by Quil Carter
I shook my head, my hand hovering over him as he attempted to walk unaided. “No, we’re going home. Don’t argue.”
He sniffed but didn’t say anything further.
I whistled for the dog and, sure enough, a few moments later he came running down the street, his black legs propelling him up into the air like a tight spring. He seemed happy to be inside the gates.
“Want me to shoot him cause he scared you?” I asked. Killian was watching the dog run around like an idiot, his nose sniffing a tipped over camper van.
“I remember him, he was always so happy and tame. Murry didn’t think anyone would want him,” Killian said, wiping the tears from his eyes. He looked a lot better being inside the gates.
I could see why no one would want the dumb mutt, the deacdogs were bred as guard dogs that could guard you without, well… eating you alive like the deacons. Aras had a nice set-up for breeding deacdogs, one of the best around. It was a tricky thing to do as usually the male deacon would kill the bitch after mating, which was really counterproductive.
Once they were half a year old, we traded them. Merchants, Dek’ko, and even the Legion came to take their share during their check-ups and censuses. The deacdogs were not bred to be pets though; dogs were used for pets, deacdogs were used for protection.
This one acted like a dog though. He was big for his age – I think he was only seven or eight months old. He had a short muzzle and yellow eyes, and a thick silver coat with black legs. He was chipped so he had actual fur on him. The only chipped animals King Silas allowed were dogs, cats, and deacdogs. All other animals had to face the rads on their own.
“He saved Greyson?” Killian asked. The deacdog had run behind a stack of abandoned cars. I could see his long shadow matching their silhouettes.
I rolled my eyes. “No, he didn’t save Greyson, he just helped Leo find him. Greyson was never in any danger.”
“What’s going to happen to him?”
I had to steer away from this conversation pretty quickly. I didn’t want to tell him Murry would probably end up killing him. There was just no point keeping him alive to use up resources. “Greyson has the cat trough out, he can drink from there. Tomorrow we can bring him back to Murry.”
Killian nodded but his face still held concern. “What if he hurts the cats?”
Jesus fucking Christ…
“The cats are smart and he’s a retard. Do you hear how much noise he’s making?” I said. “Anyway, Murry trains them to tolerate the cats.”
The chipped cats we kept to keep the mice and rats away were pretty smart. We even got a subsidy to take care of them. King Silas loved his cats and when they died we had to report it bi-annually. If a large amount died through dog attacks or accidents, then we were penalized. It was pretty stupid, but that was King Fuckface for you. I could string a dog up and take a baseball bat to it and the Legion wouldn’t care. Kick a cat though and you would be arrested and sold off to a factory. Thankfully the felines were useful and they just blended into the background. Most of them were half feral but we had some tamer ones around; they kept me company some times on the wall. I never minded cats, they kept to their business and I kept to mine. They never overstayed their welcome.
Killian shifted around, looking behind him as if remembering something.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, as he had a bit of a forlorn look in his eye. As soon as he saw that I had noticed, it disappeared.
“Nothing, let’s just get back,” Killian said, moving a bit closer to me. I was skeptical then I noticed we were walking past the street that led to his cul-de-sac.
“Come on,” I said, putting my arms around him. I could tell he was nervous about returning to his place; I wondered if he had something he wanted to get from there. Heck, maybe he wanted to sleep there tonight. He probably missed it.
“I… I had been feeding a cat near my house, he’s old and he’s slow,” Killian said softly. “I’ve been gone for a long time.”
My mouth twitched. The kid was shaken up as hell and looked like he was about to have another mental breakdown. I knew he would never ask, fucking kid was way too damn polite.
Killian pulled on my arm, trying to make me walk towards my house a bit faster.
I knew it’s what he wanted though.
“No, let’s get him,” I said.
“No, no, I’m sorry… let’s go back to your place, please,” Killian said hurriedly. He pulled harder, I could see tears welling up in his eyes. His grip was firm on my arm.
