A Day Late and a Dollar Short

by Terry McMillan

  Janelle fold up his letter and then get up and hand it to him, but Lewis got his head down. She put her hand on his shoulder and then kiss the top of his head. "It's okay, Lewis," she say.

  And he just nod his head up and down and say, "I know. I know."

  "It's on me now," Charlotte says, "so sit your butt back down and listen. Wait. Y'all is ... I mean, has everybody been paying attention to the dates on Mama's letters?"

  "Yep," Lewis say. "Mine was pretty obvious."

  "She wrote mine right after we left Vegas," Janelle say.

  "Well, mine is dated the day she left," I say.

  "The day she left to go where?" Janelle ask, and then, I guess before somebody get a chance to say a word, she say, "Strike that. I didn't mean it. know exactly what you meant, Daddy. Sorry. Go ahead, Charlotte. Wher was Paris's written?"

  Charlotte looks down. "Hers got two dates on it. Just the months March and April 1994. Okay, can I start today?"

  "Wait a minute. I wanna take this sweater off," Lewis say. "I'm burning up."

  Everybody watch him, and I just wanna see if he got on a undershirt or not. He do. But if Vy was here I know she would snatch it off his back and go soak it in some light bleach water, 'cause that thang so dingy it look light gray. "Okay," he say.

  "Wait a minute!" Now Janelle got two cents to throw in. "I forgot to tell you that when we finish we're going to draw names."

  "Oh, yeah," Paris say.

  "For Christmas. The four of us will draw a name and we have to make each other a handmade gift. The kids'll do the same thing, except they can buy theirs, but they can't spend more than ten dollars. Tops. And they absolutely positively have to reach the person on or before Christmas Eve- got that, Charlotte?"

  "I heard you! And don't worry. Mine will be on time."

  "One more thing," Lewis say like he deep in thought again. "This may sound stupid to y'all, but, speaking of Christmas, this will be the first one we can't send our mama a card, but I was thinking that maybe we still should."

  "What?" Janelle ask.

  "What I'm saying is, we can still send her cards for Christmas, her birthday, and Mother's Day, like we always did."

  "And send 'em where?" Charlotte ask.

  "To heaven, where else? Just don't put our return address on the envelope. This way we can keep her posted on what's going on in our life."

  "I like that idea," Paris says.

  "Me, too," Janelle says, now that it sunk in.

  "I couldn't agree more," Charlotte says. "Right on, Lewis. Brilliant idea.

  Now, sit your behinds down so I can read this. I wanna hurry up, 'cause it feels like it's almost time for round two for the grub. I'm reading right now, so everybody shut up.

  "March 1994, April 1, 1994

  "Dear Paris:

  "I don't know who told you that you had to be perfect when you grew up. It wasn't nie was it? I hope to hell not, cause if I did, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Or maybe it's just cause you was the oldest you just felt like you had to set a good example for everybody else, was that it? My heart been breaking watching you trying to do everything right, trying to get everything just so. You do a damn good job of it, but it's a hard act to keep up, ain't it? I see the answer when I look at you. It's the reason why you sneak and take them pills that I know damn well ain't no Advil. I remember Liz Taylor got addicted to some pills, too, and I betcha that's what's happening to you. I betcha you don't believe it though, do you? I betcha you think you too damn smart to get strung out on some pills, don't you?"

  "Hold it. Wait a minute here," Charlotte says. "What she mean, strung out? I know you ain't strung out on no pills, are you, Paris?"

  "To put it bluntly, yes. Was. I got addicted to painkillers and just got off of them a couple of months ago."

  "Is that what you've been popping all this time?" Janelle say. "I didn't know those things were addicting."

  "It ain't no crime," Lewis butt in. "She human just like everybody else."

  "Well, did that spa help you, baby?" I ask.

  "It was rehab, Daddy. I only told you guys about the spa because it was right next door. I spent four days at both places."

  "How'd this happen?" Charlotte's asking. "And how come you didn't tell us?"

