Too Cool for This School

by Kristen Tracy

  “Um … that’s a lot of people,” I said. “I’ll have to check with my mom.” Check with my mom? What was I doing? I wasn’t supposed to be planning a party for Mint. I was supposed to be telling Todd how I really felt about everything.

  “Her favorite dessert is Boston cream pie,” Todd said.

  How does he know that? Does he know my favorite dessert? Staring into his soft brown eyes made my heartbeat speed up. He needed to stop thinking about Mint. He needed to start thinking about us. This was up to me. It was time for me to tell Todd that Mint was actually an evil and manipulative person who didn’t care about anybody but herself. I wrung my hands. I put them in my pockets and took them out of my pockets.

  “What’s wrong?” Todd asked me.

  I took a deep breath. “Mint is not who you think she is.”

  Upon hearing this, Todd’s face made three different expressions. First, surprise. Second, suspicion. Third, confusion. He glanced at the glacier sketch Kimmie had given him.

  “What do you mean?” he asked.

  I thought it was a good sign that he wanted me to elaborate.

  “I mean that Mint is a fraud,” I explained.

  He kept looking at the glacier diagram. “Huh?”

  “She wants everybody to think that she’s super cool and interesting, but she’s actually really weird. I mean, she took a taxi from the airport and she ended up flirting with the cabdriver the whole way to my house.”

  “Really?” Todd asked. He looked like he didn’t believe me.

  “Diego,” I said. “She’s still writing about him in her journal.”

  “Are you sure?” Todd asked.

  “Yeah,” I said. “And she’s destroyed some of my clothes while she’s been here.”

  “How?” Todd asked.

  “She trashes them with paint,” I said.

  Todd nodded. “Yeah, but they still look cool.”

  What a rotten thing to say to me. They did not still look cool.

  “You shouldn’t try to defend her,” I said. “She has a very evil other side.”

  “It’s just so hard to believe,” Todd said.

  What was so hard about believing it? “Well, Mint acts a lot nicer than she actually is.”

  Then Todd did something terrible. He squinted at me like he doubted what I was telling him. We had such a long history together. How could he doubt me?

  “Did Ava tell you to tell me this? Is this about Jagger?” Todd asked.

  I was floored. How could Todd even think that?

  “Ava threw up four times yesterday and I haven’t even talked to her,” I said. The words raced out of me. Only after I saw Todd’s face flood with disgust did I realize maybe I shouldn’t have told him about Ava’s vomit issues.

  “Gross,” Todd said.

  That word was tough to hear, because it basically meant that he thought Ava was gross and Mint was cool. That wasn’t what I wanted him to think at all. “Forget what I said about Ava throwing up,” I said.

  “I’ll try,” Todd said.

  I took another deep breath. “Ava didn’t send me to talk with you. It’s just, I don’t know. Ever since Mint showed up, everything has changed.”

  Todd looked at me as if he wanted me to explain more. So I did.

  “Everybody talks about her,” I said.

  “She’s interesting,” Todd replied.

  Gag.

  “Maybe. But stuff changed between us too. I don’t see you as much anymore,” I said.

  “What do you mean?” Todd asked. “I feel like I see you now more than ever. I mean, I get to hang out at your house and make props.”

  He was missing the bigger picture. “Not with me. You make props with Mint and you also play that dwarf game with her.”

  “We were assigned to be in the same group,” Todd said.

  “But she’s leaving! She shouldn’t have even been assigned to a group. Her grades don’t even matter.” But I stopped talking before I revealed more.

  “Wow,” Todd said. “You’re really upset.”

  I was beyond upset. And it was clear to me that I wasn’t going to be able to change Todd’s mind about Mint. So I moved on to the next thing I wanted to talk about with him.

  “So are we going out or what?” I asked.

  “What?” Todd asked. “What are you talking about?”

  “Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about,” I said. “Are we going out?”

  “I asked you if you wanted to go out at the end of summer and you said you didn’t want to be official,” Todd said.

