I begin to swivel to face Trixie when he grabs my waist. For a minute, my wild imagination takes off. I even feel that damn fluttering in my stomach.
The horseman doesn’t want things to be how we left them either.
But then, rather than pulling me into an embrace, he hoists me onto his steed, joining me seconds later.
Just as quickly as my heart soared, it now plummets.
Why do I care? Fuck him and this soft, weak thing I feel towards him. I can’t believe I had the audacity to feel sorry for him and his wounds yesterday, as if he’d been a victim rather than the instigator.
As usual, Pestilence uses one of his hands to secure me to him, but today it feels all wrong. Impersonal and cold. Even when he hated me, he burned hot with the emotion. Now there’s an indifference to his touch, and I’d rather gouge my eyes out than leave things like this.
The horseman clicks his tongue, and Trixie begins to race down the beach, towards the sea. I barely have time to register that we’re going to be traveling over the ocean again before we make it to the water.
A wave of vertigo passes over me as I stare down at it, watching the way its surface ripples. I keep waiting for the ocean to start obeying the laws of physics and swallow us up, but it remains steadfastly solid.
It’s only once we’re out past the tumbling surf that I realize the vertigo wasn’t all mental.
Oh God, horses and hangovers don’t mix.
The roll of Trixie’s body is sloshing everything in my stomach right, then left, then right again.
Stay down, I silently order the pancakes in my stomach.
I breathe through my nose. This will just pass, this will just …
Noitwon’titwon’tstopstopstop—
I lunge for the side of the horse. The sudden, violent motion throws my body out of balance, and rather than vomiting, I slide off the horse.
“Sara!”
I hit the water with a smack, and the first thing I can think as I gasp in salt water is how blindingly cold the Pacific is. Cruelly cold. Water doesn’t have a right to be this cold. It makes the icy baths I’ve had to take since the world ended seem mild in comparison.
It’s only as I sink into the ocean’s dark depths, paralyzed by the chill that I realize I am sinking, the water no longer obeying whatever supernatural force allowed the horseman to ride over it.
If anything, it feels like the sea is greedy to pull me under, like I’m the tithe it requires for the horseman to cross unscathed.
I kick madly for the surface, my stupid, gaudy clothes dragging me down.
In my panic, I barely notice the arm that winds around my waist, tugging me away from the darkness.
It’s not until I’m dragged back onto shore that I realize the horseman saved me. I don’t have much time to concentrate on that little detail before I turn on my side and start retching up the contents of my stomach along with all the saltwater I sucked in.
Bye pancakes.
I sick myself until there is nothing left in my system. Even then, my body only half believes it, my stomach still contracting.
“You do not get to kill yourself!” Pestilence all but roars, seawater dripping off his hair. He looks mad with anger, and his eyes are so vividly blue.
I rub my neck, my throat raw. “I wasn’t trying to,” I say hoarsely, sitting up.
“Lies!” he bellows. “I saw you throw yourself from the horse.”
“I needed to puke.” The words come out scratchy. “That’s all.” I clear my throat, focusing on him. “Why are you so concerned anyway?” I ask, rising to stand on shaky legs. I squint at him. “You’ve made it plenty clear today you don’t care much about me.”
Those last two lines were supposed to stay firmly inside my mouth.
The horseman glares at me, his brows furrowed. “Suffering is—”
My shoulders slump. “For the living. Yeah, yeah, I know.”
He grabs my chin, forcing me to look at him. His eyes search mine, and they’re raging with anger.
All at once, he jerks my face forward and kisses me.
Chapter 24
It’s harsh. Angry. Almost violent. I suppose this is the only kind of kiss that’s fitting for us.
And then it hits me that Pestilence is kissing me, his lips are crashing against mine, his touch feverish as he crushes me to him.
Unwittingly, I grab the horseman’s forearms with my icy hands, using him to stabilize me.
He’s kissing me.
I don’t have the breath or the will left in me to tell him please again, to force his hand and stop this from happening.
Don’t want it to stop.
After the first few seconds pass, it’s clear Pestilence doesn’t know what lips are supposed to do in a kiss. All his (hateful) enthusiasm is there, but it’s being held up by the rigid set of his mouth.
It’s me who ends up leading the way, my lips gliding over his. He follows my movements, all of his anger making his mouth almost bruising in its ferocity.
It feels like I’m drowning all over again, the taste and touch of him sucking me under. Everything is harsh—the chill of my skin, the achy burn of my throat, the savage brush of his lips against mine. Saltwater drips down our faces, mingling with our kiss.
I don’t know how long the two of us are locked together like that before I realize that I’m wet and freezing and I just retched (to be fair, he doesn’t seem to mind). And oh yeah, I’m kissing Pestilence.
Still, it takes a surprising amount of willpower to tear myself away. I stumble back, and I pretend that it’s just the sand that has me weak in the knees.
Pestilence is breathing hard, his chest rising and falling laboriously. He takes a step forward, his eyes locked on my mouth.
Wants to pick up where we left off.
At the last second, he seems to come to himself. He scowls, his icy blue eyes meeting mine. “You will not try to kill yourself again.”
