Bride and Prejudice

by Bonnie R. Paulson

  Tessa straightened from helping Nathan out of the car. She smiled tightly and eyed the spot where the woman held her hand on the car. It wasn’t the best car in the world, but it was the only one she had. “I know it’s her spot. Thank you for watching out for Mom.”

  The woman blinked at Tessa and then did a double-take, moving her hand from the hood to her chest in a classic gesture of shock. “Tessa Sinclair. Well, I’ll be. You’re all grown up now.” Her gaze tripped to Nathan and then back to Tessa. “And you’re a mom yourself. Well, I’ll be.” She sucked her tongue at the back of her teeth, making a clicking sound. She nodded knowingly.

  Great. Tessa recognized the woman and she took a deep breath, exhaling long and low.

  Jeremiah’s aunt. Of course, it would be his aunt. Suki Jackson. Lovely. If Tessa could, she’d scream, but why entertain the gossips? That was Jillian’s favorite saying, or at least one of them.

  Why entertain the gossips?

  Why indeed.

  Suki nodded as she backed away from the car, muttering something while watching Tessa rush Nathan into the stairwell at the back of the bar.

  Tessa wasn’t going to stick around for social niceties. Her mom had died. She didn’t owe anyone anything. Bride wasn’t her home anymore. She didn’t care what anyone thought, but why did she have to see Suki?

  The last time she’d seen that woman had been at the wedding... seven years ago.

  She wasn’t going down that road. Not yet.

  All she had to do was get their things unloaded and get upstairs. She had to deal with a lot of baggage from a past she’d rather forget.

  Chapter 2

  JJ

  Jeremiah rested his elbows on the edge of his mahogany wood desk. As the only lawyer in Bride, Texas, JJ’s roster was full of clients who needed all kinds of work done. The most common involved something to do with farming equipment or not getting paid for something. They didn’t have a lot of money immediately in town but outside, on the ranches, money was thick and made of generations.

  His family had been right in the middle when he’d been growing up. They had some money, but weren’t on a ranch. The Jacksons had lived in town in one of the more stately homes off the main street.

  It wasn’t a secret lawyers made money, but that was only if their clients paid in cash or check, or even credit card. Usually Jeremiah’s clients wanted to make some kind of trade which drastically cut into JJ’s bottom line.

  Sitting in one of JJ’s favorite chairs, a man, Jinx Rossin, he’d been working with for a couple hours was trying to offer an uncash-payment. His client’s eyes were downturned at the sides as he spoke. “I don't have the money, JJ. But, I do have two healthy hogs and a sow. You're welcome to all three of them and I’ll even butcher them for you. We can put them in your freezer over the next four weeks. You won’t get a better deal. You can even turn their ears into purses.” Jinx man twisted his hat between his knees and stared hopefully at JJ. Desperation curled his lips tightly at the sides as he tried smiling confidently.

  But JJ had already heard about the family’s situation from Aunt Suki and he wasn’t going to rake him over the financial coals. He was a lawyer, that didn’t mean he had to act like a snake. Jeremiah didn't want pigs anyway. He didn't have a thing for bacon. If he was being honest, truth be told, he didn't even eat meat. Didn't like it. Sometimes he ate seafood but for the most part he was one of those guys that just didn't eat meat. His aunt hated that about him.

  Jillian Sinclair used to tease him about it all the time.

  “I'll tell you what, Jinx. I'll take one year’s worth of pig. I'll give it to my Aunt Suki. She'll be able to work wonders with your pig. I don't want three. You can get a lot of money for those. However, I am also going to ask that you not do anything like this again. It isn't smart to put a four-wheel ATV on canoes to go across the Thomas’s pond. There's nothing good that can come from that. I think you need to reevaluate what your goals are and see if paying this again is worth it.” JJ held up his hand as Jinx went to argue. “I understand they weren’t your ATV or your canoes. That's why you're being sued. I'll get this resolved for you, but I can guarantee that you're going to pay for the damage. You still have to cover the fine from the sheriff.” Jeremiah was keeping him from going to jail. That’s the only way Jinx would stay out.

