by Quil Carter
“I did, I already did.” I felt a small pull on my heart. Killian looked around, though I knew he wouldn’t be able to see anything. His eyes looked in all directions but saw nothing.
“There’s maggots in the bed.” Killian’s voice suddenly became shrill and full of panic. His glassy eyes reflected in the light, his temples glistened with sweat. I could see his fingers wring the blankets.
I got up and grabbed the bluelamp and turned it back on. I didn’t know why I was bothering as I knew he was hallucinating.
“No, see, none,” I said. I put the bluelamp beside the bed and grabbed a glass of water I had resting beside it.
“Drink this, it will wake you up.” I put it up to his lips and rather forcefully made him drink.
Killian choked and coughed, but I felt the awareness come back to his eyes.
“They didn’t believe me, they laughed at me,” Killian whispered, his voice quick and uneasy. His eyes shot around my bedroom, as if checking to make sure they weren’t there. “But it kept them from raping me. It made them want to get rid of me sooner.”
It took me a second to realize what he was talking about. “You told them I would save you?”
“The Raven.” Killian nodded. “One held my arms back, another one touched me, taunted me, then hit me. Then they put a bag over my head and made me walk. They hit me if I fell behind. I kept tripping on the pavement and landing on my face and chest. The one who wanted to rape me kept trying to buy me. The captain told him I was a liability, another one said they should cut my throat and throw me into the river.”
I felt my heart grow cold and dark. I wanted him to stop talking. I was getting angry but I also wanted to know everything. I wish I could have killed them all over again.
“How many were there?” My voice felt cold and dead on my lips.
The boy scraped his top teeth over his bottom lip. “Six of them found me, we met up with three more including the Dek’ko rep, they let him live after they beat him. Two came off the truck to relieve two of them, they went with me to the factory.”
“I knew there were two that I missed.” My mouth filled with a bitter taste. “I’ll find them.”
“One of them was the one who touched me and wanted to buy me,” Killian said. He pulled his arms closer to his chest. “I recognized his voice.”
“Did you get a name?”
His eyes darted from mine. “No.”
I watched him. He shot me a quick glance before lowering his gaze. I stared at him, not saying a word. I knew he was lying and I knew why. It wasn’t going to fly though. No one was going to touch my partner, or fucking try and buy my partner and be left alive.
The tension could be cut with a knife. Killian’s shoulders were trembling, but I still didn’t speak, I just looked at him.
“Please, don’t make me,” he said, his voice wobbling, “I can’t lose you.”
“You won’t, and you will tell me, and one day you will understand why.”
I could see the tears forming in the corner of his eyes. He stared at the bed, his eyes wide and scared, his hands pressing against his chest.
“I already understand,” he whispered. He closed his eyes tight, and through clenched teeth told me. “They said their names when they took me into the building. Martin Peele is the one who wanted to buy me, Jake Geist was the other one.”
I managed a nod. It wouldn’t have been a good idea for me to speak then. I clenched my fist and took a breath. He looked up at me, looking scared and worried.
“Are they going to come for me?” I heard him say. That was the last straw for me. I knew until those legionary were dead that Killian wouldn’t be able to feel safe outside of Aras, or even this basement. I wasn’t going to have my boyfriend living in fear. For someone like me, that was just… it wasn’t going to happen.
“No, I’m going to fucking come for them,” I snapped.
Killian cowered. I got up and opened the bedroom door, and fetched the radio from the living room, ignoring the cold biting air on my body.
“Rock Hawk,” I said into it. I listened, feeling my heart beating in my chest. Killian let out a desperate No! and I heard him scramble to his feet. I quickly shut the door and held the knob closed with my hand. He started screaming my name in a panic.
A few moments later the radio cracked. “Shadow Cat? What’s wrong?” Reno’s voice was elevated. I realized that it was still late at night, I had probably woke him up. He must have assumed something had happened.
“I need you to stretch those tentacles you have,” I said. Killian was still screaming in the background, he was pleading now. “I need you to find two people for me.”