“I wasn’t trying—”
“Do not defy me, Sara!” he bellows. Then, softer, “I won’t let you die.”
Pointless to explain myself. Pestilence is willing to believe that I tried to poison him with alcohol, but he won’t connect the very obvious dots that I poisoned myself with the stuff.
“Fine,” I say, my voice twisting over the words. “It won’t happen again.”
He nods, his eyes going back to my lips. “Good—good.”
Try number two to leave the island goes better than the first one. This, of course, is after we make our way back to the house and I warm myself up on another hot bath and another set of dry clothes—this all on Pestilence’s insistence.
It comes as a particularly unpleasant shock to me that the horseman cares about my well-being. I mean, I’ve known since he took me captive that he wants me alive, but this feels … different. And I’m not sure I like it.
I trickle my fingers over my lips. I can still feel the press of his mouth against mine, and though the two of us haven’t talked about What Went Down, it’s right there between us, lingering like an unwanted guest.
After we leave the beach house, we resume our travels along the water. Pestilence makes a big deal about keeping one arm firmly locked around my midsection. It’s as hilarious as it is ridiculous.
If I wanted to kill myself “again,” I’d hardly try the same failed tactic.
The wind tears at us, and even wearing layers of warm clothes, the chill somehow manages to wriggle its way in. It’s made all the worse by the fact that my torso is no longer cloaked in layers of bandages, my back injury healed enough for me to forgo them. I hadn’t realized until now that the gauze had somewhat insulated me.
I shiver, the action causing Pestilence to pull me closer.
“You will tell me if you get too cold,” he orders, his breath warming one of my ears.
I give him a thumbs up. “Sure thing.” Not going to fight him on that one.
We hug the coastline as we head south, staying far enough away from land to
avoid direct contact with people, but close enough to make out the details of the shoreline to our left. Every so often we see a sailboat or a canoe, but even those are a ways off.
It’s late afternoon by the time the clouds part and the sun shines down on us. It heats my hair and reflects off the water, and before long my scalp and face feel tight. I wouldn’t be surprised if, by nightfall, my skin is a particularly unflattering shade of red. That’s not the only thing bothering me.
I shift uncomfortably on Trixie Skillz.
“Hey Pestilence,” I say, “I need to use the shitter.”
His hand squeezes my hip. “Human, you are speaking in tongues.”
“The latrine,” I clarify, my voice mocking.
“Ah.” He totally misses the fact that I’m making fun of him.
He tugs on the reins, turning his horse towards land. Twenty minutes later, the rippling water beneath Trixie’s hooves is replaced with solid ground. I breathe a little sigh of relief to be back on land.
Around us, evergreens stretch as far as the eye can see. Wherever we are, there’s not a hint of human life to be found.
I’m just accepting the fact that I’m going to have to pee in the woods when we find a paved road, and then, a short while later, an outpost.
The woman manning it takes one look at us and bolts, nearly tripping over herself trying to get on her bike.
I find a sad excuse for a bathroom behind the building and use it. When I come back out, Pestilence is strapping blankets and what looks like tent poles to the back of Trixie’s saddle.
“What are you doing?” I ask, eyeing his horse. Right now, his steed looks less like the unearthly driving force behind the Pestilence’s plague and more like a packhorse.
“Collecting supplies.”
I glance at the outpost. This one has all sorts of survival gear, from water jugs to homemade sunscreen, a fire-starting kit to dehydrated food.
Alright. “Why?”
“In case we don’t find shelter,” he says, tightening one of the saddle’s straps.
That’s never been a problem before, but then again, up until today we were traveling along the highway. Right now, we’re essentially off the grid.
I glance at the horizon, where thick, dark clouds are chasing down the sun.
Really not a good day for camping.
Pestilence heads back into the outpost, making his way to the hunting section of the store. An entire wall is dedicated to various types of guns and ammo.
He strides right up to them. Calmly, he lifts a rifle from the wall, then stares down at it, one hand wrapped around the barrel, the other near its wooden base.
My entire body tightens at the sight of the gun in his hands. I don’t know what exactly it is that I feel. Surely it’s not fear? Pestilence doesn’t need a weapon to kill. He’s plenty lethal as is. Maybe it’s simply the alien way he’s looking at the thing in his hands, his expression unreadable.
His grip on the rifle tightens, his arm muscles flexing, and then the metal groans as he bends the barrel of it, folding the gun nearly in half.
I stare dumbly at him, my mind taking a ridiculously long time to come to terms with the fact that the horseman is strong enough to manipulate metal.
He drops the rifle to the ground, the thing utterly forgotten as he reaches for another. Pestilence doesn’t stop until he’s destroyed every last one of the guns the outpost was selling—hell, he even manages to find the one hidden beneath the counter before ruining that one too. There’s a nice pile of them in the back.
Owner’s going to lose their shit when they see that someone folded their guns in half.
Once Pestilence is done, he leaves the store just as serenely as he entered it. “Ready to ride out?” he asks as he passes me.
I take one last look at the ruined weapons littering the store. “Uh … sure.”
It’s not until we’re far away from the outpost, Trixie weaving us through a dense coastal forest, that either of us speak again.