  Regret tumbled through me. I’d just been nervous. That wasn’t how I really felt. “I don’t think those were my exact words.”

  “Lunch is going to end. Let’s go eat and talk about this later,” Todd said.

  Things felt very unsettled, but I didn’t want to pressure him any more.

  “Okay. I need to get my wallet,” I said. I’d left my lunch money in my desk.

  “I’ll save you a place in line,” Todd said.

  Cool. If he was saving me a place, it meant I hadn’t freaked him out.

  And that was when I went back into Mr. Guzman’s classroom and saw Ava.

  “You’re feeling better!” I cheered as I raced toward her.

  I didn’t even realize she was standing at the wrong desk. I didn’t realize that until she said, “Shhh. I’ve got four more desks to go, and I’ve got to finish before Mr. Guzman comes back.”

  “Finish what?” I asked.

  That was when I saw the notes. They had our classmates’ names written on them. Uh-oh. Did Ava write crazy mean notes about Mint to our entire class? That would probably be a mistake, because, as unbelievable as it was, our class really seemed to like Mint.

  “You probably shouldn’t be doing that,” I said as I watched Ava stick a note inside Jagger’s desk.

  “People need to know,” Ava said. “They need to understand what a mean, judgmental dweeb your cousin is.”

  Complaining to Todd about Mint was one thing, but notifying our entire class in writing seemed extreme. I saw that the last note Ava put inside somebody’s desk had Mint’s handwriting on it. The only time I’d ever seen Mint’s handwriting was in her diary. Were those notes from her diary?

  “What are these from?” I asked.

  Had Ava broken into my house when I was at school? That was totally crazy. Was Ava totally crazy?

  “Her diary. When I was over at your house for our three-way call, I took pictures of some pages with my phone. I printed out the best sections and voilà! I’m ruining Mint’s life.”

  “Ava! What do they say?” I asked.

  I hadn’t read Mint’s journal, but I sort of thought Ava should describe the contents of the messages right now. I should know what she stuffed in our classmates’ desks.

  “I used the pages where she says stuff about people in our class and Mr. Guzman and Diego to create a collage!”

  I blinked a lot. Like maybe if I did it enough I could blink away reality and turn this all into a dream. Of course, that didn’t happen.

  “This is a bad idea,” I said.

  “Maybe,” Ava said. “But I didn’t ask for Mint to come to Santa Fe and wreck my life. And it’s only fair that I wreck hers.”

  “Let’s think this over,” I said. Yes, Mint had come to Santa Fe. And somewhere in her inability to blend she’d stolen that light that usually glowed above Ava. But was that light really supposed to glow all the time? Was it possible to share the light? Should you really destroy somebody for just being such a weird and unique person that they wind up on the news and go viral?

  And then Mr. Guzman walked into the room.

  “Well, it’s too late now,” Ava said.

  “You shouldn’t be in here during lunch,” Mr. Guzman said.

  “I forgot my money,” I said.

  “Mr. Guzman!” a voice yelled. “The water fountain won’t shut off. It’s like a monsoon! Come quick!”

  Mr. Guz
man hurried out. And it was as if I’d been given a gift. I lifted up Todd’s desktop and grabbed a note. As quickly as I could, I unfolded it and saw that at the top there was a title: Here Is What Mint REALLY Thinks of Us. Then there was a list of quotes in Mint’s handwriting. The one with my name in it caught my eye.

  Lane should go to clown college. She has an awful sense of humor.

  “I have a great sense of humor,” I said.

  But Ava didn’t want to listen to me defend myself against Mint’s stolen diary quotes.

  “Leave it,” she said, grabbing the list from me and shoving it back in Todd’s desk.

  “Ava,” I said. “Give that back to me.”

  “No.” She climbed onto Todd’s chair and sat on his desk. “He deserves to know what your awful cousin thinks.”

  Did he? Did Todd need to know what else Mint wrote in her diary about him? Did I need to know what else Mint wrote about me? I didn’t think so. As much as I hated my cousin right now, it felt as if Ava had crossed a line.

  “I don’t even recognize you,” Ava said.

