Bay's Desire

by Shirleen Davies

  “Well, yours and Calvan’s.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, fingers rifling through his thick tresses.

  The humor in her voice gave him hope. “I can’t argue with you.”

  Keeping her arms around his neck, she once again rested her head against his chest. “What do we do now, Bay?”

  He’d been dreading the question, the one he knew needed to be answered. “Well, I believe that’s what we need to figure out.” Rubbing his hand idly over her back in a soothing, circular motion, he cleared his throat. “I love you, Suzette, but I’ve done and said things you might not ever be able to forgive.”

  “So you believe me?”

  Murmuring a curse, he lifted her chin, his eyes full of remorse. “Yes. I’m so sorry I didn’t stay in St. Louis to hear your story. Everything I put you through wouldn’t have happened if I’d remained at the clinic instead of running.” Again, he stroked her hair, pressing a kiss to the tip of her nose. “I’ll understand if you still want the divorce, but you need to know I don’t. I never have.”

  Brows knitting together, she straightened in his lap, one arm still wrapped around his neck while the other hand rested against his chest. “But you’ve made no secret about how much you can’t stand the sight of me. And the women. You’ve been with so many, making certain I saw every one of them.”

  Touching her cheek with his thumb, he brushed away a fresh tear. The agony in her eyes cut through him like a knife.

  “From the day we met until right now, I swear I’ve not been with another woman.” Gritting his teeth, he tried to ignore the lump in his throat. It would take him a lifetime to make up for all the hurt he’d caused. “There’s no excuse for all the mistakes I’ve made, the misery I’ve caused you. But you need to know not one of those women was ever invited into my bed. That place is still only for you, Suzette.”

  Lips parting, she blinked several times, eyes clouded in confusion. “But…”

  “The same as you, I’ve never betrayed our wedding vows.” His pleading gaze met hers. “I don’t want a divorce, Suzette, but if you do, I’ll understand. Whatever you want, even if it kills me, I’ll do everything in my power to make certain you get it.”

  An uncontrollable shudder shot through her as a voice in her head warned her to be careful.

  Seeing the confusion on her face, Bay sent up another prayer, hoping God heard. “I know the extent of the mess I’ve made. There is a solution, though.”

  Lifting a brow, she cocked her head to the side. “A solution?”

  “To the biggest problem standing between us.”

  She gave a slow nod. “The fact most people don’t know we’re married and you’ve made no secret of all the women you’ve escorted around Conviction.”

  Bay almost choked on her wording. All the women. She was right. He’d been a pompous ass…and a fool. To save his marriage, he had to get her agreement to his plan.

  “So, what is your solution, Bay?”

  Sliding her off his lap and setting her next to him on the fallen log, he took her hands in his. He hadn’t thought this through, but as soon as the idea slid across his mind, Bay knew it was right.

  “Miss Suzette Gasnier, will you do me the great honor of allowing me to court you?”

  At first, she didn’t understand his intention, why he’d ask to court her when they were already married. Then her eyes widened, a knowing smile drawing up the corners of her mouth.

  Lifting a brow, Bay squeezed her hands, working to keep the grin from his face. “What is your answer, Miss Gasnier?”

  Biting her lower lip, she gave him an unhurried nod. “Mr. Donahue, I’d be flattered to have you court me.”

  Leaning forward, his lips touched hers for an instant before a hand slipped behind her neck to tug Suzette closer. Deepening the kiss, tasting her the way he’d wanted for much too long, he groaned in pleasure, hearing her moan in response.

  Loosening his hold, he rested his forehead against hers, letting out a ragged breath.

  “The last thing I want is to stop, sweetheart.” Bay saw confusion flash across her face. “But this needs to be done right. You deserve time to make certain you can forgive all the horrid things I’ve done and said.”

  “Bay—”

  He touched a finger to her lips while shaking his head. “I refuse to rush you, Suzette. We’ll court until you’re certain you can trust me again.” He searched her face, hoping the chance he was taking would turn out as he hoped.

