Upheaval!

by Deborah Martin

  “That’s a no-brainer. I didn’t fire them, they quit because of you. So, what do I have to pay you?”

  “It goes without saying you’re dumping Marianna. The authorities will get her for filing false charges against Gregory and I’ll be sure to add kidnapping into the mix. But your taste in women sucks. Although Marianna’s the worst, don’t you remember the human woman who stalked you from party to office to club and back for three months after you broke up? It took her parents committing her to an institution for that to stop. Or the one who took your ATM card out of your wallet while you were sleeping and went on a spending spree? No, um, fourth date with anyone unless I’ve done the same background check on the woman that we do on our employees.”

  “You want to control my love life?” he yelled.

  I cringed and covered my ears again. “Lower your voice, dammit. No, I don’t want to control your love life. I just want to make sure you don’t fall for someone unstable again. And since you seem to fall quickly, something to slow you down a little wouldn’t be such a bad thing.”

  “No,” he cried. “No. I won’t have you meddling in my personal affairs.”

  “Fine,” I shot back. “I won’t come back to work and if you get mixed up with a crazy lady again, I’m not going to bail you out by coming into the office in your absence.”

  Ogres can sigh really loudly if they want to. Must be the enlarged lung capacity. The entire cavern echoed with it. “You win,” he whispered. “If I decide to continue dating someone, I’ll let you check her out. But I get the final say as to what’s bad and what’s not.”

  That was more than I thought I’d get. Gregory and I had talked over the years about Ev’s poor choices when it came to companions. With him counting dates, I’d be able to keep Ev from the worst of them.

  “Good. I have no idea what we’ll have to straighten out when we get back but let me tell you what I’ve done so far.” I spent the next hour or more telling him of the decisions I’d made in his absence, arguing about some of them, and getting a virtual pat on the back for others. Time had no meaning but at least it kept me occupied until Fudge came to.

  The sound of the wood cover scraped and startled both of us. “Hello, darling. And witch. I’m sorry I wasn’t here earlier but the office has been so busy, I’ve just now been able to get away.”

  Light spilled into the darkness, blinding me. I squinted into the bright beam and saw the tray once again being lowered. Through my half-closed eyes, I saw Ev stumbling his way over to the tray, hands over his eyes, as well.

  “Woman, what are you doing? You’ll destroy all I’ve worked hard to build.”

  “Oh, no darling. I’d never do that! It’s surprisingly easy to match guards with clients, although I certainly don’t agree with some of the witch’s matches. I’ve taken steps to correct her errors. Here’s your food. Eat and drink quickly. I have more phone calls to return.”

  “Do not eat the food. It is tainted. She uses herbs to disguise the flavor of the narcotic. Drink water only,” Fudge’s voice still sounded distant but not quite as far as the last time. I whispered his instructions to Ev, who quietly groaned.

  “But I’m starving,” he murmured back.

  “Your choice,” I answered. “Starving and awake, or full and asleep. I’d like to get out of here and can’t do that when I’m knocked out. So, I’m going to scrape the food off my plate into a hole in the floor. If you’re asleep, I can’t help you.”

  For a few minutes, we both moved our forks around the plate, trying to make it sound like we were eating, relishing the fact that we could see. As I scraped metal against porcelain, I surveyed what I could see in between swigs of water. I saw Ev doing the same.

  We were definitely in a place made by man. Three concrete pillars held up our prison’s concrete roof. By the slight crumbling on the pillars, it looked to be at least a couple of decades old, if not more. My senses told me there was metal inside not only the pillars but the roof as well so it had been reinforced.

  “Hey, Marianna,” I yelled. “Since we’re not getting out of here, mind telling me where we are?”

  “I will tell you nothing, witch,” I could hear the derision in her voice, making me wonder what a witch or wizard had done to her. What was it with ogres and magical folks?

  I sighed. Loudly enough so she’d hear it. “Fine. But can we keep the water? And how about the light and blankets I asked about?”

