by KT Strange
Cool fingers wrapped around my shoulder just as I was about to run to Shawn and Buck. I looked up, nearly swallowing my tongue.
“Done enough damage already, haven’t you, Mia?” Cael Pierce asked, his angelic face lit up with a smirk. “You shouldn’t call attention to yourself right now.”
“Let go,” I said, jerking my shoulder from his grip, and stepped forward. He cut in front of me, pushing me back into the crowd hard.
“Hey,” a guy yelped in my ear when I stumbled into him and stepped on his foot.
“I thought we had a gentleman’s agreement,” Cael said. Another student pushed me, and I was forced back behind the front lines. “No fights between teammates, let alone brothers.” Cael’s back was to me, but his hair was swept away from his forehead, the blond strands glinting in the sun. The murmur of the students was falling, so they could hear Cael speaking. He straightened his shoulders and walked to Garrett, pulling a handkerchief out of his pocket to present it to the redhead. “Clean up,” he said, lowering his voice. I could barely hear the low buzz of his command.
“What started it?” someone near me asked.
“No idea. Garrett said something to Shawn, and Shawn got up in his face in a second.”
“You think it was about Shiv?”
“He’s an idiot for dumping her. He could’ve been tapping that ass all the way from here to prom, and instead he wants to go stag? I’d take his place in a second, get between her thighs and give it to her real hard,” a third student, male, interjected quietly. I turned to glare at him.
“Don’t talk about Shiv like that,” I snapped, not able to keep myself from protecting my friend. I didn’t recognize the guy; he looked younger than me, a short buzz cut showing off unfortunately large ears. He gave me a rude look and then snickered.
“Quinn’s niece? Shit, aren’t you, like, fucking half the football team or something?”
“Or she’s about to,” someone muttered snidely. A flash of red misted my vision, and I shoved Buzz Cut Bro hard. Someone yelled in my ear, and my backpack was ripped from my shoulder as Buzz Cut Bro launched at me.
“Fuck, no,” Colt’s rough voice cut in as he swung for BCB, getting him low in the gut. “Move.” Colt pushed me to the side just as BCB bent over and spewed his lunch everywhere. Students around us backed up. Colt pulled me along with them, as the idiot who couldn’t keep his mouth shut vomited a second time.
“Mia, shit.” Buck was breathless as he shouldered up next to me.
“You’d think with two of you, she wouldn’t get into this shit. But incompetence is the name of your game,” Colt said, elbowing Buck in the side with a glare. “Smarten the fuck up,” he added, before disappearing into the crowd.
“C’mon, Shawn’s over here,” Buck said. His arm scooped around my shoulders and guided me to the side. I strained to look for Garrett, but he was nowhere to be seen. People were just staring at Buzz Cut Bro as he leaned over his puddle of puke.
Shawn had a bruise on his cheekbone. He wore an expression that looked like his heart had been ripped right out of him.
“You okay?” Buck and I both said the same thing at the same time when we reached him. Shawn pulled me in for a hard hug. I felt eyeballs on me—stares of all kinds—but ignored them, pressing my face into his chest.
“What were you guys fighting about?” I asked.
“Not now,” Buck said, “let’s get going before the teachers come and we’re all in the shit.”
“It’s a little late for sensible thought, isn’t it?” Cael appeared again. When I glanced over my shoulder at him, he was right behind me, blocking the view of the crowd. “Watch your girl, she nearly outed herself as the cause of your brotherly spat,” he commented to Shawn, before giving Buck a significant look. “If you want to pal around with whores, that’s one thing. But keep the drama from touching the team, alright?”
Buck stiffened, and Shawn glared daggers at Cael.
“Fuck off, Pierce,” he said, reaching for my hand. I slid my fingers against his and went to him. He looked like hell, his eyes rimmed with moisture.
“You weren’t fighting about us,” I whispered to him, “were you?” He wouldn’t meet my gaze, and guilt ate at me. I never wanted to come between Shawn and his brother. From the gossip Colt had spilled over our lunchtimes, I knew things weren’t… completely alright in the Riordan house. Garrett was all that Shawn had at home.
