Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Wrecking Ball (Book 14) (Diary of a Wimpy Kid 14)

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Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Wrecking Ball (Book 14) (Diary of a Wimpy Kid 14) Page 8

by Jeff Kinney


  out with the girls at recess. And the girl I liked

  MOST back then was Becky Anton.

  So sometimes I’d cheat a little when I was filling

  out my M.A.S.H. categories to guarantee I got a

  good result.

  These days, Becky hardly knows who I AM,

  even though we’re lab partners in Biology. I keep

  thinking I should bring up the fact that we’re

  supposed to get MARRIED one day, but the

  timing never seems right.

  164

  That’s ANOTHER good reason to move. I could

  SERIOUSLY improve my dating situation.

  Because if there’s one thing girls love, it’s the

  NEW guy.

  Kelson Garrity was the new guy at the beginning

  of this school year. And when he showed up, the

  girls went CRAZY for him.

  Well, it took a few weeks before everyone realized

  that Kelson was kind of WEIRD, and now the

  girls won’t go NEAR him. But he had a good run

  for a while there.

  165

  So there are probably a LOT of good reasons to

  move. In fact, the only DOWNSIDE is that I’d

  need to find a new BEST FRIEND.

  And I don’t know if that would be WORTH it.

  I’ve invested a lot of time and energy into Rowley,

  and I can’t really see myself starting over with

  someone NEW.

  166

  But, if we DO end up moving, I’ve got a whole list

  of REQUIREMENTS for a future best friend.

  Number ONE, they’ve got to like WATCHing

  somebody playing video games more than they like

  playing games themselves.

  Number TWO, it would be nice if they could

  actually DRAW. Because I’m really into creating

  comics and stuff.

  167

  And, number THREE, they’ve gotta have junk

  cereal in their house. I really don’t know if I can

  be friends with another kid whose parents are

  health nuts.

  But, most important, they’ve gotta have a good

  sense of HUMOuR. Because, if there’s one thing

  you should know about me, it’s that I’m kind of a

  practical joker.

  Saturday

  So it turns out Mom is actually SERIOUS about

  this moving thing. She’s been spending time each

  night looking at different houses online, and I’VE

  kind of got into it, TOO.

  Every place we’ve looked at so far has some kind

  of ISSUE, though. There was one house with

  a big backyard, but it was right near a sewage

  treatment plant. And there was another one

  that was brand new, but the house only had one

  bathroom. Me and Mom were ready to give up

  looking, but then we found a place that looked

  PERFECT.

  169

  The house is just a few years old, and it looks

  like it’s in a nice neighbourhood. But what got

  MOM most excited was the big KITCHEN.

  Mom looked up the local school, and the test scores

  were pretty good. Then she called the estate agent

  to find out when we could go and SEE the place.

  The estate agent said there was an open house

  this weekend, and we should drop by if we could.

  So this morning Mom told everyone to get in the

  car to check the place out.

  Nobody else was HAPPY about that, because, like

  I said before, the rest of my family doesn’t want

  to MOVE.

  170

  But, when we pulled into the neighbourhood,

  everyone started to change their tune.

  The estate agent let our family in and showed

  us around the house, which was WAY nicer than

  ours. And the kitchen was even bigger than it

  looked in the PICTURES.

  171

  But what really got my attention was the

  SWIMMING POOL in the backyard.

  Rodrick and Manny must’ve spotted it before I

  did, because both of them were already out there

  by the time I got down the back stairs.

  172

  We’ve been trying to get Mom and Dad to put a

  pool in our backyard FOREVER. They always tell

  us that the hot tub is just as GOOD as a pool,

  but, believe me, it’s not the same.

  And this was an IN-GROUND pool. We actually

  had an above-ground pool when I was younger,

  but it didn’t even last a WEEK.

  173

  The estate agent showed us a few more features

  of the house, but she didn’t NEED to because we

  were already SOLD.

  On our way home, everyone was super excited.

  Rodrick said that he’s gonna use the pool to do

  summer CONCERTS, and it’ll be a totally crazy

  scene every Friday night.

  I decided that I’m gonna CHARGE people

  to come and use our pool, but that I’ll make

  exceptions for CERTAIN people.

  But Manny was the most excited of ALL. He’s got

  big plans for the pool, too, and all I can say is,

  it’s gonna take a lot of chocolate PUDDING.

  175

  Monday

  We had another family meeting last night, and

  this was a BIG one. Everyone’s on board with

  moving to the new house, so that’s great.