  “Between the marvelous party last night and getting into the office early this morning, I didn’t have time to go shopping for you. Be thankful I brought food. I guess you can keep the water jugs. You can’t do anything with them because they’re plastic. If you’re cold, I suggest you snuggle together. I know Ev has a hot body.” She snickered at this last.

  Ev and I looked at each other. We both made a face. The thought of snuggling with not only a normally smelly ogre, but an unwashed one at that made me very glad I’d put no food in my stomach. Why he thought cuddling with me was such a bad idea, I’ll probably never know but there you have it.

  Unspoken words had me throwing some energy toward the floor near his cot, digging a hole deep enough to dump the contents of our plates. I walked over and wordlessly handed him my plate, which he silently scraped off. After we’d buried the probably-poisoned food, Ev walked the plates back to the tray.

  “Marianna,” Ev’s voice was reasonable this time, “let us out of here. I’m sure we can come to some satisfactory arrangement.”

  “Oh, darling,” she cooed, “I know you’re not ready to behave yet. Just a little while longer on vacation and I’m sure you’ll be thrilled to be my docile, compliant husband.”

  I snorted. She apparently hadn’t met many of her own species. Although I’d not met many, no ogre I knew would ever be “docile and compliant”. No matter how long she kept Ev prisoner, I could almost guarantee he’d be “pissed off and rampaging” when she let him out.

  “In the meantime, darling, I suggest you get some sleep. There’s not much for you to do. I’m taking good care of your company.” The lid slid over the hole, the padlock snicked shut and we were plunged into complete darkness once again.

  I heard Ev moving around in the black then the creak of his cot as he sat down. I’d ensured I was back on my cot with Fudge in my lap before Marianna closed us in so I didn’t have to do any crawling around. I’d already skinned my knees finding my way to the bathroom corner.

  “Now what?” Ev’s voice came at me out of the darkness.

  “I’m thinking,” I replied.

  “About?”

  “How to get us out of here without killing us in the process. I can move dirt but I’m afraid I’d collapse this whole thing on top of us.”

  “Help is on the way.” Fudge was awake! I hugged him even closer.

  “Loosen your hold. I cannot breathe.” I complied. I’m sure to his sensitive nose I smelled almost as bad as Ev did on a regular basis. No shower facilities coupled with the sweat I’d worked up earlier made for a not-nice perfume.

  “I’m glad you’re feeling better. What’s this about help on its way?” I asked.

  “I can mind-speak with the Familiar Council, you nitwit, and I did so yesterday. It was just a question of them passing my location onto the Witches’ Council and then getting some two-legged help to wherever we are. Someone should be here within a few hours.”

  I told Ev the good news.

  “When I get out of here…” he snarled.

  “You’re going to let the authorities take care of her,” I finished his sentence for him. “You can press charges in the mundane courts if you want but I’d let Gregory have his say in magical court, first. It could be fun to see what happens there.”

  “What are they going to do to her? Anything magical won’t work.”

  “Wrong. Remember, you got kidnapped and tied up with magic. Gregory and the Council now know those spells and I’m sure there are others.”

  He growled. “My life has gotten so f
ucked up. First, that damned dwarf tries to ransom then kill me. Now, just a couple of weeks later, crazy lady is trying to take over my company. What did I ever do to deserve all this?”

  “Trouble always comes in threes. There is more on the horizon.”

  “You know something else is going to happen?” I asked.

  “I am not prescient. But problems always seem to happen in threes and your ogre is a problem in and of himself. It does not take a Tarot deck to predict he is going to get himself into some sort of trouble again.”

  I really didn’t need to know this. I would now be spending time looking over my shoulder, wondering when the next shoe would drop. Ev was already so worked up I didn’t have the heart to tell him what Fudge had said. Instead I murmured something meaningless in an attempt at consoling him.

  Knowing we were going to get out of there without me doing anything actually made the waiting worse. In an attempt at distracting myself, I tried to imagine what I’d do if I knew the cavalry wasn’t coming.