  "There's a whole lot of reasons."

  "We listening," Charlotte say.

  "I don't want to get into it now. . . ."

  "Get into it," Charlotte says.

  "Yes, do," Janelle says. "Your letter's right here and it'll wait a minute or two." "Okay, well, this is just how I feel, I'm not saying it's true, but, being tht oldest, I've always felt like everybody was always looking up to me, and I don't think I ever really felt entitled to make mistakes. And when I did, I kept them to myself, because it was embarrassing. And I didn't want you guys to think of me as a failure or not being able to hack it. Everybody expected me to be in control, even Mama, so I just got good at faking it. A few trips to the dentist later, I got something that made it easier to cope. I got tired of always being asked to do everything. Tired of coming up with all the answers. And I got tired trying to help solve everybody else's problems but didn't know where to turn when I needed help solving mine."

  "What you think we here for?" Charlotte says.

  "You haven't 'been' here for a long time, Charlotte, and that's the reason I'm glad we're here now. We used to all be tight. Close. Like sisters. And brother. But somewhere along the line we all went our separate ways and became estranged-not strangers, but distant. I feel like I've been out on an island with no boat. I mean, my son got a girl pregnant and I was scared to tell you guys because Dingus is supposed to be such a good kid, and he is, but he's not perfect, and neither am I."

  "Who's pregnant?" Janelle asks.

  "Nobody now. It was Jade."

  "That preacher's daughter?" Charlotte ask.

  "Yes."

  "Them's the one who give it up the most after being in church all day and locked up in the house all night," Charlotte say. "But, anyway, you can call me for now on, you got that?"

  "I got it."

  "I got a phone," Lewis say. "And it won't be getdng cut off any rime soon."

  "Okay," Janelle says. "But I want to know if you still crave those things."

  "I have my moments."

  "Don't give into it," Lewis says. "It's just a trick, believe me."

  "I won't," Paris say, and she look so relieved. That same softness seem to done spread across her face, too. When she lean back against the couch, her shoulders look like they just drop.

  "Okay, I'm reading again!" Charlotte yell.

  "I betcha you think you too smart for a whole lotta shit, don't you, Paris? But let me tell you something you should know by now: ain't no pill in the world can make you feel better from the inside. Ain't no pill gon' make you hurry up and live. Ain't no pill gon' stop you from feeling lonely or take the place of a good fucking orgasm neither. Yeah, I said it. And meant it. So stop fooling yourself. If you can't throw them things in the trash and go on about your business, then go somewhere and let somebody help you get off 'em. And don't be too proud. You ain't done nothing wrong except be human. You are human, Paris, in case you don't know it. I pray to God that you stop trying to be Supertvoman. You can't be everything to everybody. Can't always be a perfect mother and perfect wife and perfect cook and perfect caterer and a perfect woman. This is something I been wanting to tell you for years: you ain't gotta be perfect at every-damn-thing. Do something half-ass. Let the shit stick to the pan and burn. Being mediocre ain't no crime. I been mediocre all my damn life and I think I did all right. Stop thinking you gotta save the whole goddamn world. Save your-damn-self. Lord knows I apologize for begging you to do that TV show. To hell with cooking meals on television can't nobody but you make, no way. I just wanted to see you on TV, that's all. Anyway, I'm sorry for expecting so much from you. You done did so much for me and right this minute I'm clicking my teeth together cause they fit perfect. Thank you for these dentures. Thank you f
or my condo and my car and my cruise. Did I get to go on my cruise? Even if I didn't, I'm cruising now, baby, believe me. Oh! Do this for me. Sleep with somebody just cause the spirit move you. You ain't gotta wait till you in love. Otherwise, you might dry up. Them days of waiting for the phone to ring is long gone. Act like a man. You see somebody you like, talk to him. Ask him out on a date, and even if he reject you, fuck him. Ask somebody else. And keep on asking. As for my grandson? Tell him my choice is USC or Stanford. But he can go wherever he wants to go, just as long as it's a university. And when he throw that first touchdown pass on nationwide TV, tell him to look directly at that camera and blow his granny a big sloppy kiss and I'll get it. Yes indeedy. I love you back to back. Know that.