  “I don’t recognize you,” I said.

  “Girls. You can’t be in here during lunch.” Mr. Guzman entered the classroom again and flashed the lights on and off.

  And so I walked out of the room.

  What did she say about everyone else?

  All I knew was that people were going to be hurt and lives were going to be changed. And there was nothing I could do.

  23

  My life as I knew it was ending. And so was Mint’s. Things began falling apart right after lunch. Tuma approached me. And he looked upset.

  “Is it true that your cousin is leaving to go back to Alaska?” he asked. His face was pink and pinched with anger.

  “Yeah,” I said.

  “Good!” he said. Then he stomped off to his desk.

  He knew. Tuma had read the insult list. I sat at my own desk and held my breath. It was only a matter of minutes. Maybe even seconds. I picked up my Algebra Readiness book and held it close to me.

  “Lane,” Lucia whispered in a voice way too loud to be a whisper. “Lane.”

  I didn’t know what to do. Why should I have to deal with any of this? With my Algebra book still in my arms, I jumped up and hurried over to Ms. Fritz.

  “I really need to go to the bathroom,” I said. Normally, I would have phrased that differently. I would have simply asked for a bathroom pass. But the pressure had gotten to me.

  “Let me get you a pass,” she said.

  But I didn’t even wait for one. I just ran out of there.

  “Lane!” somebody called behind me. I looked. It was Lucia. But I didn’t stop. I sped down the hallway past an open classroom door. Derek waved as I raced by.

  “Lane!” Lucia called again.

  Her sneakers squeaked as she chased me. Then I heard the sound of another pair of shoes. I turned around. Now I was being chased by Lucia and Derek. I sped up. When I reached a door that led outside, I burst through it. Once daylight hit me, I paused. Because where was I going to go?

  “Lane!” Lucia said as she pushed the door open. “Stop.”

  Derek was there too. All three of us stood outside the building staring at each other.

  “Did Mint really write these things?” Lucia asked me, her voice filled with anger.

  The bright sunlight continued to pound me. “Um,” I said.

  “Tell me!” Lucia said.

  “Calm down,” I said.

  “Your friend is really hyper,” Derek said.

  Why was he even here? I mean, he really did not belong in this picture.

  “Derek,” I said. “You should go back to class.”

  “First tell me what’s going on,” he said. “Is this about the flash mob?”

  An hour ago my life had problems, but they were simple. My cousin was in a flash mob and I hated her but she was leaving town soon so it didn’t really matter all that much. Now my problems were much more complicated.

  “No,” I said.

  “I really want to talk to you alone,” Lucia said.

  She was right. “Derek,” I said, gently touching his elbow. “This is private.”

  He seemed a little hurt when I said that. “So you only want my help when you’re desperate?” he asked.

  He seemed pretty upset, and that surprised me. “I didn’t mean it that way,” I said, trying to sound as kind as possible. “But this isn’t about you.”

  He stiffened and looked even more hurt. “Fine,” he said. “Peace out.”

  And he was gone just like that.

  “What was that about?” Lucia asked.

  I didn’t know how to explain Derek’s behavior. And I certainly didn’t want to confess that I’d asked him to spy on Mint. So I dodged all her questions. “Lucia, that’s like the millionth question you’ve asked me in the last ten minutes,” I said defensively. “I don’t know the answer to everything.”

  “Don’t snap at me,” Lucia said. “I’m just trying to be a good friend.”

  Lucia was right. This wasn’t her fault, but I wasn’t sure how much to tell her. I didn’t want to rat on Ava for putting that list in people’s desks. And I didn’t want to rat on Mint either, even though I couldn’t stand her, because it seemed unfair to steal somebody’s personal thoughts.

  “I’m not exactly sure what’s happening,” I said.

  “Let’s forget Derek and focus on the list. It looks like Mint’s handwriting,” Lucia said. “Who put the list together? Was it Ava? Was it you?”

  How could Lucia think I would do such a thing?

  “I don’t really know what to tell you,” I said.