  The younger man nodded tightly. He tugged on the long strands of his goatee and blinked repeatedly. “I understand, sir. I'll let my wife know.” He offered a smile and stood, clenching his hat in his hands.

  After Jinx excused himself, JJ leaned back in his chair. The seat was one of those office chairs which leaned back just enough to simulate a rocking chair while maintaining a professional feel. He liked the comfortable leaning since a rigid chair just made him more uncomfortable.

  Warmth from the midday sun streamed through his window. The small office building was underneath the apartments he had moved into. The last thing he wanted to do was own a bunch of land in a town that didn't offer much for him besides work.

  Now that Jillian was gone, Jeremiah didn't even have any real friends. She was the last link he had to Tessa. And now even that was gone.

  Would Tessa come? Had he sent the information to the correct PO Box? He'd gone through Jillian’s things as thoroughly as he could, but her contact with her daughter had been even more limited than his had been. He hadn't spoken to Tessa since she left him at the altar.

  Jillian hadn't spoken to her daughter since before then. She hadn’t even been at the wedding. She couldn’t even follow Tessa to Austin to find her. The only thing Tessa had sent was an “in case of emergency” contact card with her PO box information on it a few years back.

  Of course, she would choose a bigger city where he'd never be able to find her - or his son.

  Actually, that wasn’t true. He could’ve found her – fairly easily, if he’d tried. But... when a woman left a man at the altar, she tore up more than just the rubber trying to get away. It had been all he could do to pull his pride together and head off for college, outside of Bride, away from home. He hoped when he came back, everyone would’ve forgotten the “wedding that didn’t happen”.

  Unfortunately, when he’d returned, he’d been subtly accused of ruining the “Love Luck” Bride was known for. That wasn’t something anyone wanted to carry with them.

  All this time, JJ believed he was doing what Tessa wanted, giving her what she needed. Tessa had never wanted to be stuck in the small town of Bride. She’d always talked about escaping to a big city and going to school with JJ while he sought a law degree and she searched out a culinary arts degree. Tessa used to talk all the time with JJ about getting out and going bigger.

  He’d always laughed and kissed her. Tessa’s dreams had always included him.

  Until they didn’t.

  The cell phone buzzed on the corner of his desk, the sound jarring in the quiet of his office. JJ rubbed his eyes and reach for the phone. He swiped the screen and read the text from his aunt. “Tessa is back. She's at the bar.”

  JJ’s shoulders slumped. He leaned back, pinching the bridge of his nose. He had hoped she would come back, wished for it, prayed hard for the chance to see her and his boy. But... now that she had come back and he had to go over as Jillian's lawyer, Jeremiah regretted every star he’d wished on.

  Going over to see Tessa tore him in two. He wanted to see her, longed to see her... but he also wasn’t sure how he felt. Was he mad still for being abandoned at the altar? Standing there, waiting with a sappy grin on his face and so much hope burgeoning in his chest. Sure, of course. Inside though, the anger had dissipated, leaving behind the pain she’d caused.

  He’d never been able to ask her why she’d left. Jillian hadn’t given him any clues. No one had any answers and he had a son out there somewhere with the woman he’d never stopped loving.

  Sometimes, life just sucked.

  Pushing all that aside, JJ wasn’t jumping with excitement to head over and tell Tessa about
how her mother had died. There was nothing gruesome about it, but somehow, he couldn’t help feeling like she might blame him.

  Jeremiah swiveled on his chair, side to side while studying the dark walnut framed law degree he’d worked so hard for. He only had a few appointments left for the day. He could fit a visit to the Refill Bar and Grill in a few hours. Or... Maybe he could visit with Tessa the following day.

  The longer he put off seeing Tessa, the longer he had to wait to see his son for the first time.

  Chapter 3

  Tessa

  The apartment was a bigger disappointment than she had planned. Of course, she hadn’t expected much. What had she thought would happen? Her mom would change everything in her home? Just because she’d renovated the bar, didn’t justify a complete overhaul of the upstairs apartment.

