Soul Goblet

by J. A. Culican

  How had it gotten there? I didn’t remember. It could have been Loglan or Sweetgrass, but I didn’t think I’d carried it. Then again, last night had several sections missing or blurry. I hadn’t felt well, that I did remember, but Sweetgrass had worked her magic and my shoulder was as good as new. A few missing memories was a small price to pay.

  Allowing my gaze to wander back to Gwen and the sleeping wolves, bits and pieces of our conversation from the day before returned. I vaguely recalled being insulted when she’d thought I would give up after being attacked by ur’gels, but also how grateful I’d been when she had refused to bail on me.

  As she slept, her breathing was almost inaudible. Her eyelashes flickered from time to time, and in the silence of the room I felt closer to her than ever before. We were sisters-in-arms now, an experience I’d thought had bypassed me when I’d gone the way of the researcher instead of a warrior. It was a crazy thought after what had happened so soon after leaving my sheltered home, but in a way, I felt invigorated by it all. Maybe it was the adventure itself, or maybe it knew I had a friend like her at my back. I moved slowly, trying to keep the noise I made to a minimum as I crept out of the room.

  Kiya lifted her head, giving me an indecipherable look. I raised my finger to my lips, unsure if she would understand, but she placed her head back on her paws and closed her eyes.

  Following the curving hallway, I reached the room with the large table I remembered from the day before without difficulty. Surely, if it had a fireplace there would be food nearby.

  A burst of noise erupted from my stomach as it chimed it. Reflexively my hand went on top to shush it, and I looked to see if anyone had heard the sound. Apparently, I was even hungrier than I was smelly, which was astonishing. Maybe I would look for food before washing up, after all.

  At the entryway of the room I was able to see Sel sitting at a tall chair beside Loglan. They both had bowls in front of them, though Sel's appeared to have been forgotten as he sat with his elbows on either side of his, resting his chin on the heels of his palms as he listened to Loglan. I’d never seen him act this way before. It was as plain as the nose on his face he’d developed a serious case of hero worship.

  Before I could hear much of the conversation, Loglan noticed me and stopped telling his story.

  "Good morning," I entered the room hesitantly, feeling uncomfortable under his stare.

  Loglan gave me a thorough once-over, looking pleased once he finished. "You're awake earlier than I expected." He lifted his mug toward me in a toast. "And looking better than I expected, as well."

  I smiled, demonstrating my regained ability to move my shoulder. "Yes, Sweetgrass is brilliant. My shoulder feels almost normal. I'm a bit more tired than usual, but I feel pretty close to my usual state of wellbeing."

  "I imagine you're hungrier than usual, too." He gave Sel a look, who nimbly jumped off the chair and went to the hearth, coming back with a third bowl which he placed at an empty place at the table before clambering back onto his stool to continue eating.

  "Yes, I could most likely eat an entire cow for breakfast. I seem to have a sudden craving for red meat. I'm not sure if I remember correctly, but I think Sweetgrass mentioned something about wanting me to have another glass of blood broth?" Before he could answer my question, the same voice I remembered from last night spoke from the other side of the room.

  "I did." Sweetgrass held out another large mug of the disgusting drink and wiggled it at me.

  I winced, remembering the medicinal dirt taste, and she began laughing.

  "Don't worry, you won't be the first and you won't be the last to dread the taste. But the fact you are asking for another cup means the effect outweighs the less pleasant aspects of the potion."

  Her words were mild, and her smile was easy. Sighing, I drank it as quickly as I could.

  Loglan began laughing, and I turned, cocking my head with surprise once I’d drained the mug.

  "You've done a better job drinking her vile magic than most of the centaurs I know," he leaned over, pretending to whisper in Sel's ear. "She's a great healer, but not much of a cook."

  "I don't see you cooking. Perhaps next time you show up uninvited at my house in the dark you can take over the meals and healing? You would clearly be a suitable replacement."

