The Ordeal of the Haunted Room
Page 10
Jodi Taylor says . . .
‘I wrote this one to avenge myself on my brother who abandoned me on top of Doward Hill because there was a cow on the horizon. It was the size of a dachshund but apparently had a nasty look in its eye. He said. I didn’t get time to argue because he was off. Normally I’d let him go but he had the car keys.’
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THE GREAT ST MARY’S DAY OUT – a short story
Astonishingly, Dr Bairstow has declared a holiday. Even more astonishingly – he’s paying for it.
Needless to say, there are strings attached. They have to record the 1601 performance of Hamlet, with Shakespeare himself in the role of the Ghost.
It doesn’t go well, of course. With Dr Bairstow and Mrs Mack turning a simple visit to a street market into a public brawl, Professor Rapson inadvertently stowing away on a vessel bound for the New World, and Shakespeare himself going up in flames, it would seem that Max, of all people, is the only one actually completing the assignment.
Jodi Taylor says . . .
‘I challenged myself to get the words “Dr Bairstow” and “selfie” in the same sentence. Challenge accepted!’
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MY NAME IS MARKHAM – a short story
Like a smaller and much scruffier Greta Garbo – finally – Markham speaks!
Jodi Taylor says . . .
‘This is the one told by Markham himself. I wanted to give a tiny but tantalising glimpse of his background.’
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AND THE REST IS HISTORY
Because, my dear Max, you dance on the edge of darkness . . . and I don’t think it would take very much for you to dance my way.
When an old enemy appears out of nowhere with an astonishing proposition for Max – a proposition that could change everything – Max is tempted. Very tempted.
With an end to an old conflict finally in sight, it looks as if St Mary’s problems are over with. Can they all now live happily ever after?
Jodi Taylor says . . .
‘Ah! The dramatic one. Probably best if I don’t say any more.’
Available to download
DESSICATED WATER – a short story
Professor Rapson breaks astonishing new ground with his latest feat of scientific invention.
MARKHAM AND THE ANAL PROBING – a short story
When Markham disappears in the middle of nowhere, Max jumps to the logical conclusion – alien abduction.
A PERFECT STORM – a short story
For Max, what starts off as a perfectly normal week is about to degenerate into a quagmire of egotistical film producers, monumental pub crawls, unsigned contracts, exploding rocks, Professor Rapson and his megaphone, the world’s biggest bacon butty – and Angus – the third component of the most notorious love triangle since Menelaus, Paris and Whatshername – the one with the face they launched ships off.
Jodi Taylor says . . .
‘Oh yes. Calvin Cutter – bless him. His one-sided telephone call to Marge, his PA, as she’s trying to have her baby in peace was so much fun to write.’
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CHRISTMAS PAST – a short story
The First Farrell Family Christmas.
Max, Leon and Matthew – together at last for Christmas at St Mary’s – a time of conspicuous consumption, riotous misbehaviour and the traditional illegal Christmas jump. And this time, it’s inter-generational.
Jodi Taylor says . . .
‘The one where Matthew and Max take their first steps towards an understanding. The king-sized picnic they take to the starving boys was personally researched by me. I don’t think anyone realises quite how many sausages authors must force down for the sake of verisimilitude. A little more sympathy, please.’
Available to download
AN ARGUMENTATION OF HISTORIANS
They say you shouldn’t push your luck. Max gives her own luck a massive shove every day – and it’s only a matter of time until luck pushes back . . .
January 1536 – the day of Henry VIII’s infamous jousting accident. Historians from St Mary’s are there in force, recording and documenting. And, arguing – obviously.
A chance meeting between Max and the Time Police leads to a plan of action to bring down Clive Ronan, once and for all.
Jodi Taylor says . . .
‘Well, obviously, once I discovered the collective noun for a group of historians was an argumentation, there was no holding me back. Sorry!’
Available to download
THE BATTERSEA BARICADES – a short story
It’s not easy being a rebel.
So many new skills to assimilate.
Never mind strategic planning, weapons expertise and the like – there’s bicycle-stealing, oil-stain removal and boat steering to be mastered first. And quickly.
Jodi Taylor says . . .
‘I’ve had people accusing me of being able to see the future but I swear I can’t. I made it all up. I suspect politicians are now lining up to spit on me in the streets.’
Available to download
THE STEAM-PUMP JUMP – a short story
Not one to let being banged up in Sick Bay stop her, Max has had a brilliant idea. But she needs Markham to execute it on her behalf. Told in Markham’s own words, this is the story of an intervention – St Mary’s style.
Jodi Taylor says . . .
‘This is the one set in Raglan Castle which I visited with my brother. The purpose of our visit was to discover where the steam-pump was installed. There was a certain amount – actually, a huge amount – of arguing. We waved our arms and shouted. I had to remind him of all the times he’d been wrong throughout his life and it took a long time. People moved away from us. I googled it when I got home and discovered we’d both been wrong. Quite embarrassing actually.’