  Mom told us not to TELL anyone yet, because

  we still have to sell OUR house so we can afford

  to buy the NEW one. It was a little hard

  for me to keep that information to MYSELF,

  though, and I figured there wouldn’t be any

  harm in telling just ONE person.

  But maybe I should’ve told someone besides

  ROWLEY, because he didn’t take the news

  too well.

  176

  I guess I could’ve eased Rowley into it instead of

  hitting him with the information all at once.

  I tried to make him feel better by saying we’d

  stay FRIENDS and that he could come and use

  my pool on days when it wasn’t too CROWDED.

  But that didn’t seem to cheer him up at ALL.

  Hopefully Rowley will come round, though, because

  I’m not sure I can deal with this kind of drama

  every day.

  After dinner tonight, Mom asked her friend who’s

  an estate agent to come over and help us sell

  OUR house. So we went from room to room, and

  Mrs Laghari told us what we were gonna have to

  CHANGE before we could put it on the market.

  She said we were gonna need to replace our

  carpets, give everything a fresh coat of paint and

  put new tiles in the kitchen and bathrooms. And

  that was just for STARTERS.

  Mrs Laghari said that we’d have to take down

  our family photos, because buyers like to imagine

  THEMSELVES living in the house. Well, that was

  fine with ME, because there are SOME pictures

  that should’ve come down a long TIME ago.

  178

  Then Mrs Laghari told us that when we have an

  open house we should lock the basement door so no

  one sees what’s down there.

  The last thing Mrs Laghari told us is that most

  of our furniture was “outdated” and we should

  probably just cover it up with sheets for the open

  house. I thi
nk that hurt Mom’s feelings, and she

  said people would LOVE her taste in furniture.

  179

  But Mrs Laghari said that if we didn’t do all the

  things she recommended she’d have a hard time

  selling our house. So Mom said in THAT case we’d

  sell the house OURSELVES, and she showed Mrs

  Laghari to the door.

  I guess this means Mom and Mrs Laghari aren’t

  FRIENDS any more. But that’s OK, because

  we’re moving soon ANYWAY.

  Sunday

  Mom wants to prove our house is great the

  way it IS, so we’re trying to sell it without

  making any big changes. The open house was

  this afternoon, but we spent the whole WEEK

  getting ready for it.

  180

  It was MY job to write the description to post

  online. And I got a little creative to try and

  make it stand out.

  We took photos of every room and posted those,

  too. The house was a MESS when we took the

  pictures, though, so we had to move some stuff

  around to make it LOOK clean.

  181

  The open house started at noon, and we really

  had to scramble to get everything nice and neat.

  We did the best we could and got out of there

  just before people started to arrive.

  But it was kind of hard sitting there doing

  NOTHING while total strangers went into

  our house.

  Mom said none of the people at our open house

  actually knew we were the OWNERS, so WE

  could pretend to be checking the place out, TOO.

  And that way we could listen in on what everyone

  was saying.

  182

  Well, I thought that sounded kind of FUN, so

  I went inside with Mom. But everyone ELSE in

  the family thought it was a dumb idea and stayed

  back in the car.

  It turns out the spying idea was a MISTAKE,

  though. Most of the people didn’t have anything

  NICE to say about our house, and it was kind of

  tough hearing all the criticism.

  But I think Mom was taking it a little harder than

  I was. Because, whenever someone had something

  NEGATIVE to say, she’d speak up.

  183

  Mom got so upset that she went back out to the

  CAR. But I stayed in the HOUSE, because I

  wasn’t comfortable with all these random strangers

  poking around our things.

  184

  But not everyone was exploring the house. There

  were a bunch of men in the family room watching a

  football game, and, from the look of things, they

  had helped themselves to our SNACKS.

  These guys were letting their kids run wild in our

  house while they sat back and watched TV. So

  they were basically using the open house for free

  BABYSITTING.

  185

  Since these dads weren’t watching their KIDS, it

  was up to ME to make sure they didn’t BREAK

  anything.

  But I couldn’t be everywhere at ONCE, and I

  was upstairs chasing kids out of our bathroom when

  there was a loud noise DOWNSTAIRS.

  It sounded like a kid had tipped over the FRIDGE

  or something, so I ran down to make sure nobody

  was HURT. But it wasn’t a KID who’d made the

  noise, it was one of the DADS.

  One of the guys had gone into the laundry room

  looking for more SNACKS, but that’s where we were

  keeping all the stuff we couldn’t hide anywhere ELSE.

  I guess the noise freaked out the other dads, because

 

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