Almost Doesn't Count

by Angela Winters

  Terrell Nicolli was Erica’s ex-fiancé, a boy she had met when she was just twenty-one years old. She was working hard, trying to be a mom to her brother, Nate, so she had little time for a man in her life. But Terrell was persistent. He was a hustler from the southeast side of town nearby where Erica had grown up. When they’d first met, he was dangerous and sexy, but as Erica matured, she wanted something more stable and legit. Terrell loved her enough to go on the straight and narrow, and she responded to this life change with her devoted love.

  He had moved up from cleaning cars for Destin Limousine Services to driving them. Over the four years they were together, he occasionally fell into some old habits, looking for ways to make a quick buck. Erica had forgiven him the times she’d found out, but most times he was able to keep it from her. When they got engaged, Erica thought their worst days were behind them. When she found out that he was intending to blackmail Jonah over his affair with Sherise, Erica just couldn’t find it in her heart to forgive. Sherise was her best friend, more like a sister to her, and he was willing to destroy her life for an extra buck, not to mention ruin Erica’s career at the Defense Department.

  She believed him when he told her he was sorry, and she appreciated what he’d found out about Jonah being her father, but there was no way she could marry him. He begged her to reconsider, but she was too preoccupied with the shock of finding out Jonah was her father to try to work it out with him.

  Terrell never gave up, but tried to give Erica her space. He would still text her or e-mail her from time to time. She rarely responded. Thinking of him made her think of all the bad things that were happening in her life. He would ask if he could call. At first she told him no, but after a couple of months, she agreed to let him call. When he would, they would talk, she would pick a fight, but he wouldn’t get angry. He knew she was testing him and he learned how to pass every test.

  When Erica finally agreed to start seeing him again, there was a part of her that knew this was inevitable. She had put a lot of years into her relationship with Terrell, and she believed he loved her. As her anger over the situation with Jonah began to subside, she found her heart wanting to forgive him. She missed him and the familiar warmth his touch gave her.

  “You gonna tell them about us?” he asked.

  “Is that what you called me for?” Erica asked back.

  Even though they had gone out on a few dates and even kissed, Erica had not told Sherise and Billie about it. It was very rare that they kept secrets from each other, no matter what the consequences, but something told Erica her reawakening relationship with Terrell should be kept between the two of them while it was still so tenuous.

  “You know what Sherise’s stuck-up ass is gonna say,” Terrell said.

  “Considering what you almost did to her,” Erica started, but caught herself. There was no need to rehash the past. “I’m thinking about it.”

  “You know”—there was a heavy sigh on the other end of the line—“I’ve wanted to try and make it up to Sherise, but you kept telling me to stay away from her.”

  “I know what I’m doing,” Erica said. “Sherise holds grudges . . . forever. Besides, you need to focus all your energy on my forgiveness, not hers.”

  “I’m trying, baby.” He laughed. “If you let me, I can remind you of how convincing my apologies can be.”

  “Slow your roll,” she said as she reached the door to the club.

  They’d shared their first post-breakup passionate kiss only a couple of weeks ago. Their kisses had grown even more intense since then. Terrell had been eager to take their relationship back into the bedroom, but Erica wasn’t having it.

  “You have to win my heart the old-fashioned way,” she said.

  “Baby, ain’t nothing more old fashioned than a man and woman making love.”

  “I’m not ready yet, Terrell.”

  Erica didn’t want good sex—or great sex, as it would be more accurately described with Terrell—clouding her mind. She was as horny as she’d ever been in her life, but she had to keep her head on straight.

  “Yet?” he asked, excited. “That means it will happen and that’s all I care about. I love you, baby.”

  “I have to go,” she said, warming at the sound of his last words, but being honest with herself in knowing that they weren’t enough.

  “Hello, ladies,” Erica said as she approached the table where Sherise and Billie were sitting, already starting on their cosmopolitans.

  “What is that smile for?” Sherise asked, curious. Erica’s attitude had been pretty stinky for months now so this smile was new.