  "Your Foxy Mom

  "(PS. I forgot. I bet money that if Nathan show up at my funeral, it'll I cause his shit ain't raggedy no more and he gon' try to weasel his way back int you and his son's life. If and when he do, slap him for me and tell him to kec stepping. He had his chance to be a daddy and he blew it. So fuck Itim and th horse he ride in on. Unless of course Dingus feel like being bothered with him What else? Oh yeah. If Lewis ever get his driver's license back, let him have mj car, but tell him don't take my little felt dog whose head shakes back and fortl out the back window. I like that dog. Oh. And one more thing. It wouldn't kil you to join a health club or start jogging. I know you think you cute, but you ain't that cute. You was looking like you was in your first trimester the last time I saw you and your ass was on its way somewhere else. All three of you girls ain't nothing but younger versions of me, except I was sexier and better looking, but you didn't hear that from me, now did you?)"

  Now Paris the one who done lost it. Everybody have. Including me, again. I'm surprised when Charlotte walk over to Paris, grab both her hands and pull her to her feet, give her a big hug, then push her away and hauls off and slap the taste outta her, but Paris look like she was waiting for it, 'cause then she turn right around arid slap the living daylights right back outta Charlotte, and then they put they arms around each other again and cry rill they lips is trembling and they turn into smiles, and then the other kids join in, and the next thang I know, everybody laughing like somebody just told a good joke. I join all four of 'em.

  My babies. My kids. My grown-up children.

  I hear Chanterella crying through the door.

  "Come on in, Brenda, since you're family now, too!" Paris yell out.

  But that door don't open.

  "I want to ask whose house will Thanksgiving be at next year, but I won't, because I'm trying not to be pushy and controlling, which is why I'll just sit here and chill and wait for somebody else to ask."

  She look around the room and don't nobody say nothing, 'cause everybody acting like they don't hear her.

  "Okay, I'm taking one step at a time trying to change my evil ways, but I guess I'll just have to start again tomorrow. . . ." "No you won't," I say. "Have a seat, Paris. And relax."

  "Right on, Daddy!" Janelle say.

  Paris sits on down and crosses her legs like them people do who meditate.

  "For your mama's sake, and mine, which of y'all kids will have Thanksgiving dinner at they house next year?"

  Charlotte say: "Well, me and Al is, are, thinking about building a house big enough for all y'all, but we positive the foundation won't be dug by next November, and, plus, it's too damn-I mean, it's just too doggone cold in Chicago."

  "How big do a house have to be to eat in it?" I ask.

  "Bigger than our litde duplex, I'll tell you that much," Janelle says. "Our place is so small, Shanice and I bump knees under the table. But, if all goes well, and Orange Blossom and I manage to branch out in two years' time, hopefully it won't be."

  "That said, I wish you the best of luck in your new career, Janelle. Now, your mama had asked that y'all meet at each other's house, but since everybody seem to have a reason why they might not be able to, me and Brenda is buying us a nice spread in Vegas and it'll be ready in six weeks, and since we never did have the family reunion like we was supposed to, we wouldn't mind if everybody was to come spend it with us, would we, Brenda?"

  "No, we wouldn't mind one bit," she say through the door.

  "We can have it at my house next year," Lewis say.

  Everybody turn and look at him like he some kinda alien or something. But not me, I'm smiling.

  "What house?" Charlotte asks.

  "Yeah, what house?" Paris say.

  "The one I'll have by next Thanksgiving," my son say, and we all know he mean it. "And, Daddy, thanks for the gesture, but I think there's quite a few other weekends we'll find to come visit you. Is that all right?"

  "That's all right," I say, and his sisters walk over and give him a high five, and then he come over to me and we look each other in the eye and smile for the first time in years, and I give him some skin, too, but on the black- hand side.

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