International Player

by Louise Bay

  “Then Rob’s right. You should definitely tell her that,” Abigail said.

  “And then, you could marry her. That’s certain. Factual. Futureproofed,” Rob said.

  Abigail cackled. “Don’t be ridiculous. Truly’s not going to say yes to a marriage proposal.” She paused. “Not yet, anyway. She won’t believe you’re sincere at this point.”

  “And I wouldn’t be. I’m just getting my head around all this stuff. Feeling like this for someone. It’s all new to me. I need time to adjust. But I want to do that with her by my side.”

  “I think you should start by being honest with her,” Abigail said. “Tell her what you’re like. How you’re goal oriented. You find a mountain you want to climb. You plot out how you’re going to do it and then you execute. It’s not like you have the rest of your life mapped out—just what’s right in front of you.”

  “That’s exactly it. She told me how she can see us getting old and arguing over Scrabble but that’s not me. I work short term. I’ve never thought about long term because I know how your life can turn on a dime and change everything.”

  “Come on, that’s not entirely true,” Rob said. “Concordance Tech took you two years of preparation and false starts here in London and then four years of working your arse off in New York before you achieved your goal and walked away. Six years is hardly short term.”

  Rob was right, but the thing with Concordance Tech was I could see the finish line. “But I don’t get what I should be aiming for in a relationship. What’s the end goal?”

  “Wow, you and Truly are like the same person, you just don’t know it. You both are so highly structured.” Abigail rolled her eyes. “The end goal is happiness. It’s connection. It’s building a life together, sharing experiences and memories. And along the way you’ll have joint goals and go after them together.”

  It was as if pieces of a jigsaw were rearranging themselves in my brain, finally starting to create a bigger picture. What Abigail said made sense. Completely.

  “Truly needs to know she’s in your plans, and that the future you see for yourself includes her.”

  “She is. She really is. I got a business offer a few weeks ago that would involve a lot of travelling, but I couldn’t imagine a life where I only saw her a few times a month. I tried to talk to her about it but that’s when she ended things.”

  “So what happened? Did you accept the offer?” Abigail asked.

  I shook my head. “I said no yesterday. It’s not the life I want. Even though she ended things, I can’t picture my future without her. Can’t accept that we’re over for good. And if we’re not over, then I know I’ll never be happy travelling when I could be home with her.”

  Rob cleared his throat and grinned at his wife.

  “Sounds to me like you have the evidence you need,” Abigail said.

  Without knowing it, I was organizing my life around this woman. Rob said it would happen like that. He’d warned me.

  “You think me having turned down the job will be enough?”

  “I think the reasons you turned down the job should convince her,” Abigail said.

  And now I saw it. Loving Truly wasn’t a goal or a challenge. She was a way of life. She was and would be at the heart of everything, forever.

  THIRTY-SIX

  Noah

  I was probably about to get arrested. The air was still and frigid, and my fingers had become stiff as the minutes ticked by. It was as if the cold and dark added to the pressure on my chest. I was desperate to see her. I’d been watching the entrance to Truly’s building for forty minutes. Where the hell was she? There’d been no answer when I’d buzzed up, but I’d been determined to wait for her.

  My heart lifted as she appeared on the other side of the road. I took a step toward her before I realized she wasn’t on her own. She was with a guy. Who had a dog.

  Surely Abigail and Rob would have mentioned if Truly was on a date? But then I knew from experience that Truly didn’t tell her sister everything about her love life.

  Fuck, what had I expected? That she’d remain celibate? That everyone’s lives stopped when I wasn’t in them? She had every right to date other men. Sleep with other men. I just didn’t know if I could stand here outside her flat while it happened.

  I waited as the two of them disappeared inside. The lights went on in her living room window and her silhouette appeared. I imagined her seeing me when she drew the curtains. Fuck, I should never have let her go. I should have said anything it took to keep her from walking away.

  My imagination was my own worst enemy. Were they having drinks before doing whatever they were going to do, or had they gone straight to her bedroom? Would she think of me when he touched her?

  I began to pace, and on each turn, I inched closer to the front of her building. I wasn’t about to stand by and let whatever was going on up there just happen. Not as long as I had breath in my body.

  I sped across the street and caught someone coming out of Truly’s building, grabbing the door before it slammed shut. Too impatient for the lift, I took the stairs to the fourth floor and arrived winded. I rested my hands on the door frame, trying to catch my breath, then knocked on her door. Would she be shocked when she answered, or would she want to know why I was here?

  “Noah? What are you doing here?” She glanced at her watch. “It’s late.”

  “I know. I’m sorry but I have to speak to you about something.”

  She glanced over her shoulder.

  “It’s important,” I said.

  Finally, she opened the door and let me in. She didn’t look pleased to see me, but she still looked beautiful. Her hair was up, but some curls had escaped to fall around her face. She’d changed into a Star Wars Episode V t-shirt—of course, because it was the best of all the films—and pajama bottoms. She looked incredible. “I wanted to talk to you and—”

  “It couldn’t wait?”

  “I guess I’m impatient. You should go and tell the other guy to leave.”