“Reaver, please!” I heard Killian’s voice choke, he started coughing he was sobbing so much. “I can’t lose you, don’t, let them go. For me? Please? I’m safe, that’s what matters.”
“I think I know who,” Reno said back, his voice held a grim tone. “Names?”
I told him their names, trying to get myself as far away from Killian’s wailing as I could so Reno couldn’t hear him. He would probably think I was torturing the information out of him or something.
“I’ll send it down the pipeline and see what comes up. Alive?”
“Yes,” I said, “usual price. That’s all.”
I went to click the radio off, when Reno’s voice came back on. “Wait. You come up later with the boy, I have his thing.”
“Yep, see you tonight.”
“Out.”
I clicked the radio off. Killian was sobbing quietly in the bedroom. I placed the radio on top of the stove and twisted the cold doorknob in my hand. I could feel the tension, it was thick in the room. I focused my eyes and saw him sitting on the bed, his hands clasped around his neck. Tear drops had fallen on his bare legs, tinted blue with my night vision. He was breathing rapidly again, trying to catch his breath through each silent sob.
I put my hand on his shoulder but to my surprise he jerked it away. He looked up at me. For the first time I could see anger blazing in his eyes like blue fire.
“Do my feelings mean anything to you?” he snapped as he stood up, his fists balled. I stood my ground. I didn’t feel threatened, I was more curious at this new reaction I was seeing. I was surprised he was so angry, I thought he was just going to cry for a while. This was very new and very fascinating.
“That’s all that matters,” I answered honestly. I tried to put my hand on his shoulder again.
I took a step back as he pushed me away angrily. “You’re a fucking liar. My feelings only matter until it’s something you want, then you don’t even care.”
He kept pushing me away. I grabbed his hands and held onto them in a firm grip. Killian struggled, glaring at me with eyes filled with pain and fear. I looked back at him, he fixed his gaze with mine and his eyes softened.
I watched as his face crumbled, then I took him into my arms and held him. He didn’t cry but I could hear him whimpering.
“Don’t leave Aras, please. I’m scared, I… I just have to have you close. I don’t want them getting you. I just got you.”
I swore in my head. I was going, that was decided, but he didn’t need to worry about it until it happened. “You have me.”
I heard him sniff in my ear. I could feel wet tears on my shoulders and the warmth of his breath. The room was growing colder but he was warm against me. I held him a bit tighter, feeling his trembling body against mine.
“I need to protect you, it’s my job. You know who I am, you know I’ll be fine.”
“I don’t know you’ll be fine, neither do you.”
I sighed. I guess he had only seen me within the gates. Out of the corner of his eye, unless I was executing the sick or the condemned. He hadn’t seen me pulling out teeth with pliers or tying legionaries up to posts for ravers to eat. I wasn’t just a sentry and an executioner… I had earned the nickname teufel, meaning devil, for a reason.
“Killian, I murdered six legionaries, brutally… alone, wh
y do you think two will hurt me?”
He pulled away, looking at me with a mixture of doubt and curiosity. “Alone? All six?”
He sat back down on the bed and put a blanket over himself. I sat beside him and told him a toned-down but very detailed version of what I had done. I left out the details about the leader and his son – one day I would tell him, but at this point I didn’t want him to realize how much of a sadistic psychopath I was.
Killian leaned into me and I put my arm on his side. “One of them really killed himself rather than be killed by you?”
I nodded, joyfully reliving the moment in my head. “He watched me eat the other guy’s throat. Guess it scared him.”
“Wow,” Killian whispered.
“I’ll be fine, I’ll bring Reno. He would love to have a go at some legionaries.”
He was silent, but he had stopped trembling; he raised his head and looked at me. “I’m coming.”
I laughed and patted him on the back. “Dream on.”
“No, I am!” Killian said, more determined this time. “If it will be as safe as you say it is, why not?”
“Because you can’t even leave Aras without having a panic attack, and even if you were to come, I’m not risking it. Not with you, no.”