He was obviously scared to go back to his place. I don’t know why, he’d fancied that little place up pretty well. Maybe he was used to being protected and hidden like in my basement. I didn’t know what the reason was, I wasn’t about to ask, it would just make him worse.
Well, I wasn’t too sure about having a cat in my house but it seemed it would mean a lot to him to bring him in. Like therapy or something. Whatever helped, it was less work for me to try and calm him down after his little breakdowns. I could just give him a cat to love maul.
I turned towards his place, his grip got harder. I stopped by the street sign and looked at his dark, deserted, cold home. It looked ominous in the disappearing moonlight. The homey, warm house it usually was when I was watching it was just cold and sterile. It’s weird how lights always made things so much more approachable.
“Stay here, I won’t be long,” I assured him. I took the gun he had shoved into his jeans and gave it to him. I knew he wasn’t really in any danger but it would make him feel better.
“His name’s Biff,” Killian called as I walked towards his house.
I rolled my eyes. Of course he named him.
I walked towards his house; from the smell of the air we were in the dead of night. Cats liked to roam around at night, chances were he was nearby. I wanted to get this over and done with. If the kid kept having panic attacks in public people were going to start blaming me.
I walked around the outskirts of his house first; an area I had walked many times over the past several weeks, I had never seen the cat though. I assumed it was probably indoors.
I walked into his house and grabbed a can of fois ras that I immediately spotted on the kitchen table. I dug around before I found a rusted can opener and opened the can.
I ripped a chunk off and put it in my mouth by habit, before immediately spitting it out. After what had happened I don’t think I could ever eat fois ras again. This is what Killian would have ended up tasting like. I spat a bit on his floor and scraped my tongue, feeling a bit queasy.
I shuddered and closed the door with the can still in my hand. I tapped on the can and started walking along the exterior wall.
“Call him,” I heard Killian faintly say, from twenty feet away.
“Come here, kitty,” I said half-assed. I could hear Killian giggle behind me and I rolled my eyes again.
“Kitty, kitty,” I repeated. Killian giggled once more. Well, I was glad he found that amusing.
Whatever made him happy.
“Reaver!” I suddenly heard Killian scream. I whirled around to see the deacdog running towards me with something white in his mouth. My heart sank as I realized it was a cat. This wasn’t going to end well.
Killian didn’t move, but I could see he was hysterical. I started swearing loudly as I ran towards the dog. As he saw me he dropped the cat and sat down like he was proud of it.
To my surprise the cat braced itself as it was dropped. It spun around with reflexes only a cat could have, and swatted the dog on the nose. He then topped it all off with an unimpressed hiss. The big grey deacdog slunk back and laid down beside the arched cat. The cat shot me a look of death, his green eyes extremely pissed off. He seemed to be unharmed though, just a bit drooled on.
“He’s fine,” I called to the frantic boy. I picked up the heavy cat and surprisingly he didn’t claw me to shreds. I jogged over to Killian and pushed the cat into his arms.
“Bastard was just fetching him, didn’t
hurt him, see?” I said calmly. “Murry teaches them to retrieve things. He’s just helping.” At this point this was starting to become really funny to me. It was horrible the kid had to once again be petrified, so horrible though it had become almost amusing.
Killian held the cat out to examine it. He was a giant, fat white cat with browny black patches over him. He looked scruffy and old, but he seemed very tame. Or he was just too fat to do anything.
Killian whimpered and held the cat close to him. I walked over and gave the deacdog a pat, had to give the dumb fuck credit. He knew not to maul Killian’s stray cat. Jeez, that would have been a fucking mess.
The kid, who was probably more than completely shell-shocked right now, just nodded. He was holding the fat cat in a death grip. I did start to feel bad now but just a bit. I wish the world would just give the kid a break.
Once home I quickly filled up a small box with some dirt from one of the small weeder gardens in my backyard. As I did that, Killian unlocked the shed. Last thing I wanted was for the fatso to shit in my house, that would earn his ass a lifetime ban, no matter how loud Killian wailed.