  He threw his head back, deep laughter erupting from his belly. Sel howled along with him and my lip twitched. The comfort of their interaction sank into my soul and soon I was giggling as well.

  Sweetgrass made a valiant effort to remain stoic, keeping her arms crossed and her lips pressed together, but had just curled into a smile when Gwen entered the room.

  “Well, looks like I slept in and missed all the fun." She looked bemused, but quickly sized up the room, making a beeline for where I stood with Sweetgrass, holding the thankfully empty mug.

  "How do you feel?”

  "Almost back to myself. Thankfully, Sweetgrass says this is my last dose of medicine.”

  “That means we can leave as soon we're packed." Gwen removed her hand and moved to where Loglan and Sel were watching our interaction. "Are you still able to take us to the edge of the Low Forest?"

  "Yes. I believe you three are on an important quest. I wish I could go to Abrecem Secer with you, but my duties are here, in the Low Forest. And after what we encountered yesterday, I will be needed." He shot Sweetgrass a somber look. "When I first came upon them in the woods yesterday, they were swarmed by hundreds of the smaller ur’gels we’ve been expecting. If it hadn't been for the vanishing spell, it’s possible none of us would have made it out of the forest alive."

  Sweetgrass closed her eyes, sighing. "So, the time we’ve feared is at hand."

  Loglan unfolded his legs from beneath the table and came to stand beside her.

  "It has long been foretold. It isn’t as though we haven’t known this day would come."

  "Knowing and seeing are two different things. I had hoped the soothsayers were wrong, and events wouldn’t unfold in our lifetime." She turned to look into the fire before her words echoed sadly through the room. "But such is prophecy."

  For a moment, no one spoke. I still held on to the empty mug, Gwen sat at the table with Sel, and we all watched Loglan and Sweetgrass, who had both drifted off, staring into the fire. I wondered what it was the centaurs knew, and if he would share it with us on our journey. When I chanced a glance at Gwen, she looked thoughtful as well, and I remembered something I’d heard her say last night.

  When she caught me watching her, she spoke. "I can be ready to leave within the hour."

  "As soon as I'm finished eating, I'm ready."

  Sel scooped out the remnants of his bowl and jumped off his stool seconds later, bringing the bowl back to Sweetgrass, who gave him a half-smile.

  Loglan took a deep breath, looking at each of us in turn. "We’ll leave within the hour," he began, pausing when he caught me staring. How could he not smell me? I refused to travel anywhere without at least washing the blood off, along with whatever ur’gel blood had been left behind. "What is it?"

  "Is it possible for me to wash before we leave?"

  Sweetgrass let out a bark of laughter. "Of course. I imagine it must be hard for someone such as yourself to go without washing daily, even without the extra amount of filth you accumulated yesterday."

  I wasn’t sure if her words were meant to be a compliment or an insult but tried to brush them aside. They had done so much for me it hardly seemed appropriate to become offended about something true, even if I wanted to object. I found it strangely hard to accept how others viewed me outside of the castle, perhaps even harder than being seen as an oddity within the walls.

  By the time I returned from Abrecem Secer, I vowed that people would no longer think I was so entitled. I would be someone worth knowing, for more than my value as a marriage piece to be transferred for status or to create an alliance.

  Even with the delay to eat and wash up, packing was swift, and we were soon ready to l
eave. Sweetgrass had even found an extra set of clothing that fit me reasonably well, explaining they’d been left by a previous patient and she’d kept them on the off chance they’d be needed. With Loglan in the lead, we bid farewell to Sweetgrass. We had enough provisions for a week, which should be enough to last the trip to Sunglen, and I was eager to begin our journey. The sooner we reached Abrecem Secer, the better.

  Daytime in the centaur village was truly a remarkable sight. We skirted around town, but still caught glimpses of centaurs going about their regular duties. Fixing holes in roofs, selling their wares as we passed a marketplace, even herding livestock. It was surreal when we passed a young centaur leading a flock of sheep. He was so much bigger than they were, he appeared to be an adult until I caught a glimpse of his face.