  My one thought was for both of us to stand at one end of the cavern and pull down the cement and dirt at the other. Essentially, a targeted earthquake. Fudge put the kibosh on that idea immediately.

  “There is metal inside the concrete. It would bend and twist before breaking, making very sharp edges that could harm you. You also do not yet have fine enough control to collapse only a small portion of what is above, leaving the rest intact. Not to mention the dust you would raise would choke you. No, wait for help.”

  “But I can dig a small hole. Isn’t that fine enough control for you?”

  Fudge paused his never-ending bath. “Moving small amounts of dirt below you is very different than moving large amounts of dirt above you. The laws of gravity do figure into what you are doing, you know.”

  I sighed. I knew he was right. But, “So, what would you do, oh wise and old familiar?”

  “Exactly what I have done and am doing. Send out a signal for help and wait.” He resumed licking himself, occasionally flicking his tongue over the hand that rested on his back. Rough it may have been but it was also strangely comforting. It also made me pine for a long, hot shower with water from Mr. Owens’ boiler that was spelled to never run cold, no matter how many residents were using it at the same time.

  I knew one thing for certain: as soon as I got out of there, I would be disposing of yet another suit. I’d just finished replacing all the clothing the vampire had destroyed when he went on a rampage in my apartment and here I was, ready to get rid of one that would probably be serviceable with cleaning but I knew I’d never want to wear again.

  Chapter 20

  Without a functioning watch and light to see it by, I had no idea how much time had passed. Fudge had long since fallen asleep but since he always did that, I couldn’t tell time by his habits. I knew Ev had also fallen asleep. The snores coming from his corner sounded like foghorns. I was almost beginning to wish I’d eaten some of the tainted food so I, too, would sleep. I wasn’t accustomed to having absolutely nothing to do but think and eventually I ran out of things to think about.

  I was about to get up and start pacing, just for something to do, when I heard noise coming from above. The tingle of magic made its way to me and I knew the cavalry had finally arrived. The wooden lid slid aside and I heard an unfamiliar voice yell, “Yo! Anyone down there?”

  “We’re here,” I eagerly answered. “Ev, wake up. We’re being rescued.”

  The standard snorts and growls accompanied “Wha? Oh, fantastic!”

  A flashlight beam swept the room, paused at Ev’s supine form then finally swung around until it was shining directly into my face, blinding me. When I raised my hand to cover my eyes, the beam moved slightly to my left.

  “Sorry,” said the faceless person in the shadows. “We’re bringing a longer ladder. Hang on a few more minutes.”

  The light disappeared above ground and I yelled. “Can we have a little illumination down here, please? It’s awfully dark.”

  “Oops. Sorry again. Here.” The flashlight dropped to the ground and immediately went out. Another light shone down, wandering this way and that until it settled on the now-dead source of illumination.

  Ev lumbered over, picked up the light and slapped it on his palm a couple of times. “You shouldn’t have dropped it. It’s broken, you idiot,” he called up.

  “Sorry. I’ll just shine mine down there, shall I?” A beam of light hit the floor directly below the hole and stayed still.

  Within just a couple of minutes, I heard more voices and the area above the hole got much brighter, as if someone had lit a camping lantern. The scrape, squeal and then clang of an aluminum extension ladder hitting the ground let me know we would indeed be getting out.

  “Ladies first,” the voice called down. I cradled Fudge in one arm and started the climb to freedom. Two steps up, I kicked off my shoes. High heels and ladders did not agree with each other and if I slipped, it was a long way down.

  I really needn’t have worried. Ev was immediately behind me and if I’d fallen and taken him with me, it would have been a soft landing. Not that I looked down to see. I could smell his proximity and feel his breath on my legs. I chose to not breathe for the last eight rungs until my head cleared the hole. Three more steps and I felt an arm guide me to the side, while someone else wrapped me in a warm blanket. I was standing on grass, breathing deeply and looking at wide open spaces for the first time in two days.

  I marveled at the sight. It was not too long after sunset, as the horizon still held a faint glow. Stars were just beginning to twinkle above. I bit back a few tears.

