Almost Doesn't Count

by Angela Winters

  Sherise lowered her head, her tears dropping to the ground. “No. No, I don’t.”

  “Jesus Christ. This is completely fucked up.” Billie shoved Sherise’s hand from her shoulder and turned away. “You had a chance to come clean with us earlier tonight. I thought you had. But you were still holding out. You were holding out the most important part.”

  “No, I wasn’t,” she insisted. “Who Cady’s father is is between me and Justin.”

  “Stop it,” Billie said. “Stop making excuses. That’s not how we work. That’s not our relationship and you know it. If you didn’t want to tell us everything, you shouldn’t have asked for our help.”

  “Fine.” Sherise lifted her head defiantly. “Fine, I’ll just deal with this on my own. I got into this on my own. I’ll solve it on my own.”

  As she wiped her tears away from her cheeks, Billie turned back to her.

  “No, you won’t,” Billie said. “That’s not how we work either. Dammit, Sherise. You really fucked up, but we’ll figure it out.”

  “How?”

  “First,” Billie said, “we need to find out the truth about Cady.”

  “No,” Sherise said, shaking her head. “If it’s true that she’s Ryan’s and not . . .”

  “You don’t have the luxury of hoping or wishing for the results anymore,” Billie said. “We need to find the truth and tell Justin before she does.”

  Sherise bent over and clutched her stomach as she threw up.

  13

  Billie was anxious and tired. Since Sherise’s revelation about Cady last night, she hadn’t been able to sleep. After driving Sherise home, Billie called Erica and gave her the news. She had to deal with that fallout. She and Erica had actually gotten into an argument over supporting Sherise and keeping yet another secret from her husband for her.

  After finally getting Erica reluctantly on her side, she listened as Erica told her about Terrell storming out of the house over the news that she and Jonah were both trying to help him figure out what was going on with Nate. Billie found this suspicious as well and offered to back away, but Erica begged her for her help. Yet another thing on her to-do list.

  She finally got home, her heart completely heavy from the implications of all this. She loved Cady and was afraid that the poor baby’s family was going to fall apart. Billie knew Sherise was a fighter and would be okay even if her marriage to Justin fell apart. She would recover and move on. But what about Cady?

  She shuddered at the thought that she had been trying to get pregnant when she found out about Porter’s affair. This current nightmare was bringing back Billie’s worst memories of her divorce, and she was aching over contemplations of what she might have done differently. What would she have done if she’d been pregnant when she’d found out her husband had betrayed her. Would she have divorced him anyway? Would she have tried to make it work? In her heart, she knew there was no making it work with him, but a baby was always worth another try.

  At the time, she considered trying to make it work for Tara. She was the only mother the girl had ever known and it ripped Billie apart to know that she would have to leave the home she shared with Tara by leaving the home she shared with Porter. Holding that girl as she cried and begged Billie not to leave was the most painful experience Billie had ever had. The fact that she had no legal rights to the girl made it worse.

  This fact was glaringly so at times like this. Billie glanced at her phone to check the time. Tara should have been here fifteen minutes ago. They had planned to meet a week ago during her lunch hour after Billie’s last disastrous meeting with Porter. Billie didn’t want to do it this way, but she couldn’t just walk away from Tara. The girl was at a critical moment in her life—a moment where she needed her mother—and Billie couldn’t let Porter’s conditions and threats keep them apart.

  She was starting to get worried. Even in all the chaos of her life and Sherise’s, Billie remembered to text Tara last night to remind her of their meeting. She hadn’t gotten a response. She had tried again this morning and received only an “I’ll be there,” which was an unusually short and cold response for Tara. Billie worried that things were worse than she’d imagined for the girl. She wasn’t sure what she could do because of Porter’s insistence that she stay out of it, but she was willing to help Tara in every way she could, even if it meant in a capacity as a lawyer acting against Porter’s wishes. Tara was what was important here, not keeping peace with Porter.