  But for all the novelty of the village, we quickly left it behind. We were already on the periphery so it soon became apparent that the centaur village was at the very edge of the forest. It was a bit of a misnomer to call where we lived the Low Forest, as much of the area was actually plains. I was ambivalent about the sudden shift in landscape. On the one hand, it would be easier to see if anyone was coming to attack us, but on the other, we would also be easier to find by others, which kept me on edge even as the grasslands stretched peacefully in front of us.

  The next few days wound together. Both Gwen and Loglan seemed to have decided to make me do as much of the work as possible. I understood their reasoning by the end of the first day, even if every muscle in my body ached. Not only was I carrying my own bag, but I’d been given the bulk of our food as well. When she’d passed me the large backpack, Loglan had smiled approvingly.

  "That should help develop some of her muscles," was all he’d said. After that, no one offered to help me carry the cargo, no matter how much my body wanted to give out beneath me. Even Sel, who looked at me with a wrinkled brow from time to time when I lagged and fell behind. He didn't want to disappoint Loglan, and neither did I.

  Gwen taught me how to build a campsite on the first night.

  We found a sheltered area with scrubby mulberry bushes to block the wind. By now, we were far into the rolling plains and it was the most cover from the elements we could find. Loglan seemed happy with our progress, but I had no idea how much ground we’d covered. Between carrying and walking, I was exhausted and more than happy to stop for the night. When I put the food and my bag down and exhaled in relief, she merely pointed to the load Loglan had been carrying.

  "You need to build that."

  “Build what?” I’m sure I looked as confused as I felt. I had no idea what the pile of sticks and fabric were supposed to be. My expression of dismay must have amused her, or maybe it was a dumb question because she broke into peals of laughter.

  "You need to learn how to do all of this on your own. We likely won't need it tonight but it's helpful to be able to build a shelter in case of rain or when it gets colder. You won’t always have someone who knows how to do it for you available, and I want to make sure you can be self-sufficient." She paused, tilting her head slightly as she looked at me.

  Instead of complaining, I sighed and set to work. She coaxed me along, showing me where to put the poles to reinforce my structure. When we stretched the thick tarp overtop, I was pleased with my efforts. Even though it took me twice as long as it would have taken her and with my hands aching and back sore from the lifting, a sense of accomplishment held me up long enough to curl into my sleeping sack, where I instantly fell into sleep.

  When I woke to the feel of hands on my shoulders gently shaking me what felt like only a few minutes later, I groaned in protest. "No." I refused to open my eyes and accept reality. I tried to burrow into my coverings, but the shaking continued until I gave up.

  "It's your turn to tend the fire," a deep voice sounded beside my ear.

  My eyes shot open to see Loglan watching me as he waited impassively for me to wake up. If it had been Sel or even Gwen, I might have tried to argue, but he didn't strike me as someone I’d win against. I groaned once more, rubbing my eyes, and rolled out of my makeshift bed. The moons were bright, ergo it was not daytime. I stomped over to where he was reclining beside the fire, my face likely a grumpy picture of childish rebellion which he simply ignored.

  "It is wise while traveling to have one person on fire duty. This is not only to tend the fire, but also to keep a watch for animals, or anything else that could mean you harm." He poked at the fire before unwinding his long legs and standing, handing the fire poker to me.

  "Because you had a hard day yesterday and I imagine today will not be much easier, I saved the last watch for you. I know it doesn't feel like enough sleep now, but in actuality, you got more than your friends as you had an uninterrupted sleep. When the sun crests the hill over there," he pointed to the east, "it will be time for you to wake us. It is also your duty to have breakfast ready, the extra chore of the final watch as a gift to your companions for getting the best shift."

  I accepted the poker with numb hands, my brain still half-asleep, and watched as he made comfortable across from me on the other side of the fire. There was space in the shelter, but he’d told us he preferred to sleep under the stars.