“Let’s go,” Buck said. “Pierce, you keep your mouth off my girl’s rep, or you and I will have words. Got it?” He reached out and gave Cael a light shove. Cael’s eyes, bright blue and lined with thick lashes, narrowed for a moment before he turned and melted into the milling students. The crowd started to disperse. Shawn squeezed my hand, and I looked up at him in response.
“You okay?” he asked me.
“I’m the one who needs to be asking that; you wanna talk about it?” We started to walk toward one of the long football fields. Buck hovered behind us. The sun was pouring down over the grass, even as a cool wind tugged at the trees in the distance. Fall was settling in, and soon even the sun wouldn’t warm my skin. I needed to get some more sweaters, but mostly I needed to ferret out what had happened between Garrett and Shawn.
“He doesn’t think that me taking you out was right,” Shawn said, as we put more distance between ourselves and the lunch courtyard. Buck sighed, stretching his arms up to the sky as we reached a copse of trees. He leaned back against a tree, pressing his back into it to settle himself in for the conversation.
“It was gonna be a tough sell to begin with,” Buck said, seeming more chill now that we were off in private. I rested against Shawn, relaxing into him. His arm slung around my waist, and his fingers played with the hem of my polo shirt where it had tugged out of my school skirt.
“It’s not just that. It’s that he’s pissed because he gave me the tickets to the show,” Shawn said, sounding sheepish. “I told him I was taking Shiv.”
“Jesus,” Buck muttered. “So you lied to him? No wonder he’s pissed at you.”
I pulled away to look up at Shawn.
“Shawn, seriously? So he thought you were taking Shiv, and making things up to her?” I gave him a little push. “You could have been honest.”
“That’s not the worst of it,” Shawn said, looking up to where the trees’ branches stretched out over us. “He saw you and me… at the show. He went without telling me, got himself a regular attendance ticket. He was waiting for me when I got home.”
My face grew hot.
“As in…”
“Yeah, he saw us kissing,” he said. “He’s not exactly thrilled with me right now.”
Buck let out a hiss of a breath.
“I’ll fucking say. Understatement of the year. Maybe you need to start being honest with him, yeah?”
“Garrett doesn’t understand, Buck. You know what it’s like at home. He can’t do anything wrong. I can never do anything right.” Shawn’s eyes darkened, pain on his face. “Shiv was the only person I ever brought home that our mom was okay with. She thought Shiv was a good influence on me.” He shot me a quick glance. “He told mom, and now she’s all pissed I’m with some football groupie. Dad says I’m just going to get an STI.”
Hurt exploded in my chest at the judgements being passed on me by his parents, people who didn’t even know me.
“I’m not a football groupie,” I cried out. “Last time I checked, I was keeping my head down, ignoring every one of you, and you guys made it your business to insert yourselves into my life! Maybe Garrett should tell her that. Like, fuck, I am just so done with this shit.”
Every single one of them and all of the parents—with their fancy-ass cars, their thousand dollar plus handbags—were garbage. They all thought they were better than me just because I came from nothing.
“I’ll talk to them,” Shawn said, trying to calm me down, but it had the opposite effect.
“No,” I said, “you did this. You upended everything. Y
ou hurt Shiv so bad that she came after me. I was physically assaulted because of you and your crap. You say how much you care about me, but you let a whole pile of shit fall down on me because you couldn’t figure out how to be honest with people. And now you’re fighting your brother, and your parents hate me for being trailer trash? Are you defending me to them too, or is it just your brother you’re pushing back against?” Shawn glanced away, looking mortified. He didn’t even bother to argue. He knew I was right.
I glared at Buck when he interrupted with a cough.
“What? Have something to add?” I asked. He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked around awkwardly.
“Nah, I’m thinking this is sorta well deserved. Neither of us have handled this, or our relationship with you, all that fucking well. You dish it out. I think we’ve earned it.” He put a light hand on Shawn’s shoulder and squeezed.
I tried not to look at the hurt on Shawn’s face. I’d forgiven everyone so easily, and it felt like I was being walked on, over and over.
