Stepping Up

by Robert Culp

  I am okay for the walk to Med Bay. But when the door closes behind me, Avi can’t even finish a sentence before I wrap my arms around him and start crying into his shoulder. I feel him tense up, but soon I feel one arm circle my waist and another start rubbing and patting my shoulder. Through many false starts I tell him what happened. He turns into “Doctor Professional” and examines my face and neck.

  “Some scratches, a little bruising, but no significant trauma,” he reports. The regenerator whines as it knits the scratches on my skin. In the mirror I see it’s a little pink, but no breaks in the skin.

  “You are overlooking my pride,” I say with a pout.

  “I suppose I am. Would you care to join me in the lounge for a nightcap? Doctor’s orders, if it makes a difference.” His hands are in the pocket of his scrubs and his soft eyes look at me expectantly.

  “That sounds good. Where’s a sink? I need to wash my face.” Avi looks over my shoulder. I follow his gaze to a basin. Between my tears and the water, what little make up I had on quickly swirls down the drain. I look around and find one of those toothpaste samplers and brush my teeth. I hate tear-breath. The eye puffiness soon goes down a little too.

  It takes Avi a few minutes to close out his shift log. He doffs his scrub shirt and drops it in a hamper. He replaces it with a clean one from a cabinet. In just the tank top he’s pretty impressive, very well defined. We head to the lounge together. When we get there, he orders us a pair of beers and we start chatting. “So what did you do on leave?” he asks.

  “I met my uncle in Scotia. We caught up on family stuff. He taught me a bit about batteries and power systems.”

  “That’s wonderful, sounds like it was a lot of fun.”

  “How was your trip to Siberia? I tried to call you from Lemuria.”

  “My trip was pretty uneventful, but relaxing and peaceful. Mom did her usual charity work at the local slave camps. We ate a lot of home-cooked food and listened to some good music. I hate I missed your calls. We were just inside the arctic circle in one of the last dead COM zones on the planet.”

  “And, by the way, why didn’t you tell me Dr. Traynor is your mother? I felt sort of ambushed when I heard it from Aria.”

  He looks at the tabletop. He’s embarrassed, like he’s been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “I don’t know, I was afraid you might think less of me? Are you angry with me about that?”

  “I’ll get over it.” I don’t want to fight with him; it’s time to change the subject. “I’m told that the volunteer stuff is actually more gratifying than the ‘for pay’ stuff. Like you’re actually giving something of yourself.” As Avi opens his mouth to answer, I screw up my courage. “So, do you have a girlfriend?”

  He stops, his mug halfway between the table and his mouth. He slowly sets it down and stares at me. I’m getting ready to panic when he finally says, “As it happens, I am currently unattached. I do have my eye on a certain red-haired engineer to fill that position. Do you know if she might be available?”

  Score! But be nonchalant Sonia. Don’t blow this one! “As it happens, I do. And I hear said engineer is likewise unattached. Perhaps the two of you should get together? Hey, can we move over to that couch? The one in front of the window? The stars are beautiful.”

  Avi looks shocked and surprised. “Uh, sure, um, okay.” Gods, I hope I didn’t scare him off! But he takes my hand and we walk over to the couch. I hope I can calm him down. As we sit he says, “Really nice night, huh?”

  You’re in space, it’s ALWAYS night! But I keep that to myself.

  “A beautiful night,” I tell him. “I love just watching the stars slide by like this.” I pull his arm around me and snuggle in close. He’s sitting, facing forward. I’m under his right arm, my head resting on his chest, my feet on the cushion to my right. I couldn’t have scripted a better ending to a sucky day.

  Then the trouble starts.

  In the reflected glare on the viewport I see Jack walk in. He looks around and walks right over to us. “Excuse me, please. Sonia, may I have a word with you for two minutes? In private.”

  Damn, DAmn, DAMn, DAMN! “Not right now, Jack, no. You can come by the Lead Engineer’s Office tomorrow. I typically get in there around 0700. Goodnight, Jack.” But does he walk away like a good little Trooper? No, damn his boots, he stands there!

  “No, Sonia, really I can’t. Please, may I have just one minute?”

