It broke my heart when they’d moved away, and it’d been too far for me to be a babysitter. By that point, Ben Hudson had been wealthy enough to afford a full-time nanny, and I wouldn’t have been in the running for that. There was no way my dad would’ve made sure I got back and forth to babysit for them even if the option had been given to me, so I had watched them pack and move away with a heavy heart, certain I would never see Elle again, and heartbroken that I would even catch a glimpse of Ben. There was no love lost for Ashe. She had been someone to deal with rather than a person I liked and cared about.
That was why this opportunity such a blessing, and not simply because it solved my tuition problem, at least for the semester. It was a chance to reconnect with Elle and maybe help her move past the hurt she obviously still carried. That was a worthwhile goal, and I was happy to have an opportunity to do something meaningful.
I was not latching on to the idea of trying to get Ben to notice me though. It was bad enough that I was still attracted to him, and it was worse that it was a far more intense attraction than it had ever been when I was a child. As a tween and in my early teen years, I couldn’t have comprehended how intense desire could be as an adult. My fantasies had been tame and mostly consisted of longing looks and holding hands, along with an occasional stolen kiss. I wouldn’t have even known how to imagine a real kiss back then, and the idea of Ben kissing me in the gallant and chaste way I had imagined made me giggle as I stepped into the elevator.
But, on the way up to Ben’s floor, I shoved aside all thoughts of him. I barely had time to dump my bags on the bed before leaving the apartment again to catch the subway to Columbia.
After dropping off the tuition check, and thankfully receiving no complaint since it wasn’t on my father’s account, I rushed to class. I did my best to take notes, but my head was elsewhere. I was determined to find a way to help Elle, even if I wasn’t the most qualified person to do it.
Reluctantly, I called for Hector at two thirty with my last class finished, because I wouldn’t make it on time to Elle’s exclusive private school on the subway, and I wanted to be there to greet her. We drew up in front of the building a few minutes before class let out. It was surprising to find out that we weren’t the only limousine. There were several up and down the street in front of the school, along with an exclusive list of luxury cars that could have come straight from a luxury dealership. I hopped out of the car without waiting for Hector to open the door when I heard the bell ring, scanned the crowd of little heads and waved when I caught sight of Elle. Her face brightened, and though she seemed surprised to see me, she broke into a run and threaded her way through the crowd of kids. I thought she might rush to hug me, but she drew up short a couple of feet away, and her expression was wary. It broke my heart, but I managed to keep a friendly smile. “Hey there.”
“Hi.” She sounded shy. “I didn’t know you were coming to pick me up. Dad hardly ever has time to do that.”
I didn’t bother to ask if Ashe ever did, since I knew she hadn’t taken visitation and clearly wasn’t involved in her daughter’s life in any other way. “I hope you don’t mind. I thought we could stop and grab a slice of pizza, and maybe drop in at the toy store.
Elle shook her head. “Sorry. I don’t have time. I have a lot of homework.”
I frowned as I opened the door for her to slip in before I followed. I took a seat beside her as she sat primly with her hands folded on her lap, her bookbag on the seat between us. “You’re in second grade, right?” At her nod, I asked, “What kind of homework could you have?”
She waved to the bag, and I reached for it and opened it. I found the planner inside, and the list of tasks she had to complete seemed excessive. I wasn’t doing this kind of homework until high school. The subject matter was different, but the time expected from a second-grader was too much in my opinion. “How about we tackle this together, and then maybe we could take a walk in the park and grab some ice cream?”
She shrugged. “Maybe. Although, Margot will probably have dinner ready by then.”
I nodded. “Not a problem. We’ll definitely have to do something this weekend then if you don’t have time before.”
“Of course.” She said it in such a patronizing manner that it was obvious she was just agreeing with me for the sake of it. It wasn’t clear whether she thought I was just making a suggestion I wouldn’t follow through on, or if she wasn’t interested. Either way, it struck me as odd.
When we reached the apartment, we sat down together at the kitchen table, and I did my homework as she did hers. It was a sad testament to how much that exclusive school piled on a child when I finished mine before she was done.
As she predicted, dinner was just about ready by the time she finished homework, and Margot served us right there at the table. Apparently, she wasn’t bothering with the dining room, and I couldn’t blame her.
It was soon obvious Ben wouldn’t be joining us, and I pushed back my disappointment—disappointment on Elle’s behalf, of course.
Finally, a little while after dinner, I coaxed Elle into going for a swim. She told me there was an infinity pool on the top of the building, but we opted to use the smaller pool off one of the balconies that belonged just to the Hudsons. Gradually, I got her to unwind, and she even giggled by the time I dragged her from the water an hour later.
A quick glance at the clock confirmed it was almost her bedtime. “What’s your routine?”
She wiped she was drying her hair on the towel, so it took her a moment to answer. “Routine for what?”
“Bedtime.”
“I brush my teeth, take a bath, go to bed.”
“What about a story?”
She looked scandalized. “Lindsay! I’m seven years old, not a baby. I don’t need a story before bed, you know.”