  “Smile?” Erica shrugged her shoulders as she sat down and tossed her purse underneath the table. “I’m just happy to see my girls after a hard day’s work.”

  “Bullshit,” Sherise said, leaning forward. “You got some?”

  “Sherise.” Billie hit Sherise on the arm, laughing.

  “No,” Erica said, even though she couldn’t help but smile. “I’m not even thinking about sex right now.”

  “I call bullshit again.” Sherise leaned back in her chair and took a sip of her drink. “Every hot-blooded woman is thinking about sex at the club. Especially Billie.”

  Billie, mid-sip, almost spit out her drink. “When did this come around to me? I’m minding my own business.”

  “I’m starting to get worried about you.” Sherise analyzed her friend, looking her up and down. “I’m afraid your business is gonna heal over.”

  “Hymens don’t reform,” Billie said. “We’ve been over this. Also, six months is not that long to go without sex. You married people forget that.”

  “You haven’t had sex in six months?” Erica asked.

  Billie shrank in the seat. Erica had practically yelled the question to be heard over the increasingly loud club just as an attractive male waiter came to their table. He was the only person who looked more uncomfortable than her.

  “Should I come back?” he asked nervously.

  Sherise was laughing while Billie covered her face with her hand.

  “No.” Erica leaned over to him. “I’ll have an amaretto sour.”

  “Okay.” He smiled back before turning to Billie. “Six months isn’t that long, even though you are about the finest woman in this club.”

  “Excuse me?” Sherise asked.

  Billie smiled, not as embarrassed as she had been only a second ago. It wasn’t often that she didn’t feel overshadowed by Sherise.

  “Thank you,” she said politely with a flirtatious smile.

  “So, are you interested in helping her out?” Sherise asked, looking the waiter up and down.

  He looked at Sherise with an amused smile. “Me?”

  “Sherise!” Billie warned. “She’s just kidding. Don’t—”

  “No, I’m not,” Sherise said. “She doesn’t have the balls to get back in the saddle on her own, so I’m helping her out. You interested?”

  “More like pimping her out,” Erica said. “Leave him alone.”

  “I would be,” he answered. “If I was into girls.”

  “No,” Sherise said. “I have excellent gaydar and you are not gay.”

  “As a bird,” he said. “We’re not all fabulous, you know.”

  As he walked away, all three girls burst into laughter.

  “Why are we laughing?” Sherise asked. “Men like him get women into all kinds of trouble. You could’ve wasted your whole night flirting with him. Needs a damn stamp on his forehead.”

  “I wouldn’t have been flirting with him,” Billie said. “He’s not my type.”

  “He has a dick,” Sherise said. “That needs to be your type right now. Seriously, Billie, this thing you have with needing a relationship to have sex with someone is ridiculous.”

  “Don’t get us wrong,” Erica said. “We are both beyond happy and proud that you aren’t falling into bed with Porter anymore, but that wasn’t the only step in getting on with your life. You have to actually get on with it.”


  “That means getting on someone else,” Sherise added. “Or under them.”

  “You’re right,” Billie said.

  Sherise looked shocked. “Really? No more fighting me with waste-of-time pious arguments against casual sex?”

  The truth was, Billie was horny beyond words. She was lonely and frustrated, and being a thirty-year-old single black woman in DC, she wasn’t going to get anywhere just waiting around for someone to show up.

  “So what do I do?” she asked. She hadn’t dated since meeting Porter in law school.

  “I got this,” Sherise said. “I know all the single, straight men in DC and—”

  “Are you sure?” Erica asked, nodding toward their waiter, who was standing at the bar talking to the bartender.

  “Shut up,” Sherise snapped. “I will find you a man, Billie.”

  “Just be open,” Erica said. “Make eye contact with the guys here. If one comes up and asks you to dance, say yes.”

  “I’m not gonna meet my next boyfriend in a club,” Billie said. “No way.”

  “Just a dance,” Erica said. “You don’t want to go home with anyone here.”