  Avi says, “Hey if you two need some time…” He starts to stand until I pull him back down to the couch.

  I can feel my face flushing. “No, we don’t have anything to say to each other right now, Jack. Goodbye!”

  “Sonia, please, let me explain…”

  “It doesn’t matter. Whatever you have to say, I don’t want to hear. Your opportunity window is closed. Now please, just go.” Please don’t escalate this!

  Avi looks from me to Jack, “Friend, the lady asked you to leave.” It’s too late for me to stop it. There is going to be a fight. Avi sets his mug down and stands up. Jack’s hands curl into fists, then open; his knuckles crack. Oh, this is not what I want or need. Jack could probably snap his spine with seven carefully chosen words and a raised eyebrow.

  “I ain’t your friend, skinny!” Avi’s stein shatters as Jack slaps it from the table. “And I don’t recall asking your…” He stops. He’s immobile. His lip is still curled up, but now his eyes don’t look menacing, they look scared. The door to the lounge opens and Freddie runs in. The Captain walks in behind him. Two more Troopers follow them. All other movement in the lounge stops, a hush falls over the room.

  The Captain walks to Avi, “Excuse me, doctor. I need to stand where you are.” Avi steps aside wordlessly. The Captain’s back is a lot broader than I would have expected. I can hear my heart beating. It beats twelve times before the Captain speaks again. “Sergeant Call.”

  “Here, sir.” Freddie answers. He sounds like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

  “I am giving you a direct, specific order.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  The room waits; nobody moves or speaks. The Captain points at Jack, “Space this miserable, troublesome piece of human debris and the…‘baggage’ with which he pollutes my ship.” The Captain’s head turns to Freddie. The hood slips a bit revealing scarred skin and thin wisps of hair. “Do you understand my orders, Sergeant?”

  “Perfectly, sir.”

  “Excellent. Sergeant, I am displeased. I expect better of you. If you disappoint me a second time, there will not be a third. I trust my meaning is clear?”

  “Yes sir. I apologize, sir.” I have never imagined Freddie being scared. But I honestly think he’s about to drop a load in his pants. One of the Troopers zip ties Jack’s hands behind his back. Jack hasn’t moved aside from his arms. The Trooper pushes Jack back into the other then stoops to zip tie his feet. He then picks them up and the two carry Jack out, stiff as a board.

  “Miss MacTaggert?” Oh no, he’s talking to me! “Miss MacTaggert!”

  “Yes, sir?”

  “You will be in my office no later than 0600.” He begins striding to the door.

  “Yes, sir. Captain, a moment please?” I jog to catch up to him. I can feel every eye on me. I know I don’t have long, so my words come out in a rush. “Sir, I mean no disrespect and would certainly never tell you how to run your ship, but is this necessary? I met Jack on Earth. I pointed him out to Fre…to Sergeant Call. He said look him up when I got back aboard. I did that and his psycho girlfriend tried to kill me. I didn’t know he had a girlfriend, much less a crazy one. I can’t say what was on Sergeant Call’s mind when he hired Jack, but Freddie must have seen something worthwhile or he would have left him in that bar on Earth. If he’s been a problem child, lock him in the hold, whip him, starve him, but, please, sir, don’t chuck him out the airlock.”

  I can’t see his eyes under the hood, but I can feel them drilling through me. I feel like I’m in a medical scanner, like he’s loo
king right through me. My brain is on fire. I consider holding his gaze, but peripherally see Avi shaking his head “no.” I lower my gaze.

  “Zero six. One side.” As an apparent afterthought he adds, “Please.”

  “Yes, sir.” I step aside. “I’ll be there.”

  He steps out and the door closes behind him. Soon the conversations resume. It’s a fair bet I’m the topic of most of them.

  Avi gestures to the sofa, we sit again and I snuggle back under his arm. But the mood is gone. “Guess I ruined this evening, didn’t I? I’m sorry but I wasn’t going to let Jack take this moment from us. But I also don’t want to see him killed. Call me crazy. Call me overly compassionate. And right now, call me confused but comfortable. Because as bad as I feel, I like lounging with you like this.”