Available to download
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT – a short story
Here’s a question for you. What’s the most exciting thing ever found in a fire bucket? And don’t say ‘fire’ because you’ll be wrong.
Every Christmas, for reasons which seem good at the time – especially after an eggnog or two – Max and the others leap into the nearest pod and indulge in their illegal Christmas jump. It’s a tradition. This year, however, just to be different, they find themselves part of someone else’s illegal Christmas jump. It’s time to don a spacesuit and bring your own urine!
Jodi Taylor says . . .
‘I actually wanted to write this one years ago. It’s why I kept mentioning the Mars Project every now and then. And I wanted to do something completely different.’
Available to download
HOPE FOR THE BEST
You can’t change History. History doesn’t like it. There are always consequences.
Max is no stranger to taking matters into her own hands. Especially when she’s had A Brilliant Idea. Yes, it will mean breaking a few rules, but – as Max always says – they’re not her rules.
When History goes rogue, there’s a St Mary’s team right in the firing line and Max must step up.
You know what they say. Hope for the best. But plan for the worst.
Jodi Taylor says . . .
‘So I rang the offspring and said, “What do you know about sex clubs?” and was pleased/horrified/surprised/disturbed to find out he knew quite a lot. Hmm . . .’
Available to download
WHEN DID YOU LAST SEE YOUR FATHER? – a short story
Max, your father is here. He’s come to take Matthew away.
Have you ever wondered what would happen if Max’s husband met Max’s father? What would Leon do? This is the story of what to expect if St Mary’s doesn’t like someone. As in, really doesn’t like someone. It i
s also a story of revenge. Because this is payback – St Mary’s style.
Jodi Taylor says . . .
‘This is the one that kept me up all night, writing. It was quite a job devising a solution in which no one died and nothing caught fire – St Mary’s usual method of conflict resolution.’
Available to download
WHY IS NOTHING EVER SIMPLE? – a short story
It’s Christmas at St Mary’s and time for the traditional illicit jump. Except this one is perfectly legal. It’s Major Guthrie’s last jump. To the Battle of Bannockburn, no less. An important moment in History for two nations - one that warrants everyone’s full attention.
But Max soon finds herself grappling with a near-lethal game of pooh sticks, another avian incursion and two turbulent teenagers’ intent on piloting their own illegal jump. And that’s all before they even get near fourteenth-century Scotland.
For this is St Mary’s and nothing is ever simple . . .
Jodi Taylor says . . .
‘Well, this one didn’t turn out at all as I intended. It’s a bit embarrassing to admit I have no control over my writing – or even my entire life – but this one swerved off in completely unexpected directions. I suspect I’ve stored up all sorts of problems for myself in the future. Although that might be the official definition of a writer.
Available to download
PLAN FOR THE WORST
I would have trusted this man with my life. Until a couple of days ago, anyway.
You know what they say – hope for the best, but plan for the worst.
Max is quite accustomed to everything going wrong. She’s St Mary’s, after all. Disaster is her default state. But with her family reunited and a jump to Bronze Age Crete in the works, life is getting back to normal. Well, normal for St Mary’s.
And then, following one fateful night at the Tower of London, everything Max thought she knew comes crashing down around her.
Too late for plans. The worst has happened. And who can Max trust now?
Jodi Taylor says . . .
‘Well, when you’ve written Hope for the Best you have to follow it up with Plan for the Worst, don’t you? There’s a lot packed into this one and a number of resolutions – both good and bad. Sorry – no clues from me!’
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Psst! If you like your short stories all in one place, then these two collections are perfect for you . . .
THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT
In print for the very first time, The Long and Short of It collects eight unmissable short stories from the international bestselling Chronicles of St Mary’s series including:
When a Child is Born
Roman Holiday
Christmas Present
The Very First Damned Thing
Ships and Stings and Wedding Rings
The Great St Mary’s Day Out
My Name is Markham
Jodi Taylor says . . .
‘A collection of the earlier short stories. Initially we put it together in response to those who didn’t have kindles and therefore couldn’t access them.’
Available to download
LONG STORY SHORT
This collection brings together seven short stories and one special guest tale from somewhere completely different:
Christmas Past
The Battersea Barricades
The Steam-Pump Jump
And Now For Something Completely Different
When Did You Last See Your Father?
Desiccated Water
Markham and the Anal Probing
Little Donkey
Jodi Taylor says . . .
‘The usual thing. The telephone rings.
“We’re putting together another collection of short stories, Taylor and your readers would appreciate you writing a new one.”
A short pause.
“Have you finished it yet?”
And it includes Little Donkey from one of my other series – Frogmorton Farm. How not to bathe a donkey.’
Available to download
Have you met the Time Police?
A long time ago in the future, the secret of time travel became known to all and the world nearly ended. There will always be idiots who want to change history.
Enter the Time Police. An all-powerful, international organisation tasked with keeping the timeline straight. At all costs.
This is the story of Jane, Luke and Matthew – the worst recruits in Time Police history. Or, very possibly, three young people who might change everything.