I held up my hands. “Sorry. I just assumed your Dad read to you at night. We don’t have to read a baby book. Maybe we could read something more grown up together. I think I have Anne of Green Gables on my tablet. We could try a chapter before you go to sleep?”
Elle shook her head. “I’m tired, but thank you for the offer.”
Watching her go into the apartment left me feeling unsatisfied. She needed so much more than she’d been getting, but I wasn’t certain how to approach that, or make her realize it. I’d just have to give her time and space and hope she would soon be more receptive to my overtures.
* * *
The rest of the week continued pretty much on the same path, though I did make a little progress with her. She was opening up more, and when I carefully suggested we read a story on Thursday night, she allowed me to read her a chapter of Harry Potter. I was afraid it might be a little too adult for her, but she seemed fine, even interested.
By Friday, the week’s activity had caught up with me as well, and I was holding back a yawn as I settled into the chair beside her bed to read our second chapter of Harry Potter. I made it halfway through the chapter before looking up to see she was asleep. After marking the page on my tablet, I shut it down and sat there for little while, just watching her sleep. She looked so peaceful like that, and far more like a little girl. Her personality seemed like she was an adult trapped in a child’s body. I recognized the signs of someone who’d been forced to grow up too quickly, having been through it myself. I was determined that Elle wouldn’t lose her entire childhood, that she would have a chance to be a kid again. It might take a while, but I was confident I could chip through her layers of resistance, even if it was just one chapter here or there, along with time where she was the sole focus of my attention.
I guess I was sleepier than I thought, because I jerked away awake suddenly and realized I must’ve dozed off in the chair. It was sinfully comfortable, and I briefly considered the idea of just staying there, but forced myself to get up when I looked at the clock and saw it was after midnight.
Once I was on my feet, I was feeling more awake, and I slipped quietly from her room. As I move
d down the hall, I literally ran into Ben. I grunted at the impact and forced myself to take a step back instead of leaning closer.
My eyes widened at the sight of him. He was in a tuxedo, and his hair was combed back, giving him an even more sophisticated appearance than he usually had. He looked gorgeous enough that I could’ve eaten him up right then, and I was almost surprised that drool didn’t leak down my chin.
He gave me a distant smile. “I was just coming to check on Elle.”
I nodded awkwardly. “I must’ve fallen asleep after reading to her. She’s out like a light.”
He smiled, looking pleased. “In that case, I don’t want to disturb her. I have some work to finish up, then I think I’m off to bed.”
“Me too.” I scurried away from him as quickly as I could, desperate to resist the temptation to touch him. He would no doubt be shocked and scandalized if I had, and I would have died from embarrassment.
Once in my room, I set aside the tablet and quickly undressed. It was warm in my room, or I was just overheated, so I lay down without the covers. I didn’t bother with clothing either, though I didn’t admit to myself why to start with.
I closed my eyes and tried to focus on sleep, but I was too keyed up. Either I got enough rest from my little nap in Elle’s room, or perhaps the sight of Ben had just driven me mad with lust. Either way, I couldn’t sleep.
With my eyes closed, my hands began to wander over my skin, starting with my breasts as I gently twisted my nipples. Still cupping one breast, I let my other hand slide lower to slip between my legs. My pussy was already slick with need, and I caressed my clit with confident strokes. I knew it wouldn’t take much to get off quickly. As I climaxed, panting and shuddering, I whispered his name.
Chapter 7
Ben
I tried to focus on the few details I needed to wrap up for the day and check the markets before going to bed, but my thoughts kept wandering. It had been a long night at the fundraiser, which had followed a long day. Claudia, a vivacious redhead who’d been my date for the evening, kept rubbing against me. I had every intention of accepting her clear invitation until we got to the end of the evening. When it came time to go into her apartment, I found my lack of interest impossible to overcome, and I’d sent her inside with a noncommittal, “Next time…” The fury in her eyes said everything. It was obvious I’d blown my chance with her, but somehow I didn’t care.
Now, I was sitting in my office chair with a raging hard-on that had nothing to do with Claudia and her barely-there black dress. Instead, thoughts of Lindsay consumed me. How was it that she was more appealing in her yoga pants and the sweatshirt that slipped off her shoulder than Claudia was in a tight dress and perfect makeup?
When I realized I’d read the same sentence three times but still hadn’t comprehended it, I pushed aside the folder and turned to the bank of monitors at my side. There were cameras in every room of the house, and each one had its own feed. I usually kept them all turned off, except Elle’s room, but I couldn’t resist the compulsion to flick the switch that opened the feed to Lindsay’s room. I told myself it was just a quick glimpse to make sure she was asleep, though I knew that was a lie. I honestly intended it just to be a quick look though, because I wasn’t in the habit of spying on guests in my home, no matter how hard they made my dick—not that any of my previous houseguests and left me in that state.
It was immediately obvious what she was doing, and I let out a shaky sigh that admitted to myself this is what I’d hoped to see. I didn’t want to be a creepy letch, but as her fingers slipped deeper into her pussy, and she started rubbing quicker, I slipped a hand into my pants. I was so hard that there was no time to take them down, and I wrapped my fist around my cock and started pumping. It was a poor substitute for burying myself in her slick slit, and I couldn’t suppress the fantasy of marching down the hall, throwing open the door to her room, and seeing her in person. Claiming her.