  “I like it too. Now listen to me, Sonia. I care about you. So please never, ever, question the Captain’s decisions. Especially if you are in a public forum. He has spaced people for less than those reasons. Hear me? Now, where were we?”

  “You were comforting me because I feel responsible for two people being killed. Great Gods above, how can a temper be that hair trigger and condemnation that quick? In my head I know it’s not my fault, but my heart isn’t hearing it.”

  We sit together wordlessly, my head against his chest, until I say the one thing Jimmy always ragged me about: “I can hear your heart beating.”

  “If you listen, you’ll hear it saying it isn’t as lonely as it was this morning.”

  I don’t know how long we sit here. But after awhile I look around. The place still has a lot of faces in it, but they are different from the ones that were here when we walked in. “It’s getting late,” I say. “I have an early butt chewing, so I have to get some sleep. But I don’t want to say good night just yet. Would you,” I pause nervously, “would you come back to my room with me? I want us to sleep together. Primary emphasis is on ‘sleep’, secondary on ‘together.’ I’m not offering anything else.”

  He looks at me intently. “Okay.” His voice is steady, but he’s shaking like a leaf on a tree on a windy autumn afternoon. We stand; I take his hand and lead the way to C-11.

  Outside my stateroom I stop him. “I’m not saying I’m going to jump your bones,” I tell him, “but I’m not saying I won’t at another time either. What I am saying is I’d like a warm breathing person next to me while I sleep tonight. That being the case, what do you say? Still willing?”

  He just nods as he continues to tremble. As soon as the door closes behind us, his words come rushing out: “I just have never been with a woman like you before, so I’m not certain about the protocols. There I said it. I would love to lie next to you, but you’ll have to teach me how to do anything else. But I know one thing: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life, and I am a good man. Oops. That was two things.” He smiles weakly.

  I put my hands on his shoulders, then my fingers interlace behind his head. “Rule number one: Continue breathing. It’s important. You are so sweet to say that. And we’re sort of even: I have never been with a man having so gentle a spirit as yours. And that’s how I know you’re a good man. Don’t worry about the protocols. We’ll figure that part out together. Now, I’m going to step into the ’fresher. You kick off your boots and take off whatever you don’t want to sleep in. At a minimum, take all the bric-a-brac out of your pockets. I’ll be right back.”

  Closing the door behind me, I whisper to my reflection, “I hope you’re right about him.” I take off everything except my panties and put my tee shirt back on. There is no point in tempting him when neither of us is sure where this is going. I brush my teeth, brush out my hair and go back into the main room.

  His clothes are folded and on the desk, his boots on the floor in front of them. He’s already turned down the bed and is in it waiting for me. I climb in beside him. He’s still wearing his briefs. I set my alarm for zero five hundred. I turn out the light and kiss him on the cheek. I turn over, spooning back into him. He’s trembling. I pull his arm over me, putting his hand over my navel. “Thank you for being here for me.”

  “You’re welcome,” he whispers. With his arm around me, I’m sure he feels me start shaking too. But I’m not nervous, I feel guilty about two people being dead now. He holds me while I cry.

  I wake to find his arm still around me. If he slept, he didn’t move. Of course, I can’t prove that I did either. I turn to face him, giving him a light kiss on the tip of his nose. “Good morning, sunshine. Thanks again for staying with me last night. But right now, I have to go see the Captain. If I survive, I’ll call you later.” I get out of bed and head for the ’fresher to take a shower.

  “I’m sure you’ll do okay. I’ll dress and let myself out.”

  I enter the Captain’s outer office a few minutes before six. His aide, Jeanette Friday, makes note of my arrival and pushes the Com button into the commander’s office. When he answers, she says, “Engineer’s Mate Sonia MacTaggert is here, sir.”

  “Show her in, please.” She presses a button on her desk. The door opens and I enter his office.

  The Captain sits behind his desk, wearing a khaki version of his short-sleeved tunic. His respirator neckpiece stands on a holder on a corner of the desk. The hood of the tunic hides his brow. I curtsy as I saw Aria do. Ironically, his voice is not unpleasant. He gestures at a chair across from him. “Good morning, Lead Engineer MacTaggert, thank you for your punctuality. Please be seated. Would you prefer coffee or tea?”