Killian’s shoulders slumped. He moved back onto the bed and lay down. “If you’re not going to risk it with me, why do I have to risk it with you?”
I got up and walked towards my collection of cushions. I didn’t have an answer to that. He wasn’t coming and that was all there was to say. He could try and use all his fancy reasoning if he wanted to, but it wasn’t going to change anything. I didn’t go through everything just to put him at risk again. He was going to stay in Aras until he died of old age, end of discussion.
“Where are you going?” the boy asked, looking up at me from the bed.
“Bed, you’re tired, I’m tired, and I’m not arguing this.”
“Please… don’t sleep on the floor.” Killian sniffed, his voice wobbly and faint. “I won’t touch you, I just want you near me, just tonight.”
My mouth twitched. I would have just rather slept on my cushions, but if he wasn’t going to smother me I guess I could do it.
I got into bed and lay down onto my back. The bed smelled like Killian, so did the pillow. It made my body relax and my mind too. I loved his smell, perhaps it wouldn’t be that bad sleeping beside him.
The boy lay down beside me, on the right side of the bed. He lay over onto his side and pulled the covers up over him. He looked weary and tired. I reminded myself that he’d had a long day, on top of the events of the week.
I watched his small frame quiver under the blankets, his breath quick and sharp. I reached my hand out and brushed his hair back. Killian moved his cheek towards my touch and I found myself putting my hand underneath his face. He laid his cheek against my hand and shifted towards it.
I watched his face, my own hand cradling it, for a long time after. I stroked his cheek a few times when I knew he was asleep. His skin was a bit prickly, but his facial hair seemed soft under my fingers.
It didn’t take me long to fall back asleep.
The square was buzzing with people. As Killian and I walked past the fountain I could make out over a dozen people clustering around Melpin’s bar and Carson’s store. I suspected it was taxes day, which was usually at the end of the month. I wasn’t sure what day it was, I didn’t have to pay taxes or any of that crap, it was taken off of my pay. Greyson and Leo gave up years ago trying to get me to remember to pay them myself. I couldn’t be bothered.
Everyone in Aras paid money each month to stay here, if you had a dangerous job you paid less, if you had no job you paid more. It kept the block running and helped keep everything stocked. For their taxes people got a place to stay, food rations, and access to medicine. Like how it worked before the Fallocaust I think.
As I carried on down the stone street, I could see the block residents watching us. I guessed it was the first time they had seen me with Killian. Or maybe they were just surprised Killian was still alive. Either way I could feel their eyes on me, smart enough not to make any comments though; they knew I would be able to hear them.
“I forgot it was today.” I heard Killian say.
“Who cares, we’ll see them later anyway,” I said, not slowing down. I was dressed for the greywastes, with my M16 on my back and my pistol on my belt. Killian had his handgun with him as well and was wearing my bullet proof vest. I liked how he looked in it; I couldn’t wait to stick an ammo belt and an assault rifle on him.
“Reaver!”
I stopped and let out an exasperated sigh, I couldn’t even go to my friend’s shack without the dads being on my ass. “What,” I called, without turning around.
“Unless you want me to pass out your share of the merchants’ shit to the poor and sick, I suggest you get your snippy ass in here.”
Well, he knew how to make me do something. I turned around and saw the great leader, leaning up against one of the old sheet iron sheds we had in the square. He was wearing a dark green, faded t-shirt and jeans with his own sawn off shotgun strapped to his back. He smiled at me, a cigarette stuck between his teeth and a cowboy hat on his head. He knew he had gotten me with that remark.
Greyson nodded towards one of the shops and went inside. The square was surrounded by old shops. We used a few of them for stores, bars and other things, including storage and even homes. Greyson was ducking into one of our storage areas, used only by the three of us. We kept it locked rather tight; it was where we stored some of our personal supplies. The supplies for the block were stored in the vault of an abandoned bank. We even had a car in there, though it was too low to the ground for it to ever be of use in the greywastes.