  She also wasn’t sure what she could do because she was so emotionally drained and exhausted. She’d wanted to tell Erica and Sherise about kissing Ricky, but she didn’t feel like she could. Erica was at her wit’s end with Nate and she had to deal with telling Terrell that she had involved Jonah. And Sherise . . . well, she had her hands full. Billie realized that she had taken it upon herself to take the burden of both of these problems, going beyond just mere support. She was already at the end of her rope with her own problems. Now both Erica’s and especially Sherise’s problems were draining her, too.

  Just as she tried to convince herself it couldn’t get worse, her lunch companion arrived.

  “Hello, Billie.”

  Billie swallowed as she watched Porter, dressed in his country club gear, take a seat across from her. Their eyes met, and while she imagined hers held fear, his clearly held rage.

  “Look, Porter,” she started.

  “No, you look.” His eyes were slits and his lips were pressed together in anger as he glared at her. “Being a lawyer, you should understand the implications of you having secret meetings with my minor child behind my back and against my wishes.”

  She nodded. “You need to understand why I’ve done this.”

  “I understand.” He waved away the waiter that attempted to approach their table. “You think you have more say in my daughter’s life than I do.”

  “I don’t,” she said, “but I love your daughter as much as you do.”

  “Bullshit,” he said. “If you loved her, you would have never left her.”

  “I didn’t leave her,” Billie exclaimed. “I left you. You’re the one that keeps us apart.”

  “And for good reason.” He slammed his fist on the table. “You’re trying to get her to go against my direct wishes.”

  “How am I doing that?”

  “This birth control shit.”

  “This birth control is not shit,” she said. “You were fifteen once. You weren’t a virgin. As a matter of fact, you were about her age when you became a teenaged father.”

  “This isn’t about me,” Porter argued. “This is about my daughter and she’s not having sex.”

  “I’m not trying to get her to have sex, Porter. I’m trying desperately to discourage her from doing it, but you’re stepping in my way.”

  This had him fuming. “Stepping in your way? How dare you? She’s my daughter!”

  “She needs me, Porter.”

  “She needs me and that’s all she needs.”

  “You just told me how much you needed me to help you with her,” Billie reminded him. “I guess that came with strings attached. You want me in your bed, too.”

  “I don’t want you in my bed anymore,” Porter said. “I don’t want you in anything that has to do with me. If you try and contact my daughter again via text, e-mail, phone, or any other way, I’ll call the police on you. I’ve taken away her phone and removed you from all her social networking lists.”

  “Porter.” She leaned back in her chair and folded her arms across her chest. “You’re being ridiculous. I just want to talk to her.”

  “She’s gone,” he added calmly.

  “Gone where?”

  “She’s in Michigan. I’ve enrolled her in a private all-girls school in Bloomfield Hills.”

  “She’s all alone?” Billie was horrified. “How could you do that? How could you banish her from everyone she loves? Her friends, her life, her school, me?”

  “My mother is there,” Porter said.

&nb
sp; “You’ve punished her for having feelings. You’ve punished her for trying to reach out to her parents about her body. Do you know the damage this will do to her?”

  “It’s none of your business.” Porter stood up, pointing his finger in her face. “Go near her, Billie, and you’ll regret it.”

  He turned to leave and Billie rushed after him. She pulled at his arm, but he jerked away.

  “Don’t touch me,” he said, his tone full of disgust. “You had a chance to be a part of our lives again, Billie. You didn’t want it.”

  “Please, Porter. For Tara’s sake, just think about what you’re doing. You’re her father. You just rejected her.”

  “I didn’t reject her,” he said as they reached outside. He rushed to the curb to hail a cab.

  “Yes, you did,” Billie urged. “That’s what it will feel like. Where do you think she’s going to turn for male approval?”

  He turned back to her. “Greg can’t reach her anymore.”