  “She doesn’t?” Sherise asked.

  “No,” Erica answered, “but you want to flirt. You want to get that mojo going again. You trust me, don’t you?”

  She did. Billie trusted Erica and Sherise more than anyone else in this world. They were more than her best friends. They were her sisters. Their life together despite being different ages, growing up on the same block, in the same neighborhood in southeast hadn’t been easy, but together they made memories to last forever and formed a pact, a promise to be there for each other and make a success out of their lives even though the world was telling them they weren’t meant to.

  They faced a lot of challenges as children, watching other girls and boys around them get lost in a system that was setting them up to fail. They knew there was a better life and they knew they would need each other to get through it. That meant focusing on their education, no getting in trouble, no drugs, and no getting pregnant.

  It was harder on some of them than others. Neither Erica nor Sherise had a father around. Billie’s father had been around until he was sent to prison for a crime he didn’t commit. Sherise’s mother didn’t care about her, but both Erica and Billie had loving mothers until they lost both women to cancer.

  In the end, it was the three of them that picked each other up when setbacks knocked them down, and they kept each other focused on having a better life than the one they started with.

  “I trust you.” Billie pointed to Erica but turned to Sherise with a scornful stare. “But not you.”

  Sherise rolled her eyes to signal how little that mattered to her. “I always only do what is best for you, and getting some non-Porter booty is what is best for you right now.”

  “What about you?” Billie asked, eager to take the focus off her sex life.

  Sherise knew what she meant, but smiled with an evil grin. “All my booty is Porter-free. Always has been and always will be.”

  “Amen,” Erica added as she felt her cell phone vibrate in her pocket.

  “You know what I’m talking about,” Billie said.

  Sherise hadn’t always stuck to their promise to tell each other everything. While she had told them about her flirtation with Ryan Hodgkins, even going so far as to confess she had kissed him passionately, Sherise had never told them she actually slept with Ryan. Both girls encouraged her to stop seeing him immediately and she’d told them that she had. Of course, she hadn’t.

  When she’d found out she was pregnant, she told herself that, for Cady’s sake, she was going to take her night with Ryan to the grave. After all, she could be Justin’s, and even telling the girls, despite their vow to keep each other’s secrets, even the slightest chance it could get out and ruin her marriage—Cady’s chance to have her parents raise her together—was not worth it.

  She had told them everything about her affair with Jonah Dolan because she had no choice. The affair was merging into their lives and she needed her girls to help her deal with the mess she had gotten in. Unlike Ryan, Jonah wasn’t willing to let her go at first. Now, with her attempts to get pregnant not working out and her sex life with Justin losing its steam, Billie and Erica were the only two people she could talk to about it.

  “Don’t get me started,” Sherise said.

  “Isn’t that the problem?” Billie asked, laughing. “He’s not getting you started.”

  Sherise’s eyes turned slits as she glared at Billie. “Ha, ha. You’re so funny. You know we’re only having sex like once a week now.”

  “That isn’t bad for a lot of married couples,” Erica said as she read the message from Terrell telling her how he was looking forward to their dinner tomorrow night. “That’s what I hear at least.”

  “It’s bad for us,” Sherise said. “And it’s bad for anyone trying to have a baby. I’ll be ovulating in a few days.”

  “It’s your anger,” Billie said. “You resent him for having to quit your job and it’s keeping you from really committing to having this baby.”

  While Sherise didn’t doubt the underlying premise of Billie’s words, she doubted a little resentment could prevent sperm from implanting an egg.

  “I had to quit,” Sherise said. “I lost sight of my priorities. Jonah was gonna fuck up everything.”

  “Erica made sure he’s not a threat to any of us anymore,” Billie said. “You need to get over all that.”

  “I feel like I have,” Sherise argued. “I really wanted to get pregnant when we started this. I wanted to make Justin happy.”

  “But you’re not happy,” Billie said.