  Maybe it’s a social visit after all. I never would have predicted it, not after last night. “Thank you, sir. Tea, please.” I stare wide-eyed as a porcelain cup floats from the cupboard across the room. A kettle meets it in mid air and fills it with the steaming beverage.

  “As is or cream and sugar?” He sounds amused by my surprised expression.

  “As is, thank you, sir.” Despite the disturbing delivery, the tea is quite tasty.

  “You probably do not know, but at the same time a former crewmember was disturbing the peace in the lounge, Dr. Sinnair was slipping into a medically induced coma. His disease, already terminal, is accelerating. Dr. Traynor does not expect him to recover to a level at which he will be functional. You are now Lead Engineer until our arrival at Atlas. Then, dependent on your desires and accomplishments, the promotion will either be made permanent or you will return to your previous assignment and a Lead Engineer recruited. Your salary will of course increase to four and one half thousand credits per week. A copy of the transfer orders will appear in your inbox within the hour. Aria has already made the changes to the ship’s roster. Should you decide to keep the Lead Engineer billet, you will be free to move into the Lead Engineer’s stateroom. Discuss that with the Purser, it makes no difference to me. Again, thank you for being on time. Enjoy your tea. Good day.” He turns his chair to read the status reports on his holoCom.

  I’m too dumbstruck to stand, much less accept that I’ve been dismissed. I take a sip of tea and a deep breath. “Thank you for your confidence, sir. May I speak freely?” Da always said my biggest weakness was I never knew when—or more likely how—to keep my mouth shut. I start speaking before he can wave me off. “It will be difficult for me to do the job the way it needs to be done if my head is constantly on the chopping block.”

  The Captain turns back to me. “And why, pray tell, would your head be on the chopping block? You have flawless performance reports, your subordinates respect you, and you are respected, well liked—even admired—by your peers and trusted by your superiors. Go now, be at peace, continue to do good work, and I shall reward you handsomely.” His chair spins back to a panel where he is playing an unknown opponent in some multi-dimensional version of chess, or maybe Go. Clearly, the interview is over and I have been deemed fit to live.

  “Yes, sir. Thank you again.” I leave his office. Before I go to the LEO I go to Med Bay to check on Mack. In the back of my head I pray he’ll have been miraculously healed and sent to hi
s stateroom for recuperation, but I’m not optimistic about that having happened.

  10 FORMAL PROMOTION

  When I walk into Medical, I don’t see anybody. I remember where Mack was the last time I was here, so I go there. “You in here, Boss? I’m early for your report.” The lights are down in here. A Life Tube has replaced Mack’s bed. Mack is now in stasis. The flickering lights and displays cast odd shadows on the walls. The sound of the blower motor as it breathes for him is less than comforting. I feel so helpless. All I can do is stand and look at the Life Tube he’s in. Dr. Traynor joins me. She stands beside me and puts one arm around my waist. My head falls to her shoulder. It’s been a long time since I’ve leaned on a woman. It’s been since Mummy, in fact.

  “He almost didn’t make it through the night,” the doctor tells me. “I’m afraid he won’t be with us much longer. If you’d like, you can communicate with him, that computer terminal is connected to his brain. Just key in your message and read his responses. And how are you doing, sweetie? I hear you are a department head now.”

  I walk over to the keyboard and type out a text message to Mack: Boss, it’s Sonia. I’m praying for you. Do you have a living will or anything like that? I really haven’t prayed for him, but I don’t know what else to say.

  I look up from the terminal and answer Doc Traynor’s question, “Oh me? I’m fine. Just peachy. I saw my Captain order two crewmates spaced, my mentor is rotting before my eyes, which gives me a dream job but at too high a cost. And my boyfr...this guy I met. It’s just a lot to process. I guess I’ll have the latitude to work on that improved armor now, though.” I have to pause and dab a tear. I change the subject out of desperation. “I understand you had a pleasant visit with your...uncle was it? In Siberia? I recently learned you are Avi’s mum, came as a surprise to me I’m tellin’ ya. Dinna think you old enough.”