“Killian, you get a share of this,” Greyson said as he led us through the dark, dimly lit hallway and into one of the back rooms. “Your share of the gas we gave to Reno as thanks.”
We entered a windowless room, reinforced with metal beams and treated wood. White paint was peeling off of the walls in twisted ribbons. The room smelled like stale blood. I could see blood spots on the burlap sacks and metal chests. I felt the boy cringe beside me.
“Alright, the chest is food, the sacks are random merchandise. Reaver, you can pick a few weapons out of the bunker for you and the kid when you have time.”
“We’re going to Reno’s right now,” I said looking through the thick sack. There were a few things I wouldn’t mind having. A bottle of soap, the kid would like that, and what looked like after shave; that might be interesting to try. I even spotted a few electronic things. I’d have to test them out to see if they worked later.
“Good. There is something else we need to talk about. Killian go wait outside,” Greyson said pointing towards the door.
“He can stay,” I said, giving him a glance. He was my boyfriend now, he was privy to information.
Though my boyfriend didn’t seem to agree. Killian was giving me an uncomfortable look, he probably would have preferred to wait outside.
Greyson looked out the door behind us. “He’s not going to like it. Reaver, the merchants aren’t coming back until this blows over. The legionaries are saying it was the Raven. We have Chive and Domnik heading to Anvil block to make a few announcements on the radio clearing Aras of harbouring the Raven – that is, you. I doubt this will get fixed by the time the rains come. We’re going to need supplies.”
“Reno and myself, no one else,” I said.
Greyson nodded like he had been expecting that. “Done,” he said and continued. “Medical supplies are what I need you to find.”
I wasn’t surprised. They would be the most difficult thing to find. All of the obvious and easily accessible places had been picked clean already. King Silas had vast medical advances thanks to Skytech but for the most part he kept them confined to Skyfall and his labs. Dek’ko rarely brought any to Aras, and anything we found in Anvil or the other blocks were expensive as fu
ck. So we scavenged the abandoned cities for our medicine; we always needed it.
Everything else we could locate. Meat was easy in that respect; we knew where the ravers and radanimals could be found, and in times of shortages we cut out the ration cards anyway. Fuel was expensive but obtainable, we just needed to make a trip to Anvil or Tintown. Medical supplies though, you actually had to scavenge. It was pretty much every man, or block, for themselves.
Reno and I have done a good share of scavenging missions; he and the pseudo dads were the only men I trusted to take along.
“I’ll talk to Reno about it tonight.” I nodded. “I’ll grab the stuff when we come back. We’ll probably be spending the night.”
“I’ll pick the kid up when he’s had enough of you two,” Greyson said with a laugh. We walked back into the square and started towards the north gate.
Killian was silent which surprised me. I was sure he would have something to say about my new scavenging mission.
“Are you going to be okay?” I asked. I got out my M16 and slung it over my shoulder. The boy nodded and brushed his hand over where his handgun was.
It was a few hours into the afternoon, so we still had several hours of daylight left. The greywastes were dangerous, but if you had a gun in the middle of the day, and were basically rubbing up against the deacons in their wall pens, chances are you would be fine. I had walked to Reno’s thousands of times, and I’d also stumbled there and back drunk as fuck. Not the smartest thing and I did get flak for it, but it was safe.
Reno’s house was especially safe; it was small, made of concrete and wood, nestled in a mined quarry and surrounded by sharp rocks. We had made rough trails leading to several watch stations over the years, and carved out some pretty nice lookout points. You could see everything from the top of those sharp cliffs.
Jess let us through the gate and I started slowing my walk so Killian could keep up with me. He still seemed uneasy. I was sure he would be fine, the damn deacons were right beside us.
I looked over at the ugly beasts. They were watching me from their concrete shelters. Their dark patchy skin, bare and covered in scabs, rippled with their muscle movements. They were calm, but their milky eyes never left us as we headed towards the large rocks that hid the trail to the cabin.