“I don’t want you to fight with Garrett, or lie to him when we go out,” I said, trying to put my feelings into words. “I don’t want fights about me at school, because it just makes things harder for me. Plus, now people are going to be talking about us. I mean, all three of us.”
Buck smirked a little. I blinked at him.
“What’s so funny?” I asked, feeling defensive.
“Just thinking that there’s gonna be a lot of girls who hate you even more now. Sucks to be them,” he said. He reached for me. I stepped back.
“Not right now,” I said. “I don’t… feel like being hugged. Not when you’re telling me I’m going to end up being the target of more hate than I already am.” Buck winced at my words and sighed.
“Yeah, that was sorta thoughtless of me.”
“Maybe both of you need to do more thinking,” I said, swallowing audibly. “I want this to work. Whatever we have, it’s…” It was making me feel alive inside. Like I had a place, like I belonged. Like I was something other than wallpaper in my mother’s trailer, watching the world slip by me. Maybe it was wrong to find absolution in the love of two other people. Maybe sensible humans would have been smart and looked inside themselves instead, but…
I’d been so lonely for so long. Coming to Hidden River had just underscored that for me. And now, I had a chance at everything? Feeling like I was wanted? I didn’t want to give that up without a fight, but I wasn’t going to be facing off the whole school’s animosity on my own.
“You two need to step up and tell people to back off,” I said firmly. Shawn shuffled his feet on the ground.
“Shoulda done that from the beginning. Put Paige in her place, and all the rest,” he muttered. “I’m sorry we… we didn’t think.”
Buck gave an enthusiastic nod.
“We should’ve been there for you, but we weren’t.”
I blinked back tears. Why was I almost crying? Maybe because I’d needed them to say it, acknowledge it, and now that they were doing just that, I didn’t know how to handle it.
“It’s okay,” I said, the words barely escaping from my throat as it went tight.
“No, it’s not. And it’s okay if you’re not okay. Stay mad at us a little bit. It’ll teach us a lesson,” Buck said.
“Speak for yourself; I need forgiveness right now,” Shawn replied, his voice hollow. I looked at him, and his expression nearly made my knees give out. The sadness was in every line on his face, like he was crushed by the events that had unfolded.
“This should’ve been easier, but it’s mostly my fault,” he said, even as I walked up to him and folded my arms around him. “Fuckin’… Garrett nearly ripped my arm off. Said I wasn’t doing right by you, or by Shiv. I don’t know how or when he’s going to talk to me again.”
“Let’s just think positive for now, okay? Garrett can’t be mad at you forever. Right?” I smiled up at him, hoping to tease an answering smile right back. Shawn closed his eyes and made a pained noise.
Suddenly, Buck was there, wrapping his arms around both of us. I felt the sheltering weight of his arm. Shawn relaxed into the embrace, turning his head almost into Buck’s shoulder. It was to make room for me, so I could squeeze in tighter between them.
“We’ll sort this shit out, Shawn. Or I can just beat the crap out of Garrett for beating on you,” Buck offered. Shawn laughed, and I snuggled closer, desperate to feel the warmth of being connected to both of them.
“I think we’ve all had enough confrontations for one day,” I sighed. “Can we just get back to class and have no drama for one day, please? I’ll even take a half-day without drama.”
Buck snorted, pulling away; Shawn stayed close, his arm slung around me.
“With us around? Babe, there’s always gonna be drama. All the guys wanna be us, and all the girls want to fuck us,” he said, giving me an elevator stare, up and down. “Too bad you have us on lock-down.”
I blushed bright red, the way he looked at me warming me from head to toe. Shawn kissed my temple.
“Sorry we’re shit-bags,” he said. “You deserve better. But we’re about as good as it gets at Hidden River, so hopefully you’ll put up with the both of us.”
“Oh,” I said, as we started walking back to the school. “Uh, not to bring up more drama, but I’m still getting those bitchy anonymous text messages. Just thought you guys should know.”
“For fuck’s sake.” Buck’s face turned into a storm cloud, a handsome storm cloud. “Send me the number. We’ll see if we can take care of it.”
