would be okay after his death. I hadn’t known this man long, but I already felt he was a big part of my life. I didn’t want him to leave me. I needed him.

  “I can’t stand it. Please don’t say goodbye to me yet. I need you here with me. Promise you’ll stay with me,” I pleaded.