  “And if I decide I can trust you?”

  “Then, Miss Gasnier, you and I will get married. Again.”

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Jones, but Mr. Donahue isn’t here.” Jasper glanced down at a journal on his desk, shaking his head. “I don’t believe he’ll be back today. I’d be happy to schedule a meeting when it’s convenient for you.”

  Ev tugged the cowboy hat lower on his forehead, hiding his features as much as possible. He’d used the same name as he’d given Jasper and the deputy in the restaurant. The same one he’d provided when registering at the Gold Dust Hotel down the street. Crossing his arms, he flashed Jasper an annoyed expression.

  “If that’s the best you can do. It will have to be next week, though.”

  “Of course.” Flipping the pages of the journal, Jasper glanced up. “Next Wednesday at eleven. Will that suit?”

  “Fine.”

  “Wonderful, Mr. Jones.” Jasper jotted down the meeting, closing the journal.

  Turning for the door, Ev reached into his pocket, walking back to the desk. “I’ve another bottle of whiskey for Mr. Donahue. I trust he enjoyed the other two.”

  Taking the bottle from his outstretched hand, Jasper nodded. “Oh, very much, Mr. Jones. I’ll make certain Mr. Donahue gets this one as well.”

  Waving a hand in the air, he walked out into the darkening sky. He’d already accomplished the other errand he needed to complete before Bay returned from his ride with his lovely companion. Now all he could do was wait, hoping the results of all his work would soon materialize.

  The sun made its final descent behind the western hills as Bay and Suzette rode into the livery and dismounted. They’d talked almost another hour at his new property. Their property, as he’d pointed out more than once while they discussed ideas for building a house and a barn, populating the pastures with cattle and horses. Two thousand acres for them to do whatever they wanted.

  Bay handed the reins of each horse to the blacksmith who came out to greet them. Placing a hand on the small of Suzette’s back, he guided her down the street where both of their residences were located, only two houses separating them. They reached hers first, Suzette turning toward him.

  “For the most part, I had a wonderful time, Bay.” One corner of her mouth quirked upward when he lifted a brow. “Your property is—”

  “Our property.”

  Every time he’d mentioned it being theirs, her heart seized, a rush of hope taking hold. Each time, Suzette ruthlessly shoved the optimism aside. She couldn’t afford to count on him too much. Not anymore. It had been too easy for him to disregard her love when he found her with Calvan, waiting until now to hear her side.

  “Our property is beautiful.”

  Stroking his hand down her arm, he moved a few inches closer. “And the rest?”

  Licking her lips, Suzette pulled her gaze away from his, watching as several people passed, barely noticing them. “Are you asking about your idea to court?”

  Moving closer, he forced her back until she bumped into the house’s front door. “All of it, Suzette.” Keeping his voice just above a whisper, he rested a hand against the door above her head, leaning down. “I understand this may not be easy for you. Trusting me again will take time.”

  She swallowed, her body heating at his closeness, making it hard to develop a clear thought. He’d always been able to read her emotions, the slight changes in expression, the way her body would tense or relax in different circumstances. Nothing had changed.

  Shrugging
, she let out a slow breath. “You’re right. I am willing to try again, Bay.”

  “But you can’t make any promises.”

  Looking at the ground, she shook her head. “Not yet. It will take time.” Lifting her head, she met his gaze. “And what if, after a while, you realize I’m no longer who you want?”

  “Suzette—”

  “Please, Bay, let me finish.” Her voice was low, beseeching. “It was easy for you to turn your back on me before.”

  Nostrils flaring, he shook his head. “It was not easy,” he growled. “Why do you think I haven’t bedded another woman since you?”

  “I don’t—”

  Bay closed the distance between them. “Because you are the only woman I want. It’s always been you, Suzette. It will always be you.” Brushing his thumb over her lower lip, he let out a remorseful sigh. “We’ll court because that’s what you need to trust me again. If it was my decision, we’d be at the church right now.”