I slipped down into my den, the deacdog had followed us back to the house but he had many decks he could sleep under so I let him do his thing. He would be fine and tomorrow I could send his ass back to Murry’s.
I hoisted myself out of the tunnel and was locking it as the lights turned on. Killian was making himself right at home – this would be his third night here now. I was glad he was comfortable enough to do things like that, saved me the hassle and I wanted him to be relaxed.
I watched him as he held fatso the cat, it was sweet how he was love mauling him. I was glad it was okay, he would have never forgiven me for letting the deacdog eat it. Especially after I had insisted on getting him.
“Could… could I borrow some meat for him? I have a lot at home… I wish I would have remembered to bring some,” he said his voice wobbly. I thought I could see his eyebrow start to twitch and he was gripping that cat rather hard.
“Sit, I’ll feed the cat,” I said. I had thrown away the fois ras, I didn’t even want to hold that shit anymore. I had some canned rat meat he could have, that stuff was as good as pet food anyway.
Killian looked guiltily at me and sat down with the cat on the couch. I opened up the tin and dropped it down onto one of my ceramic plates. It kept the form of the can… it was pretty nasty.
The cat jumped down off Killian’s lap and weaved itself around my legs. I didn’t mind but I scoffed and raised my leg in annoyance anyway, sure enough, Killian giggled. I was learning this kid quick.
I put the plate down and fatso purred and started to eat. Since he was taken care of I went back to my neurotic boyfriend to calm his head down a bit. I put my arm around him and pulled him towards me.
“I’m sorry… I was just… worried about him,” Killian whispered, his voice wavering slightly. “He was my only friend for a long time.”
I rubbed his head as we both watched the fat cat eat ravenously. “Hungry fucker, eh?”
“He likes to eat.” To my surprise as I listened to Killian’s response, I noticed he was holding back tears.
“What’s wrong?”
Killian sniffed and wiped his nose, his voice wobbly with emotion. “I made him fat, I wanted him to stay so I made food for him and fed him. Now he’s going to die because he’s too fat to hunt and I can’t see him from the den.”
I couldn’t help it, I laughed.
Killian looked at me in utter dream-crushing agony, which made me laugh even harder. I couldn’t hold back; the fact that the love-starved boy was in the process of literally loving the cat to death was just funny. And the fact that he was so horrified now was even more funny.
Killian got up and headed to the other end of the den.
“Killi… Killi,” I said through laughing. “Come on, you can keep the cat here, he isn’t going to die.”
Killian stopped and turned around. He looked so hurt it should have made me feel awful but I still found it amusing. I guess his controlled misery was still funny to me.
“Really?” he said in a small, broken voice.
I nodded. “He can live indoors and eat food and get fat. Like a retirement home, but you have to take care of him and clean his shit box.”
That was all he needed to hear. The boy dove into my arms and kissed me, his sullen mood dissolving as he looked up at me with a smile. “You’re amazing.”
I kissed him back and put my arms around his waist. I pulled him closer so he was sitting facing me. He leaned down and kissed me again. I could feel his hand on my neck, under my good ear. It felt nice. I pressed back, and was surprised to feel his lips start to open.
As he started to suck on my lower lip, I moved my lips to the corner of his mouth and kissed him there, before pulling back.
“Let’s play Mario,” I said with a smile.
It wasn’t that I didn’t like it… I did, but tonight wasn’t the night for it. I knew the kid was freaked out and he was looking for comfort in the wrong spots. I knew it probably wouldn’t have gone past heavy kissing but… I don’t know, I would have felt like I was taking advantage of him if I continued. He could get all the love he wanted from whopping my ass at Mario.
Killian looked a bit shunned and embarrassed but that soon disappeared as the game distracted him.
I purposely leaned up against him as we played. At some point, fatso joined us on the couch. He found a nice spot on the arm beside Killian and started licking himself, so I guess he was enjoying being indoors.