That was where my fantasy stuttered to a halt, though my hand kept stroking as my gaze stayed on the tempting sight before me. I wasn’t sure how she would react. I thought she found me attractive, but I couldn’t be sure, and it was better not to know. I couldn’t risk depriving Elle of the one person who might be able to get through her shell, I certainly didn’t want any messy complications from Lindsay imagining herself in love with me.
I was almost at the edge, but I wanted to come when she did, so I just held my rigid shaft, occasionally squeezing or rubbing the tip, but not to the point where I came.
I could see but I couldn’t hear her breathy little moans and whispers that were sure to be spilling from her mouth, but I could judge by the way her hand was moving frantically between her legs now, and how she arched her hips upward that she was about to come too. I timed it just right, and just as she did, I came. At the height of my climax, I couldn’t be certain if it was just wishful thinking, release from the tension, or reality when I swore she whispered my name. I couldn’t hear it, but her lips seemed to form the word Ben.
As soon as I finished, shame washed over me, and I quickly flicked off the feed. I had no right to spy on her like that, and now that the pleasure was gone, I promised myself I wouldn’t do it again. It was absolutely one of the worst things I’ve ever done, though she was unlikely to ever find out. That was what made it dangerous. I could keep doing it, and she wouldn’t know. I’d have to rely on my willpower to resist the temptation to spy again.
In fact, it was better if I just withdrew entirely. I’d been trying to minimize the amount of time I spent with her throughout the week, though I’ve genuinely been as busy as ever. The flaw in the arrangement was that I couldn’t spend as much time with Elle, but I planned to make that up to her over the weekends. An outing to the zoo sounded like a good idea, and I knew she liked the animals. We’d gone a few times over the past few months, and it was one of the places she seemed to unwind and be a child again.
A trip to the zoo with Elle was the perfect thing, and it wouldn’t be gracious not to invite Lindsay as well. She might turn me down, and that should be the outcome I wanted, so I refused to acknowledge the pang of disappointment at the idea of her not coming with us.
Chapter 8
Lindsay
“I think you should probably take her by yourself, Ben. She needs some one-on-one time with you.”
“No, please come, Lindsay,” said Elle.
I thought she hadn’t been listening, since she’d taken off to her room to grab a backpack when Ben suggested the trip to the zoo. She was back too quickly, and I felt awkward. “I’d love to come, but I think you should spend some time just with your dad too.”
“I will,” said Elle with such exasperation that I almost laughed. “I just want you to be there too. Please?”
“Lindsay might be pretty busy today,” said Ben in a completely neutral tone of voice that did nothing to reveal whether he wanted me to decline or accept.
“But you have to. The lions have a new baby, and we have to see it together. Besides, we have to see the snake house together. Maybe I can make the glass disappear,” she said with an uncharacteristic giggle.
That clinched it for me, especially since I really wanted to go anyway—and it wasn’t because of the lions or the snake house. I wanted to be with Elle and Ben, though any time spent with him was risky. But it was worth putting myself out there if it meant Elle was able to shine like this. Enthusiasm from Elle was a huge change of pace, and I was afraid that to refuse her again would dim the light in her eyes. “In that case, I’d be happy to come, but if you make the glass disappear, you have to promise you won’t let the snake bite me.”
“I’m probably not a parselmouth,” said Elle with complete seriousness.
I frowned at her. “How did you know that word?” We aren’t that far into the series. We’re still at the midpoint of chapter two.
She shrugged. “I’ve seen the movies, Lindsay.”
“Of course you have. I don’t know what I was thinki
ng.” I smiled at her, though I was concerned if she had seen all of the movies. They could be scary in parts and something she should have watched with an adult. I had a feeling she’d watched alone though.
After that, it was a mad scramble to finish breakfast and gear up for a day at the zoo with sweaters and scarves since it was getting chilly these days. Finally we were ready to head out. Ben surprised me by walking toward the subway station when we exited the Imperial. “You aren’t taking the car?”
“No way,” said Elle, authoritatively. “Weekends are for subways.”
As Ben slowed his pace so I could fall in step beside him and Elle skipped ahead a few feet, he lowered his voice. “Elle loves taking the subway, but weekends are the only time I let her ride. Never after dark, of course, and never alone.”
I was reassured as I followed them down the stairs and through the turnstile before walking down another level to the platform. Elle and Ben seemed to know right where they were going, so I was happy to let them lead.
Everyone was in a good mood, including me. I was doing my best to block out what I had done last night, because whenever I thought about it, I couldn’t look at him without blushing. It wasn’t the first time I had played with myself to a fantasy of Ben Hudson, but it was certainly the first time I had done so under his roof and down the hall from him. It was also the first time in a few years that he’d made more than a passing appearance in my fantasies. It wasn’t like I’d been pining for him for the past three years. I’d had crushes and boyfriends, and Liam Hemsworth was more likely to be the focal point of my fantasies recently—or at least he had been until I came to live with the Hudsons.
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