  “It doesn’t matter. She’ll be desperate for friends, for some kind of male affirmation. You’ve made her feel dirty for having hormones. You’re playing with fire. You’re playing with her life.”

  The cab pulled up to the curb. Porter reached out and grabbed the door. Looking at her, he said, “This is your fault, Billie. You’re the one who encouraged her to get birth control. You’re the one that made her think it was okay to have sex. I’m just undoing your damage.”

  “Porter!” she yelled as he shut the door behind him.

  Watching the cab drive off, Billie was overcome with a sense of helplessness. She felt like she was going to cry. This was devastating. What had she done to the girl?

  She felt like something had been ripped from her. It was hard enough seeing Tara only on rare occasions. Even under those circumstances when she couldn’t see her, she knew the girl was safe and nearby with a father who loved her. Now, she was hundreds of miles away and going through an emotional and hormonal hell. Porter only made things worse, but Billie did feel responsible. She could have handled this better, but she never thought Porter would punish Tara. He lashed out at her out of fear, helplessness, and anger toward Billie. Now Tara was paying the price.

  She had to fix this, but how? She needed to get to Tara. She needed to make sure that Tara understood that this wasn’t her fault.

  “Ma’am?” A man who had just come out of the restaurant approached Billie and touched her arm. “Ma’am, are you alright?”

  Billie realized that she had been wandering around the entrance to the restaurant, probably looking as crazed and overwhelmed as she felt.

  “You don’t look so good, ma’am,” he said. “Are you okay?”

  “It’s too much,” she said. “It’s just too much!”

  She freed her arm and ran off in the direction of nowhere in particular. He called after her, but Billie wasn’t listening. It was all just too much.

  Terrell was happy to finally get out of work even though it was starting to rain. He was still adjusting to the white-collar side of the business. He liked the money, but he missed being able to just go home when that clock struck a certain number and not have to worry about it anymore. This was especially so now because of all the issues he was dealing with.

  Everything was turning into a disaster. Actually, it was a disaster a while ago. It was now a monumental apocalypse. He had to figure out how to get Nate back in line before everything exploded and all he had worked for to get Erica back went to waste.

  Or maybe it was too late.

  That was the first thought that came to Terrell’s mind as he started across the street to the parking lot. Blocking his way was a limousine, but it wasn’t one of his. He recognized it though because he had driven one just like it. That was during his short stint as a driver for the Pentagon. A job that he didn’t lose after a failed blackmail attempt, but did lose after Erica had dumped him.

  The door to the sleek, black car opened, but no one stepped out.

  “Fuck,” Terrell muttered under his breath. This was what he’d feared since his argument with Erica Friday night.

  He looked around before cautiously stepping toward the car. Once inside, he slid into the seat.

  “Close the door,” Jonah ordered coldly.

  Terrell reluctantly reached out and closed the door. He kept his eyes on Jonah, who was looking at him intently.

  “They give you guys breaks?” he asked. “I’ll bet you need them. Waging war on poor countries is hard work, right?”

  “You’re not funny,” he said flatly.

  “What the fuck do you want?”

  Jonah smiled. “You know. Otherwise you wouldn’t have gotten in this car.”

  “This shit is none of your business.”

  Jonah’s smile faded and his expression grew still and very dark. “Erica is my business. She’s my daughter.”

  “The one you’re too ashamed to tell anyone about.”

  “You’re the link between Reedy and Nate.” Jonah leaned back. “It was very easy to find out you were the one who got him a job at the hospital and then at your car wash after he was fired from the hospital. Did you introduce the two of them?”

  “Go fuck yourself.” Terrell felt a tightening in his stomach.

  He came here only to find out what Jonah knew. He sure as hell wasn’t going to give him more information. He’d been lucky when Erica had not connected meeting Reedy in his office. He knew the connection might come soon, but he would deal with that when it got to it. He figured if he could get Nate turned around, he would be Erica’s hero and all else would be forgiven.

  Jonah sighed as if disappointed. “Terrell, you’re going to have to work with me here.”