  Eyes widening a little, her lips parted as he continued to stroke his thumb over her soft, plump lip.

  “I’ll give you as much time as you need. Weeks, months, years. Whatever you need, Suzette. I’m never losing sight of the most important part of my life.”

  “Which is?”

  Bay swept a quick kiss across her lips, unmindful of anyone watching. “You.”

  Chapter Ten

  Closing the door of Suzette’s house after she disappeared inside, Bay ignored the guilt at not returning to his office. Instead, he walked past Sam’s house, then August’s before reaching his own, running a tired hand through his hair as he entered.

  It had taken Bay a good bit of coaxing to talk Suzette into letting him escort her to supper at the Great West Café. It would be their first time out in public as a couple trying to decide if they had a future. The smaller restaurant at the end of Conviction’s main street would allow them to relax, eat an excellent meal, and talk. Although he didn’t know what else they could say after the revelations of the day.

  Bay understood Suzette’s hesitancy at allowing him to get close to her again. If their roles had been reversed, he didn’t know if he’d even consider it. She was a better person than him, had always provided light in a cold world, compassion when others would turn away. And she’d saved his life.

  Now, he wanted her to save him in a different way. Their time apart had been the worst period of his life. When August hired Suzette to manage the hotel and restaurant, Bay had been furious, but believed his partner didn’t know the relationship between them. He now understood August knew more about what happened that night than Bay.

  His friend had intentionally brought her to Conviction not just to run their business, but with the hope she and Bay would reconcile. Thinking on it, he had to chuckle, grateful beyond measure for the meddling older man. He needed to thank him, but Bay would wait until he and Suzette had more time together.

  Hanging his gunbelt on the hook, he walked to a cabinet, pulling down a bottle of whiskey. Pouring a large measure, Bay took a sip, then downed the rest in a few swallows. As the amber liquid burned a path down his throat, he studied the bottle, remembering Griff had finished a bottle last night and there’d been no more in the house. Shrugging, he set it back inside the cabinet. Griff rode to Settlers Valley that morning, but when he returned, Bay would thank him. Afterward, they’d have a serious discussion with August about Griff joining the law practice.

  Taking the stairs two at a time, Bay stumbled on the last one, falling forward to land on his knees. Hissing out a string of curses, his head began to pound, stomach churning. Trying to stand, he rolled into a sitting position, resting his arms across bent knees, blinking at the multiple images that appeared before him.

  “Damn.” Rubbing his temples, Bay grabbed the banister, pulling himself up to stand. He’d never had a problem with the stairs before, not even when he’d spent the night drinking and playing cards at Buckie’s Castle.

  Having no time to sort it out before changing clothes and walking back to Suzette’s, he put the mishap behind him.

  Suzette stood at her front window, arms crossed, staring outside at the darkening street. Cleaning up and changing into clean clothes hadn’t taken long, giving her time to think about the events of the day.

  Her mind reeled with the change in Bay. His feelings reversed in such a short period, she found it hard to accept. Last week he hated her, or acted as if he did. Today he spoke of love and not wanting the divorce. It was almost more than Suzette could accept.

  Worse, she couldn’t quell the fear he’d return to the Bay of the last couple years, reviling her for the actions which saved him. After all, he’d done it once already, finding it all too easy to leave her behind at the first threat to their marriage. He’d let his emotions rule, not considering there might be more to the scene in their bedroom.

  Drawing the drapes closed, she turned toward the parlor, the sense of loss still as strong as before meeting him in his office today. Suzette couldn’t quite place why his turnaround bothered her so much. Perhaps she’d feel more at peace if she understood why he finally made the decision to hear her side, and consider changing his treatment of her.

  She’d never expected him to announce plans to court her, with the ultimate goal of marrying. The thought would’ve made her chuckle if she wasn’t so confused. Admittedly, it was an elegant solution to the problem which haunted her.