  Jillian had changed, but not completely. That fact was both comforting and discouraging all at once.

  Tessa pulled the last box from the car, balancing its heavy weight on the edge of the trunk while she reached up and to pull a maneuver she’d had to perform more than once in the past. She jostled the box to her hip while holding it in her arm and yanking the trunk down to latch shut. While it clicked shut, she shifted the box into both arms and leaned back, hoisting it higher on her waist to lean more fully against her chest.

  What had she brought from Austin that weighed so much? Jiggling the box to the side at the door, a slight clinking inside had her nodding. Of course, the plates. She’d never been able to leave those plates. They were a wedding present from Jillian and she’d given the dishes to Tessa two nights before their final fight.

  The fight when she’d told Tessa she was an idiot for marrying JJ. An idiot. Because Tessa would never escape Bride, Texas. Just like Jillian, she’d be stuck in the small town for the rest of her life, working hard to make up for choices that she could’ve changed.

  ...had she known any better.

  “Don’t make the same mistakes I made.” Jillian had thrown at Tessa with her arms akimbo, her dark blonde hair hanging past her shoulders. She’d always pointed out how Tessa was a mistake. Something that was so easy to believe about herself. Jillian’s eyes had sparkled with rare, unshed tears. “Learn from me, Tess... Don’t be me. Do better. Be better.”

  “I can’t, Mom. I’m just a mistake.” Tessa’s parting words tore through the quiet of the darkened stairs as if she were still there seven years ago.

  She stared up the narrow staircase into the attic-style living space. How many memories would haunt her, chase her? How long could she cope with the tears of the past?

  Jillian had lived so long there. Tessa didn’t know how she’d lasted. All she knew was it was the only memory she had of a home. There in lay the comfort. At least she was home. Nothing else was stable, but at least she was home.

  Tessa’s mom had been a cleaner. She’d left her home spotless which was easy for her since she’d never catered to clutter.

  The steps creaked as Tessa climbed toward the landing. Light from the kitchen window cast shadows from the railing across the stairs.

  Nathan had fallen asleep on the loveseat arranged perpendicular to the couch with its back facing the stair rails. Tessa would have to head to the store for food when he woke up. Maybe he’d think of it as an adventure.

  She set the box next to the others she’d stacked along the wall beside the doorway to the kitchen and moved to sit on the couch. She flopped onto the cushions the same way she’d fallen to the furniture growing up. Glancing once more toward her resting son, she stared up at the ceiling.

  Nothing had changed. A weird sensation of déjà vu folded around her. She rolled to her side and tucked a neatly placed crocheted pillow under her cheek and chin. Just in her line of sight from the couch, a corner of the same olive green refrigerator with its rounded corners and fat potbelly style manned the kitchen.

  She blinked slowly. Fatigue from the anxiety of the trip and the meaning behind the sudden travel as well as everything else pulled at her eyelids. She fell asleep before finishing her yawn.

  SHE RUBBED HER EYES and blinked, glancing around the dimmer living room. Afternoon had come and gone. Where had the time disappeared? She sat up, smothering a second yawn.

  A waft of her mother's perfume struck her in the face and she closed her eyes. After a second she opened her eyes and stood, moving to sit beside her still-sleeping son. She gently rubbed his back and ducked her head. “Honey, it’s time to wake up.” She waited a few seconds and his eyelids fluttered opened. Tessa smiled to soften the demand to pull from sleep. “Hi, time to wake up.”

  She backed up to give him space and he blinked more before shifting himself to a sitting position. He turned a scrunched expression toward her and moved his mouth with a smacking sound. “Did we eat already?”

  Catching his gaze, she shook her head. “No, we’re heading to the store in a second. Did you want to see your room?” She flinched at the term. She hadn’t meant to sound so permanent. Shaking her head, she stood. “I know it's not the same as home, but it’ll be okay. This is where I grew up.”

  She held her smile steady even as his sad expression made her want to cry.