  “I don’t have to do shit.”

  “That’s where you are wrong,” Jonah corrected him. “Because when Erica finds this out, you’re out on your ass. You’d be out on your ass for dealing with drugs in the first place, but for getting Nate involved and ruining his life? Six months of flowers and candy won’t get you back in her heart after that.”

  “I didn’t get him involved,” Terrell said. “He asked Reedy himself. I didn’t even want . . .”

  He realized what he was doing in response to the panicked feeling Jonah’s words gave him.

  “It won’t matter,” Jonah said calmly. “This is your fault and I think you know that. I’ll give you credit for that much.”

  “I don’t need credit or anything else from you.”

  “What you need is for me to keep my mouth shut about your involvement in this.”

  Terrell laughed even though he didn’t find any of this the least bit funny. “Please, man. You and I both know you can’t wait for Erica to get rid of me.”

  “I would love her to kick you out of her life,” Jonah said, “and you’ve given me more than enough reason. She’ll dump you eventually, but if she finds this out, she’ll hate you, too.”

  Terrell had no response. He couldn’t take the idea of Erica hating him. “Look, man. You don’t know how this went down. After Erica and I broke up, I was really down. I met Reedy and he—”

  “Save your sob story for someone who gives a shit,” Jonah said. “I’m making you an offer.”

  “An offer?” Terrell asked, suspiciously. “For what?”

  “Right now, Erica relies on you. As misguided as that is, it’s the truth.”

  “She loves me,” Terrell said.

  Jonah pressed his lips together and his brows centered in frustration. “Whatever the case, she listens to you and I know you bad-mouth me.”

  “Like you do with me.”

  “You’re going to stop doing that.” Jonah leaned forward. “You’re going to stop bad-mouthing me and start encouraging her to get closer to me. You’re the barrier between us and now you’re going to be the catalyst to our newfound relationship.”

  “Bullshit,” Terrell said. “Your shadiness is the barrier between you and Erica.”

  “You’re going to do what I say,” Jona
h ordered. “Or I tell Erica everything.”

  “How do I know you won’t tell her anyway?” Terrell asked.

  “I’ll be invested in your little lie,” he said. “If she finds out I knew and lied to her about what Nate was involved in, she’d cut me out of her life, too. Mutually assured destruction. Of course, yours would be worse because you’re the one who got him into this while I was the one trying to help him out.”

  “I’m trying to help him out,” Terrell said.

  “Well, you suck at it.” Jonah held his hand out to him. “Do we have a deal?”

  Terrell looked at his hand as if it held the Ebola virus.

  “I’ll be calling Erica tomorrow,” Jonah warned. “Will what I tell her include you or not?”

  “I fucking hate you man,” Terrell said with a growl.

  Jonah smiled an accomplished smile. “I get that a lot.”

  “Billie? What are you—”

  Billie rushed past Ricky into Saturn House’s foyer, water dripping everywhere.

  “Why are you so wet?” he asked as he closed the door.

  She heard music, maybe a television, but looking around, she saw no one.

  “I walked eight blocks,” she said, turning to him.

  “In this weather?” He looked completely confused. “Why?”

  “I don’t know why.”

  That was the truth at least. After leaving the restaurant, Billie just went walking with no destination or objective in mind. She was trying to think, but couldn’t. She felt overwhelmed. She was getting calls from Sherise and Erica, but she couldn’t answer. She couldn’t help them. She was thinking of Tara, blaming herself, hating Porter, feeling helpless, and it was all too much.

  “Come on.” He took her by the arm and started leading her down the hallway toward the kitchen. “Let me get some towels. You’re gonna get sick.”

  They passed the kitchen and continued to the back of the house. Billie didn’t say a word as he led her through a bedroom, closing the door behind them, and then into a small bathroom.

  “Sit here,” he said.

  He placed her on the toilet seat as he went to the closet next to the shower.