  “What are you talking about? You think I’ve got a man stashed in my bedroom?”

  I sucked in a breath. “The guy you came home with.”

  “Oh my God.” She paced into the kitchen and filled two glasses with cold water from the tap, shoving one at me before she headed back into the living room. “He’s my neighbor. I met him in the park while I was out. We walked back together.”

  My neck muscles unbunched, and it took every ounce of my willpower not to grin like the cat who got the fucking cream. Thank fuck.

  “Now that you have the lowdown on my evening, can you explain to me why you are here?” She took a seat on the sofa.

  “What you said at the winter ball caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting to have a conversation about our relationship, our future together in the lobby of a London hotel that night.”

  She took another sip of water, watching me over the rim of the glass.

  “I need you to know that I’ve never known anyone like you. I’ve never felt what I feel for you for anyone.” I blew out a breath. “Let me start again.”

  “Noah, I’m not sure this is a good—”

  “Just hear me out, Truly. I’m sure you have everything worked out in that head of yours. That you’ve told yourself to move on, that we weren’t right on paper or whatever. But a week ago you were imagining us with gray hair, playing Scrabble, and I don’t believe that disappears overnight.” I exhaled and she didn’t try to interrupt me again.

  I took a deep breath. “I love how you like to be excellent at everything. How you think your sister outshines you when the opposite is true.”

  She looked away. “That’s just not true. Abigail is . . .”

  I collapsed on the sofa next to her. “Abigail just has a shit ton of confidence and understands her power. She’s a total Michael Hutchence.”

  “You think my sister is like the lead singer of INXS?” She looked at me as if I was in the middle of some kind of mental breakdown, which was quit
e possibly the case.

  “Yeah. Michael Hutchence thought he was the best-looking member of his band, so people went along with it. The rest of the band were happy with him taking the spotlight, but all those guys were good-looking. Hutchence just had the hair and a leather jacket.”

  “What is it with you and eighties rock?”

  “Whatever. If you want to spend your whole life thinking your sister is prettier, more popular, better than you at God knows what, then do it. Just know that I disagree. You are the most beautiful, most special woman I’ve ever met in my life. No one has ever come close.”

  She offered me a smile, and it warmed me, encouraged me, like a small beacon of hope.

  “You mentioned I like a challenge, that I enjoy conquering things,” I said. “You’re right. The accident set some kind of pattern in my brain where I liked to set myself a challenge and achieve it.”

  She nodded and brought her legs up, tucking them underneath her.

  “So, that’s how I work. I don’t look beyond what I’m focused on—what the challenge is. And I think that’s partly because I know how futile looking too far into the future can be. I’m better at concentrating on whatever’s right in front of me.”

  “I understand that,” she replied. “And what happens if you look up and decide I’m not going to fit into whatever you have on your radar next?”

  “I heard what you said at the ball. But, Truly, I’ve lived like this a long time and it’s taken a while to see where you’re coming from, but I am trying. I understand that you like certainty and knowing what’s next but there are no guarantees in life.”

  She rolled her eyes. “You sound like my sister.”

  “But I can guarantee you this. I don’t look in my future and see anyone but you. I can’t imagine tomorrow without knowing what you thought about breakfast. I can’t imagine next year without waking up beside you. You are the only woman I want. The only woman who’s ever really interested me. I like hanging out with you. I like kissing you. I think you’re the smartest woman I’ve ever met. And I’ve missed you—even though it’s just been a few days.”

  She uncurled her legs and we sat staring at each other.

  “Is this you wanting what you can’t have? Because I’ve now become a challenge?” She pushed her hair over her ears like she meant business, like she wanted to get into the nitty gritty of the situation.

  “No.” My tone was firm. Definitive. “Women have never been like that to me.”

  She laughed. “They’re a three-month challenge. Once they fall in love with you, you’re done. You move on.”

  I frowned. She wasn’t getting it. “You’ve got that wrong. Women have never been a challenge to me—not until you. That’s the whole point.”

  “If that’s true, I don’t want to be your first challenge. I’m not wired to handle that. I’m not strong enough to hold a part of myself back out of fear you’ll leave me.” Her voice faltered, and it was as if each syllable was a spike through my heart.

  “I’d never want you to hold back from me. What I’ve realized this last week is that you’re my lifetime’s challenge—the girl I never conquer. You’re the woman who joins me in the challenges to come. We face them together.”

  Truly set down her water and looked at me from under her lashes. “I’m scared. Of everything. Of me wanting you more. Of me messing things up.”

  I shifted to sit on the coffee table opposite her and took her hands. I caught her knees inside mine. “This is worth being afraid for. You and me. You know it.”

  I circled my thumbs over her wrists, her pulse tripping under her skin. She was always so comfortable without words, with thinking through everything she said before she spoke it out loud.

  “I feel as if I belong to you, Noah. And it’s the scariest thing I’ve ever known in my life.”

  I hadn’t thought about it like that before, but when she said it, it made perfect sense. I felt whole when I was with her and like a piece of me was missing when we were apart. “I feel the same way.”