  After all he’d so publicly forced her to endure, how would the announcement they’d been married for years be accepted? Suzette knew the answer. Most in town wouldn’t accept it. The gossip would be swift, the good people of Conviction condemning them both.

  Before she could lower herself into her favorite chair, a rap on the door had her turning. Unless Bay decided to come for her early, she didn’t expect any callers. Opening the door, a smile broke across her face.

  “Griff.” Stepping aside, Suzette motioned him inside. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

  Removing his hat, he stopped beside her, placing a kiss on her cheek. “I hope I’m not intruding.”

  “Not at all.” Moving back to the parlor, she picked up a decanter. “Whiskey?”

  “Please.” Glancing around, his gaze landed on the most substantial piece of furniture in the room.

  “You won’t break anything.” She chuckled at the way his big frame dwarfed the graceful furniture.

  Quirking a brow, he accepted the glass she offered. “Are you certain?”

  He waited until she sat down before starting to lower himself onto a slender wooden chair, the seat and back covered with tapestry upholstery.

  A somber expression crossed her face. “Well, it hasn’t happened to anyone yet.”

  Hesitating, he glanced up before his weight would’ve settled onto the seat. “Yet?”

  Laughing, she motioned for him to sit down. “I’m joking. Do sit down and tell me what brought you by this evening.”

  “I heard Bay and you went riding.” Griff swallowed some of the whiskey, a slight grin appearing. “This is quite good. Anyway, I wanted to make certain you were all right.”

  “All right?”

  His lips thinned. “Did he say anything distressing, Suz?”

  “Distressing? No. Confusing? Yes.”

  Leaning forward, he adjusted himself on the small chair. “Confusing in what way?”

  Staring down at the clasped hands in her lap, she felt another wave of uncertainty wash through her. Standing, Suzette paced a few feet away before turning back. “He asked me to explain what happened with Calvan.”

  “That couldn’t have been easy.”

  Drawing in a breath, she shook her head. “No, it wasn’t. He did listen, though. Afterward, Bay said he didn’t want the divorce.” A tremor flickered in her jaw. “He wants to court me.”

  Griff choked on the last swallow of whiskey. “Court you? What for when you’re already married?”

  Stifling a bemused grin, Suzette explained their concern about the women he’d
escorted around town, the damage it would do to suddenly announce they’d been married for quite a while.

  “I do believe the most important reason is Bay wants me to be certain I’ll be able to trust him again.”

  Nodding, he set the empty glass aside. “And can you?”

  Lifting one shoulder in a shrug, her features held a touch of sadness. “I don’t know.”

  Pushing out of the chair, Griff strolled to stand next to her. “Bay loves you, Suz.”

  “Maybe.” The doubt in her voice broke his heart.

  “There’s no maybe to it.” Placing a hand on her shoulder, Griff drew her into his arms. “The man’s besotted with you, has been from the moment he spotted you in St. Louis.” Pulling away, he took a step backward, leaving his hands resting on her shoulders. “Give him a chance to prove it to you.”

  “It’s not about him loving me, Griff. It’s about trust.”

  Dropping his hands to his sides, he offered an encouraging grin. “I’d trust him with my life, Suz.”

  A soft snort burst through her lips. “But you don’t have to trust him with your heart.” Both turned at knocking on her door. “That will be Bay. He’s taking me to supper.”

  Griff headed toward the door. “Starting the courting tonight, is he?” Opening the door, he squelched a grin at the shock on Bay’s face.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” Pushing past him, Bay walked straight to Suzette, hitching a thumb toward Griff. “When did he get here?”

  Crossing her arms, she shot him a look of displeasure. “A few minutes ago, not that it’s any of your business.”

  Jaw clenching, Bay turned toward Griff. “So, why are you here with my…”

  Chuckling, he moved next to Suzette. “Your wife? Betrothed? Companion? What is she, Bay?”

  Features hardening, he looked at his closest friend, a man he cared about more than either of his two older brothers. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he let out a breath as his shoulders relaxed. Putting an arm around Suzette’s waist, he met her questioning gaze.