  Sherise shook her head. “I’m trying to be, but I’m just not into it. I feel like the world is passing me by and I’m sitting around waiting to get pregnant.”

  “And taking care of Cady,” Billie reminded her.

  Sherise smiled. “If it wasn’t for her, I would shrivel up and die. But, it’s not just me. Justin seems to have . . . given up. He’s the one who wanted another baby so bad. Things are just off.”

  “If you’re not going to see a marriage counselor,” Billie said, “you need to at least see a fertility specialist. Isn’t that what Justin wants?”

  “It was what he wanted.” Sherise had been scared to death to go see a specialist. If they found out that Justin was shooting blanks, all hell would break loose. “He doesn’t ask about it so much anymore.”

  Billie was about to mention how that wasn’t a good sign, but was distracted by Erica’s laughter. Was this funny to her? She turned to her and noticed that Erica was no longer involved in their conversation. She was texting furiously with a smile on her face.

  “Who are you texting?” Sherise asked angrily.

  Erica pressed send before looking up. Both Billie and Sherise had an expectant look on their faces. Well, this was as good a time as any. Erica sighed, trying to relax before the expected onslaught.

  “I have something to tell you both,” Erica said, zeroing in on Sherise. “And I don’t want to hear shit from you.”

  “You’ll only hear the truth from us,” Billie said. “Whether you think it’s shit or not is up to you.”

  Sherise gasped. “You’ve got a new boyfriend?”

  “Well . . .” Erica started.

  “I knew it.” Sherise was getting excited. “That smile on your face. It’s the kind of smile caused by a man.”

  “Who is he?” Billie asked, excited.

  “Don’t get excited yet,” Erica said. “But Sherise is kind of right. I am seeing someone, but he’s not new.”

  Sherise felt a brick in her stomach as she threw her hands in the air. “Oh, for Christ’s sake!”

  The waiter suddenly returned with Erica’s drink.

  Billie took a second before realizing what she was saying. “Wait . . . what? You’re . . . what? Terrell?”

  Erica nodded nervously as she grabbed the drin
k and quickly thanked the waiter before taking a sip. She should have ordered something stronger.

  The waiter started, “Can I get you ladies any—”

  “Are you out of your fucking mind?” Sherise asked.

  “What a surprise,” Erica said. “Sherise is judgmental instead of supportive.”

  “Wait!” Sherise called after the waiter, who had started walking away. “Shots. Bring shots.”

  “Of what?” he asked. “How many?”

  “Just make them strong and bring three,” she answered.

  “I don’t want a shot,” Billie said.

  “Neither do I,” Erica added.

  “They’re all for me,” Sherise said. “As fast as you can, please.”

  “Let’s just stay calm,” Billie said to Sherise before turning to Erica. “Really, girl? I thought you were done with him?”

  “I was never done with him,” Erica said. “I told you guys that I still loved him.”

  “But you promised you would get over him,” Sherise said. “You promised to stay away.”

  “That wasn’t as easy to do as I thought,” Erica said. “Things have changed and he sort of . . . he slowly worked his way back into my heart.”

  Erica was smiling as she spoke, but from the looks on Billie’s and Sherise’s face, she was alone in this. “Okay, listen. I was cautious, too, but he’s really sorry. We spent a long time talking and working through our issues.”

  “A long time?” Billie asked. “Why are we just now hearing this?”

  “Why?” Sherise asked. “Because she knew we wouldn’t approve. Why else would she keep it a secret?”

  “I don’t need your approval,” Erica said even though it wasn’t true. What Billie and Sherise thought meant more than anything to her, but she wasn’t going to back down. “I’m seeing him again and I just wanted to keep it between us until I knew it was what I wanted.”

  “Erica,” Sherise whined. “You had a chance to trade up. You could have gone out with any of the guys I tried to set you up with. You could have gone out with anyone else. Why would you go back to this hood?”

  “He’s not a hood,” Erica snapped.

  “No,” Sherise agreed. “You’re right. He’s bumped up to extortion, so what does that make him? A high-class hustler?”