  “Are you two okay?” I could finally put a face to the voice behind the flashlight. He looked like a Green Beret or Navy Seal. So did the other three men, one of whom had a bright ball of fire in his palm. They were all athletic-looking with closely-cropped hair and dressed in black uniforms of some kind, with a torch stitched in white on the left breast.

  I looked at Ev who was also wrapped in a blanket and then answered for both of us. “All things considered, not bad. Food would be good. We haven’t eaten today and I’m not sure when the time before that was. Coffee would be heaven and I’d kill for an hour-long hot shower.”

  One of the guys handed me a thermos. “It’s coffee. Sorry I don’t have any cups and I hope you like sugar.”

  I normally drank my coffee black but I wasn’t going to argue with any adulteration of caffeine at this point. Another man handed a similar thermos to Ev. Both of us enjoyed the warm steam that came out of the top when we took the caps off before sipping. Even Fudge moved his nose toward the steam and he didn’t usually want anything to do with my elixir.

  “We need to get you back to headquarters,” Flashlight Man said.

  “What the hell happened, how did you find us and what the hell can I do about all this?” Ev was beginning to revive.

  “Sorry, sir. Your questions will be answered at HQ. We were just to find, release and transport you. Please, follow me.”

  Ball-of-Fire Man led the way. It took about five minutes and I was beginning to regret kicking off my shoes. The ground was hard and cold. We finally skirted around what appeared to be an abandoned barn and my already-sore feet hit gravel. I minced the rest of the way to the open door of a large, black SUV and gratefully climbed in while Ev pushed his bulk through the other door and crowded me in the back seat. Fudge abandoned my arms for the seat on the opposite side of me from Ev. I didn’t blame him and did my best to breathe shallowly.

  Flashlight Man leaned into the car and placed something toasty warm across my feet. The smell of lavender drifted up to my nose and partially obscured Ev’s aroma. “This should help you.” The door shut. He and another of our saviors climbed into the front seat and we were on our way to wherever it was we were going, which I was certain wasn’t going to be home for either of us.

  Ten minutes later, we were on a freeway. Flashlight Man turned around in his seat, looked at both of us and said, “My
apologies. You are not allowed to see where we are going so I am going to temporarily obscure your vision. I will remove the spell when we are at headquarters.” He waved his hand first at Ev, who stiffened.

  With an even more apologetic look at me, he waved his hand again and my vision went black. After two days of not being able to see, the feeling was extremely disconcerting. I’m sure Ev felt it even more keenly. But I was resolved to keep calm about everything so just kept “I will remove the spell” going round and round in my head.

  Our speed slowed, telling me we had left the freeway. A stop then a few turns both left and right. Based on the interstate signs I’d seen before my vision was obscured, I knew we were somewhere near or in downtown Minneapolis. The SUV’s wheels bumped on the edge of a driveway then the city sounds faded a little. A parking garage, then.

  When the SUV came to a stop, my vision returned. I had guessed our relative location correctly but there were no other vehicles in sight. All I saw was concrete floor, concrete pillars and concrete walls. And an elevator door. Flashlight Man squeezed into the European-sized compartment with me and Ev while the other guy probably waited for the car to return. There simply wasn’t enough room for two good-sized men, a petite woman plus an ogre. Fudge hopped into my arms and sneezed.

  “I hope headquarters is not on the top floor or that this is an express. Your ogre stinks.”

  I privately agreed but there was no help for it. My ears popped as the car rapidly rose, then popped again as it slowed its ascent, finally coming to a bone-jarring stop. The floor indicator pinged and the door slid quietly open.

  The sniveling countenance of Mr. Blatherton greeted us. “Welcome back. Please accompany me.” What the hell was Gregory’s attorney doing here?

  We followed, Flashlight Man parting company with us at a door. I paused long enough to thank him. Before he could open his mouth, Mr. Blatherton said, “He was doing his job.” Flashlight Man nodded, grinned and gave a small salute before closing the door behind him.