After a while we turned the generator off to save on the fuel, and I put on some bluelamps and plugged a heater into one of the batteries. I did some lines and was rolling quils while Killian read some of his textbook crap.
After several hours and a few deliberate yawns we moved to the bedroom.
I averted my gaze as Killian took his pants off, so just his underwear was on. He started putting on one of his undershirts as well. He had piled up all of his clothes on my dresser; I would have to give him a drawer or something eventually. I only had a few different things to wear, most of the drawers and cabinets I had were just full of random pre-Fallocaust junk that I had scavenged.
When I knew he had settled in, I turned off the bluelamp and got into my floor-bed. “If you need me, don’t hesitate to wake me up,” I said with a yawn. I knew I would wake up anyway but I still wanted him to hear it. I shifted my body around trying to get most of myself on the cushions, the damn floor was cold. “I know being outside freaked you out, but don’t worry about going to Reno’s tomorrow. You don’t have any reason to be scared.”
I could see Killian’s chest rise as he sighed. “I won’t be a coward anymore, I’ll be fine.”
I watched as he looked up at the ceiling; he looked so grave and serious. I could see though, that he was trying to look brave. If not for anyone else but for himself. He was determined. I liked that about him, but I knew he was still very naive.
“It’s only been three days,” I said. It seemed like longer, but at the same time, it seemed like it had just happened earlier today. I could feel the twinge in my heart as I went back to the hours where I thought he was dead. I wanted to reach my hand up and take his, but I didn’t.
“I know,” he whispered, his eyes closed. He shifted his knees up to his chest and curled himself up tight, sniffing once before falling silent.
I didn’t speak, just watched him. My body was warm under the blankets, but aching from the ordeal caused by bringing him home. My head still hurt, not just on the outside, but inside as well. I had lied to Killian. I had found myself losing consciousness a few times, and I had been battling bouts of dizziness all day, but I had been hiding them from him as best as I could. No need to worry the kid, nothing could be done about it, it would go away on its own.
I didn’t close my eyes; I knew sleep would come when it was ready. I felt the overwhelming urge to just watch him, like I used to before I h
ad saved him. I was closer now though, no longer sitting on a tree. I could touch him if I wanted to. I could do anything I wanted to him now.
As the silence sunk in around us, I tuned my hearing to listen to his heartbeat. It was almost hypnotic, so steady and strong. I thought it sounded different from all the others I had listened to.
I lay my head on my pillow, still watching him, though the angle I was at only allowed me to see the side of his head, mostly just his blond hair. I watched him and listened to him, and before I knew it, his heartbeat had taken me into sleep.
Chapter 17
Reaver
I think my mind reacted so badly because I hadn’t even realized I had drifted off.
I was still half asleep when I jumped to my feet, looking around wildly for the source. It was a scream and a loud one. I was confused and struggling to become aware, my eyes shooting back and forth trying to find the source.
Then I saw him, I was standing over him. His fingers were gripping the blankets and his teeth were clenched hard. He had been screaming again. This was the first time since I had brought him back that he’d had night terrors.
He let out another agonizing cry and started to groan, twisting and contorting in the blankets. I could feel my heart race in my chest, my breath catching.
I cursed myself for being a coward and knelt down onto the bed. I put my hand on the side of his face and held it.
“Killian? Wake up,” I said. His eyes were half-open but glassy. Looking into the void of nothing, though behind those eyes were probably images more vivid than reality.
Killian’s lips broke apart, his face twisted. I thought he was going to scream but no sound came from him.
I brushed his hair back with one hand, and grabbed his shoulder with the other. I started shaking him awake.
“Wake up, the only way you’re going to feel better is if you wake up,” I said. I patted the side of his face.
“He’ll come,” was Killian's response. His voice was a rat’s nest of choking emotions. His eyes opened a bit more, though they were still unfocused.