“I know you will,” I said, slipping my fingers in between his and squeezing his hand. He would. Shawn would help. I had my guys, and they were all I needed to keep me safe.
Fifteen
“Hey, there’s one good thing about going on this camping trip,” Buck said to me a few days later. I sighed, leaning into him. Shawn had been late to several practices in a row, so my uncle was making him run extra laps for it. Buck and I were sitting up on the bleachers watching Shawn run. His chest huffed with each breath, the fading sun glinting on his bright hair. Even though it was cool out, and I was wrapped up in Buck’s jacket, Shawn had tossed his shirt off about five laps back.
“What’s the one good thing?” I asked. “I mean, other than nearly being eaten by bears. That sounds like fun.”
“Nobody has ever been eaten by bears,” Buck said, looking offended. I laughed and poked him in the gut.
“Sensitive?”
“I just like camping,” he grumbled. “I was gonna say that the good thing about going is that you can’t get any of those shitty text messages. No service out in the brush.”
I shrugged and watched Shawn turn the corner. His chest glistened with sweat, and for a moment I bit my lip. He was so hot.
“I see you watching,” Buck’s voice went dark and amused in tone. He moved closer, pressing his lips to my ear. “You like what you’re looking at?”
Heat bloomed down in my belly. I squirmed, my cheeks equally warm.
“I-”
“It’s sexy when you’re looking at him. I get to watch you and know that sometimes you look at me like that too,” he teased, kissing my ear slowly. I closed my eyes.
“Rude,” I breathed, “it’s creepy you watch me watch him.” I didn’t really mean it. It was… turning me on. I wasn’t ashamed to admit it.
My phone buzzed. The message alert was going off.
“Who’s that?” Buck asked, voice turning serious. He was always on high alert whenever I got messages now. I didn’t blame him. I felt like I was getting digitally-triggered PTSD.
“Shiv,” I said, seeing her photo pop up. Things were… they were not great between me and Shiv, but they weren’t bad. I was uneasy in general. She’d taken our initial talk about Shawn and me pretty okay, I guess. Then she and Shawn had talked for a long time, apparently. And even though she was dealing with it, I knew she didn’t like it.
How could I be upset with her
for her feelings, though? I was a shitty friend. I was just trying to take into account how I felt and what I needed. But, in the process, I was hurting her. It still dug at me, eating under my ribs. I’d be lying if I wasn’t sort of thinking about breaking it off with Shawn because it was the right thing to do.
“Hey,” Buck kissed my cheek as he spoke. “You okay? Want me to read her message?”
“No, it’s fine. She’s not mad at me. I think she feels… uncomfortable. I know she misses Shawn, but-” I gazed down at him as he ran harder. He had two more laps to go. I’d been keeping count.
“Look, even if you told Shawn to fuck off tomorrow, which is your right, that doesn’t mean he’d get back together with Shiv. And it doesn’t mean they’re meant to be together, either. They were good for each other, but I know Shawn almost as well as I know myself and… yeah, he’s not lying when he said his whole heart wasn’t in it. Are you going to ask him to go back to her, knowing that he doesn’t love her the way he ought to?” Buck stared down at me. I opened my mouth to argue, but couldn’t find the right words to say.
“I’m being a shitty friend,” I said.
“Yeah, maybe, but it’s not like you asked him to break her heart,” he said. “Maybe you should’ve waited to talk to her before starting this, you both should’ve. Hell, I’m in on this too, I was the one-” He paused for a second too long between words.
“What?” I asked.
“Alright, Riordan, you’re good,” my uncle called out across the field, getting up out of a folding chair where he’d been doing a crossword like the old man he was. Not that there was anything wrong with crosswords, I just liked to tease him about it.
Shawn fell to his knees, breathing hard, before looking up to the bleachers where we sat. I shifted forward on my seat, waving to him.
“He’s gonna be cold in a minute,” Buck muttered. “Idiot better remember to stretch.”
“You’re adorable when you reveal how much you care about everyone around you,” I said. “When I first met you all I thought you gave a shit about was your car and keeping me away from your friends.”