  As they stood up, Tessa couldn't help wishing things had been different. How much was the last few months of their lives going to affect Nathan? She’d had to pack up all of their things because she had lost the apartment.

  When her roommate moved out, she couldn't keep up with the bills. As it was, she had asked for two weeks off from work as a restaurant supervisor and all she wanted to do was make ends meet.

  Reluctant wasn’t a strong enough word for how her boss acted when she asked for the time off. Even when she’d explained that her mom had died. Tessa knew she needed the time, as it would be filled with regrets and wishes for redemption. Things she’d been dodging since she left.

  Why hadn’t her wishes for a chance to start over ever been granted? Why couldn’t she grasp the concept that she couldn’t go back in time? She’d always needed a chance to tell her mom everything could've been different. Now she would be stuck wishing the rest of her life.

  She still didn't know how her mom had even died. The letter telling her to come home had been brief and when she’d tried calling, she’d only gotten an answering machine. She’d returned as fast as she could.

  Nathan slowly stood, joining her at the head of the hallway. He reached up and took her hand in his small fingers.

  They walked down the long hallway which, only felt long because there were no windows. The pictures on the walls hadn't changed. Her mom still showcased pictures of Tessa when she was little alongside a sepia-toned portrait of Jillian her Greg when they’d been married. Jillian had positioned that frame in a station of importance, above the light switch.

  Tessa stopped at the doorway to her old bedroom. The whole of it wasn't bigger than the size of a large pantry and, now, it seemed even smaller since she’d been on her own for the last seven years.

  A small twin bed adorned in faded Rainbow Brite sheets and matching duvet commanded the majority of the space. A rainbow striped bed skirt came from under the neatly tucked in bedding to graze the raggedy but clean carpet.

  On top of a nightstand snugged into the corner the edges of a miniature dollhouse hung over the edges. Afternoon light streamed in through the pea-sized window, enhancing the size of everything.

  Tessa sighed, unable to smother her frustration in her situation. Would Nathan always have to deal with leftovers and hand-me-downs? Just once she would like to be able to say, here’s a brand new toy in its package and see his delight. Of course, he didn’t mind how he got his toys as long as they worked... it was the principle of being able to do that.

  His sigh matched Tessa’s and she looked down at him. Was he thinking the same thing?

  “What’s the matter?” Maybe he didn’t like it. Or maybe he hated the doll house. Tessa desperately wanted him to be happy, even if it was for just a couple days.

  He poked
the toe of his shoe into an especially worn part of the carpet and avoided looking at her. “I... I don’t really like Rainbow Brite. I’m not a girl.” He looked up at Tessa with his lips scrunched to the side.

  Pressing her lips together to keep her relieved laughter from bubbling out, Tessa knelt down until she was on eye level with her son. “I know it's Rainbow Brite, but they have some really cool characters in there like Murky and Lurky. If you can cope with the rainbows, we'll change over to Superman as soon as we get the chance.” And the cash.

  He didn't acknowledge her as he moved to lie on the bed. He rolled from his side to his back and stared up at the ceiling. A flash of excitement widened his eyes. “Mom,” he pointed towards the ceiling. “There are stars in here, just like at my old house.”

  Tessa glanced up and smiled. Thank goodness, her mom hadn’t taken out the stars Tessa had put in when she was Nathan's age – wow, since she was seven. That reassurance wasn’t only comforting to Nathan, but to Tessa as well.

  She smiled and half-stepped into the hallway, blinking back relieved tears that Nathan didn’t seem to be as disappointed in her as she was. “I'm going to see if there's any food.”

  Tessa left the deluge of unwanted memories behind. She didn’t have the time or the energy to deal with any of the stressors at the moment. She wandered down the hallway, avoiding her mom's room where she was probably expected to sleep. For the funeral, she’d need to raid her mom’s closet, but for now... Tessa planned on sleeping on the couch. She couldn't make herself go in Jillian’s room. Not yet.

  Entering the kitchen with its short boxy oven and gas-style burners, Tessa hoped to find something to eat. Where did she start?