  She cupped my jaw. Her touch was like going home. “There’s no guarantee that this is going to work. But I’d never live with myself if I messed things up.”

  “We have to trust that when one of us messes up, the other one will get it right. Life doesn’t stand still, and anything is possible—we could all be wiped out by asteroids next month—but I do know that we have to try.”

  She scowled at me, hating that I was getting the science wrong.

  “Okay, not next month.” I had to fight the urge to chuckle and pull her into a hug. “I’m trying to make a point. You’re the only person who really understands me. The only person I tell every thought in my brain without censorship. I can’t let you go.” I don’t know why it had taken me so long to see what was right in front of me. “It may have taken some time, but I’ve realized how you’re not just some girl I want to date. You’re my partner in crime. The love of my life. The person I want to be with forever.”

  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “The love of your life?”

  “Of course.” I pulled her onto my lap. “I love you, Truly Harbury.”

  She skimmed my jawline with her fingers. “I think I feel the same way.”

  “You think?” I chuckled. “You’re not much good at this romantic stuff, you know.”

  She grinned. “I’m really not. You’re going to have to help me. You know how I don’t like to be out of my comfort zone and how much coaching I need when I’m forced to do new stuff.”

  “We’ll figure it out. It can be the first challenge we face together.”

  She slid her arms around my back and pressed her face against my shoulder. “I accept. And you should know that Abigail and I had a talk—I was going to call you. Tonight.”

  “You were? What were you going to say?”

  “How I wanted to try. That I didn’t want to be without you, that I wanted to keep loving you.”

  “We’re going to do more than try, you know,” I said. Every moment I was near this woman, I felt more certain that being with her was the most important decision I’d ever make in my life.

  “We need to figure out how it’s going to work with you away for the next twelve months. It might be too much of a—”

  “I’m not going anywhere without you. I turned down the job.”

  “Noah, you can’t say no to such a wonderful opportunity. I know how passionate you are about it, and I don’t want you to wake up and resent me if you don’t follow your heart and your passion.”

  “Don’t you get it yet? You’re my heart. You’re my passion. Anything else is gravy, as long as I have you.”

  “So, you’re staying in London?”

  “We’re staying in London. We’ll need to figure out who’s moving in with who or whether we look for something new.”

  “We’re moving in together?” She looked slightly panicked.

  “Of course. I don’t want to waste time not being together.”

  She shook her head as if she couldn’t quite believe it. I’d have to show her in the weeks, months, and years to come. Eventually she’d understand that she was everything I’d never aimed for and yet everything I’d been working my whole life for.

  THIRTY-SEVEN

  Noah

  She stroked her fingers over my cheekbones as if she were checking everything was still just the same. But it wasn’t. I’d realized what could be lost now. I knew how high the stakes were. She swept her thumb over my lips, and I grabbed her wrist.

  “I’m going to kiss you now,” I said.

  I pushed my fingers through her hair, then paused to take in her beauty before I pressed my lips lightly to hers.

  Just once.

  It was as if a dam had burst.

  Her fingers fumbled at my buttons, and I reached for the bottom of her t-shirt and pulled it over her head, revealing her high, firm breasts. “Fuck, I’ve missed you,” I said, pushing my hand down her pajama bottoms. I found her hot and wet an
d my entire body sagged with relief that she was mine again. As she started opening my trousers, I growled and stood, lifting her up with me. I didn’t want this to be some fumbling, quick fuck on a couch. I wanted to lay her out, see that smooth expanse of warm skin, that beautiful smile and her incredible curves—absorb it, take it in. “I’m taking you to bed where I’m going to do wicked, wicked things with you.”

  I pulled out my wallet and tossed it onto the bedside table. Stripped off my trousers and pants while I caught her watching me undress. “How do you feel?” I asked.

  She shifted in the dull streetlight that filtered through the curtains. “Relieved. Nervous. Horny.”

  I chuckled. Always so fucking honest. “Me too.”

  She slipped off her pajama bottoms and lay back as I crawled on top of her. I stared down at her, taking in her face, her collarbones, her fucking incredible breasts. I wanted to fix this moment in my brain; it was so fucking perfect. I dipped down to kiss her, my tongue flicking across her lips. Having her naked beneath me was almost overwhelming, and I didn’t want to fuck this up.

  “Hey,” she said, stroking her finger over my eyebrow. “You’re thinking too much. It’s just you and me.”

  I groaned and rolled to my side, bringing her with me. I’d known from the moment I laid eyes on her that she was dangerous and every second I spent with her proved me right. We entwined our legs, and I brought her mouth to mine.

  God, had kissing—just kissing—ever been so good? I wanted to own every inch of her. I worked down her neck and across her collarbone kissing and licking, claiming every square centimeter of her as mine.

  “I’ve missed this,” she said, placing her index finger over one spot on my shoulder. “This little mole. And this dip here.” She traced her finger down to the valley between my biceps and triceps.

  God she was so fucking adorable. “I missed all of you,” I confessed.

  “You don’t have favorite bits?”

  I glanced down at breasts that swayed with each tiny movement she made.