  “People are so mad,” Lucia said. “Rachel cried.”

  That sucked. Didn’t Ava think about the consequences of making an insult collage? This wasn’t just about Mint anymore. “What did the list say about Rachel?” I asked.

  Lucia didn’t answer me. “The problem with the list is that it’s sort of true, but it’s stuff that nobody really says. Observationally speaking, whoever wrote these things was very accurate.”

  “I don’t think so,” I said. “Mint said I don’t have a good sense of humor and need to go to clown school, and that’s seriously inaccurate.”

  “I knew Mint wrote the quotes!” Lucia said.

  I couldn’t believe Lucia tried to trick me during a time of crisis. “You should show me your sheet,” I said. Ava hadn’t given me one, and I felt I needed to know what Mint had said about everybody.

  “Okay,” Lucia said. “But they’re mean.”

  This insult list was just as awful as I thought it would be.

  Lucia has a big wart on her hand. It looks worse than Ava’s cello callus.

  Kimmie took off her socks in the kitchen and her feet looked like potatoes.

  Squids have three hearts and are extremely intelligent. I bet a squid could beat Rachel on an IQ test.

  Todd was such a follower on the pirate ship today. He is clueless when it comes to strafing.

  Felipe’s dog and his mom have the same hairstyle.

  On Thursday, Mr. Guzman smelled like a pizza fart.

  Paulette complains about PE way too much. She is such a weenie.

  I find Diego fascinating. Except I wish he didn’t have smoker’s breath.

  Coral Carter is delusional if she thinks Tuma likes her. She needs to enter reality and breathe.

  Saw Ms. Knapp at the grocery store buying hemorrhoid cream, superglue, and a piñata. Freaky.

  Tuma has slumpy shoulders. He should try doing push-ups.

  If Jagger got lost in the woods he’d die, because he has zero sense of direction. It’s why he gets stuck in the slime caves forever.

  “Okay,” I said, thrusting the list back at her. “I’ve read enough.”

  “But you didn’t make it through the whole thing,” Lucia said. “She mentions some people more than once.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “I get it.”

  I thought what Mint s
aid about us was a little bit mean, but not nearly as mean as what Ava had done by going through her diary and selecting the quotes.

  “How can Mint keep going to school?” Lucia asked.

  “She only had two more days,” I said. “She flies out on Sunday.”

  “I don’t think she can make it two more days,” Lucia said. “Our whole class hates her. Even the nice kids.”

  This sucked. I thought back to my dad’s words on Mint’s first day of school. “She’s your flesh and blood. Protect her.” I pictured her trapped in the classroom like a caged animal. Helpless. And also ridiculous-looking, because today she’d insisted on wearing a shirt she had bought off the Internet emblazoned with the words NORTH DAKOTANS CAN DANCE!

  I opened the door to the school. “You go back to class. I’ve got to get her out of there.”

  I walked straight to the office and told the secretary that I wasn’t feeling well and that I needed to call my mom. And then, when I got my mom on the phone, I told her something that was pretty close to true. “Please come pick up me and Mint right now. We’re both sick.”

  The secretary frowned at me sympathetically, as if she was sorry to learn this.

  “Do you want to wait here and I’ll go get your cousin?” she asked.

  That sounded like a great idea. “Yes,” I said, taking a seat in a chair beside her desk. “Angelina Mint Taravel. She’s in Ms. Fritz’s class.”

  As I sat there waiting, I wondered what Mint would say to me. Would she yell? Or maybe she’d give me the silent treatment? Maybe she’d give me a combination of those things. Or maybe she’d realize this was all Ava’s doing and not blame me at all. Then I stopped wondering about what Mint would do, because she entered the office and was standing right next to me.

  “So I’m really sick, huh?” Mint whispered angrily. “Okay. I’ll wait for your mom out front. Why don’t you stay and wait right here.”

  She looked furious. Didn’t she understand that I was trying to help her? I felt that I needed to let her know that I really hadn’t had anything to do with this mess. Really, we were both victims. But she didn’t want to hear it. She turned to leave.