  He pulled a blanket around his shoulders and closed his eyes, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

  I'd never watched a fire before, nor made one. I had done a lot of things I'd never done before in the last few days. I’d fought ur’gels, been injured, walked farther than ever, carried more weight than I'd ever carried, and last night I’d built my first shelter. Now I was mesmerized by the dancing flames.

  The world was so quiet and so large in the darkness. For a moment, it felt as if I was the only person alive and an unexpected sense of peace settled into my heart. This was what I'd been waiting for all those years studying my textbooks, I realized. A chance to see the world I’d dreamt of exploring for so long. I smiled, looking up at the sky. It was still dark, but the faint lightening in the east told me daylight wasn’t far off. I decided to be proactive and gather all the supplies I needed for cooking.

  By the time Gwen woke up, the sun was almost where Loglan had told me to look. At the look on her face I felt pride sweep over me. The mixing and measuring were done for the porridge, and it was warming in the fire, and I had already cut two slabs of meat off the salted ham and laid out the utensils and plates.

  "You've been busy."

  "I don't want to hold us back. This is my mission and I've enlisted you to help me with it. I'll try harder not to complain, but I can't promise I won't be whiny at times."

  She sat down and put one arm around me, giving me a tight squeeze. With her warm green eyes locked on mine, she disagreed. "I’m sure you feel overwhelmed, but you've done brilliantly. In fact, within the first day, you’d already achieved more than I expected from you. I've always liked you, but you've always been, well, for lack of a better word, sheltered." I narrowed my eyes at the description, but she continued. "I never thought you were a bad person, it's just that your life was so different and so easy, I didn't give you nearly enough credit. You've got a lot more fire than I expected, which gives me hope we’ll succeed in getting to our destination, and you'll find whatever it is you're searching for."

  I ducked my head at the praise, then remembered something. Tilting my head, I looked at her. "Did you mention something about seeing the future, or was that part of my post-injury confusion? Is that why you said you’d come with me?"

  Her arm fell away, and I felt its absence with an unexpected pang. It had been warm and soothing. I hadn’t sat like that with anyone that I could recall and I regretted asking the question even before she moved away from me.

  She toyed with her long golden hair for a few moments as she bit her lip. "Sometimes, I see things."

  I drew my eyebrows together, wondering what things she meant, even as her shoulders drooped.

  "In my dreams. I think maybe it's part of my connection with the wolves. That's why I agreed to come so quickl
y when you asked me. I’ve already had time to get used to the idea that something is coming, I just didn’t know what until you showed up in the forest." She looked into the distance.

  I followed her gaze, noticing the sun had now risen to sit just over the gently rolling horizon. For a moment, the light was blinding.

  "War is already here. I can't share anything that would help you find what you’re looking for because the images are still too jumbled. I do know we need to be as prepared as possible."

  She searched my face, her eyes full of emotion, then lightened the mood by smiling suddenly. "I promise, I'm not trying to torture you by making you do all the work."

  I snorted, amused even while I continued to think about her previous admission. "I know. I'm smart enough to realize it's my mission, but I'm the weak link in the group. Even Sel knows more about fighting than I do."

  I looked at the shelter where he was still sleeping. It was time to wake him, but I was enjoying the alone time with her and wanted to delay changing that for as long as I could. "I've always been impressed with him, even more so now. I think someday he's going to be a formidable man. I just hope I'm around to see it."

  Gwen smiled. "Yeah, I was impressed with the little guy, too."

  We sat there for a few more minutes, watching the sun make its climb. Once it was higher, I stood reluctantly.

  "You can get started, if you want. The porridge is warming in that pot and should be finished. I'll wake up the guys. Just make sure there's enough for all of us,” I warned. She blinked, her eyes wide and innocent as I turned to wake the others.

  I watched as they ate, hoping I’d done a decent job making breakfast. It was the first time I’d ever cooked for anyone and I was unexpectedly proud of myself. It tasted fine to me, but maybe I was fooling myself. “How is it?”