“It’s my regret that though many things were destroyed by my arrival on earth, guns were not one of them.”
I raise my eyebrows at his words.
“I’m surprised,” I say.
“Why would my opinion surprise you?”
I half turn my head in his direction. “Don’t you want humans to kill each other?”
I wait a long time for him to answer.
“Hmmm,” he eventually says, “I will have to mull this over.”
And he must, because the last bit of our ride goes by in silence.
By the time the sky is an ominous gray purple and the shadows are long, Pestilence and I still haven’t come across a house. The horseman directs Trixie off the road to a relatively flat area nestled between mossy evergreens.
“We will stop here for the night,” Pestilence announces, pulling his horse to a stop.
The two of us spend the next hour setting up camp. First comes a paltry fire, which is more for looks than anything else, since the wood we burn is far too green to do much besides smoke and sizzle. Which is unfortunate, considering the first drops of rain hit me right as we finish lighting it.
Next comes the tent, and it’s pretty obvious from the start that this piece of equipment is old. The material is that synthetic waterproof stuff that no one makes anymore, and the color of it is a time-faded gray and maroon. The aluminum poles that go with it are nicked and bent.
Still, I bet the thing was one of the priciest pieces in that outpost. Shame that we’ll probably discard it in the next city we come to.
I frown at the structure once we finish setting it up.
Not only is the thing old, it’s small. That means Pestilence and I are going to have to snuggle.
My heart gives a traitorous leap at the possibility.
“You did this on purpose,” I accuse.
“I did what?” the horseman asks, rising to his feet on the other side of the tent. He dusts his hands off.
“Found us a small tent.”
He comes around to where I stand and assesses the tent between us, his muscled arms folded over each other. His armor and weaponry sits off to the side, and the silky black material of his shirt seems to hug his broad shoulders and tapered waist.
“It could be bigger,” Pestilence agrees. And then he moves away, unloading the rest of our supplies.
That’s it?
I worry my lower lip. The rain is beginning to fall in a steady patter, and I know it’s only going to get worse. No way am I going to sleep outside tonight. As it is, there aren’t nearly enough blankets.
I really am going to have to snuggle with the horseman. The idea makes me distinctly nervous, especially when I can still feel the memory of his kiss on my lips.
I cast a sidelong glance at the horseman. He crouches in front of our meager campfire, the wood hissing and sputtering as he tends to it.
Why isn’t he affected by this?
Feeling the weight of my gaze on him, he glances up at me, his blue eyes piercing. He straightens a little when he takes in my expression. “What is it, Sara?”
Sara. He says my name like it’s a piece of a prayer.
“Nothing,” I say, rubbing my arms, where beneath my layers of clothing, goosebumps pucker along my skin.
He notices the action, his brow furrowing. “It’s not nothing.” Pestilence stands, glancing around. “What are you frightened of?”
I’m not having this conversation. I’m not.
I brush my hair away from my face. “I just … thought I heard something.”
Pestilence frowns. “Anyone who tries to get close to us is doomed. You are safe, Sara.”
But I’m not. Not from him, and not from my own heart.
Chapter 25
I pull my coat closer as I stare at the sputtering flames between me and Pestilence. The night brought with it a biting chill that not even a halfway decent campfire could ward off.
And this is no halfway decent campfire.
; The rain steadily falls, but it’s not yet bad enough to drive me into the Tent of Doom.
The last of our meal sits comfortably in my stomach.
Not our meal, I correct. Your meal.
Pestilence hadn’t been willing to eat any of the food we were carrying, nor to drink any of the water.
I do not need it, Sara, he said when I offered it to him. You do.
He may not have needed it, but his eyes still lingered on the food the same way they’d been coming back to my lips again and again.
He may not need these things, but he’s developed a taste for them.
I hold my tin mug tightly between my hands, the tea keeping the cold from my fingers.
Across the fire, Pestilence’s gaze is like the stroke of a lover. I can feel it as though it were soft fingers brushing along my bare skin.
My eyes move up to his.
The hazy smoke distorts the horseman’s features, but I can still make out his sharp jaw and wavy golden hair. One leg is sprawled out in front of him, the other drawn up to his chest.
If the cold is affecting him at all, he doesn’t let on.
He stares at me, the look in his eyes both familiar and strange. It’s the kind of look that has me ducking my head and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, like I’m some coquettish thing. It’s the kind of look that reminds me that regardless of his intentions, Pestilence is still a man, and a damn good-looking one at that.
“What?” I ask, swirling my tea around and around in my dented mug.
It’s not fucking wine, Burns. You don’t need to aerate it.
“I don’t understand your question,” he says.
Of course he doesn’t.
“You’re staring at me,” I explain. “I want to know why.”
“Can I not stare at you without having to explain myself?”
“It’s rude to stare at someone.” I still won’t look at him.
“Are you offended?” he asks, curious.
I’m flattered. And that offends me.
“Unsettled,” I say. “I feel unsettled by it.”
“Why am I not surprised?” he mutters to himself. “You want me to understand your kind, and yet when I show any interest, you condemn my curiosity.”
Pestilence (The Four Horsemen Book 1) Page 14
